Hey people, I wanted to share this story with you about a dear friend of mine. What a way to start the year!
If you have time, please leave a comment below with your ideas of what you want to achieve this year. Writing something down and stating it makes it all the more real.
Matthew x
That was one awesome story! Thanks for sharing it. This year I want to focus more on improving myself. I want to be more confident and less awkward. I want to be more productive by focusing more on my degree and volunteering for my community more. I feel I need to take a break from chasing ‘love’, and reflect on myself a bit before I try again. Maybe after I improve who I am I’ll be able to look at things differently and start believing in the whole love idea once more. Maybe then I’ll be able to welcome the right people into my life properly. Maybe then it’ll all fall into place.
Hey Liz!
You make an amazing point! Improving our life is a whole is one of the greatest ways to find an amazing relationship! This has been termed by some as “obliquity” i.e. sometimes our goals are best realised indirectly. This is actually the logic of the “High Value Woman” retreats I run in Florida – it’s about creating strength in every area of your life which naturally makes this area click into place.
All the best for 2012!
Matthew x
Hi Matt, I’m an Irish girl who is a tad on the picky side and even though I get offers there never seems to be chemistry(on my side at least).
I’m in my mid thirties and would love to meet my soul mate, I get bored of it just being me.
People are always saying that they can’t believe I’m single but from my side I can’t seem to attract the kind of guy I want.
Suggestions?
P.s. love your videos
Thanks Barbara!
I completely understand, sharing life with someone you care about is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Attracting the guy you want is a three step process: 1. Define what you want 2. Find out where those people are 3. Become the type of person that would attract men like that.
I’d love to go through this process with you in person sometime. Int he meantime, take care and keep watching. Thanks for the support!
Matthew x
Quit smoking and that loser. You confuse a relationship with a narcotics buddy. The cirgaretes and whatever else toxic (always is combiined with something else bad you won’t know about)will always come first. Get out and stay away before does long-term damage to your children and you.
hi matt im in a relationship and this is my first time being in a relationsip . i wanted to know the goods and bad
Hey Matt,
That was a truly inspiring story, so great to hear!
My goals for this year are to be more open to love and finding the right guy. I’m (almost) 23 years and have never been in a relationship. I’m an attractive girl but around men I tend to be extremely shy and have avoided even friendship with them. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that i’ll ever be in relationship because i never have been and the longer i’m single, the worse my fears become. Last year I started working on conquering my fears and believe I have come out my shell quite a bit. Still I am unsure how to change my thinking that for so long has to told me to stay in the background and to fear too much attention. Are there any tips you can give me to help me achieve my 2012 goals? Thanks!
-Amanda
I used to like this guy 7 years ago, and while we flirted with each other a bit, nothing happened as he barely initiated and I ended up dating his friend. A few years down the road, I asked him if he knew I used to like him, to which he said that he knew (but left it at that).
We’ve kept in contact these 7 years, and last year I moved to London. Since then, we have been texting each other every week or so (usually him initiating) and we flirt with each other every now and then, and he asked me to go on holiday with him a few months ago. I said yes, of course, but when I asked him for dates to go on holiday, he always says, “I can’t plan that far ahead yet”, or “I don’t know my schedule”. I also once told him I missed him, but he didn’t acknowledge what I’d said.
Matthew, I’d greatly appreciate if you can provide me with some insight on what’s going on inside his mind! As he’s the one who asked to go on holiday with me (and mentioned it a few times), I had assumed he was interested. When I went back home over Christmas, I met up with him and got a vibe from him that he liked me as well.
This is not the first case of “I feel like he’s interested but he doesn’t act like it” – I’d previously gone on a couple of holidays with another guy (alone), thought he was interested, but nothing came out of it. When I told that guy I had feelings for him, he changed the subject on me.
Am I interpreting signals from these guys incorrectly, or is there anything (more) I can do to get them to acknowledge their feelings for me?
PS – I went to your Secrets of Attraction Event a couple of months ago and now have some pretty funny (but still unsuccessful) stories from trying to chat up random guys. Thanks for the tips though!
This year I really need to boost confidence as 2012 is the year I’m going alone and I am so scared! I leaving uni and for the first time,truely being independent and i am so scared of getting a job ( or rather not getting the one i want) at the age of 20! I am also scared because I have never had a boyfriend which is somthing i though i would have had by now and this is also playing on my mind! I feel silly worrying about it as I am still young but this must be the year I suceed! Please if you offer me any advice it would be fantastic! I have ready many of your articles and think they are great!
Great inspirational story, great happy end :)Matthew, I’ve just “discovered” you by the end of 2011 but I may say you simply impressed me!
For the New Year I prayed to find out and still hope to make it clear for myself what I really want. So far I realized I should fulfill my dream and do as a job what I would like: first step I’ve decided I will study Psychology (I always was interested in this field but thought I couldn’t do much of a profession with this). Now I know there are endless possibilities.
In my love life I want to make a change. I always wanted to find a guy who can commit but now that I found him I discovered I’m the one who can’t commit in this relation… (he would do almost anything for me, I know, but I realized/fell he’s not the one). What shall I do, how can I tell that to him now, after he let everything and came in UK for me..? I just don’t know how to make him (or myself?!) ready for that. I don’t want to make him suffer although I know there is not any easy way…
I would like to find out more about the programme you were talking in the video…
Thank you for inspiring us Matthew! Have a great year!
Hey Matthew, you’re amazing!! I hope the best for you this year!!
I’ve a little problem:
There’s a guy that I know for 2 years now. In the beginning he liked me I think (he was always flirting with me), but I took distance from him and I act like I didn’t care and never mention it. Then he blew hot and cold for some reasons that I don’t know.
Still whenever he sees me, he’s always flirting with me and keeps his eyes on me (also when he’s in a relationship with someone else or not). And when I ignore that, he blow hot and cold once again.
It’s kind of a routine..
What does this mean?
Sincerly Lola
Love this story. It’s sweet and amazing and inspiring. :)
@Matt, your confidence seminars and your videos have helped me with my anorexia, bulimia, and PTSD (something that no amount of therapy, or treatment could do.) (I’m 17) but I still have a question; I like this guy but he ignores me completely. He’s like a cross between a dark haired young Brad Pitt and an ice cube- he doesn’t just ignore me, he almost avoids me, when s few months ago he stared at me often and said hi, etc. His best friend on the other hand, teases me about my affections for him on a regular basis. I don’t want to settle for just any guy- I get a lot of offers but never from him or his friend. My friends say that everyone who knows me Loves me and suggests that I get to know him and his friend but how? I’m shy.
Thank you for spreading your awesomeness!
~ Adeline
Hey Matt,
That was a lovely video. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Congratulations, Siobhan! What a change! Actually that story reminded of me a little bit. I was on the verge of giving up meeting people until I started taking up your advices. They were great! I could now always have enthusiasm to meet new people and get to know them more. There is one part where I’m not entirely sure about though. I can’t always be that confident person on the outside and at some points, I would have down moments of insecurities. Like the other day when I lost a friendship with my dear friend who was like a sister to me. I was very insecure, not at all what I am proud of. Still trying to stay strong from the incident. The annoying bit is that the people around me go under shock and start to move away from me when I have those down moments. I could understand their feelings but I surely I can’t always be that confident independent happy woman and need the right support to move on right? I couldn’t find the right person in those moments though… What should I do?
Hey Danica,
Noone feels confident ALL the time, we all have moments of weakness. The key is whether we are brave enough to bounce back from those moments, and YOU CAN BE. It takes practice, but I promise if you want a better quality of life then it is possible and you won’t have to suffer because of these feelings. Don’t beat yourself up, you are human. We all have to strive to be strong, ESPECIALLY in the difficult moments.
With you all the way, keep giving life your all.
Matthew x
Hey Matt,
Thanks a lot, that makes me feel a lot better :) I have another slight dilemma though. I’m very much attracted to this guy, who is my best friend. I tell him pretty much everything and he knows I have feelings for him. The period where I was insecure, i wrote him messages about how I felt at the time, I was very emotional and vunerable. Somehow he is not into helping and being there for me much this time. Have I done something wrong? have I turned him off? I would be grateful and very much appreciate for this small thing that’s bothering me for days now.
Am truly happy for Siobhan, saw her pregnant in Manchester and loved reading all this, just let me add that I have taken your advice Matt and yes, if they don’t appreciate who you are, whoever they might be, better to be free. Life is out there, waiting, for the taking. Thanks, wish I could see you guys more often!
Thanks Eva! Hopefully I’ll see you soon, in manchester or london! M xx
2012 is My Year!! I’m ready; my heart & mind are open! No more inconsistent, immature relationships with unavailable men!
Come back to Boston, Massachusetts please :)
~Sharon
Beautiful! fascinating testimony! One thing I cannot understand is: why some women can be successful in many areas like career, extra curricular activities, friends, harmony with parents and siblings… yet we loose all our confidence when we face the love area? Why many of us can make a flawless intellectual lecture in front of many people or an excellent presentation for an important client or just to present a project to the office team, and yet we LITERALLY PANIC with the idea of flirting with a guy or keeping him interested? Is not that we don’t feel fear in a work presentation isn’t? because rejection possibility is there as well, but usually in the career area many professional women just swallow the nervousness and do the damn presentation, lecture and so on. Why the same confidence or courage we use at work doesn’t apply for love? … Yes, I suppose one thing is somebody rejecting your ideas and another is somebody rejecting YOU and is very hard not to take it personally… Also can be that dating and having a relationship seem for some of us like a second job, when for other women comes naturally… Personally, I was courageous once some years ago but I came out so burnt that I took more than couple of years of total detox of guys, I just wanted to be alone, no guys around please, quit. In the meantime I changed my life, moved to another country, made a degree, I engaged in projects that inspired me, I am looking for a new job and new life, I’m trying to be healthier and loosing weight, all sounds good… but by the other hand I became coward and disoriented with men because I wanted to fix myself first, I isolated myself socially so much from guys keeping just friends that I don’t know how to start again, not just to get a date that seems feasible just going out more but dealing with relationships and rejection better, I don’t want to reinforce the bad things over and over or get bitter (is my euphemistic way to say that I am totally clueless and scared as hell)… I want to re-wire my brain and my reflects to avoid negative feelings that I associate with myself and men, romantic love / relationships… sorry for the long, long writing :)…
Hi Matt, I’m really looking forward to your secrets of attraction event on Saturday:). I don’t want to keep doing the same mistakes and I know your event will help me change the things I did wrong in the past. My goal this year is to find someone who doesn’t play with my feelings and takes me the way I am. I will not lose hope in finding the right guy:-). Love from Brighton. x
Congratulations to your friend and her beautiful child. Thank you for putting this information out there. I dont know if its just me or not but I really didnt come to your site to “get the guy” I actually came and read, and listened for me. I appreciate some of your confidence builders and that you believe there is someone for each of one of us. It is nice to know optimsm isn’t dead. Thank you for pursuing your dreams and helping others along the way. Maybe one day we will meet and I can say thank you personally to you instead of impersonally on a comment board. Thanks again and have a great day!
Nicole
it’s a long story anyway i knew guy since 17/2/2011 through net..and we met we liked each other soo much..1st our relation was just friendship ..then after 2 month we get through relation then we broke up but still friends then after other 2 monthes again we become in relation again for a month then we broke up again we broke up by shifting from being bf and gf to just friends..but it was the happiest month i have ever spend . we broke up because i told him that there’s someone proposed to me and my mother wants me to meet him ..his reply was :ok go ahead and do what u want i won’t ruin your life i don’t know my future in my job and my life is not stable.then after time i opened the subject again that i can’t bare being just friend and he told me that’s better…i dunno what he really wants or what he really feels he act like my bf and the same time without commitment he is great man and stand by me in all troubles and trust me sooo much…last week we were with each other out and when we were talking he told me that he trust me sooo much because i’m like his sister ..i get shocked and i quarelled with himand 4 days he called me and we start to act there’s nothing happened i stop calling him but he calles me every day talking in general subjects.. i love him soooooo much but i don’t know what to do..what do you think
Well, I have been following you from Canada.I am not exactly like the women you coach, I don’t even think that i am of age (i am 15) but i think that most of the advises you give the rather ‘elderly’ women work the same for me as well.Though i am not exactly the ‘i-have-no-dates’ type, it is still better to improvise in what you are doing. Don’t you think???
I was wondering if there is any diffence in the ways to get teenage guys to you as compared to ‘elderly’ men??? are there different techniques???
Hey Matthew,
First of all I want to THANK YOU for all your huge amazing work, for your amazing knowledge, energy and pushing forward optimism!!!
I’m keeping watching your video’s, reading your books and advices, I’m only in the beginning of my way, but I’m gonna keep going and see the results I have dream about all my life!
I have a question…
I have been hesitating if ask you or not, because, of course, the first thing I must do is to become a HIGH-QUALITY WOMAN. And I gonna do this! :-)
But I have some circumstances in my situation, that it would be good to know how to act properly, because I’m really deeply in love and want to USE this chance of my life!!
So, officially I have a boyfriend. Well, not anymore. I was and will be brave enough to become independent and self-sufficient and not want to be beloved more than TO LOVE. Because through the wonder I got to know the GUY I WANT TO GET now, and understood, what the real love is, when you want and need to become yourself to GIVE your love to your beloved.
So, I believe, that we are attracted to each other. When we were just friends he asked me as a joke if I have a sister to be with (he knows about my boyfriend and knows him personally). Accidentally with New Year we fell in love. From that time we saw each other few times, last time was provoked by me after the digesting of the sparkling information of Matt. It was the most amazing time in my life… Oh my God, dreams can become true! I wish all my life to be like that. But… I can become panicked very fast about… why is he not calling me, not making attempts to see me… Even he is so extremely happy when we meet as it was few days ago and is so eager to find and have a girlfriend, as he said many times before. And here is it: he doesn’t know and cannot know that I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND ANYMORE! I don’t know of it might be the reason, and I would really like to know it… I don’t want to start the “serious conversation” with him, it’s for sure not a way. And, of course, it might be something else, and I also yearn to know what… I don’t even want to commit him as it is, I want to see him, to spend time with him, to discover him (and myself) (and life), to make love with him, to find our way together, to make and see him constantly happy, doesn’t matter if than I have to become and be independent in my own life, because I’m ready for it.
I JUST MISS HIM!!!!! And I want clarity. Not from him, because it may be pushing, but to know how and what to do, how to behave, and how to let him know that I’m already single, and IF it is necessary. Of course, if he likes me enough he can “struggle with my boyfriend”, but he doesn’t seem to be that kind of a person, he is maybe too good.
So Matt, if you will have time, I will grandiosely appreciate if you can say few words about it. THANK YOU one more time SO MUCH, I happy that I met you in my life!!!!!
And, as you say at the end of your great video’s,
TAKE CARE!!!
Nadya xxx
hi matt!, im tessa, im 12 years old and i live on your emails!
so i know I’m young but… I’m hopelessly in love with this guy who doesn’t even know i exist. well he does, we talk but i don’t think i ever cross his mind. i try everything. I’m so frustrated! i would buy your books videos,etc but I’m 12…i don’t have a credit card or pay pal. please help me out.
xoxo,
tessa from new york