Done With Love

There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.

Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.

Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.

Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.

If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.

Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…

1) Define the goal

If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.

The goal has to be…

*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*

Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.

2) Live by YOUR standards

Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.

If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.

3) Chunk it down

Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.

These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.

Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.

Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.

4) Strive for MOMENTS

We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.

The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.

Instead focus on moments of shared connection.

Moments like…

–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.

It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.

Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.

If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.

You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”

Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.

Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.

###

I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

491 Responses to Done With Love

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  1. Hidz says:

    I am not sure what to say Matth because I think I understand those women. Honestly I just got my heart broken like couple of hours ago. I tried your tricks with the man that I had a relationship before, he responded but then the result is different from what I expected. Failed. Yes. It is hurting very bad. If not because of this video and your advices I honestly will numb myself. Hey friend, I am feeling so hurt and I am not sure what to do or how to deal. Kinda blank this moment. Now I am thinking, talking is easy right… to experience it is another story. I have few guys in line and a couple of them already stated their interest, but I do not feel like invest in them at all. Is there something wrong with me Matth?

  2. Bola Ogun says:

    I think you guys should do what you feel when it comes to editing. No one way works ALL the time. This subject specifically was best and most heartfelt uncut, perfect mood for it.

  3. Petru says:

    I have this question and really no answer to. When it comes to men and love I’m clueless…and REALLY hope you can shed some light.

    Question: there is a guy at my gym and he seems to be interested – well were like school kids he stares at me and I look then look away and vice versa. So last week I made a “move” and introduced myself. I’m super shy and well the conversations we have had were so var not long as I walk away due to shis shyness… So I left my business card with front desc to give to him. (They say they gave it to him).but I have not heard from him and he acts like he didn’t get it?
    He still stares and we have our brief hi and all…
    Tonight I stumbled on a photo of him via a “friends” photos on facebook.

    What do I do? Do I start a “hey I know you” via facebook or just leave it?

    Please help!

    • B. says:

      In my humble opinion just leave it. He knows you’re interested and that you’re an awesome person. If he doesn’t drum up the guts to just ask you out by now after leaving it so wide open for him, move on to the next guy who will.

    • Rivka says:

      Go ahead and have more actual conversations. Take initiative. Shyness is the way to have an empty lonely life; trust me, I know. Just go ahead and start talking to him again: about actual stuff, about stuff you are passionate about, not just boring “hi, how are you doing.” Yeah, maybe he already knows YOU are interested in HIM, but the only way he can know that HE should be interested in YOU, is if your true fascinating inner self is revealed. Boring “hi”s won’t reveal it.

  4. Chenni says:

    I like the old way!
    Yes you can shoot and edit the video the “http://www.garancedore.fr/ ” way but as long as you keep it real, hearts will be touched either way. :)

  5. Ting Zhang says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thank you so much for making this video for all of us out there consistently thinking to ourselves – should I take a break? I like your way of approaching relationships and the way you look at things, I am right now so excited and inspired by this video, I am going to be this generous, affectionate and giving person that I want to be in relationships and I am going to be very open to all the possibilities and having my hope up that the other person will also be courageous and open enough to let the magic happen! thank you so much!!

  6. Tammy says:

    Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!!! Thank you so much for doing what you do so dang well!

  7. Jackie says:

    Without the cuts! Funny, before I even saw the last
    part I was thinking that. You’re interesting enough
    and speak quickly enough that NO cuts are needed.

  8. Kaja says:

    Wow, what a great video! I like it that longer way, I think you should do this more often :)

  9. Meredith A. says:

    I know that a lot of what you help women with here is getting the guy to finally commit to a real relationship. Honestly, I feel like I have the opposite problem. I’ll really like a guy, flirt, and go out on fun dates, only to get nervous and bail once we’re actually in a relationship together. I can feel myself close off and shut down, but I have no idea how to change it. My friends and family tell me I’m afraid of commitment, but I don’t want to be. Any advice?

  10. Tanya says:

    Hey Matt,

    Great reminder that life is made up of small moments, not grand scenarios.

    I am so glad you asked about your editing methods. I vastly prefer the “uncut” videos. They flow better and come across as more natural. I found the cut and paste method choppy & distracting, and have been hoping you would go back to how you did them before.

    Thank you for asking! One more reason to love you.

  11. Samantha West says:

    I loved that you took the time to share this great information the way you did. I like the old way. This information is how I believe things should go. Life has many bumps in the road, and it is nice to feel at peace knowing life is a shared experience even if I never find that one so as to speak at least I have put myself out there and love the life I am making. It would be nice to have a great shared experience with someone so I will see down the road what ever life brings me with someone else. Thanks!

  12. Laly says:

    Hi! I really enjoyed this video. You should do more like this. I actually wanted to ask you to do a video about “how to flirt” and Ideias for keeping the conversation going. I know you already did a couple, but none of them really adjust to my situation. There’s this guy, we’ve already gone to the movies, we see each other every once in a while (never got phisical at all), but whenever were alone, there’s that awkward silence, that only makes me more nervous. I enter this state of boring statue girl. I see that he tries to be funny, but but doesn’t work ( not funny at all). I try to play along but our talk eventually dies. I,ve tried the 21 questions thing, but he gives me square answers, and the talk dies again. We’re both boring and shy. I’d relly appreciate some advice.

  13. Alexis says:

    Oh my god. Thank you Matthew. I was feeling so hopeless. Just done, like you said. But this video make me realize I should stop searching and work on myself first. Then live life as est as I can. Hopefully my special someone will come to me.

  14. Antonia says:

    I LOVE this video. Thank you for being my life coach, and I know this sounds cheesy, but you really have changed my life. I am 19 years old and have become more confident, more willing to take risks and a more sociable person. I used to be shy and had a hard time approaching guys, but through your videos, your book and your support, you have helped me push myself to become the person I want to be. Thank you, Matt!! x

  15. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    thanks for the advice matt! :)
    and ur laugh is so funny….! :P

  16. Esther says:

    Wow your video came at the exactly right time for me. I am 25 years old and never experienced nothing with the other sex, not even a date. So yes I can say I give up sometime. next week I’m having a vacation in Spain and I had decided that I am just going to have FUN and FLIRT and enjoy being ME and your words in that video makes my decision even stronger! I am definitely going to create moments for me!!

  17. Christy says:

    I enjoy all your advice, but it seems to be only directed to singles. Do you have any advice for someone who was 100% committed and has 3 children and caught their husband in an affair. After 7 years, I thought I could get passed it, but it still isn’t working. I am not in love anymore and am in it for the children. What is your advice?

  18. Gayle says:

    I like the videos when they are not cut or edited. I’d rather just hear what you have to say as it comes to you. Thanks for all of your help Matt. :) I personally have been working on making more eye contact with people as you suggested in your book. :) sometimes I look at the person 2 or 3 times to make sure they see me. :) & of course I always remember to smile. It’s only been a couple of months, but it’s still a work in progress. :) thanks again

  19. hani says:

    your website is amazing and you influenced me for many years i guess not only love and relationship, far beyond bigger than that. thank you so much and boost confidence in my life and person as me im korean, my names is hani!!! and im a such a huge fan for you love ya~

  20. Colleen says:

    I liked this video very much! One of your very best. Thank you!

  21. Bella says:

    My first comment! :)

    Thank you so much for this video. It’s really helping me.
    This literally felt as though you were speaking right to my heart and the part of me that I tried to ignore and cover up. And it’s probably the best advice I got within months.
    I could relate to almost everything you said – especially since I went travelling alone not that long ago and met so many incredible people along the way. And it changed a lot.
    So now, I feel as though I know what’s the right thing to do again and the things to remind me of. Thank you.

    It felt like a friend sitting in front of me and giving me some really good heartfelt advice – so yes, I like the uncut version. :)

    Thank you for all the advice – it really works. :)

  22. Erin says:

    Really liked this version of video.. It felt more sincere than some of the more recent videos, and more similar to the original stuff. Really enjoyed it.

    I was wondering though, would you please share any insight you might have on being in a ‘Luke warm’ relationship, one that’s not bad but not necessarily fulfilling for person A, but person B does feel that strong connection…

    Leave? stay? Stick it out a while longer? In this particular instance, the relationship is going on four years. Fun but maybe not fulfilling due to lack of connection… But only one person feels this way..

    Much appreciated! Thanks!

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Erin,

      I am in a similar predicament, (i’m person A, he’s B)but we’ve only had a hand full of dates, 90pct of the time I and we are having a nice time but the other 10 pct of the time I find my mind wandering…..day dreaming mid date!
      I’ve had a couple other relationships that start off like this but builds and builds and gets better, but those relationships did eventually end.

      Have you always felt this way during four years? What advise have you been given?

      Thanks!

  23. Jill says:

    I loved that it was long. And it’s exactly what I needed on this very moment! And thank you for the laugh at the end.

  24. Vicky says:

    I think this statement of saying “I’m done with love” or “I’ll never get ir right” or those things we say to ourselves and feel so definitive and damaging, has something to do with the way we interpret what happens to us.

    Here’s something I’ve found that helped me try to get over that way of thinking. Maybe you’ve heard abot Martin Seligman and Positive Psychology. He started focusing on “learned optimism”, while analysing your explanations about the things that happen to you.

    “Explanatory style” is what scientists call how we talk to ourselves about the “whys” of a particular event we experience.
    Personal: You place yourself as the cause of an event and blame yourself for things happening that maybe, just maybe, you had no had control over. For example, “I missed the traffic light because I’m so slow!” rather than, “That traffic light turned red really quickly.” The first is “internal,” the second “external.” Of course, it’s still important to take responsibility for your own actions; just don’t feel guilty or defeated about things you had no part in.
    Pervasiveness: You can see an event as being universal (“I always do that”) or specific (“I did that this one time”). When you give yourself a specific explanation for something happening, it’s a lot easier to see how to fix it or prevent it. Seeing things as pervasive is also called catastrophizing—making a catastrophe out of everything. Once you do that, it’s easy to give up and lose hope.
    Permanence: You imagine that how it is right now is how it will always be—forever. This is the case of, “I didn’t get that job, so I’ll never work again,” versus “I didn’t get that job, but maybe the next one will work out.” Recognizing that things can and do change is an important part of optimism.

    I hope this helps anyone who reads this as it helped me, in acknowledgeing the way I saw myself and particularly when it comes to relationships. Look it up, Positive psychology, or Martin Seligman and maybe you’ll find interesting ideas to consider.
    I’m very thankful for this video Matt, it really helps. It reminded me once more to be the person I want to be in this world.
    Thank you,
    Vicky (Argentina)

    • MsGvious says:

      Awesome, Vicky, that was such a great post.

      I am very interested in the power of focused optimism, especially after reading ‘Meeting Your Half Orange’ by Amy Spencer.

      I’ve had a mainly failure-to-launch track record with men. I’m now 39. Time to turn this ship around! In order to be positive about my dating future I focus intently on positive feelings whether or not the results are immediately reflected in real life around me. Very much like a tightrope walker who aims at a certain point … looking up, down, left or right would just knock you off your wire. We pick our target and move towards it.

      I spent last Monday at a birthday for a guy who’s incredibly negative. Everything he said came out dispirited. Great lesson for me being around him … I couldn’t wait to get away. Infinitely better to be a bright shining creature who is delightful to be around whether with people or loving your own company. So here’s to high kicks & hair flicks!!! Honestly Darling Ones … let’s just ROCK THIS WORLD!!!!!!

      And thank you Matt. It can be cold and lonely out on the range. It’s good to be reminded that there are warm-wholehearted guys around.

      Ladies, I talk to my husband every day (inspired by the Gestalt empty chair technique). Talking to him with 100% conviction that he’s here automatically deletes a lot of ‘dying swan’ style thinking. When I see gorgeous beach destinations, glammy hotels or foodie restaurants I say … Sweetheart, we’re going here! **If anyone tries this, please report back!**

      In the meantime, keep your wells full and your feathers fluffed!!

      Lots of love,

      G xxx

  25. Starline H says:

    Just wanted to say I appreciated this video a lot.

  26. Simona says:

    Matthew, I love the way you guys “feel” to do the videos. So from my side, I love all your videos, because you embrace your instincts about how to go around it.

    And thanks for the reminder, precious wisdom as always.

    xx,

    Simona

  27. Laura says:

    Your video was excellent and very appropriate as recently I’ve also thought of giving up on having relationships. The point which stuck out most for me was “chunking it down”. I do find myself thinking about marriage as it is something I do want in the future, but I worry it won’t happen because I’ve just not had any luck with the men I’ve dated. A lot of my friends have been getting engaged and married recently and I just think “well I’m in my early twenties and I’ve never even had a proper boyfriend. There must be something wrong with me!” I will take your words on board, they have definitely cheered me up Mr Hussey x

  28. Jane says:

    Your videos are great however you deliver them, it’s good to have a variety anyway so mix it up.. longer or cut up as long as the message comes across that’s the main thing. great advice as always… Don’t stop!

  29. Sarah says:

    Thank you for posting this video Matt. I had given up creating, because I had given up on love. As I get older, although I’m still somewhat young, being single gets exhausting. I feel like guys in the past haven’t fully appreciated what I have to offer, and I am particular about who I open up to because for me, trust has to be earned. In my 20’s it was very easy to just have fun, and live moment to moment. With everything that has happened this year so far, it has been especially difficult to be motivated to put myself out there. It is much easier for me to believe that other people will find true love. This video made me realize I need to start living moment to moment again, and not focus on the big picture.

  30. Holly Klein says:

    Hello Again Matt,

    I really enjoyed the this video… the advice about “chucking it down” was something that I really needed to hear. All the time we get this pressure to get married, have kids, because we must be incomplete and it becomes overwhelming. It becomes very easy to feel like a failure in addition to the hurt of a failed relationship. So good advice!

    I liked the way this video was shot because it was more like having a conversation with you. We are thinking about some really deep stuff while listing to these videos, so talking to us is really nice.

    On another note, I checked the “notify me of the follow up comments box”… I know I already did a whining to you about this but WOW! How do I make it stop? lol I find it amazing you have tome to go to the coffee shop, and you must need a nap! Just when I think they are done a new wave of comments come in! Any info would be good Thank you!

    Thank you for another wonderful video, and keep the hands up ;)

    Holly

  31. angelina says:

    Enjoyed the video n thnks for all the wonderful advice.its like you read my mind. Its good to listen to the longer video and see you bit longer too, it was too perfect to be edited.

  32. Andy says:

    An excellent article…however…Please give advice for women with children who would like a boyfriend/partner BUT because they have children they already have responsibilities (priorities) and are therefore restricted somewhat, also HE sees HER children as a ‘problem’ and ASSUMES SHE wants a father figure when all She wants is to get to know HIM. Also – a sticky subject! – SEX and the problem for those (perhaps of a certain age?) who think – God, do I have to? I’d like a relationship BUT I have no desire and the thought of ten minutes of consentual squelching (and having to take it seriously – YOU are intimate/HE’S just getting his rocks off)just to keep ’em happy/be ‘normal’ really does not appeal.

  33. Paloma says:

    Agreed! It’s those shared connections with people that matter– I keep trying to tell other people this!

    P.S. Filming it without stopping makes it raw (in a good way) and more natural because I’m seeing the entire thought process along the way and there is a good flow.

    Thanks Matt ;)

  34. Katherine Kirkland says:

    Hi Matt,

    I discovered you when feeling very down about a failed relationship. Your little videos were enormously useful in helping me feel good again, so I bought your ebook and am thoroughly enjoying that too. As a result I have currently 4 men who I like, that are very interested in me. Two of these men had previously rejected me, including the one I had the failed relationship with!! Don’t worry, I am being sensitive about everyone’s feelings. But I am not going back to the guy who hurt me either. His loss!!

    It just something I wanted to share with you. Also…

    This video made me feel compelled to add a comment as I too have met loads of women who have given up. Mostly because the men they were married too had affairs and hurt them very deeply. I’m going to pass this on to them and see if it makes a difference. Fingers crossed!!

    PS. Like the longer style. Perhaps not always appropriate, but this time it is.

    PPS. Is Jameson really a bottle of whiskey off camera or do his parents have a good sense of humour? ;-)

    PPPS. Sorry Jameson xx

  35. Asima says:

    Great video, makes a lot of sense actually to see it as achieveable moments, rather than something overwhelming. I like the way this video was shot this time too. Thanks for the advice.

  36. Lau says:

    Firstly, I think your message trumps the duration of any of you videos so don’t you worry about that hussey.

    Secondly, I thought your “7 Things I’d Tell my Teenage Self” was your worst video. You’ve always done a great job with taking abstract ideas and motivating people, putting ideas into action…. but this video was one of the most wish washy videos ever. You should have focused on something specific, instead of doing something so general and cliche. Hit me up if you think I’m wrong.

  37. Toki says:

    Hi Matt! I enjoy your blog and videos a lot! But I’m hoping that you when you give advice, you could talk a bit about long distance situations. Me and lots of my friends are doing long distance now, and it’s very difficult to follow suggestions such as short dates. In my case, I met my guy online a month ago and we’ve dated once. Now it seems we can see each other probably twice a month at most and talk once or twice a week because we’re both very busy and our off times don’t always overlap. As a result, out first date and the upcoming second last for the entire weekend and are intensely packed with activities we want to do together. So far it seems all great and fun, but I can’t help wondering how long we can keep doing this. For example the advice of “have short dates and often to make dating part of your life” doesn’t really apply here, because we have to go out of our ways to make time for each other. Also it’s difficult to limit texting to entertainment and logistics. So please also mention long distance situations in your blogs and videos in the future!!

    Thanks!

  38. Lucy says:

    LOVEEEEEE the longer videos do not like the choppyness of the shorter more edited video’s it takes away from the brilliant content which you have to share with us! Less is much more!

  39. Irene says:

    Hey, Matt!!
    The video was great, thanks a lot!! I related a lot with your ideas, I do this quite a lot… giving up on things, because I always go for the grand finale and I’m just training myself for disappointment… I forget just to build everything with patience, step by step :)
    But the thing is, I don’t know how to find the balance between having standards and family perspective and being casual…
    You see.. I have these two extremes in my life… I am a very attractive young woman, I’m a musician and I meet lots of men all the time in concerts and parties… and the extremes I meet are the men who want to marry me, even though they barely know me and the ones who see me just like a good fun… and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong… because the ones who want to marry me are not the ones I relate the most to :)
    Help?

  40. Anna says:

    Impeccable timing as ever. Sat in a hostal,room in rainy Cairns, on my own, having had the best part of my trip cancelled due to engine blowing up & stupid tour company charging me $50 ‘admin fee’ to be refunded. Guy I dated before I came away for my RTW (planned before we met) was dating some- one else before I eve

  41. Ada says:

    Hallo Matt, keep it as you like it – it’s more authentic & inspiring – long or short, spliced together or not, to a younger audience, with rants, cajoling or pure encouragement. With the tv ladies or you making fun of self and quirks of life. It’s the authenticity that makes it resonate and relevant. Behind every great vlog is a great camera person so of course Jamieson (sp), thanks for making Matthew just simply, impossibly, addictive ;)
    A

  42. Ann Marie says:

    I like the old school version. Great advise, I needed that. Your boxing mark, well looks like “it’s just a flesh wound.” Thank you.

  43. Barbie says:

    You are so right in what you say in this video. I thank God for insightful wisdom like this! As far as the video is concerned, I think it’s fine just the way you video taped it, with or without the cuts, it doesn’t matter. What matters most is the material presented! I must say…you are sooo adorable with that little bit of humor at the end!!

  44. narges says:

    I loved the long video,I was feeling hopeless before watching it, thanks for putting it out, by the way I was staring at that little scratch on your eyelid!

  45. Marina says:

    The video was amazing! Natural, spontaneous and powerful. Longer is better. Thank you.

  46. Jen says:

    I like the longer video without the cuts….love old school!! I didn’t even notice your eye until you pointed it out…I was concentrating on what you were saying. I really needed this right now as I tend to focus on the future, which sometimes hinders my enjoyment of the present. I’m working on that!! Thanks for another great video!!

  47. Peggy says:

    Matt, I’m an introvert trying hard to learn how to talk to guys. I’m educated and know about a lot of subjects but I never know how to turn that into interesting conversations with guys. I know you say “get to the why” and discover their values…but can you give us more of a formula or even more questions I can use to have more interesting conversations?

  48. Joy says:

    I like the long video. It is not about the length, it is about the quality.

  49. Kelly says:

    I like the longer videos.

  50. Jackie says:

    Considering that you charge to help ladies navigate dating and other areas of our lives, I’m personally grateful that you continually take time out of your schedule to put out these videos for us. I appreciate that you’re keen to see us through, and so for me, the video wasn’t too long because you brought an important point home.
    Thanks Matt and God bless.
    You’re awesome! :)
    And sorry about the eye.

  51. Ann says:

    Joining the grateful chorus: this is perfect. Thsnk you!

  52. Nasia says:

    Hey Matt,

    Great video ;) You made some good points, as the one of not thinking our lives as one big vision and breaking it into chunks of happy moments.

    Just because you asked, I prefer long videos, so I liked this longer one, because it had loads of examples and info. My not so good feedback, I believe that your passion made you say things a bit quicker than usually and that made me a bit nervous :)

    I look forward to more videos and tips. You’re doing a great job ;)

    Nasia

  53. Michelle says:

    Hey Matt! Thanx for a really good video, I liked this long version! Let me tell you something, I feel often that I have given up coz I can’t flirt with guys at all, I am always the sidekick that no one sees, and I have always fallen for the same cute friend guy, but it begin as a circle coz it was the same pattern that they just wanted to be friends, i don’t like to dress up all the time so they all might of have seen me as one of the guts you know :P But then I always feel aftr all the hurting that I can’t put my heart out lik that anymore, witch has happen, I am so afraid to hurt again so it’s hard for me to let my guard down, At the same time I always keep thinking(Coz I travel allot alone and love it)..That “What if I am gonna met somone now” I am trying to hard to find a guy at the same time as my guard dosen’t wanna let anyone in, I love to travel and have met so many people. I was traveling to USA San Francisco alone last fall, from Finland….And las Vegas, Grand Canyon..And that guy I once told you about. Still remember it Coz I have never felt more beautiful that when he looked me deeply into my eyes, smiled And I totally was hit right through my stomach and soul somehow..To bad it freaked me out then and there, Coz I think about that all the time, and it was a year ago. My body language is protecting my heart but my mind is thinking that I want love… This is tricky and I don’t know how to get over this. Or what to do even. Any thoughts? X/ Your fan, Michelle 25, from Finland

  54. sarah says:

    I thought it was a bit long but I enjoyed it. Keep it old school from time to time. These tips I can apply to my current relationship, which is working very well. It’s a long distance relationship and those do require other points. I think enjoying and living the moment is really important in order to create a deep connection. Thank you :)

  55. Jamie says:

    I like it uncut. :) You make me feel so inspired, thank you! :)

    xx

  56. kami says:

    LOVED IT! Keep it that way! Don’t chnage a thing. Dont go into these fancy producion to “sell more”. People want the real deal. And you are the real deal. We want the message, not your fancy suit vests, allthough theres nothing wrong with them ;)

    Thank you Matthew! You inspired me yet again. Its time to go down to the basics, baby steps. Time to enjoy ourselves a little more an snap into playmode! :)
    All the best to you!

    hugs /Kami

  57. Betheney says:

    The video was great you gave a pep talk which I felt like I needed as I haven’t given up on relationships but I am not putting myself out there as much as so hopefully this gave me the jump I needed thanks. The video was great the way it was I think it felt more like you were just sitting there and having a conversation with us so it felt more natural.

  58. arka says:

    I just saw that video and wanted to say thank you, because although i’m only 25 me too i’ve given up. And this video just gave me a new perspective.

  59. Magda says:

    I don’t know why am I writing this because you won’t read it anyway ;) but I like the longer version. It seems more honest, more personal and more true.
    And yet your videos are like a chat with a friend so the longer the better :D

  60. Audrey says:

    Uncut. More conversational.

  61. Sonja says:

    Thanks. Awesome message!
    No cuts, not too long. I like this video as it is.

    Sonja

  62. VJ says:

    Take me off this list, your manage message site doesn’t work. VJSL8@CS.COM

  63. Sailing says:

    I really enjoy your video and thank you so much your remind me to living moment by moment and enjoy each one….

  64. Ray says:

    I loved it , I feel the cuts are annoying.

  65. anna says:

    I love the last part, u always have a great advice matty.. ur so sexy promise… :D careful don’t hurt your face..

  66. charm says:

    I liked this longer, uncut version…and agree with Candice . Mix it up depending on the topic…keep it fresh and HOT.

    Sorry about your eye.

    Now giggle and move on…

    <3

  67. G says:

    right. “But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.” and when nothing works out after these moments, that’s when you say “I give up.”

  68. Karen says:

    Anything you do is perfect. Just as long as you DO!
    And please be careful in the ring! Don’t hurt that beautiful face!
    Thank you for your wisdom talks.
    Lovely
    k

  69. Candace says:

    I liked the longer, uncut version today. But I also like the shorter, cut versions.

    Maybe a mixture?

    Liked what you said about sometimes doing everything right and it still not working out. Guess I can’t do it all myself. If the guy isn’t in the right place or able to hold up his end, that’s on him…not me. I need to remember that I’m only responsible for my half of the relationship.

    Thanks for that insight.

  70. Carla says:

    Hi Matt!
    Personnaly I really love the uncut. Just as you may pause to continue your thought, as a listenener we too have moment where our thoughts are absorbing your sufgestions then as we are, when you keep going, we have time to process and start listening again. :-)
    Your words of wisdom came to me at a perfect time. I had seen a comment from another email about making my man blah blah and thought … i dont need to read
    May God anymore about relationships… very synical… then there was yours saying dont’t give up… Thank you so much Matt for breaking life down to MOMENTS MOMENTS!

  71. Peg says:

    Hi Matt,
    Watching this video I felt my head nodding a lot… It looks like you know more about my past happenings than I do myself. I hear a lot that if something went wrong you should look for the positive to take out of it. You know, the positive that I take away is that I found your blog and can see your videos. I would have never checked for something like this if it went perfect. So I lost a guy but I found you.
    Reg. your question: It really doesn´t matter, Matt. No matter how – just talk to us! ;-)

  72. Maya Morgan says:

    THANK YOU! I am so happy you are talking about this because I’ve been thinking about these questions lately! By seeing friends& people around me putting so much pressure about the whole “what is this with this man, what are we, is he the one, should we have kids” I so much agree, the minute we look at our next relationship as being the life long partner, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I was wondering this week “what are the real reasons why people have kids” and I realized that a lot of people have kids because they’ve been together for years now and it’s the thing to do, because they still thing in the old model of finding a life long partner with who you share everything from beginning to end. Which don’t get me wrong, I think is possible and amazing when it’s with the person you really love and want to share more. I’m just sad when I see some couples that seem to not be really in love anymore but stick together because they’re scared of leaving the person! So they have kids to have something together& feel connected again, like the solution to their couple problem! But what if a guy may be good for us for a certain period and than as we grow, change, an other will come along!! I love what you said! It’s more about the intensity&special moments we spend with that person! We should maybe just stop thinking of where it’s going, if it feels right, just enjoy the time we have with that person! . Share what we feel like we want to share and see where it goes with no expectations. :)
    Love the video long with no cuts like that too!
    Thank you Matt!
    Take care!!

  73. Susan says:

    The length surprised me, but I love the sincerity. I seriously considered doing myself in earlier this week because I am tired of missing meaningful connections in my life. Thank you for caring, Matthew!

  74. Christine Cooper says:

    Dear Matthew,
    many thanks for this and all your videos that you make available to us all! I feel you are right on with your insights and suggestions so you are making a great contribution to all of us making an effort or struggling with finding a meaningful relationship in this crazy world. You are very honest and sincere, and generous in sharing all this for free. I am a great admirer and am learning too. I am 63 and seeking a good man after a divorce. I am having a lot of success Meeting men so far and excited about the possibilities. Thanks again!

  75. Caroline says:

    Hello all of you,

    This is kind of the moment I waited for. The moment that I am finally NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!
    And I’ve not had a serious relationship in 2 years. So, thanks Matthew. Thank you so very much.
    And to all the other ladies out there: NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
    You’ve taken one great step but listening to Matthew, your Mr. Right is out there waiting. And it’s soooo worth it.
    Love you xxx,
    Caroline

  76. Daniela Kraeva says:

    “It is what it is” – you sound like Eckhart Tolle, this brilliant spiritual teacher of our times. Great stuff, thanks!!

  77. Amy says:

    I loved the video! I learned a lot that I am going to apply to my own relationship now. It makes so much sense to chunk things down and not get caught up in te stress of “I have to get married”. Thanks!

  78. sophie marsh says:

    great video loved it…

  79. Elle says:

    Matt, I just want to kiss you for every time you made me feel better! I was just crying my eyes out because of another failed relationship, thinking exactly what you said, that I’m giving up, and I went here in search for something that would convince me that I’m wrong and found it in the very first video.
    Thank you for always making me smile! :)

  80. Annie Barlow says:

    Hi Matthew
    I really needed to hear this just at this moment .
    I was about to give up looking and you are right all I need to do is to break it down into lovely moments.
    You are such a beautiful soul – a light worker- you bring light to peoples lives.
    Thank you .

    ps I liked the longer piece without the cuts – it drew me in & kept my attention.

  81. Kate says:

    I think this is one of the most effective videos you’ve published, Matthew — the message *needed* to be 10+ minutes. If the video had been cut down, it would have lost its effectiveness (IMHO). As for the message of this video — it was SPOT ON! Thanks so much!
    Cheers ~Kate

  82. Nicola says:

    I like it just the way it is.
    Keep it real!

  83. Laurine says:

    Best video you have done in ages Matthew!!! Well done Jamieson for holding out for the whole 8 minutes! ;-)
    I’m making my way though your book and am nervous but excited to start working my way though all the tips and tricks.
    Am off on a holiday on my own soon so this post really encouraged me not to give up and treat every guy I meet as an adventure whether it be for a minute, a day, a month or forever!
    Thank you for sharing and I’m spreading the word here in Australia! :-)

  84. Janet G. says:

    No need to cut the videos short. They are therapeutic and super informative and it felt like i was listening to my wise friend’s advice :)

  85. Milla says:

    Heya Matthew!

    I would have *thought that longer would be better, but in all honesty my mind started wandering a bit as I was watching this video.

    That’s the only reason why I would prefer the more attention-grabbing cut versions, because I don’t want to miss any of the awesome stuff that comes out of your mouth while I’m wandering in la-la-land. I go there a LOT x____x

    Thanks so much for everything!! You & Jameson rock.

  86. Sam says:

    Don’t worry Matt, you can’t go wrong. This video was awesome. It is not every time that the longer version will be necessary or right – just follow your gut, we will be watching regardless, that’s for sure! keep up the good work and I can’t wait for more…

    x

  87. Tiffany says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I really like the longer video. You gave great content (as usual) and this is a subject that needed a little longer video so thank you again. I have been following your videos for a while and tell all my friends about your amazing advice. Just so you know I am going to be using your great advice on my next trip across the pond. I hope to make some great moments and turn them into great memories.
    Thanks again for all of your advice and I can’t wait to hear more of your common sense and great wisdom in the future.

  88. Steven Chu says:

    That’s funny you said in the end that this video wasn’t cut.
    I like your usual video cuts as they make things snappy and entertaining,

    but equally just as well this video was really effective because it didn’t feel super edited. It felt like a friend was chatting directly to me and I’m like Yes! exactly! oh that happened too! oh i thought that! so the naturalness of this video worked well for the heart to heart matter!

    Right choice Matthew!

  89. Sarah says:

    This video helps me because I’ve been so guilty of letting a relationship get monotonous by focusing on the grand vision instead of just focusing on the little moments that could be incredible. I’ve actually said that I’m ‘done with love’ mentally but you’ve helped me realize through watching your get the guy stuff that my relationships don’t have to all be the same. Tonight I was traveling to see this guy that I met two months ago, and been talking to him ever since. When I first met him he was wearing this nice tucked in plaid button down shirt which I told him how good he looked in it and especially it being tucked in. So while I was on my way to see him, I told the people I was with ‘I bet he’s going to be wearing a tucked in plaid shirt when I get there, I might be wrong’. Well, what do ya know, I wasn’t wrong , he was wearing his plaid shirt, AND it was tucked into his pants when I saw him. :) I asked his friend, ‘Doesnt he look good wearing his clothes like that?’ His friend said ‘he told me Sarah likes it when I wear my shirts this way’ :)

  90. Danielle says:

    Matthew!

    You have completely changed my outlook and mindset on dating and relationships. I now go into social settings with a confidence that I’ve never had before. I was so concerned with the outcome that I never just lived in the moment! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  91. Leecis says:

    Hey Matthew , wow the last 3 weeks I have announced to all my world precisely this; I give up. I am just waiting for the I don’t care that I give up to follow. I usually have a good laugh after I see your videos, this time I sobbed. You don’t know what you ask of me not to give up. Perhaps in time….I will try again.
    Leecis

  92. Anjali says:

    This video came at just the right time for me, because I have been saying this to myself a lot recently. I got out of a relationship about a week ago with a guy who talked a lot about commitment and ended up not knowing what he wanted. We were together for a year, and now I’m back to square one, feeling like I’m done, love is not worth it, I don’t want to do this anymore. This video touches on how I feel perfectly, and I think it’s great advice for anyone who just feels tired and sad. Thanks for the inspiration, Matt.

  93. Doris says:

    Your videos are so refreshing and entertaining that length really doesn’t matter at all :)…. Loved the last laugh.. Who punched you with a ring on? Lol.. Hope it wasn’t your girl..

  94. Minta says:

    This video hit home with me and made me shed a few tears. After so many letdowns and lies I have more than once been fed up with being in relationships. I’ve said that’s it, I’m done more times than I care to admit. My too trusting personality has gotten me in trouble in the past. I know men aren’t all the same, but I haven’t found one that has not followed that negative pattern.
    The older we get, the smaller the single pool gets. I have been on a handful of bad dates and some good dates that haven’t resulted in blossoming relationships over the past 3 years. Have I lost hope? Not quite. Am I more reluctant to get into relationships in my 30’s? You betcha.
    You’re right, Matthew. Life is a series of moments. As of now, I am faithful to my freedom and all the life experiences I’ve had as a single, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed I don’t have anyone turn to and share amazing things in this world with. *cue violins* Then again, the next corner I turn may be my next moment with someone.
    FYI: keep the vids raw and uncut. Mistakes make us human.

  95. Yetzi says:

    I apprecite the long version of the videos. Especially this video, because there was a lot of wisdom and incredible advice all the way. Keep them coming Matt. I look forward to your messages every sunday. Thanks for taking the time to do them!!

  96. Saudia E. says:

    There was something very refreshing about this video, Matt, in my opinion; maybe it was the lighting, your floppy hair and the sweet scar above your eye. I was happy to know the video wasn’t rehearsed or scripted. :) Because I seek and receive value from what you have to share, I could listen to you “all day” if that’s how long you needed to make your point (of course with periodic pauses in between, hee, hee). Thanks for sharing, once again.

    Myself and some close friends of mine (both men and women) have recently discussed how we’re “Done with Love” or at least that’s how we think we should feel to get by. But it’s true, those are sad words to hear especially from such loving, quality and naturally affectionate people we are. And I much prefer applying your idea of “chunking it down” so that I can create now, rather than wait later. You’re keeping some of us afloat, dear Matty-boy. Again, take care.

  97. Dd says:

    Hey Matt & co.,
    I like both styles of video. This particular one was very heartfelt so I found the longer, no cutting style more fitting. Thank you for sharing as always!

  98. Dayse Soares says:

    Hey, Matthew!
    Congrats for the amazing video. It’s everything great, specially because you really had what to say and we can see that you did it with your heart and soul.
    Thanks for putting some hope out there. Relationships are hard and sometimes people can think that they’re done about it. But the fact is that we women have the power to control our destinies in a never seen way in history, so it takes us to a different path than women that came before.
    Have a great week and I’m pretty happy about your success!
    With love from Brazil,
    Dayse. :)

  99. Maria says:

    Hello Matt

    Well I have to say you are definitely sexy as alway. I love your videos I alway expect to hear from you. It does not matter what mood I am in when I listen to your videos you lift my spirits up. I m going thru a serious issue in my life right now I have heart aneurysm I’m under doctor care that alone scares me. I have been remove my job because my doctor does not want me to lift no more then 10lbs. Their is a video I seem I cannot locate I no you have done unless you have remove it. The video I believe you had in LA seminar about your book your talking about two things really stuck to to me you were coaching gentleman who travels all over the world he has more money then will ever need you had to go Mayferry hotel board room. Second was you ask the group of ladies where is to tell each other in group where is the mosaic exotic place they had an orgasm. You mention to the ladies you were only joking. Have you remove that video could you be so kind to send it to me again please!

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