There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Hi Matthew,
First I’d like to say that the uncut, less organised style of video works really well. It makes your words seem more as if they’re from the heart. All your videos are great but this format suits your style and the types of messages you portray better.
I’d like to tell you about someone else’s moment which I captured purely by accident. I was a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding, say watching as the newlywed couple took to the floor for their first dance. I snapped away with my camera trying to get a decent picture of them. By chance I caught a brief moment when they stood together with their eyes closed, their foreheads together. I believe that photograph says more about them than any words could. It’s a moment of complete surrender, the rest of the world doesn’t matter.
That’s the sort of moment I hope for. When I’m with someone who I can feel comfortable enough to “lean” on someone and have them “lean” on me too…metaphorically speaking. That doesn’t have to be a romantic attachment, that theory can apply to friendships too.
Hi I like the longer version without cut! Pls do this more often! Thanks!
Glad you liked it!
x
Glad you liked it!
x
Matt, I loved this video. I don’t know how you do it, but your videos always come on the right time. Thank you so much for being a coach and an inspiration to us!
: )
x
Hi matt,
I loved this video and it came right on time as I found myself giving up on love. I’ve never been lucky before when it comes to this matter but this gave me a new perspective on things.
By the way I like this long video with no cuts it shows that it comes from the heart, but you should chose the style of each video depending on its subject.
Thank you for being so awesome!
Great comment Rachel, thanks so much : )
x
Love ya, Matt.
Just wanted to point out something. In your book, you talk about how we can see red flags early on. I agree. I just did not expect one here, in your own video. You said “I cannot promise I will listen. Sometimes we just do things because we want to”. This was a huge red flag. When I hear similar things from guys, I automatically think : “stubborn”, “won’t be open”.
Please know that I am not labeling you as any of those things mentioned above. I am just sharing what I felt – as a gut reaction. Maybe it will help you – like when an X-gf told you you were too busy and boring all the time. And maybe it won’t. But at least, you get to think about it for a min.
In all honesty, I wish some one would point out my possible red flags so I could work on them. I do not consider it a bad thing when done gently and caringly.
Thank you for the video.
Love ya, Matt ! XX :)
There’s always room to grow. Thanks for your comment Kelsi, appreciate it : )
x
Hey Matt,hope all is well and it looks like Cali is treating you well!
First off luv the uncut longer versions the flows seems better..
Yes,your absolutely spot on yet again.I’v listen and you have taught me well over the past 2years.Thats my and my good friend Olexa motto,NEVER give up!May,have some rejections and pain on long the way,But the experience make me STONGER.Things to do and not to do.Things I want and don’t.In the passed I used to make up this little fairy tale in my head and of course it never remotely worked out.Or I used to let things boil in my head and had resentment.But no longer I have come into a different place and a new and better person but still me!
I just had this horrible experience.I took one day to be by myself and and regroup and the next morning a wolk up with a smile on my face and went back out there and enjoying every minute of it..Btw your absolutely hilarious!You know how you say don’t point things out as the person probably didn’t notice and now they deffently do.Through that whole video never noticed your eye until you pointed it out,Lol;)
Heather Xoxo
Haha good to know Heather! Thanks for watching : )
x
Thank you so much for this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been struggling with my tendency to hold on too tight and not stay in the moment. And I’ve been freaking out about this new relationship, creating issues that don’t exist. So thanks for talking me off the ledge.
PS- I prefer the longer videos
Glad to hear Jackie, thanks!
x
Hi!
I love this video! It’s Not too long, matter of fact, I love the amount of depth and passion you put into this topic. It is easy to want to give up, so thank you for encouraging peoeple to have the courage to still interact and enjoy the moment by taking the pressure off by “chunking it down.” Taking trips alone can be scary, but if we never go anywhere, we will miss what life has to offer, that includes meeting new friends.
Also, I would like do add about the patterns we may see in Our relationships is an opportunity for us to look into ourselves and see what believes we are sending out, so we can shift them in order to no attract those unwanted patterns I to our lives. This requires self honesty and healing. It it’s all worth it in the end – to k ow and belief that we are valuable, loveable, and worthy of good relations.
Beautifully said Jackie. Thanks!
x
Dear Matt,
Thank you for making these videos. Wow! You are one of my inspirational teachers. (Yes I said teachers)
Your videos always motivate me and are helpful reminders of how much fun it is out there! I honestly don’t care about the format. Mixing things up is always fun! ;)
And by the way that little cut is nothing. I’m sure you can take any punch and come out looking super awesome as always.
Xo
Haha thanks so much Yan! So sweet : )
x
Good Morning Matthew!
I enjoy all your videos but this one, by far, is my favorite. Not only do I like it because its longer, but it seemed less “Hollywood” and more “Matt Hussey – cheerleader, confidante, that one person who’s always got our backs”.
Maybe I also liked it because your message was what I needed to hear today. You see, the last few months have been pretty fun since I started following your advice. The first few weeks were filled with meeting guys and just having fun embracing the excitement. However the past few weeks have filled me with sheer terror.
My entire life I have been surrounded by dyfunctional, abusive, unhappy marriages. No wonder mine was the same. In fact just yesterday I announced to my sister that I will Never, Ever get remarried or into a relationship again!
The success I’ve been experiencing meeting guys has unearthed this deep fear. Fear that this will lead to another relationship in which I will experience the same emotional manipulation, control issues and belittling. This fear resulted in me sabatoging potential relationshipships or by out right running the other way after the initial meet up.
I had just gotten to the point that I had decided I was too wounded, broken, imperfect to ever find someone to ride off into the sunset with; that noone would ever really want me once they truly got to know me. Then along came today’s video.
Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the present moment and to stop over thinking. Thank you for the reminder that life is about connecting with people and growing. It’s not about Being perfect in order to find Mr Perfect. I wish I could properly express how much this video applies to me; you even made me cry :)
As for your eye….love it! Most women want a man with a little danger about him, don’t they? I imagine its only increased your success with the ladies, you sexy thang, you ;)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Alena ~xo
This is outstanding Alena. I have a huge smile on my face reading this! I love your tenacity and conviction in moving forward now : )
Thank you lovely, take care!
x
Hello Matthew!
I loved this video! It came along right when I needed it. I do have a question for you though: how can I go about making moments with someone when I have no experience?
My parents were completely against me dating throughout grade school. My mother gave birth to me at 17, so she is fiercely protective of me and does not trust men. I am now in my second year of college and would at least like to try to have something with someone! I have never even been kissed, so this train should be leaving the station ASAP! Haha :)
I went to a few parties Freshman year, but I only seemed to attract very creepy men. One in particular still messages me, wanting to go out, when he has a girlfriend! I have no clue what to do or how to start conversations because I am so inexperienced.
SOS Matt! Throw me a lifeline!
(And have a great day!)
Whitney
P.S. I love the video length! Without the cuts, it was very raw.
Hi Whitney,
Make sure that you’re dating someone because you really want to date them, not because you feel you’re missing out. Trust me, it’s better to be with someone you care about, and cares for you back. You show pride and self value if you wait until a really nice guy comes along. As for the guy with the girlfriend. He needs to make a choice. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to find out someone you’re with is cheating, if he’s the sort of guy who’d do that do you really want to get involved with him? Tread carefully and don’t rush in. My friend was 21 when she had a boyfriend for the first time. They have been happily married for 3 years. Good luck and take care x
Hey Whitney, take a look at this post I did a bit ago, think it’ll be right up your alley : )
http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/blog/become-a-great-conversationalist/
x
That video was perfect! I can’t wait to try everything that I have learned thus far! Matthew, thank you so much, for all of your tips even in other videos. I’m still catching up on them all, but I’ve passed them along to my friends and I can see your pointers have really helped them!
Best wishes,
Whitney
Loved the longer and natural video; especially when you’re on a roll and the ideas and advice flow.
Fantastic video and perfect timing! Your advice to ‘chunk it down’ was spot on. I find myself looking at the end goal of a relationship but not enjoying the shared moments of the present. Thank you so much for your video! Keep up your fabulous work!
Thank you Lisa!
x
Thank you Matthew for this video. First of all I totally enjoyed it , it wasn’t long it was just right for the subject. I’m 64 years old and been a widow for 35 years and never married again. I raised my children until the youngest (I had 3) left home at 18. Didn’t get started dating until 2006. I’ve come to a point in my life that I’ve had enough of dating. I look young for my age and for some odd reason I keep attracting the same type of guys. Young and just want to have fun. In spite of my declaration at the beginning, I want to find a friend first and if it progress to a deeper relationship then I’ve found not only my best friend but my life long partner. Guys always agrees with me until I meet them in person, after several emails and phone calls, and they just expect kisses, hugs and intimacy on the first date. Which then turns me off. I’m modest in my attire when i go on a date so not to lead the guy on. Thank you for this video it inspired me to keep on and keep tracking. I do love to travel and most of the time I do it alone. Most friends I have don’t have the resources to do it. Well thanks a million Matthew.
You are amazing Julianna. Thanks so much for your comment : )
x
I did notice the mark above your eye. Do you box as a hobby or was that a joke? I like your silliness at the end of the video. You come across as genuine, I like that.
This was a good video with some unique perspectives, things I haven’t thought of before.
Thanks.
Diane
Haha it is a hobby of mine Diane. Thanks for your comment!
x
Hey Matt, it’s Brazil here again!
It doesnt matter how long or short your videos are, I know you always put your heart into it to try to help us become better people. I thank you one more time for the amazing message you brought in this one, and for the hope you’ve created inside me. I have always had this big vision about finding someone and getting married that I ended up screwing up everything. Now that you told us to chunk it down I can see what my mistakes are. Finally!!
You’re awesome!
Have a great Sunday!
Patricia xoxo
So sweet Patricia : ) Thank you!
x
I really like the longer video clips. I have already bought into Fast Track to Mr Right and Keep the Guy which I’m now watching for the second time round and these additional weekly videos enhance the messages you give in your programmes.
Thank you for this video which really struck a chord with me, having just had my heart broken again for the umpteenth time. This helped to raise my spirits. You are so inspirational and motivating with a very natural presentation style. Wish I could afford you as my personal Life Coach, but I gueass this is the next best thing.
So glad you enjoyed it Tracy : )
x
Hi Matt,
Firstly thanks so much for your video, which I found I could absolutely relate to.
As someone in their early thirties, I put a lot of pressure on myself to find ‘Mr Right’ and have felt like giving up on men increasingly!
I especially liked the idea of creating moments, rather than looking at the big goal – that way we put a lot less pressure on ourselves and if the ‘end goal’ doesn’t quite work out its a lot easier to start again.
Thanks again,
Chandni
P.S. hope the bruise gets better soon, you still look hot ;)
Haha thank you Chandni!
x
what i wouldnt give.. to get it right just once…found a guy. one i wanted.., took me a lot of courage to ask him out.. he finally called me after three weeks.. then when i met up with i knew he had an ex.. but i never expected him to say it to my face that he wanted to get back with her…. so this is ME DONE….CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW THAT SUCKED in THAT MOMENT
I loved the video! It doesn’t matter how long or short your videos are in length. I’m just happy and thankful to have someone who gives good advice and encouragement when I feel like giving up! Thanks for everything! Please bring your seminars/weekends to St. Louis or the Mid-West!
: )
x
Matt,
I enjoyed the video. More of you is good. Honestly I think any format looking at you and hearing you talk will be a winner. Xoxo. Laura
Haha so sweet. Thanks Laura : )
x
PPS. Liked the video and the way you shot it in one go with no cuts. Definitely something to keep x