Done With Love

There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.

Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.

Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.

Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.

If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.

Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…

1) Define the goal

If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.

The goal has to be…

*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*

Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.

2) Live by YOUR standards

Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.

If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.

3) Chunk it down

Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.

These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.

Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.

Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.

4) Strive for MOMENTS

We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.

The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.

Instead focus on moments of shared connection.

Moments like…

–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.

It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.

Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.

If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.

You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”

Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.

Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.


I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

492 Responses to Done With Love

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  1. Lynne says:

    Great information! Wasn’t too long at all.

  2. Andrea says:

    Dear Matthew & co

    I am under no illusion that this comment will necessarily be responded to or even read by anyone, but I am very frustrated, and I cannot find another place where I can get this out. Firstly, I do agree that it is sad to just give up on love and not live up to your potential as a fully functional adult. I aspire to relish in all the benefits I have as an adult like being independent, forming legitimate thoughts and opinions about certain things and creating sexual and romantic relationships with other people. However, the last part is what I am struggling with every day and it really frustrates me. I could live with having an emotionally absent father which is probably one of the reason I have had a tendency to pick emotionally absent partners. However, I have had really horrible relationships with cheating partners that have strung me along which have really made me feel like I am unlovable and giving me a fear of intimacy in my later life. Another thing is that I have for the last four years been having intense pain during sexual intercourse. I initially went to the doctor who said that the pain was just psychological. After everything I had a really long period where I have not been having sex at all and have had a few unsuccessful flings due to my fear of intimacy and my inability to be physically intimate. I met someone the beginning of this year that I kind of dated a bit. We had sex which was the first time in a while for me. I hurt just as much as I remembered, and this guy suggested that it might not the psychological after all because It was a really burning sensation and looking back I didn’t really follow up on the doctors ‘diagnosis’ all these years ago. I went to the doctors again and I am now in the process of finding out what is wrong. Unfortunately, the only thing it can be is Endometriosis or something psychological which is going to be a long process to get managed. I am so frustrated because I don’t feel like I can have a normal relationship like every other adult. The guy I was dating a bit in the beginning of the year also turned out to be not a very good guy, and I had to end it. I cannot even have casual sex with guys to make up for it. I feel so limited and that so frustrates me. I have such a hard time telling people without making it sound like it is fine. That I am fine. So, I write my problem in a comment that will probably never be processed because I cannot even ask properly for help and that is very sad.
    Maybe someone can relate to this issue somehow?? Can you even potentially respond to this comment?

  3. Rosie says:

    Thankyou. I had actually given up … Im about to turn 40 and have had exactly that: very bad experiences with the men ive dates.
    I couldn’t see a purpose in it anymore… but youre so right – relationships do make us grow: im completely different to how i was before these 3 men.
    Thankyou… perhaps it is worth continuing but in a new direction.

    Sincerely thankyou.


    Mattew Hi!

    Has been a great pleasure and help to watch your videos, Thank you!
    I am wondering if you have any plans to make a retreat in Seattle anytime soon?? Or whats your schedule??

  5. Marilyn Martinez says:

    Thank you so much Matthew..before your post I was seriously thinking about giving up, that maybe I wasn’t mean to be in a relationship again..sometimes I feel that my heart is too tired, I always move on, but I can’t avoid to feel sad for some time…sometimes it cost me months to give somebody a new oportunity…or myself…I do like each of your videos and it doesnt really matter how you do them…the most important thing for me is that I can feel that you really care about us and that you honestly try to make us feel better…that is what makes you so special…

  6. Maria Ann Villani says:

    I Love ❤️ the Raw Video !! Totally AWESOME !! To be totally honest with you, that’s me. I’M DONE WITH LOVE !!! I was with my husband ( divorce not final ) for a total of 30 years. We were married 21 years when he left my 4 children and myself. I thought I’d NEVER LOVE AGAIN !! It took me 7 years to get over him. I wouldn’t allow myself to even look at another man. I’m 51 years old. I happened to go over my friends garage while I was walking my dog. I’m going to be honest, I looked terrible !! But there wasn’t a car outside so I thought it was just going to be myself and the few guys I hang with. I walk inside and my mouth dropped. OMG !!! WHAT A HANDSOME ITALIAN GUY !!! So I’m embarrassed and not talking with him. I’m talking with another friend. Now there’s probably 25 guys that hang out in the Bunker. Not all at once though. They’re either married or widowers. I think just 1 or 2 have girlfriends. So I remember thinking He’s gotta be married ! And as if he was reading my mind he reveals he’s not married , he’s divorced. I’m like YES ! Then I’m thinking he’s gotta have a girlfriend. And again , he says he’s single and not seeing anyone. Yes again ! When he was getting ready to leave he wrote his # down and just before he left, leans in close and asked me Will you call me later? I said Yes ! Then he kissed me. I fell Instantaneously In Love With Him !! Unfortunately my kids made our As my Ex calls it .. Beautiful and Wonderful Relationship a Miserable Failure !! Things were GREAT !! I NEVER FELT ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE IN THE WHOLE 30 years with my husband. I STILL LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD !! MY HEART IS SO FULL OF LOVE FOR HIM THAT MY HEART LITERALLY HURTS AND IS BROKEN IN 2 After the break up he asked me to be his Best Friend. I refused. He kept asking me and I told him you have enough Best Friends. He then said to me The ones you think are your Best Friends aren’t. Please, I don’t want to lose your friendship. Please be my Best Friend. I then said Ok. Great friendship most of the time. I would go to his place and stay over, and he would call me up to 13 times a day. 13 January 2017 he called me 6 times. I missed 3 calls because I was at the hospital. When I was walking to the lobby he called and I was excited and said Hi Baby ! He started yelling said what he had to say and hung up. Then he calls back while waiting for my ride. He’s yelling and repeating himself and I’m doing everything not cry. A couple hours later while I was home called again, Are you alright? Am I alright?! NO I’m not !! I’m sorry, I know I can be a little rough around the edges. After that he didn’t call or speak to me for 2 months. Then out of the blue he FaceTimes in April. Unfortunately I fell into being friends with benefits Again. He needs surgery on his shoulder and hip. I would go to his place 2 to 3 times a week to do laundry,fold and put away, wash dishes, make bed, dust, etc. I even showered with him because he couldn’t and still can’t wash himself. I asked him why he called and he said do you want the truth? Yes I want the truth ! Because I knew you’d come. I felt Soo used !! So he stopped calling me again for no reason. I don’t understand because he would tell me he Loved me, wanted to be with only me, do you Love me, you win , you really Love me that much, I want you here, I want you to be with me all the time, I’m going to make you a set of keys. So I said I’M DONE !! I’M NOT GETTING HURT A THIRD TIME !!! Then I start talking to a friend that I’ve known for 37 years. We haven’t talked for 27 years. When our Best Friend was Murdered. We’ve been talking since December 2016. He finally asked me out on a date in May 2017. We went to dinner at this Brazilian Restaurant that he usually goes to. Food was delicious. We drove around for awhile then went back to his apt. We watched a movie 3 KINGS Really good movie. I recommend it. He was the perfect gentleman. Didn’t try anything. He works 64 hours a week so I understand I won’t see him much. We used to go on Messenger all the time or text. Phone calls not to often. He came by almost 2 weeks ago and stayed almost 3 hours. Then last week I invited him for dinner. He ended up falling asleep and waking at 3:00 am. He left about 3:20 because he had work at 7:00 am. Now we’ve text but not like before. I text him 3 days ago and invited him for dinner. He said Yes. Tomorrow is a good day. He never text, messaged, called or came by. I text him and he ignored it. I called and text him yesterday. Even last night I text him and nothing. I called him today, twice and it went to voicemail so I left messages. He’s the one who told me I Like You Very Much ! I asked him if he was being Honest and he said Yes. He said he started feeling a connection when we first started talking. He’s been going on Messenger but ignores me. I Really Think I’m Done Matt !! I don’t want to get hurt again. I even bought both of your programs, Get The Guy and I forget the name of the other one. I can’t find it Can u give me the name Please. I got them to help me get my Ex back. I want and can picture myself spending the rest of my life with him !!

  7. josephine nguyen says:

    Look dated almost 100 men more interested with themselves already about to give up on love but still hopeful for incredible men in my life. I believe I am not ordinary person have not met my match yet.Always looking share the great moment with men have been disappointed almost every time give all and try different ways. Try open heart not judge any men but still have standards. Do believe in mang in Chinese destined a certain life. Relationship not meant certain people maybe its me but still hopeful. Still love life and enjoy it. Thanks matt all you do for women.

  8. Callie says:

    Every guy who I have been involved with has never thought I was good enough to be his girlfriend. They lead me on for weeks or months then either cheat on me or dump me. They then proceed to get a girlfriend right after. I am so hurt by this. I feel like there is something wrong with me.

    • josephine nguyen says:

      This Josephine struggle with men as well. Stay positive more wrong men get you closer getting right men. It is really number game dating can be frustrating. It is okay to be hurt women more emotional, men just more practical. Women just learn to move on quicker. Think shoe not right fit for you deserve better one. Never as women think less of yourself because you are worth it for right man and more!

  9. Dennae says:

    Thank you Matthew for sharing information in such a real way! I have had major hardships in my life lately, and listening to you always helps me see hope and options to make things better. Keep up the good work!

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  11. Swathy says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I have been watching your videos for couple of weeks now. It has been really helpful. This one especially struck the note. There is this guy I like to spend moments with though I am not sure where it is heading to. All I could feel that each moment I spent was incredible and made me want to spend more moments. There was a time when I felt a little doubt in my mind and I thought this is the moment I have and I would rather grab it. Today suddenly I felt worried where all this is heading to and started to feel a bit low and that’s when I happened to see your video. I felt happy that when faced with the choice I decided to go for the moments and your advise is also the same. It was so encouraging to continue being my best and enjoy what life has to offer. Thank you very much for sharing this video.

  12. Lindsey says:

    9 minutes is the magic number ;) Or 7 minutes in heaven would be good. Do you play this in England? I may have to teach you lol. I like to listen to you while I do things, so length means I get more done.

    I really liked what you had to say about chunking it down to moments and enjoying moments. Very smart.

  13. Michelle says:

    I enjoyed the one long stream of thought. May not always work out that way for every video but if it does it should be used.
    First heard you on Elvis Duran, and everything you say makes sense. Now if only the guys would start listening too… :)

  14. Nessalina says:

    I loved the longer video, especially the personal anecdotes at the end. Thank you for encouraging me. I needed to hear this today.

  15. Lady J says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I normally don’t comment but you asked for feedback here so, why not. The video was certainly motivating and being at this stage myself it is obviously easier said than done. I feel currently I have those exacts ideals of valuing moments rather than the bigger picture, providing space to not feel over bearing and not looking too far in the future but for an overly emotional female that’s a bit tricker esp after a memorable evening or weekend, the key I feel there is that if you do lay in bed testing out your first name with his last, Don’t admit to it! LoL but truly to Not to take it too seriously, I find that I am often laughing at myself to give it the flash of reality reminding me that I may be moving to fast in my mind. As a goal, settling with the idea of “if it happens it happens, great, if not, I’m still happy to be me” is the most important. However, I feel men have this notion that because I’m at “the age” where woman are border line obsessed with the idea of marriage and children I’ must automatically be Under exaggerating my attitude towards these topics which arises a different trigger in men of course. The balancing act is quite difficult but honestly, knowing I’m not the only one feeling like giving up is pretty comforting. And as for the length of the video, wasn’t too long at all, (my comment is probably more torturous) I’ve watched hrs of your seminars at this point so 10 mins was a breeze. Plus, you can never go wrong bringing it back to the old school! Cheers!

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  21. justeen says:

    Hello Matthew I am commenting on the loss of love. I am a teenager and I have had the same cycle of men and bad behaviors. I have never had a steady guy in my life like a father or bother, because they left me. How do I get along with anyone if I don’t know how to interact with them? I have tried to date over and over again but I just don’t know what to do. In the end I get hurt. Also I have watched many of your videos but have not seen much on if someone is in a bad relationship but does not know if they want to leave or stay. After a couple months of being in a relationship I tend to think about how my life would be if I was single again. I don’t know if this is normal but it seems to be a common issue for me. Please help and sorry if this is a lot in one post I was not able to type on YouTube for some reason. Thank You for all you have done to help

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  23. Tiffany says:

    You’re such a guy! Lol! Be careful. I’m a big fan of your work Matthew! I love all of the videos you do short, long, cut or uncut. Keep them coming and thank you so much for posting them! Your videos have really helped me.

    I’m divorced and trying to get out there in the dating world again. It’s really hard, but I’m trying my best to be confident and “faking it until I make it.”

    I have been working on “finding myself” the last year if you want to call it that. When I left I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew what I used to like, but I hadn’t done any of that in so long. It was hard to start getting back into it. I started painting again and going dancing. It’s the best thing that I could ever do for myself, like a little piece of heaven on Earth.

    My divorce was really hard on me and I don’t ever want to be in a relationship like that ever again. To put it simply, I am now more than ever an advocate for women who go through domestic violence. My case is not as bad as some of the ones involving weapons, but abuse is abuse. If you look through the wheel that has abuse on it I have been through a form of every single one of them. Some were worse than others.

    I’m just glad I was able to get out when I did. I made a lot of people angry at me because I didn’t tell them I was leaving for my own safety…if they only knew what I had been through maybe they would have changed their minds? I don’t know.

    All I know is I have to focus on the present and not the past. I’m trying really hard to make new friends and do things that I enjoy again. I’m finally saying yes to me instead of denying myself opportunities like I did before.

    I’m kind of scared/hesitant to start seriously dating again. There’s this quote that says, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I don’t want to give up on love, but the hardest part for me at the moment is being able to put my trust in guys again. It’s not like I don’t want to trust them, I do. I’m just kind of scared that the past will repeat itself, and I don’t want that to happen again.

    I believe there are good guys out there. I know that the only way to find them is to keep getting out there and meeting new people. I’m an introvert by my nature and I was always called shy and quiet growing up. I have worked really hard to try to get out of that zone, but sometimes I still revert to it.

    I think I need to practice giving guys space too because I don’t want to come off as “stalkerish” or something like that. Obviously that will scare them away. I swear part of me becomes obsessed with someone when I like them…stupid love chemicals in my brain! I need to stop that. I need to take things slower and relax. I need to make more moments happen.

    Thank you again for everything Matthew! You’re the best!

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  50. Dana says:

    Hello Matt

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    This is my fav video and all because you put more energy, thoughts and advices in it.

    Good job!

  51. nathalie says:

    This video was great… And not becaue it was long but because it was inspired. So my suggestion is don’t make long videos for long’s sake. If things get”real” through the course of filming just keep it

  52. Valerie says:

    What about finding closure with a past relationship? Have you ever heard of “ghosting” where the guy just stops talking to you out of nowhere? Despite the fact you were in a relationship? What can you do in this situation?

  53. Michelle says:

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  54. liz says:

    I never gave up because I wanted the big thing, ever. Marriage is not my dream.

    I gave up because the honest truth, guys have it really easy now days. Women chase, and they have gotten used to the fact they don’t really need to make an effort to get a girt. So, they don’t.

    I usually would agree in a great percentage on you videos. Not on this one. The analogy of traveling along is great, I have never had the fear of being without a person, however, finding a quality guy now days has narrow it to 0 for me.

    I am not giving up, I’m not longer looking, and not because I wanted to get married and didn’t.

  55. H says:


    I was done with love, now that I have seen your video… its given me what I needed to be told.

    plus… the longer the video, the better :) much needed

  56. Tricia says:

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  60. Margot says:

    I like what you say Matt, but most women I know do want to have a relationship and children. So they’re focused on that. Is it bad? I don’t think so. Because being with a man makes me feel I am a woman.
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    I am the girl you describe… I met men who just disappeared after a few very nice dates, or sometimes even a few months of dating. It’s very painful and I am done with it.

  61. Sheryl says:

    Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m planning to start mmy own blog in the near futurre but I’m having a tough
    time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then
    most blogs and I’m lookng for something unique.
    P.S Sordry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

  62. shelley cox says:

    I appreciate this video the most because the subject matter applies to me. Also, you spoke from the heart. Thank-you.

  63. Cara says:

    I think your videos are great! I like this one and it is natural and you were not rambling. Your videos are real and genuine cuts or not your heart is felt. however i do prefer cuts with the points clear and quick as long as we get all the message you are conveying and who you are.

  64. Simone says:

    In my opinion this is one of the best videos you’ve made… its natural, its talking to me…without cuts… its like I am sitting on the couch there in front of you Matt! Cheers :)

  65. Carolina says:

    Matt do your thing. We dont have the answer, and you probably dont either. Still, you make us feel, even if its just for a moment with your videos, like there is hope. Like there is something beyond the things were experiencing right now. thank yooouuuu!!!!!

  66. Tracy says:

    I like your videos without the cuts better than the ones with the cuts. I don’t know why but it feels like I get more information without the cuts. I know you probably cut to get more relevant info in but the conversational vibe without the cuts is something I’ve missed in your videos.

  67. Heather says:

    I personally LOVED this video! Very real and I could certainly relate to everything you said. Thank you so much Matthew for all that you do! :)

  68. Aymee says:

    I love this type of message. Long enough to get a large picture and think about these topics

  69. Maryam says:

    Why don’t you just admit men are pigs? You never admit it and yet dance around this fact for 14 minutes. Just admitting this, you will gain more credibility with women. The rest is Disney-sappy bullshit advice that goes nowhere.

  70. Lorin says:

    Matt – I’m editing some video right now and dealing with all sorts of cuts and I had your video on in the background thinking ‘can’t wait till I’m pro enough to not mess around with all these cuts…’. Ha! So yes, loved it in this vide. because it didn’t feel like you were rambling. Just depends I suppose. Thanks for that =)

  71. Christine says:

    Well, I don’t want to be done with love, but at this stage of my life, love is done with me. Through years of online dating, speed dating, etc. I’ve learned the hard way that I’m not within the age demographic that men are looking for (turned 34 a few months ago). It makes me very, very sad to think of the love I’ll never be able to give someone. If men out there would give me just half a chance, I could have really given something special to someone. However, I am now facing the reality that it is very unlikely to happen at this stage and that ship has long sailed. I am in the twilight of my life and really want to make the most of the years I have left. I wish I was a stronger person who could keep going through disappointment and rejection, but I’m really not. I’m no longer a young woman, so can not keep going through that for a dream that will not come into fruition. I need to make the most of the time I have left, rather than wasting even more of it chasing a foolish fantasy. I may not have the romantic love that I yearned for, but I’ll learn to make the most of the other love that is present in my life through my friends and family.

    • Lin says:

      Christine, you’ve got to be kidding!! 34 is YOUNG!! I was expecting you to say you were 70! And even 70 year olds can still find love! Keep looking! And if it’s having kids you think you’ve missed, let me tell you about my friend Carol – she found love and had a child at 43 – that’s right FORTY THREE!! You’re much too young to give up! You may need some attitude adjustment, but your age is not the problem! Good luck with your search – the right person for you is out there – now go get ’em!! :-)

    • Rivka says:

      Internet and Speed Dating was not the way to go. Better luck with someone you meet and get to know in real life, over a period of time.

  72. Valtressa says:

    Thank you so much for this. I’d stop dating for 4.5 years which got interrupted by me falling madly in love with a man @ the end of a 6 -year relationship. Of course we can’t b together b/c he’s not ready & I don’t want to b around to watch him date other. So now I’m out there meeting other men & dating b/c I’m fighting the urge to stop dating. I’m not okay with being alone anymore. So I’m focusing on doing things different than before and focusing on my moments. :)

  73. Monica says:

    Don’t change a thing…it was perfect. I savored each word you said. This video especially spoke to me. I would hate to lose one minute of it if you cut the length. Matt, you are really moving into something important here. Look forward to hearing more like this one. What you said about being your true self is inspiring. Creating moments also is a huge shift that can create the space for the magic to happen. I am adopting both of those mantras whole-heartedly today! Thank you for your wisdom!!

  74. Andrea says:

    The longer format was great!

  75. rose says:

    It was fresh point of view. ” We get a chance to be the person we want to be” was my favorite line. When we get emotionally charged it is hard to see things rationally at times but in the end we all grow and learn from different relationships. I really liked the message on the video. Thank you Matt

  76. rose says:

    It was fresh point of view. ” We get a chance to be who we want to be the person we want to be” was my favorite line. When we get emotionally charged it is hard to see things rationally at times but in the end we all grow and learn from different relationships. I really liked the message on the video. Thank you Matt

  77. Eveliina says:

    There is a handsome guy in my class and I always thought he was single cause he looks at me at school all most all the time. I´ve talked to one of his friends as we ended the sports lesson and I heard that they were asking each other what his girlfriend´s name is and how it´s going with him and his and he answered as if he was a bit nervous and laugh nervously about to answer that and the next day at school he keeps looking at me and now one of his other friend who also goes in my class starts too look at me. Please help me cause I don´t know what they mean by that.

    • Kath says:

      Stop torturing yourself with the meaning. The only thing you need to know is : Are YOU interested? If the answer is yes, then ask him out. It does not guarantee you his interest but at least you will be able to move on from the answer he gaves you…

  78. Sara says:

    Men are ANNOYING. All men. Your video doesn’t make any sense. Sorry.

    • Kath says:

      Why do you say that? You can feel like you’re “off market” but that does not mean that nobody is interesting… I think in fact that most people, including men, are interesting.

      The problem sometimes though, si to get the chance to know a man enough to tell what exactly is interesting about him

  79. A says:

    Uncle Matty, your videos could be 40 mins long, really. They are enjoyable nonetheless. Edited, not edited. Matta fact, your next homework assignment: Make a thorough video of 1 hour and 20 min long. Include clips from your seminars! I will send u my consultation bill in the mail….

  80. Yvonne says:

    Matt, I don’t want to be done with love. I had met this guy that I really liked and I thought he liked me, we went out a few times and every time we were out I wished for time to stand still. Things didn’t work out but we are still friends. How do I meet someone like that again?

  81. Jackie says:

    Alot of the reasons why women and men are done with love is because it seems we’re relying too much on online dating. I’ve come to the conclusion that the online dating sites are not cleaning up their data well enough and in a way, are trying to keep people single, because then they will use the service. The process of online dating is often what leads to the frustration of giving up. Maybe giving up on online dating and being done with Internet connecting is the more accurate statement.

  82. Veronica says:

    What do you do when you have found the ONE, but for reasons beyond your control it’s not happening at the moment, and you are willing to give yourself an opportunity if someone crossed your way that you like but everytime a guy tells you they like you you can’t have the same feelings for them? You start thinking maybe you are never going to love someone the same way you love that one person, that maybe you are too picky, or a million things. All you are waiting for is that little sparkle to burst when you are with a guy but it’s not happening and you are fully convinced you’ll never get over that person!

    • Rivka says:

      What do you mean by “not happening at the moment”?
      If you mean this guy is still in your life, still single, etc, but doesn’t seem interested in you…what you do is listen to Matthew Hussey! Also, maybe check out his book, maybe the chapter on the friend zone…

  83. alexia says:

    Hi Matt!Loved the video,very helpful and inspirational as usual!Personally i prefer long videos so i really enjoyed this one without any cuts!!But i think that you are able to go straight to the point even with a short video because everything you do works so…x

  84. Kath says:

    Living in the present is the thing to do to “be happy”. One thing to be careful about though, is not losing yourself in the process. The big picture is a part of who you are and what is important for you. The hardest thing to do do is finding a balance btween who you are, who you want to be, and how do you act, what risks can you take today that won’t ruin who you are.

  85. Liz says:

    Matt, I loved this longer video. But I love all your videos, short, long, cuts of shows with you like the Today Show – we love it all! Keep them coming. You’re the best! You inspire us – and I’m speaking for all women, most especially those of us who have, or had before you came along, given up. You inspire us to NOT give up, and give us the motivation, tools and inspiration to see that there is still hope out there. We love your enthusiasm and your kindness – I don’t know how you understand us so well, and what we need to hear and learn, but we thank you!!!

    I don’t know if you know this, Matt, but you have truly given hope to women to had none. You have made a profound positive impact on women’s lives. Somehow you make us feel like you’re in our corner, like we’re not alone in this struggle to find love. Rather like the big brother many of us never had but always wanted! Anyway, thank you!


  86. Mia says:

    I enjoy the videos you send my way and I watch them all. I flag them in my inbox so I can go back to them because much of what you say is noteworthy and inspiring. I liked that this one was not edited and “just put out there”. I didn’t find it long since it was worth its time in what you had to say. So, continue in how you feel is best in expressing what you need to communicate. Regardless of the time factor, I will watch from start to finish when I value the content. Your words are inspiring and candid as well and worth my time. So, thank you.
    I like the sequences with kathie lee and Hoda as well. I wish those were a little longer too.

  87. Ada Chan says:

    Dear MAtthew,

    I am From Hong Kong. I just start watching you video. I love your vide as you are so passionate and giving so much energy. you are just demonstrating what you always mentioneding ” life loving” .

    Ok, there is one question and i want to see if any of your books can give me more advice.
    1) i got the message that we should ” add value” to stuff, like relationship, people, meeting, dates… etc. i knid of understanding the concept, but is there any more example and practical advise how is that like .

    thanks a LoT.

  88. Elle says:


    I hope you get this message–only so I may create a “moment” with you.. To “thank you.”

    This video spoke to my heart.

    After 11 years of marriage, my husband left. I was devastated. I didn’t date for six years. (My three children were young at the time, and I chose to focus on stabilizing life for them and adjust to working and providing for them… And… my heart took a very long time to recover.) I did go on my first date last year! I even dated a great guy for several months!

    After my divorce, I went to six years of of counseling–every week for three years and once a month for another three years–because I blamed myself.

    I tried SO hard to do everything “right”–to give it my “all.” I loved him so much, and … he was my ideal man (so I thought).

    He blamed me for not making him happy because of my flaws (if you must know, I am a runner, blonde, very active, outgoing, and a “blue”–a nurturer. I have realized over the years that he didn’t have it so bad, haha). In any case, I hated myself for not being “enough.”

    I realized a few minutes into your video that I have harbored a deep deep fear that he is right. That my best really won’t be good enough again.

    Matthew, Thank You! Thank you for being you. Thank you for looking me in the eyes and speaking from your heart. I needed a handsome man to look me into the eyes ;) and just say with your heart and conviction what you did. I’ve probably heard it before (that just because it wasn’t “right” for him doesn’t mean it won’t be right for someone else). But, somehow, hearing you say that just made a difference for me.

    You are amazing! . . . And you are a godsend :).

    I totally felt of your heart and conviction in this post.

    And I believe you :)–I felt like you really were saying that right to ME… and I feel HOPE…

    God bless! YOU are making a difference :).

  89. Bonnie Rae says:

    Honestly, I just opened the email to hear what cute fun you had to say, and WOW, am I glad I did. To swear off guys because of nasty endings — that is giving them too much power. I like where you spoke of just living your best life, being your best self, and if that wasn’t the right fit, the naysayers would just fall away anyway !

    Also, to consider life or relationship as CHUNKS — GENIUS ! Finding a real connection can feel like too much, but just a Chunk, a Moment — entirely possible !

    Thanks so much for shedding positive light on a seemingly negative situation :) The flow of your banter comes across quite nicely (I wouldn’t change a thing), and the fact you take yourself sooooo seriously after such insightful discourse makes it all the more memorable. A Keeper for Sure :0)


  90. Laurie says:

    I liked this informative video. It’s nice to see things kept real, sometimes raw and uncut is best. The giggle at the end made me smile.

    I think some of us want to give up because love can and will break you at times. Nobody can protect you from it. You can’t live in solitude because of it, after all we all yearn to be loved. You just have to love and take that risk. Take a break, take a nap, take a walk outside and gather your thoughts. Mend your heart and give it again.

  91. Alida says:

    Great video Matt! Exactly what I needed to learn about today.
    I love your recent videos. The cuts are great. And the humour you’ve started injecting is awesome. This particular video is great, and the length, for me, was perfect as it flowed quite well.
    Just go with the flow. When it feels right to cut, go for it. When it doesn’t, don’t…you are awesome either way! :-)

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