There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Hey Matt,
I agree with all you said, liked the parallel with the business you mentioned. I’ve been developing relationship with that one guy over past few months, it is more like flirtationship :) and previously I would get hurt in such relationships. But now I just decided I’m gonna do things differently, because I can. and my main aim is to have fun! As long as I’m having fun, it is fine, once I start to feel like things are complicated and not fun, I stop it and that is it.
Also, I tried this new thing for me – dating web site and I just decided to be open and meet new guys in person (which I would previously hesitate, because they are strangers). so I do stuff differently and just had a nice meet up with one guy today. it was fun :)
and yeah I’ve been with you since 3 years ago and liked these old school videos better, I hate this cutting stuff you recently started to do. it kills the natural flow ;)
Hey Petra, I absolutely loved reading this comment! So proud of you : )
Thanks for the comment, support and feedback. Means the world.
x
As always your videos are so pertinent to the way I was feeling. Thank you!
I was at the stage where I felt giving up on love too, but your words are so inspirational and gave me a fresh outlook on myself and what I need in my life.
I love the longer videos and always look forward to seeing more.
Lol
Monika
So happy to hear Monica : )
x
Matthew,
Thank you for your book and inspirational videos. Your material has given me a new perspective on myself and dating. I haven’t succeeded in finding “that relationship” yet, but you’ve inspired me to go out and try. I loved this latest video, which is about not making a “big deal” out of anything, but just going with the flow. Even though I am a beautiful successful 46 year old woman who looks 33, I still have a hard time with this notion. I am very confidant and nonchalant on the first date, but as soon as I realize that I like a guy, my demeanor changes and I can’t seem to control it. When I realize I like a guy I start caring too much about the outcome and probably project this subconsciously with my behavior. I’m sure that this is something that makes guys run for the hills even though my behavior isn’t overt.
I don’t meet many guys I like because I am very picky. Any advice?
How do I make myself change my behavior and stay in control despite myself.
As soon as I like someone I feel some major shift in my thinking takes over me even when I’m not with the person and it’s soooo much bigger than me I feel it’s out of my control… lol. Maybe there is a special drug out there to stop it.
By the way. I loved the uncut video. Natural is genuine and good.
Thank you, Orit
Orit, I think you should do the women’s weekend. Not only do you get feedback on these kind of questions, you get a group of women, peers to go out with & practice. You meet so many more men which gives you choice. This is so important to stopping that overwhelming feeling coming over you. It reminds you if this isn’t the one it may be that other chap you met or the one you’ll meet tomorrow. I do a similar thing. When I realise I really like a guy I go shy & not myself & I think they can tell that I want it all & it scares them off. Using this technique of giving yourself choice makes you come across as a prize worth attaining, high value, they have to make the effort. Hope that helps xx
Hey Orit, glad you enjoyed the video! It’s funny how that happens when we like someone! All of the sudden we begin acting differently without realizing right away. The key is to stay aware of this, which I can see you are, and remember to stay aware of our surroundings and the other person. Ultimately we start to live too much in our own head and thoughts and this gets projected outwards. As for meeting men you like, try going to places you don’t frequent to find almost a new batch of men and also make sure that you remain open to new people, i.e. don’t have a preconceived notion that you’re probably not going to like them as this can also get projected outwards.
x
Love the longer video! Like to see more of them! You are the best!
Haha thank you Angela, means a ton : )
x
Dear Matthew
That one was a life saver
Thank u
And I liked the way u cut it no need to edit …message was loud n clear and a message I need to hear
Thanks Diana!
x
I love this video! Honestly, this is something I (and my single, male roommate) have struggled with a lot, and keeping things in perspective like this really helps.
This is great Katie, thanks for watching and sharing : )
x
Really enjoyed the long video as its content was very interesting and flowing… Thank you!
Thank you Denise! Glad you enjoyed it : )
x
Great video Matt – I enjoyed the longer length. It made your advice appear sincere and truly from the heart. Recently I have given up on love due to a number of disappointments after giving relationships my “all” only to be strung along for months/years and then broken up with (the latest being dumped on a romantic vacation to Paris), and I really need to heed your advice. This video couldn’t have come out at a better time.
Thanks for your encouraging and positive words Matt.
~DD
DD, I’m sorry to hear about your recent hardships, but am glad you’re willing to hear the advice and realize this is an amazing opportunity to grow and learn : ) Keep up the amazing work and spirit!
x
Lovin’ the un-cut version of your blogs, Matthew, its more natural and even though you portray sincerity in all your video’s to help us, I think old school emminates more of your sincerity. It screams with compassion and care towards helping us and giving us more confidence to “Get the Guy, so thank you x
Such kind words! Thanks so much lovely : )
x
thank you hero for this video.
we done with love coz we didn’t understand what does love mean .we think love starts when someone loves us (in the past i was thinking like this).but now i realize …..no i believe that love starts when i forgive myself and try to change …..no try to make myself better (coz everyone’s inside is good ) by understanding myself and understanding life (which is amazing).then I will fall in love with myself .when that happen life is going to be great and everything will change to be great too. if I found an amazing man but he let me down i won’t say i’m done with love (coz again love starts when i fall in love with myself) but what i will do is this …
1 -forgive him
2- learn from the experience
3- telling myself that the best will come and work on it
4- be Kooky coz life is crazy and full of lots of things (so we have to discover )
but if anyone still hurt i want to tell you this ( the universe is made for you ,to discover yourself , to love yourself before you love anyone , to make your dreams come true and to stay positive ).what i’m trying to say is the universe is made for you coz who made it LOVES YOU.
by the way What l wrote the last time was vnglish not English ,I couldn’t stop laughing . I forgot to write things :D. although that you replied (that showed me how genius you are coz you understood what i was trying to say ) .So forgive me my English is bad ,but my vnglish is great.
the video is too short :D :D , longer better :D :D :D :D , and i don’t care about the style of the video (so be creative and we will be amazed )
THANK YOU HERO
Oh Kooky : )
Thank you so much. This was lovely.
Matt x
Hey Mathew. I think this video has helped me a lot. I did the gtg course a whole back in May & although in doing great-loads more interactions, numbers & great experiences. I haven’t met anyone as yet. So sometimes I think ‘oh what’s wrong with me’. I am infact also going travelling solo end of the month to Greece. At first I was really scared (I couldn’t find anyone to go with but needed a break). Now I’m focussing on all the fun experiences I plan to have & with my new skills I’m sure I’ll embrace it in a way I never would have before.
Re video. I liked the longer uncut video for this one because I feel it suited the more somber tone of the video & was more sensitive. I think the cut one suits the more fun/silly ones. I mean all this in a good way!!
Thanks so much Mathew! X
Hey Sophie, so happy to hear about your progress! Like anything else, practice and persistence pays off. I’m so excited to hear about how it plays out on your trip! You’ll have to keep us posted! Thanks for your comment and feedback lovely, take care. : )
Matt x
To be honest, I didn’t really consciously notice a change of format, I just like your inspiring content, which always makes me feel better about life. Thanks Matt. (I’d probably prefer to keep this message private and un-posted for public view but felt compelled to say thank you)
Thanks a ton Mark, really appreciate it!
I like the longer videos! keep em coming!!
: )
x
Love the new video. Matthew – you have helped me so much and continue to. Definitely like the new format.
Thank you Taryn, that means the world : )
x
I like your uncut videos. And frankly, I can use all the examples you listed. It makes your information less abstract.
This is great Natasa, thank you!
x
Well, even though I agree the video I must say there are people that aren´t just made for a relationship. In my opinion some people (that includes me) are just not made for that kind of things. I like romance and seeing in love people because they are cute but I truly think that those things are not necessarily for me and that´s ok. We don´t live in a world where everybody is made for the same things and, somehow, that is magical too because you center in other things that are a way to travel your path in your own way.
About the video: I like both the ones that are shorter or longer and I think the key to your success would be to wisely mix both kind of videos and not concentrate just in one style.
Absolutely, I think that we all have things that work for us and things that don’t. Love is not standardized and we definitely get to travel our own path and find our own path through it. But I don’t believe we go through life without relations with others, whatever capacity they may be, and in that lies the opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves, our values and what we look for most in those we want to keep close to us.
Thanks so much for your comment Rumors! Always love reading them : )
Matt x
Well, Im not saying I travel my path with out relating to someone. I love to socialize and love having friends. I´m just saying that kind of socialization is not for everyone. I love to learn from people and I do think in a relationship you learn a lot but I think, too that for love there is something deeper going on and you are made for it or not.
Always love your post in your blog too, Matt :)
Hey Matt,
That’s feels great, spoken from the heart.
Without cuts feels even mauthentic!
. I love the energy and passion for sharing
Amazing, thank you Dyonisia!
x
Oops, my comment below leapt-off unfinished !
Of course, you’ll easily guess that ‘mauthenic’ = more authentic!
I like the message!
If we look after the moments, the big visions look
after themselves!
Thanks Matt!
ps May your eye heal up fast! I enjoy the uncut video style (or with less cuts)
because its smoother to the eye.
This was one of your best videos. The grand vision is the by-product of the shared moments. This is important; It is true. Your advice overall is great guidance. It is very important to develop your own character and live your life -on the path of service I’d like to add. Thank you Matthew. This video style is great, without cuts. I enjoyed it. You really summed it all up and quenched it.
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it : )
x
Well,
I am out of my misery after I started to watch ur videos and reading ur book. I have to say with in the last months I dated so many guys and I had a lot of fun, but the most funny or dramatic part is that finally I found the guy (which is good ) that I dated two of his friends before and with the new Dina I have to say the other guys are in love while I did not really think this time.. So they hate me and stated to gossip me to the guy that I like ( I am so happy I did not stay with the others though) I think if I continue I gonna date all the guys in town;)
Thank you Matthew
Well, the new guy does not care about past and he really likes me… I want to have great moments with him as well.
And about the video: I like both styles! Because I simply love to listen to you any time:)
Dina
Hey Dina, thanks so much for watching and for the comment! Glad you two are able to have open conversations about your past history and know where you want to move forward to. Take care lovely.
Matt x
I love it! love the message, love the longer video.
…oh and about that lil’ mark above your eye, you didn’t duck in time, but I bet your return punch was a good one!
Bravo for work well done!
Haha yeah, you should see the other guy… ; ) thanks Ann!
x