Expectations vs. Reality

Hey guys, check out this video first before moving on to the second one, as I use it here to illustrate my point.

If you’ve ever experienced the pain of losing someone, there is a technique you need to learn for shifting the emotion you feel when you’re heartbroken. So even if you’re not heartbroken right now, maybe you have been in the past, or maybe you want to be fully equipped with it for the future!

Click Here To Change Your Love Life Forever

Song for the day:

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

201 Responses to Expectations vs. Reality

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  1. Maddy says:

    Dear Matthew;

    Though I never even went on a date with him, I loved one boy more than any other and when he started dating my best friend, I did feel that my “soul mate” was lost. I now know that this thought was not true, but you were able to word it perfectly. Thank you for that. I also thank you for this blog as it gives me hope. By the way, do you believe in “true love” or “soul mates”?

  2. MoMo says:

    Hey Matt!
    I just wanted to let you know that these video blogs are awesome!! You really do motivate me and inspire me not only in a love life kind of way but to become a better, happier person and I can not wait until next week! You cant imagine how much good you are doing here, so thank you so much, its truly incredible!!!

  3. Carol Lawton says:

    Wow! Thanks for the great info and video that shows reality vs. expectations. I’m just beginning to date someone that I have known & always thought highly of for over 10 years & am involved in the same semi pro sport as he is. I knew him prior to him becoming a professional athlete (didn’t go to his head whatsoever) but now he’s coaching so see him in that capacity on a regular basis. I think that the length of history I have admired this guy isn’t going to do me any favours nor is the fact that if we begin a relationship and ‘it goes south’ for whatever reason, I will still be in his company. He’s like a gentle giant with a super honest personality with other good characteristics too (far from hard to look at – lol),& is in my eyes, a really great guy. However …. He’s currently facing some huge challenges in his personal life, issues that can easily effect us so time will tell if this man is going to become part of my life but if not, no reason to be heartbroken as now can look at it as you mentioned Matt …. Like most, I have been through some really painful break-ups that have taken months to recover from yet never thought what you shared today. Pain & breakups can be looked at in an optimistic way as we then are given an opportunity to get closer to our soulmates …. Someone we are all hoping to find❣

  4. laure says:

    I thought showing the clip from 500 says of summer was a wonderful way to demonstrate your point. That is definitely a great point, will be sure to put it into use when I am rejected in the future (bound to happen with anyone!) and when re-thinking rejections of the past. Thanks so much!

  5. jane ki says:

    wow, you are amazing matt! this has really spoken to my heart. thank you for sharing this with me, with us. God bless you. I am inspired:).

  6. Karen says:

    Thank you so much for this video … very inspiring … and yes my inner dialogue is mostly made up of believing I lost someone special or I’m not good enough … but I’ve been working on changing that so that each time I get rejected instead of saying “i’m not good enough” … I tell myself “I love myself” … even if I am not feeling it at the time … my motto is “fake it til you can make it” lol lol and I am beginning to take steps to actually feel it and not just saying it … this video resonates with that theme of changing the way I view rejection and how to manage it in a positive manner :) Thanks so much, your advice is always greatly appreciated!

  7. Kris says:

    Matt,
    You made a really good point. It’s helpful for me and i’m passing it onto a girlfriend that I think could really use it.
    Thanks a lot! Keep it up!

    All the best
    Kris

  8. Jenny says:

    Thanks for making this video. I finally understand more about the pain I have. How I have shutting down everything cos I was so sure that he was my soulmate

  9. Lorella says:

    Thanks Matt – shift your thinking… shift your heart!

    Constructive and productive advice (nice to know it happens to guys as well! Well, not nice but you know what I mean…)

  10. Victoria says:

    Lol you’re showing off your chest now. Figured flashing your guns wasn’t enough?

    Great insight in this video, btw.

  11. Maria says:

    Matt,

    I just want to say thank you for sharing this with us. You have no idea the good this is doing for me right now. Just the exact words are the exact right time.

    God bless you!!!

  12. Tong says:

    Matthew, how can u come up with this idea? Ur so genius. Our attitudes are upon everything I believe. Ur video just killed me too.

    I appreciate ur existence, I’ll always be supporting u as long as ur still here. Thank you so much :)

    p.s. I feel a lot better by the way.

    Tong

  13. Zara Brown says:

    There was 2 things that you said in this blog that really hit home for me “its not what we change externally, its what we change internally” and “change the meanings we’ve given things over time, so it changes our whole outlook and attitude”

    I have never been heartbroken by a guy because ive never been in love (im only 19). However, i’m very scared of the idea of a relationship due to certain events that have happened in the past (family, friends, ect). So the idea of falling in love scares me so much because i don’t want to change who i am. I’ve found that most people change for worse when they fall in love, My life is pretty amazing right now, i have so much going for me, im happy, confident and have so much to look forward to! i dont want a guy to spoil that. i also don’t want to hurt (no one does). So i’ll date but i haven’t had a serious relationship for over 2 years. Everytime i come close, i run. However that line “change the meanings we’ve given things over time, so it changes our whole outlook and attitude”. Has just made me realize that i shouldn’t let other peoples mistakes effect how i live my life. I shouldn’t be scared of falling in love or being hurt because thats life. I cannot live my life to the fullest without experiencing every moment. my fav quote of all time “dream as if you live forever, live as if you’ll die today”

    Thanks matt, Your amazing :D

  14. Kathy says:

    Thank you for this video, i needed to hear this! Been hurt and disapointed so many times! :(

  15. ambi says:

    you have given me the tool i needed to help my friend! i had no idea how to get through to her and stop her from hurting herself, i was so worried. you have no idea how much you have helped. thankyou!

  16. Danielle.C says:

    This was a great vlog. I love your movie choice, and your advice? Spot on. When things don’t turn out the way I want them to with a guy, I always blame myself & think, “Well, there goes my last chance!” But that’s not true, I just had a bad experience, I didn’t wreck my life.

    And (spoilers!!!) it didn’t wreck Tom’s life either!

    Thanks, Matthew.

  17. Indira says:

    Thank you soo much. Your videos always really help me. Really happy I subscribed to you :)

    Much love,
    Indira

  18. Consuelo Francia says:

    yay!!!! :D we can’t wait either for the news!!!
    You’re a genious!!! thank you Matt… watching this last video reminds there’s time for everything…. some time for feeling blue and then when I heal my heart :) be optimistic and be ready to meet my new soulmate!
    You’re awesomeeee…. :D yeah u know it! lol
    Keep making videos :( we love you!!! x

  19. Deea27 says:

    Thank you, Matt!! You are awesome…..

  20. FB says:

    Great message here! Thanks!

  21. Jenny says:

    I’ve been single for 10 years in August. At 32 it’s starting to get me down. I am getting proactive and have had 2 dates this week but guys online seem to fib a lot (whether it be personality, weight or looks)! Still have trouble meeting people one to one though. I worry that I’m becoming empty as you describe as now when it goes wrong – I just move on and don’t look back. Perhaps I expect it to go wrong so it’s no surprise. Hopefully I can work on myself and make it work. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

  22. sharrollene crow says:

    thank you for helping me with this today too.

  23. sharrollene crow says:

    i want a ring.

  24. sharrollene crow says:

    she has a ring.

  25. sharrollene crow says:

    i say go for it.

  26. al says:

    heyy thanxx for both vídeos ….i understand that i need to be realistic and let go of that person(experience) and move forward but in my case the problem is that whenever i meet someone knew he’s always the point of reference and at the end no one mesures up :'( i compare them in terms of personality, physics everything and it ends up ruining any attemtp of relationship,even though it was a long time ago ……it’s not like i wanna go back with him, even if it might sound like it, but i don’t know what else to do i’ve tried everything going out with people completely opposite …..i don’t mean to compare, it just comes naturally…..could it be that i’m obsessed with this guy???….or maybe i’m reluctant to wake up to reality.

  27. Sabina says:

    I just need to say “I simply love you!”

  28. Mohga M. says:

    this actually applies to may relashioships in life,like friendships for instance. theyre a rule that could be applied to almost any situation.

  29. Shannon says:

    This video arrived at the exact moment I needed to hear it. Thank you many times.
    Shannon

  30. Elizabeth says:

    Hey Matt!!

    When I opened your email today from the newsletter my immediate thought of the title of the subject was “Gee, this reminds me so much of that one scene from 500 days of summer!” And so I was both pleasantly surprised – as it is one of my favorite films – and saddened – because it is a sad part in the film – when I watched your first video link here! However, when I watched your second video, I wasn’t able to fully immerse myself and appreciate what you had to offer to the vlog because I’ve never found someone who I was truly afraid to lose and who I thought was my soul mate. But then I remembered that a close girlfriend of mine was and is going through this exact situation in her life and I felt compelled to pass this video on to her. I’m not as experienced when it comes to relationships and dating, but I know that you are and so I truly hope this video is able to provide an alternative insight for her that she wasn’t able to see because of the pain acting as a barrier to hope. Thank you for your incredible and simply remarkable insight to life and love, it truly means the world to me.

    With multitudes of love, Elizabeth

  31. AB says:

    This is a really helpful video! Thank you Matthew! Amazing advices as usual!:)

    p.s. i love the song ;)

  32. Lisa says:

    Wow.. never really thought of it like that- and I wouldn’t have either if you hadnt brought it up. Thank you for all the time you put in to do these vids. Love em

  33. Helen says:

    Incredible and soothing advice that Matthew gave. Gave me an insight into turning my thinking about heart-breaks round. Feel-good factor and I’m going to try project his idea into my mind.

  34. Maryam says:

    I think I might me numb and negative…. I don´t wanna be though!! But I never fall in love and (ergo) never get hurt. I admire the people who are so hurt because of love, because it means they HAVE loved! Any idea what I can do to get this love thing going?

  35. Stephanie says:

    Hi Matt,

    Very well made point and I completely agree.
    I think I do a terrible thing which is I compare all of the guys I meet to an Ex I had who broke my heart but who I believed at the time was the “perfect” person for me. Its unrealistic and unfair. All of your blogs just speak basic common sense but are very effective because alot of time common sense can go out the window when you become invested in a relationship or the idea of a “perfect” relationship.
    Thanks for your wonderful and genuine blogs.

  36. neeli says:

    hey matt,
    thank you so much for your very,very helping words!
    I have to admit I am not even 19 yet and I know I am far away from finding the love of my life. But thanks to you, I am sure I will be able to have this relationship I always hoped for! Right now I am truly struggling with a heartbreak..and this video helped me very well to reduce that pain.
    Thanks a lot!

  37. D says:

    Am I missing something? I thought you were going to illustrate a technique to get past the pain.

  38. Ana says:

    Great post Matt, I completely agree with you.
    Be well!
    Ana

  39. Sharon Johnson says:

    I have seen this film sometime ago and it is really a good film.I am still in love with a guy that was not for me, in the end I was just happy to be in his company. Know thats gone I think about hin everyday why! because he let me just be me nothing was wrong with me the way I was in his eyes.I which I could see him just one last time to tell him how much he has done for me.

  40. Maria says:

    Thank you for caring.Yeah, it’s a great film and a reminder that guys get hurt too.
    It is had to get over that disappointment, especially when you see others start new relationships quickly, and you just can’t seem to meet somebody who meets your requirements. ( Eg he’s nice but you don’t feel physically attracted, or worse, a new guy seems to meet your requirements but he isn’t interested in you! Sigh.)

  41. Bahareh says:

    Wow! u couldn’t pick a better song for this topic!:)as a suggestion, I think it is a great idea to spice the videos up with a similar strategy like uploading related songs, documentaries, pictures, short stories, interviews, news, paintings, graphics…stuff like that!good luck

  42. Saianna says:

    Thank you Mathew ! This was a great Video and Sugject to talk about it. Eventhough, thanks to your advise , I am in a nice stage in my relationship ; I went through the pain and sorrow of loosing the one you believe to be yr soulmate..
    Your advise made me change my perception about love and relationship and now , for the first time , I am feeling so relax about it, that my boyfriend had perceived the shift and he is showing more emotional atraccion towards me.
    Please, if you are visiting in Florida USA , let me know of a seminaro or event. I will like to thank you personally.
    Keep up with the Fantastic Mision you have created !!
    Saianna, Fort Lauderdale Florida Usa.

  43. Miro says:

    out of topic but is that All Saints T-shirt you are wearing?

  44. Beth says:

    You are fantastic. I really needed someone to tell me it’s okay to feel pain with even the ‘minor disappointment’ you can have in your love life. My friends are all in serious relationships and they can’t remember how it hurts when the guy you really thought could have been something somehow ends up not being. THANK YOU!

  45. Paola says:

    Matt you definitely rock! ;)
    All your videos are great! and the point of view is really inspiring.
    I was wondering if you could give us more information about being a high value woman, and what exactly looks for in a woman a man, in a video you commented that there were seven characteristics. I would love to know which are those.
    Thank you for all your words!
    Regards from Argentina :)

  46. Sweden says:

    That is just what I needed to hear today, thank you!

  47. Lisa says:

    Yeahhh! The best message for me right now! Thank you!

  48. Alexa says:

    COME TO AUSTRALIA!! I’m excited for your announcement next week- hoping it’s something that includes down here in Melbourne aswell. Or Sydney even :)

    Xx

  49. Vicky says:

    Hey Matt, 2 years ago I was beatten to death (well I suprinsingly survived)by the man I loved, the one person that I felt his arms were my home, my safe nest… I was heartbroken since then. earlier the trial finally gave us a result, as he got 20 years of jail sentenced. I cried, because I still can’t understand why he did that to me. But thanks to your video and great help, I will change my perception of my pain, you are right, he was not my soul mate cause my soul does no harm, my soul loves and now I know that there are great people out there and I know I am worth it. The timing is just incredibly perfect, thanks

  50. Viola says:

    Good message!thanks

  51. Allie says:

    Thank you for this. I felt like I had lost my soul mate for years and just recently decided to stop feeling this way because it was only making me feel miserable and now I feel so much better and ready to meet new people.

  52. marce says:

    mattheww are you single???

  53. Dawn says:

    Thanks very much for all your posts.

    I went through a period in my life where it seemed all I had were moments like this… until I opened my eyes and finally seen that the guy wasn’t right for me. I know that if I had discovered your blog before then I wouldn’t have gone through all that heartache… although in a strange way I’m glad I did because it’s helped me move on to a place where I value myself more than I did.

    What I wanted to say really is that I’m very happy that you have this blog. It’s helped me realise that I shouldn’t lower my standards for anyone, and I am worth having someone who treats me with the same respect I show myself.

    Thank you. On behalf of all the girls out there who need a little push/kick in the behind to change their rose tinted perspective to something more real. Thank you so much.

    Dawn

    • Red Apple* says:

      Nicely said, Dawn :)

    • Sage says:

      So true. And time will show that the break up was actually a blessing in disguise cause you be with a billion times better than you ever imagined if you keep your priorities straight. I know that for a fact. The whole point is to be happy with your life – right?

  54. Kami says:

    Thank you again for your insightful advice. I like that attitude : He turned out to not be for me, so there must be someone else who IS instead. vs, Ive lost The One. Looking forward to the big announcement!
    Take care!

    ps. Your hair looks great!

  55. Kelsey says:

    Thanks for this video! I’m kind of dealing with stupid-guy issues right now and need some smart-guy advice — I’m hoping that someone can help me out with this:

    So I messaged this guy on Facebook (I wanted to ask him in person but he hadn’t come in for a while) that comes into my work often and my boss knows him really well and I told him that I would really like to get to know him, and that if he was interested then to send me a text and I gave him my #; I also told him that if he’s not down for getting to know me then we’ll just act like I never sent the message (so work won’t be awkward)!

    He messaged me back and said he’d really like to get to know me as well and he said for me to text him if I’m interested (weird thing #1: Of course I’m interested.. I already told him that, why didn’t he just text me?) and gave me his number. He also said he’s just getting into a relationship but sees no harm in being friends and texting. I’ve been cheated on in the past so DEFINITELY was not going to get in the way of a budding relationship, but I still want to get to know him and be friends. So I texted him the next night and he never responded for two days, then I had this brilliant (probably not) idea to text him and say “Sorry… I must have the wrong number or something…” hoping that he’d either A) remember that I texted him and he’d text me back (ie, “Nope, sorry! I was super busy!” blah blah blah etc.) or B) I’d find out that he never got my first text in the first place and everything would be nifty and we’d start chatting! However none of these things happened… He still has never texted me back! I know it’s his right number and everything so I don’t know!

    And now that I’ve sent the wrong number text I can’t ever text him again until he texts me because I mean really, who would ever text a wrong number 3 times in a row?

    I guess mainly what I’m wondering is why would he tell me to text him and that he wants to get to know me if he really had no interest in getting to know me at all? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to just ignore my FB message or even to just say “Hey, I’m super flattered but I’ve just gotten into a relationship and don’t think that’d be appropriate” ?

    Guys are so weird sometimes.

    • Emily E says:

      Kelsey, sometimes guys don’t want to turn off girls who like them. And many guys want to keep girls for their back up, if they fail in their relationships they put some innocent girls in their keeping and see what happens. Maybe he is just very nice guy and didn’t want to hurt you, but then he could not really be friends with you because he was afraid he might lose his relationship.

    • Sage says:

      Live and learn-right! Looks like to need to learn ‘guy-speak’. He did tell you in his language. The best thing you can do now is just be the best you you can be> I’m sure Matthew has alot of really good info about how to let a guy be attracted to you and let the guy do the hunting. You know you’re worth it – right;)!

  56. Zubaida Shariff says:

    Hi Matt …. I must admit that I am so attached and addicted to your videos and inspirational views on relationships that I cant give anything a miss for now …accept being in there in person to attend your live sessions.

    I have been totally inspired by your words spiritually, mentally and emotionally. You do know what to bring out in a person to make them feel their worth. Yes dont we all have heartbreaks and failures in relationship and I am still struggling to look for my soulmate after 14 years of being a single mother but just by listening to you and reading your articles makes me think less of despair and more an optimist that i will find that MAN somehow.
    Thank you Matthew, you are simply amazing ..!!

  57. Anna says:

    Exactly what I needed. Matt you are an absolute star.

    Anna xx

    ps any advice for what to do when your falling for a guy who has on/off relationship with his current girlfriend.

    p.s.s hope you dont find this too cheeky of me but just thought id mention, you are incredibly hunky, Mr. Hussey

  58. Red Apple* says:

    1. I LOVE REGINA SPEKTOR…don’t want to get off the track,but her songs always find a way of touching my soul, every single time I listen to them…
    2. Bravissima :) Keep it up! Can’t wait to watch your next video- hihi, I don’t need my TV anymore… :D
    3. WOW – 200 comments- congrats,Matt. ;)

    Have a nice day!
    Yours
    Red Apple *

  59. Jackie says:

    I gotta tell you that you seem to be such a nice person…

    I loved today’s blog…this is exactly what I needed to hear…I have been trying so hard to keep a relationship going…even though it has been so unhealthy and always breaking up with ugliness, just to get back together again in a vicious cycle…I thought he was my soul mate. But now I can honestly say that I can let go… he is not my soul mate….I don’t think there is such a thing anymore…that’s just too much pressure to find the one person who I’m meant to be with. I can let go and say we are just not right for each other… though we love each other… we are just not compatible….

    Thanks for helping me with this today…. : )

  60. Raquel says:

    You said that we are the best, but actually, YOU are the best! Thank you so much :)

  61. Katie says:

    Hi Matt, it’s fantastic to see this video. However, I can’t get through the pain that my relationships usually last for 2 months then the guy left me as he wanted sex and I couldn’t do that. The only reason is that I just want to give my virginity to my future husband and have my first time on the wedding day, I tried to explain to my ex boy friend but he didn’t accept that, so he left me. It seems as the normal problem incurred whenever I’m in a relationship. I always get hurt when the guy left me because of that, I don’t know what I should do whether I should do whatever he wants or still keep my perspective. Hope you can give me good advices.

    Thanks Matt x

    • Dorothy says:

      My daughter is in the same situation as you… she is a virgin and wants to remain that way until she marries her future husband, whoever he may be.
      I say bravo to you… hang in there and you WILL find a man who is willing to wait, because he will love you enough that he will have self control. A man who wants you only for sex is no catch!

    • Deea27 says:

      Hey, just don`t hang with guys who have other beliefs than you!! Look to meet a Christian guy…he will certainly respect your desire to remain virgin until marriage!!
      Never compromise!! Talk about your beliefs from the beginning, guarding your heart is a wise thing to do!

  62. yy says:

    here is yy from china shanghai, nice song for today, and love your thoughts, keep doing that nice work! thank you!

  63. Candace says:

    Matt – thank you for this video. It is just what I needed to hear – I’ve been feeling a lot of pain from a recent breakup. This has helped me tremendously to cope with those feelings and move on.

  64. Zerrin says:

    Hey Matt!
    Oh, 500 days of summer is such a good movie and that may be the greatest and heartbreaking scene I know!
    It really describes reality, and how easily it can be to fall into that annoying pain. I can sometimes find myself in that horrible pain and being like that for a really long time, and realizing several months later that nothing has changed! And breaking that pattern, but especially that way of thinking, is extremely difficult.

    So thank you for sharing that! I really love your e-mails and videos cuz they’re always full of good things and I always look forward to the next one!
    Keep sending them, and please give us who can’t travel to your seminars, something to work with, it would be worth gold!

    Z

    • Emily E says:

      Yes, that movie was a very good movie. I found myself crying to this scene, very heartbreaking. Looks like a simple movie, but it continued touching my heart.

  65. Rebecca says:

    I’m so glad you decided to talk on this topic.

  66. Ines says:

    It is true that once we are deeply in love or that we really love someone from the bottom of our heart, we expect it to be “the one” until the end of our lives…
    unfortunately this is rarely the case: we change and so does life and it has some unexpected turns that make us fragile, heartbroken and completely lost…

    But why should we give it up just for one person who thought we weren’t good enough to stay in our life?

    ALWAYS stay positive, no matter what happens..imagine all those great people who can still come in our lifes, make us laugh and appreciate us for who we really are: sounds like an adventure still to discover :-)

    We are so much on this planet that there will be at least 1 that suits you…or plenty.. :-)
    I am single for years now, not found the right nice guy until now (except for the bad boys who play the nice guys…)and I try to stay positive, be myself in the best way by loving myself, being confident, having my standards and especially having fun and as Alycia said, no expectations..

    Be happy with who you are and your life and it will be less difficult to feel lost if a guy goes off…it’s hiss loss ;-)

    I have to say that all my friends think that way and we always support each other in difficult times.
    So make sure you can count on your friends and you’ll be fine…friendship lasts;-)

    Matthew, your videos are great, continue sending them to us because we know that somewhere there is a guy “made for us” ;-) sometimes we just need a reminder to recognize the good ones and be more brave approaching them. You’re doing a great job !!
    I spread your news..;-)

  67. Margarita says:

    This video is good but I feel we are all individuals that experience pain different, also circumstances vary in each relationship as well and in my case, I am in my late 40’s, married 3 times and have looked for the man of my dream my whole life. I finally found him in Australia!!!! but he dumped me less than a month ago. I am totally devastated because I didn’t see it coming at all.

  68. Amy says:

    Hi Matt,
    Interesting blogg!
    Not sure it really hit the spot for me though. I still can’t get over my ex and despite dating and meeting great guys am still reminded of him and think of him which prevents me from moving on. Just telling myself he wasn’t the one for me or the ”right” one hasn’t seemed to work so far and he is always the one I compare all the guys I meet to! No one measures up! :(
    I’m still persevering in the hope I will meet someone soon that can make me forget him! But it’s not as easy as you make it sound I’m afraid! X

    • Mags says:

      I have had it for 6 years. There was a time when i tried to date different guys just so i could move on- that was a wrong reason to look for a guy. you need to first get over the ex before you are ready to meet someone new. I managed to get into terms that the guy is not right to me. I used to jump in and out the relationship with him. Now I’m done with that and if i want to move on i have to move on!!!
      I still think and compare others to him and think about him, but that’s the point of healing. The moment you realize that you can actually think of him and just not feel angry or sad but happy you are not wasting anymore of your precious life being around him is what you need. I’m there now. And it is hard sometimes he’s around and looks like he’s changed or tries harder to get you back (he’s used to having you in and out the relationship). Don’t be deceived- you’ve been there- nothing has changed. Don’t waste your time going back to him (no one can stop you thinking about him) be honest with yourself. And just as Matthew said before, set your standards in a guy and make sure you get the right guy before you fall for him.

  69. EB says:

    How to recover from a heartbreak where you were told to F**k Off, Go F**k yourself, F**k U etc. by a guy whom I thought was my destiny.

    • Sage says:

      Cry, punch a pillow, yell at God, fart, barf. . . take one hour at a time, take a bath/shower . . . cry again, clean room, do laundry, wash dishes . . . cry, fart, barf . . . clean house, shower/bathe, put your face on and go for a walk . . . get groceries, plan menu/make it tasty – make a nice spread for yourself. Works for me – might work for you as well as a start.

  70. Emi says:

    Thank you

  71. Maria says:

    Somehow you always manage to put a smile on my face! Thank you so much!

    I just wonder, when you know exactly what to do in every situation, do you ever get to be yourself, or does your love life turn into feeling only forced?

  72. Severine says:

    Great video and inspiring message Matt…I realise that I had the wrong perspective when thinking about pain and love! Now I’ve totally switch on, and say yes to the next one!! Thanks for bringing a smile on my face :-) .. YES!!!

  73. Ginni says:

    THANK YOU!
    Looking at a situation with a new perspective,and associating a different meaning to what happened in the past is VERY helpful.

    I am sure there are many people out there who blame themselves for eg. “not being good enough” (or such like), when that is simply not true! This point that you raised, has given great Clarity to myself and I’m sure many others.
    You are changing many lives with your gems of knowledge about relationships!

    Thanks Again Matthew.

    Ginni ( Auckland, New Zealand )

  74. Ewa says:

    I’ve been hurt before and i know exactly the pain you’re talking about.. but i also know we need that pain, you are totally right. Mary Oliver once wrote : “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.”
    And i think these words… they say it all.
    Thank You Matt, you are gorgeous with what you’re doing… greeting and love from Poland! Ewa x

  75. Kelsey says:

    I wish you had a physical book. Not an E-Book or anything like that… But something I could go to the store and buy and own and read.

  76. Chris says:

    Thank you! Perfect timing, I’m sending this to a friend right now!

  77. M. says:

    GRACIAS!!! I actually pretended not to be hurt in front of my friends but it just hurts more, and I think this video made me relize that I’m actually in pain and there’s a way to handle that :) (hope my english is not too bad)

  78. Annie says:

    Loved this video and regina specktor! Ditto again on it. :) It took me awhile to learn to just think of the pain in a different way; you learn and you move on cuz’ the world will not wait for you. It helps to think more positively, too that sometimes its just not meant to be and the right one might just be around the corner if you keep trying and to not take things personally. Pain is normal and it makes you humane. :)

    I felt pain with the most recent guy I liked, then he just ended up disappointing me because he had issues with self image (he cared too much what people thought about him)… It just turned me off and the fact he lead me on and was too afraid to take another step further…. and I was hurt, but more disappointed. It was much easier for me to move on from what happened and not take it personally. Why would I want to be with someone like that in the first place you know? Sometimes you just gotta think of situations in third person and reflect. Thankfully I found out sooner then later. :)

    Thanks for the video, I loved the movie; it’s such a bittersweet movie and just amazing in general. Keep up the great work Matt.

  79. Debbie Anne says:

    So true..your insights are just fabulous and I really look forward to them. It helps to know none of us are alone in our experiences along lifes path.

    My pain is like a scab reopened – he has a new girlfriend after 3 1/2 years of us – it happened without warning. The issue is that I have a vacation property “shangri la” on a lake where my soul was at peace. We met there and his vacation property is 7 mins away. My passion is sailing and racing there – a small intimate group – so we are in that same social group of my friends mainly. I now have to see him and his new love at these fun events with his arms around her!! It reopens the wound. Yes …obviously we were not to be and if my love was truly unconditional and real I should be very happy for him but ….. really really hard to do in this circumstance.

  80. Lin says:

    I sometimes wonder if we get addicted to rejection and heartbreak. I’ve moped around over unrequited loves to a point where i have no energy left for guys who actually like me.

  81. Denise says:

    Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel (as to the latter comment).

  82. Marilaura says:

    Hi Matt, I’m going through the end of a recent relationship and well it didn’t work and I think I’ve got the kind of disappointment that he wasn’t the right one to me. But he’s texting me he wants to talk as friends I suppose, when we didn’t really talk about any problem we had if we really had any. I don’t know how to react, should I even answer him?

    Cheers,
    M

    • Danielle says:

      No! Don’t. Did you start as friends and then become more? Even then, probably don’t do it. Generally, when a guy wants to be “friends” after a breakup, it means one or all of these things:
      1) I’m not willing to invest in an actual relationship with you anymore, but let’s still have sex sometimes, when it’s convenient for me.
      2) I’m not willing to invest in a relationship with you anymore, but I could still use someone as a sounding board. I don’t like being lonely.
      3) I’m not willing to invest in a relationship with you anymore, but in case nothing better comes along, I want to keep you in my back pocket.

      Whatever it is, wanting to be “friends” after a breakup doesn’t usually come from a place of respect for you.

      • Marie says:

        Well said Danielle!!!
        SO TRUE….

      • Marilaura says:

        Thanks a lot Danielle. He came to see me and I was like indifferent. He kinda looked disappointed and mentioned he thought something else would happen”. For a moment I felt bad, till I notice he started flirting with some other girls, I think at least he didnt get what he wanted, right? lol

        –M

  83. Domine says:

    Wow wow wow. I have been struggling so hard to get over a guy and I think this has helped me shift. Thank you.

  84. Kirsty barton says:

    Hey there. thank you Matt for the knowledge that you so willingly impart and the energy you always give.
    I have always fell deep and therefore hurt deeply too. Bizarrely I still think of past exs , not that I want to be with them again but I found it hard to let go. Strangely I had a nightmare just the other night of an ex from a year ago.
    I feel that a part of those feeling s can now be released. I am going to listen to your video again to instill it in me.
    Really looking forward to hearing more of your news next week.
    Kirsty :)

  85. Lisa says:

    Great video! Thank you…I am currently separated from someone I love & know we can’t be together right now with the way things are but I do hold hope in my heart that either things will change for us or if they don’t I can find love again…I do feel heartbroken at the moment but I never lose faith in love.

  86. Alice says:

    This really speaks to me and you are so right.
    Thank you so much, Matthew.
    I appreciate your effort and your willingness to reach out to us. I look forward to the next week’s news.

  87. Ileana says:

    Thanks for this, Matt!

    I think I just met my soul mate (and he feels the same way), but he lives on the other side of the world, so I had to let him go! How do I go through that pain without feeling hopeless?

  88. Mo says:

    Matt, what a timing you put up this video today as I am going through the pain !
    I really liked your distinction of pain coming from losing a soul mate vs disappointment. It makes sense. I have a tendency to fall into losing a soulmate version which makes me feel really bad, so it was very helpful to see the difference and you gave me courage to be hopeful and go on. Thank you.

  89. B says:

    thank you so much for this video. I needed this. I have been feeling the same way and concur with your opinions of pain

  90. kawtar says:

    Thank you !

  91. majda says:

    i was in killing pain but after i saw this vedio im much better thank you matt, wish to see in life.hope soon

  92. Lourdes Valencia says:

    That movie…I saw it last year…since then I hated the Summer/Tom situation…maybe because I could understand his feelings and maybe because I were in so many similar occasions.
    But I liked the movie :)

    Sorry I didn’t answer your last video…the best thing I do is drawing…its the best way how I can distract from many things I’m passing through and also sewing my own designs. :)

    Thank you for the song, I like Regina Spektor…haha reminds me the “The Call” song from Narnia Soundtrack all time :)
    And then I put this song (its not Regina but I like it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCdRA0lQq38

    Thank you again Matthew :)
    Lula.

  93. Joli says:

    What a healing and positive perspective!

  94. Martina says:

    thank you so much for this video! and you’re so right!!

    i’m kind of heartbroken at the moment so it really helped! i’m gonna move on and i’m gonna start tonight by going out and having fun!

    you’re amazing! looking forward to you’re big announcement next week!

    Take care
    Martina

  95. V says:

    Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear as I have been going through this pain and I can really relate to the video. Once again thanks a lot.

  96. sofie says:

    Thank you for this video. I must say I really like watching your videos and as soon as I graduate I’ll try to come to one of your seminars.
    I’ve got a situation that happened to me 2 years ago and I keep feeling that my love life is like it is now because of what happened that day.
    I’m a 20 year old woman from Belgium and I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 18. I didn’t even love the boy that much, I just loved the feeling that their was finally someone noticing me, finally someone who loved me. I just fell in love with the feeling of being loved. Off course that wasn’t a good base of the relationship so I brook up with him after a few months. A few days after I brook up with the guy, one of my friends, who I always looked up to, because he was so confident and handsome, started talking to me and said he was going to comfort me, because of the breakup. He invited me to his house, but his intentions weren’t right, he didn’t really want to comfort me, he just wanted to have sex with me.
    At that moment i felt really insecure and although i didn’t want my first time to be like that, I didn’t say that to him and afterwards I felt happy because that guy I looked up to, thought i was good enough for him.
    He let me swear we wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened and for a month i didn’t tell anyone. But I slowly started to realize how he really felt about me and when he found out that after a month i told a friend about what happened he started calling me whore and slut in the middle of my school.
    So that’s what happened to me 2 years ago, can you please tell me what I should do to let go off what happened, how i need to think about this situation, cause i really feel its been affecting my love life ever since.
    Thanks

    • Joli says:

      Sofie,
      You are young and that will not be a defining moment in your life. Hold your head up high and continue living and accepting the joys that life has to offer you.

    • Allison Buist says:

      I had a very similar experience for my first time…I feel your pain! I am now 38 and have realized how much that 1st time affected my love life. I let that person make me feel like sex was all that anyone would ever want from me. And settled for some men that treated me that way just for the sake of being in a relationship. I have now come to realize that by me holding onto that feeling of being less than the most important person in my life I was attracting people who would treat me that way. So my suggestion is focus on you and the amazing person that you are and want to be! Take the experience as a lesson to never compromise yourself and your feelings again. I hope this has helped in some way. Big Love out to you!

      • Jeri says:

        Thanks for sharing Allison. I never thought of it quite that way but I had a similar experience. I have always asked myself/God why do I keep finding guys that only want sex but never truly love me. Your words make sense – the “first time” set precedence for my subsequent relationships. Also, I’ve accepted less from men just so I could say I was in a relationship or because I wanted to experience even a pea-sized morsel of love. I’m not there yet but I’m continuously working to increase my confidence and insist on the correct treatment by ALL people in my life.

        • Melissa says:

          To everyone who just posted: Don’t believe for one second you are not good enough for the guy. If a guy wants to have sex with you,he is apparently attracted to you. But what most girls don’t know is how to handle themselves in this situation.

          • BirdBee says:

            I get you. But there’s first attraction because you survived a quick mental check-up list. Now what was on that list is what determines whether that attraction is flattering or insulting. And if originally it was an insulting one, I can hardly imagine the good you can get out of it. And in my point of view, those men’s attraction weren’t any flattering.

          • Danielle says:

            Really, a guy having sex with you should NEVER be a benchmark for whether or not he thinks you’re “good enough” for him. Most guys will have sex with just about any woman, provided they aren’t completely revolted by her. They’ll stoop way below their usual standards for the sake of having sex, or proving something to themselves, or for some other not-so-awesome reason. Whether the guy will admit to his friends/other guys that he slept with you, or, here’s something actually decent – if he would DATE or get into a RELATIONSHIP with you – those are better indicators that he thinks you’re “good enough” for him.

    • Tiffany says:

      Wow, Sofie.

      I am so proud of the fact that you are able to tell us this story. I feel like in that moment, any man or woman could have that vulnerability in desiring the comfort of another human being. I believe that this happened because you are meant to change someone else’s life with your story. I believe that someone out there who are going through what you went through will read your story and make the necessary changes to their lives because of you!

      All in all, you are a strong-willed young woman to have shared such a wonderful piece of your past with us. This will only make you stronger than you think you are and make you smarter than you believe you are!

      Keep holding your head up high and the light at the end of the tunnel will be a bright one! :D

      Tiffany

  97. Dee says:

    Just what I needed to hear now too…..but still hurts so much to feel you’ve just lost your soul mate and life will never be the same…..different but not the same.

  98. Alycia says:

    Great Advice!!
    Something I recently did after my break up. I made a motto: Live Life Without Expectations!!
    Don’t expect him to call, don’t expect him to text you straight away, don’t expect him to be ‘the one’!! If he does call then get excited. If he texts the moment you get home, then get excited. You get the idea!! But don’t expect too much straight away. And it’s not just with men, it’s with life too.
    If you expect too much you end up with disappointment when things don’t turn out the way you plan. I learned this the hard way.
    But think of your excitement when something unexpected happens.
    Thank you again Matt for your always welcome advice!
    :)

    • Cynthia says:

      What a wonderful way to live life! Let go of expectations and just get excited when wonderful things happen :) Thank you for your great comment – I feel many relationships in the past imploded when expectations were not met (then when they did good things, still jaded by the disappointments of the past!). Matthew – thank you so much for your genuine, authentic advice that speaks right to the heart of women like me :) Let us know what you think of women and our expectations and the effect on dating/relationships!

    • hani says:

      awesome advice

  99. Maria says:

    Thank you so much! This is just what I needed because I was feeling heart broken for so long and now I understand why I felt so much pain at that moment and still feel a little of it sometimes :)

  100. s. says:

    Thank you so much on this video! This is just what I needed to hear! :)

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