There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
hey matthew,
Thank you soooo much for this video!!
I’m 27 years old. And in loves areas, I have many failures.
As you say, you give everything for that love.
Coincidentally, last week I had such a moment, “I’m done with men because every time I get disappointed.”
I also had a bad week, as everyone has, that everything goes wrong at that weak .
I did then close all the doors for me last weak.
And then I have one of your videos viewed on “peaks and lows in life what you have ‘and that you should learn from the things that did not go well.
But now I see this video and that gives me hope that I might be can still find the right man for me .
a question for your: how to build the confidence in yourself again for a new relationship?
Greetings from chandrakanthi
Hey Chandrakanthi, I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying the videos : ) When it comes to building confidence again, re-focus yourself. Get into activities, events etc that you personally take an interest. In doing things you love or learning something new, you begin to build self-confidence which will translate into every aspect of your life. Live for you
x
heey matthew ,
thank very much for your advice and tips !!
I am happy about it and i going to start today with that !!
God bless you !
greetings from chandrakanthi
I love this longer video, but you could talk for hours and I would always find the time to listen to you Matthew! xoxo
Haha so flattered Sudevi, thank you!
x
Matthew I cracked up laughing when you said you missed the punch in the ring. You’re so funny! ;D What are you doing in a boxing ring?
On a more serious note, I have given up. I’m newly divorced after 30 yrs of marriage and I am too old for this dating thing. My kids are your age and I’m not sure I can go back to dating after a 35 yr absence! I know you’ll tell me that I can but I lack the confidence, and I’m not hot anymore – I’m old. I don’t feel sexy. I feel old. So, although you have no personal experience with this, and you’re bound to cheer me on, how do I find the confidence to go back to dating after a lifetime of a break!? Thanks.
Keep the faith my mum is seventy five dating and putting Matts genius into action the guys love it. Love yourself and you will get there big hugs xxx
I’m probably around your age and have felt the same way at times.
Keep watching Matthew’s videos~~ they’re great to remind us
of our inner journeys, while his advice helps to get around
the bumps in the road!
You are never too old for new adventures!
Haha glad that made you chuckle April. Boxing is one of my favorite pastimes : )
Fall in love with yourself again. Find something, an activity, a place, something that reminds you how sexy & vibrant you are! Learn something new for you. Not only will it give you an opportunity to light that spark in yourself again but it will also open up an opportunity to meet knew people : )
x
I liked the longer uncut video. It seemed to flow better.
Your advice really gets to the point of enjoying the journey
to get to your destination.
Love it!
Absolutely Anita. Thank you!
x
Thanks!!!!
Brilliant yes prefer longer more time to reflect on what you’re saying. This one is so true and absolutely right when I realised what my big agenda was and droppedIit I could see others too. Am more single than ever but in a great place and working up to it all again from this much healthier bettrr me space its all a journey xxxx thanks for keeping the faith
Matthew sometimes when I listen to your words I think you are an angel sent from God to comfort and encourage the women who want a mate but have not been able to make it happen. May God continue to bless you with wisdom and understanding on the humane brain.
Eliza.
Hey Matt!!
I like your old school style! I love the natural discussion without the editing. I know there is the need to edit at times, but it was nice to hear from the heart without rehearsal or perfection. Reminded me a lot of your starter video blogs. And never too long to hear you handsome person you!!!
This video came at at the most coincidental time. I actually was telling my mom that I was giving up on love last night. I just have had the worst luck. This video has turned that outlook around. Thank you for your inspiration and dedication to help us through the great times and worse of times.
Ps…sorry about the eye, are you sure you didn’t upset Jamison??!! J/k ;)
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
Myra XXXXXXX
I always like the longer videos. I feel like I learn more.
I just read your book and saw my first video. You are brilliant and adorable. Everything you say resonates with me. I liked the video length. Cheers!
Dear Matt.
You are sincerely good at interpreting your thoughts. But you already know that;) You could be a profesor of “Human potencial”(for examle), you have the ability to fulfil the empty spaces between ideas with bridges of suspense. This moments are so powerful when you speak, because they make me excite to keep creating.
And I want to save up this video in my pocket literaly, because of its value in my daily life. You are such a wild wolf with hearted eyes…:)
Bye*
Tanja
Hi Matthew,
You always seem to say the right thing or come into my life with your wise advise just at the right moment for me. I am 48 yrs old and feel so dispondent and completely feel like thats it, I just have to get used to the fact that there is no one out there for me. Women I meet that are a similar age to myself and my single girlfriends all feel the same. When I speak with them I empathize as I feel their pain too, yet see it as a complete waste as they are beautiful women not only on the outside but within. It really saddens me, not only for their pain but the hopelessness they and I feel. I will take on board your advise and spread your words. The video it great, not too long (mind you I could listen to you all day being easy on the eye also helps ;-)) sorry going of track!! so yes the video… it’s very natural without the cuts. Thank you once again. Lots of love
Helen xx
This is great! I like longer videos with no cuts! ;) Thank you so much for this wonderful video! :D
I like hearing your thought pattern- helps me make more sense of what you’re saying so I can move right with you and internalize it! :)
You’re so funny. Great message. I will remember little chunks as I go about my day tomorrow….like pineapple chunks ;) I enjoy both styles of video, keep up the excellent work.
I like the longer version as you go over what your saying and it sticks better in my little brain more!!
This video is just where im at!
Im 39 and finally letting go. Had my first date in 4 years and FIRST EVER DATE where i wasn’t nervous ok so i didn’t feel out of my league which helped…
This time i decided not to sensor every word that came out my mouth not to worry that i was wearing socks and pumps with a dress!!
Just going to be me and going on a second date in a week! with no expectation only to have a fun eve that is all as its been forever since i dated and have to have time for it all to sink in and enjoy
Thanks again Mat all you give so constructive..
I really enjoy listening to your vids Matt. They always put a smile on my face. I’ve never thought “I’m done with love” the thought of being that negative is scary! I like the long version too, more smiling time. Thanks and keep ’em coming.x
Thanks for the kind words Nicky : )
x
Thanks Matt! I really enjoyed the video and needed to hear what you said today. You always give such great advice
Thank you Cassie : )
x
Hey Matt,
Its Amy here.. So… what perfect timing for this video … I don’t want to give up.. I just want to meet some more great men, where are they?! I’m going to re-read your book again. I’ve always stopped at “Keep the Guy” because I haven’t gotten that far… Maybe I need to read on??
If I have one more person (including my EX husband!) ask me how in the world am I still single … I will scream!!! >>> I FEEL THAT WAY TOO!!
I love the longer more natural video … Great job.. Jameson too! :) Im feeling down… Just woke up drinking my morning tea, saw that the video was longer then normal.. title was great I got excited for inspiration and I settled down to watch. I wasn’t disappointed!
Thank you! Keep them coming!
Amy
Ps. I’ve done as you asked and passed it on to three people. :)
So so happy you enjoyed it and passed it on! Really means the world to know that it is helpful and had a positive effect on your morning : )
Take care Amy!
x
Matthew Hussey I have a question for you ! Or the people working for him…
What if you’re ready for love and not only lover’s love but friendships, family .. general love, but close people around you or people whom you live with aren’t ready and aren’t at a stage where you are in life. How do you live with that without getting frustrated or starting to have self doubt.(sorry for the bad English I’m from Belgium)
Thank you ,
Danielle xx
Your English is perfect Danielle.