There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Hi Matthew,
I have been watching your videos for couple of weeks now. It has been really helpful. This one especially struck the note. There is this guy I like to spend moments with though I am not sure where it is heading to. All I could feel that each moment I spent was incredible and made me want to spend more moments. There was a time when I felt a little doubt in my mind and I thought this is the moment I have and I would rather grab it. Today suddenly I felt worried where all this is heading to and started to feel a bit low and that’s when I happened to see your video. I felt happy that when faced with the choice I decided to go for the moments and your advise is also the same. It was so encouraging to continue being my best and enjoy what life has to offer. Thank you very much for sharing this video.
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Thank you Matthew for sharing information in such a real way! I have had major hardships in my life lately, and listening to you always helps me see hope and options to make things better. Keep up the good work!
Every guy who I have been involved with has never thought I was good enough to be his girlfriend. They lead me on for weeks or months then either cheat on me or dump me. They then proceed to get a girlfriend right after. I am so hurt by this. I feel like there is something wrong with me.
This Josephine struggle with men as well. Stay positive more wrong men get you closer getting right men. It is really number game dating can be frustrating. It is okay to be hurt women more emotional, men just more practical. Women just learn to move on quicker. Think shoe not right fit for you deserve better one. Never as women think less of yourself because you are worth it for right man and more!
Look dated almost 100 men more interested with themselves already about to give up on love but still hopeful for incredible men in my life. I believe I am not ordinary person have not met my match yet.Always looking share the great moment with men have been disappointed almost every time give all and try different ways. Try open heart not judge any men but still have standards. Do believe in mang in Chinese destined a certain life. Relationship not meant certain people maybe its me but still hopeful. Still love life and enjoy it. Thanks matt all you do for women.
I Love ❤️ the Raw Video !! Totally AWESOME !! To be totally honest with you, that’s me. I’M DONE WITH LOVE !!! I was with my husband ( divorce not final ) for a total of 30 years. We were married 21 years when he left my 4 children and myself. I thought I’d NEVER LOVE AGAIN !! It took me 7 years to get over him. I wouldn’t allow myself to even look at another man. I’m 51 years old. I happened to go over my friends garage while I was walking my dog. I’m going to be honest, I looked terrible !! But there wasn’t a car outside so I thought it was just going to be myself and the few guys I hang with. I walk inside and my mouth dropped. OMG !!! WHAT A HANDSOME ITALIAN GUY !!! So I’m embarrassed and not talking with him. I’m talking with another friend. Now there’s probably 25 guys that hang out in the Bunker. Not all at once though. They’re either married or widowers. I think just 1 or 2 have girlfriends. So I remember thinking He’s gotta be married ! And as if he was reading my mind he reveals he’s not married , he’s divorced. I’m like YES ! Then I’m thinking he’s gotta have a girlfriend. And again , he says he’s single and not seeing anyone. Yes again ! When he was getting ready to leave he wrote his # down and just before he left, leans in close and asked me Will you call me later? I said Yes ! Then he kissed me. I fell Instantaneously In Love With Him !! Unfortunately my kids made our As my Ex calls it .. Beautiful and Wonderful Relationship a Miserable Failure !! Things were GREAT !! I NEVER FELT ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE IN THE WHOLE 30 years with my husband. I STILL LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD !! MY HEART IS SO FULL OF LOVE FOR HIM THAT MY HEART LITERALLY HURTS AND IS BROKEN IN 2 After the break up he asked me to be his Best Friend. I refused. He kept asking me and I told him you have enough Best Friends. He then said to me The ones you think are your Best Friends aren’t. Please, I don’t want to lose your friendship. Please be my Best Friend. I then said Ok. Great friendship most of the time. I would go to his place and stay over, and he would call me up to 13 times a day. 13 January 2017 he called me 6 times. I missed 3 calls because I was at the hospital. When I was walking to the lobby he called and I was excited and said Hi Baby ! He started yelling said what he had to say and hung up. Then he calls back while waiting for my ride. He’s yelling and repeating himself and I’m doing everything not cry. A couple hours later while I was home called again, Are you alright? Am I alright?! NO I’m not !! I’m sorry, I know I can be a little rough around the edges. After that he didn’t call or speak to me for 2 months. Then out of the blue he FaceTimes in April. Unfortunately I fell into being friends with benefits Again. He needs surgery on his shoulder and hip. I would go to his place 2 to 3 times a week to do laundry,fold and put away, wash dishes, make bed, dust, etc. I even showered with him because he couldn’t and still can’t wash himself. I asked him why he called and he said do you want the truth? Yes I want the truth ! Because I knew you’d come. I felt Soo used !! So he stopped calling me again for no reason. I don’t understand because he would tell me he Loved me, wanted to be with only me, do you Love me, you win , you really Love me that much, I want you here, I want you to be with me all the time, I’m going to make you a set of keys. So I said I’M DONE !! I’M NOT GETTING HURT A THIRD TIME !!! Then I start talking to a friend that I’ve known for 37 years. We haven’t talked for 27 years. When our Best Friend was Murdered. We’ve been talking since December 2016. He finally asked me out on a date in May 2017. We went to dinner at this Brazilian Restaurant that he usually goes to. Food was delicious. We drove around for awhile then went back to his apt. We watched a movie 3 KINGS Really good movie. I recommend it. He was the perfect gentleman. Didn’t try anything. He works 64 hours a week so I understand I won’t see him much. We used to go on Messenger all the time or text. Phone calls not to often. He came by almost 2 weeks ago and stayed almost 3 hours. Then last week I invited him for dinner. He ended up falling asleep and waking at 3:00 am. He left about 3:20 because he had work at 7:00 am. Now we’ve text but not like before. I text him 3 days ago and invited him for dinner. He said Yes. Tomorrow is a good day. He never text, messaged, called or came by. I text him and he ignored it. I called and text him yesterday. Even last night I text him and nothing. I called him today, twice and it went to voicemail so I left messages. He’s the one who told me I Like You Very Much ! I asked him if he was being Honest and he said Yes. He said he started feeling a connection when we first started talking. He’s been going on Messenger but ignores me. I Really Think I’m Done Matt !! I don’t want to get hurt again. I even bought both of your programs, Get The Guy and I forget the name of the other one. I can’t find it Can u give me the name Please. I got them to help me get my Ex back. I want and can picture myself spending the rest of my life with him !!
Thank you so much Matthew..before your post I was seriously thinking about giving up, that maybe I wasn’t mean to be in a relationship again..sometimes I feel that my heart is too tired, I always move on, but I can’t avoid to feel sad for some time…sometimes it cost me months to give somebody a new oportunity…or myself…I do like each of your videos and it doesnt really matter how you do them…the most important thing for me is that I can feel that you really care about us and that you honestly try to make us feel better…that is what makes you so special…
Mattew Hi!
Has been a great pleasure and help to watch your videos, Thank you!
I am wondering if you have any plans to make a retreat in Seattle anytime soon?? Or whats your schedule??
Hi Oriana! Matthew’s next retreat happens in Florida, November 15-18 (more info here: https://matthewhussey.com/retreat-live/). If you can’t make the trip, you may want to consider the At-Home version: https://matthewhussey.com/transformation/? Cheers! -Mars
Thankyou. I had actually given up … Im about to turn 40 and have had exactly that: very bad experiences with the men ive dates.
I couldn’t see a purpose in it anymore… but youre so right – relationships do make us grow: im completely different to how i was before these 3 men.
Thankyou… perhaps it is worth continuing but in a new direction.
Sincerely thankyou.
Dear Matthew & co
I am under no illusion that this comment will necessarily be responded to or even read by anyone, but I am very frustrated, and I cannot find another place where I can get this out. Firstly, I do agree that it is sad to just give up on love and not live up to your potential as a fully functional adult. I aspire to relish in all the benefits I have as an adult like being independent, forming legitimate thoughts and opinions about certain things and creating sexual and romantic relationships with other people. However, the last part is what I am struggling with every day and it really frustrates me. I could live with having an emotionally absent father which is probably one of the reason I have had a tendency to pick emotionally absent partners. However, I have had really horrible relationships with cheating partners that have strung me along which have really made me feel like I am unlovable and giving me a fear of intimacy in my later life. Another thing is that I have for the last four years been having intense pain during sexual intercourse. I initially went to the doctor who said that the pain was just psychological. After everything I had a really long period where I have not been having sex at all and have had a few unsuccessful flings due to my fear of intimacy and my inability to be physically intimate. I met someone the beginning of this year that I kind of dated a bit. We had sex which was the first time in a while for me. I hurt just as much as I remembered, and this guy suggested that it might not the psychological after all because It was a really burning sensation and looking back I didn’t really follow up on the doctors ‘diagnosis’ all these years ago. I went to the doctors again and I am now in the process of finding out what is wrong. Unfortunately, the only thing it can be is Endometriosis or something psychological which is going to be a long process to get managed. I am so frustrated because I don’t feel like I can have a normal relationship like every other adult. The guy I was dating a bit in the beginning of the year also turned out to be not a very good guy, and I had to end it. I cannot even have casual sex with guys to make up for it. I feel so limited and that so frustrates me. I have such a hard time telling people without making it sound like it is fine. That I am fine. So, I write my problem in a comment that will probably never be processed because I cannot even ask properly for help and that is very sad.
Maybe someone can relate to this issue somehow?? Can you even potentially respond to this comment?
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