If you find yourself constantly thinking about how to invite someone back into your life… Or if you have an old flame who keeps coming in and out of your life…

Please… watch this before you do anything else.

Matthew:

You were with this guy for three years, you had a great relationship?

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah.

 

Matthew:

He then out of nowhere broke it off?

 

Event Attendee:

We had issues. It was a lot of stress, which is what I think, and also –

 

Matthew:

So he broke it off on New Year’s Eve and now it’s been two years and now he wants you back?

 

Event Attendee:

He’s been trying to make contact with me in the past, but I always blew it off. But now he showed up in person so, I have to –

 

Matthew:

Well, the things that broke down the relationship two years ago, do you feel confident that they’ve been resolved?

 

Event Attendee:

I feel like we can work through it. Yes, I do.

 

Matthew:

Does he?

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah.

 

Matthew:

Do you believe him when he says how committed he is?

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah.

 

Matthew:

You do?

 

Event Attendee:

I do, yeah.

 

Matthew:

What has changed in two years that makes you suddenly think, “I can trust his intentions here”? And not just his intentions, but his ability to follow through. What’s changed?

 

Event Attendee:

I feel like he lost me and he felt the consequences of that, and he tried to make several attempts to contact me and I turned him away. And he felt that consequence of not having me around and having to actually go out there in the world and date other people, and try to find a relationship that was right for him and he failed. He couldn’t do it.

 

Matthew:

So look, it happens all the time, two people pick up again years later and sometimes it works. What you have to be, if you’re going to do this, you have to be confident that you’re not going into something blindly, that really all that’s changed is he’s had time away to miss you, but the actual fundamentals of what made you not work before haven’t changed. You need to be really careful of that. If the fundamentals have changed in the time that you’ve had apart, and two years is a good amount of time, don’t get me wrong – it’s better, two years than two weeks in some ways, because if you’re a part for two weeks and someone says “No, I realized the error of my ways” well, have the fundamentals really changed in two weeks? The things that broke us up? Probably not. Two years is a good amount of time, right?

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah.

 

Matthew:

But you have to feel confident that the fundamentals of what broke you up before have changed, and that that means you can intelligently say, “Things actually have a real shot at being different now.” Otherwise, you’re just going in blind. So you may want to have those conversations with him. Right? “Hey, I need you to get out of grovel mode. I need you to get out of desperation and panic and you’re going to lose me and you’re freaked out. I need you to get out of that because right now I need to talk to you as two grown-ups who – you’re asking me to embark on a new journey with you. And we, as two grown-ups, need to have a conversation about whether anything is really different or whether you just miss me and you haven’t found anyone better.”

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah, because –

 

Matthew:

Right? “Because I don’t want you to want me because you didn’t find anyone better, because it’s not about whether I’m better, it’s about you wanting me as a unique individual. It’s not about whether, ‘Did I find anything in two years that compared?’ No, I don’t want to be that because one year from now you might find someone who’s better than me in some way and then what am I going to do?” Right?

 

Event Attendee:

Right.

 

Matthew:

“I don’t want someone who’s weighing me up against the rest of the world. I want someone who’s decided, who’s made a decision that they want to build a life with me. That’s what I want, and that has nothing to do with whether I beat everyone else on every category or not. That’s a card game.”

 

Event Attendee:

Right.

 

Matthew:

Right? “I’m not going to be with you because you didn’t find anyone better in the last two years.”

 

Event Attendee:

Right. I don’t want to be his backup plan in any way –

 

Matthew:

Not even his backup plan. “I don’t want to be the person you come to because suddenly you realize I’m great.” Right? Love is a decision. Commitment is a decision.

 

Event Attendee:

A big one, yeah.

 

Matthew:

Right? You don’t commit to someone because you go, “I’m never going to find anyone better.” Right? You commit because then what happens if you do? You commit to someone because you say, “I feel it in my bones I want to be with this person and I’m going to go all-in with this person and whoever comes along in my life from now on, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about whether someone’s better or not. It’s about the fact that I’ve decided to build this relationship.” So that’s what I would do. I would have a real conversation with him, a serious conversation with him. Not based on romance because of course, it’s romantic after two years being apart, to get back together again. Fuck, that’s exciting.

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah.

 

Matthew:

Of course, how could it not be? How could it not for the next year be a honeymoon?

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah, I know.

 

Matthew:

Or six months or whatever?

 

Event Attendee:

And feelings are coming back.

 

Matthew:

But it’s not about the feelings, it’s not about the honeymoon, it’s not about the romance. It’s about, “Have the fundamentals changed? And I need to talk to you as a grown-up now. Not as someone groveling at my workplace, but as someone as a grown-up who is either going to be in a serious relationship with me in my life and build something with me or someone who is just here because they’re panicked, and I don’t want you here because you’re panicked.”

 

Event Attendee:

And I kind of feel that, now that you mentioned it, because he keeps saying like, “Okay, I’m 37, I don’t want to be 40 and just starting a family.”

 

Matthew:

Right, that’s about him. And say to him, “That’s about you, that’s not about me. And unless I feel it’s about me and until I feel it’s about me, you being panicked is not a good enough reason for me to give up my life.”

 

Event Attendee:

That’s so true.

 

Matthew:

Okay?

 

Event Attendee:

I have to have that big conversation.

 

Matthew:

All right, it’s grown-up shit.

 

Event Attendee:

Yeah, thank you so much.

 

Matthew:

Thank you.

 

************************************************************************

 

So a bunch of you are probably watching that going, “That was really great, Matt. But the person in my life isn’t racing back to me and this is someone I really want, this is someone I really care about. I’m trying to rekindle something with this person, but I’m not getting that energy from them.” I just did a training with my fast track VIP members – which literally just happened a couple of minutes ago, we still have comments coming in right now about what I said – where there was a question from one of our members and the question was, “How do I get my ex back?” By the way, not a question I like, but I have to answer the questions that I’ve been asked. “How do I get my ex back? We are still able to converse and text. I have backed off a bit, well a lot, but it’s so hard. Thanks, Julie.”

 

So, Julie is one of my members and asked me this question and whenever someone asks me a question like that I try and have huge integrity in the way I answer it because most of the time I think it’s a terrible idea to get your ex back. But I also acknowledge that there are certain situations where either there is the potential for something to be rekindled and it’s something that could actually be good for both parties. And I also know that there are times when someone’s going to try to do this regardless of whether I give them an answer or not. So my view on this is at least there needs to be a powerful, High-Value way to establish contact or re-establish contact with that person if you’re going to do it.

 

So in this member’s webinar that I just did, I literally gave a blueprint for having that conversation with an exact script of what to say if there’s someone in your life that you’re not ready to let go of and you need to see if there is any potential still there. But I have very carefully worded this script so as to make sure that you come across as confident, in control, and you protect yourself in that conversation. So this is something that ordinarily would be reserved for my members, but I’ve cut this little piece out because I know it’s relevant to so many of you out there asking me these questions every day. To get this video training, that’s completely free by the way, I’m gifting it to you, go to this link right here.

Let it be said by me now, that I believe it’s probably, most likely a terrible idea for you to want or try to get your ex back. But I know that if you apply what I show you in this video, that it’s going to give you the best shot at rekindling something that should or could be rekindled, and is going to protect you either way, so there’s no losing. Check it out, go to this link and I will see you there.