2 Ways to Instantly Feel More Confident in Your Body

“Eww…look at that stomach.”

“I hate my chubby legs.”

“I wish I had better skin.”

This is how we talk to ourselves every single day.

In this week’s blog video, I share a story about my own moment of body insecurity, and give you 2 ways to INSTANTLY improve your body image so that you can walk through the world with confidence again.

99 Responses to 2 Ways to Instantly Feel More Confident in Your Body

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  1. Rose Waters says:

    I am very tall and quite heavily muscled for a woman. I do carry some fat that makes me a typical pear shape too. I always felt I looked like a wrestler. Venus and Serena Williams are tall, very strong women who have muscles. They are both awesome athletes and very good looking women. I’d love to embrace my physique the way they do but I don’t move in the circles they do. If I got toned and lean I would still be bigger than the majority of blokes I meet, lol. I’d just be a big bird with muscles, lol. My height doesn’t put everyone off but it puts lots of people off. I love being tall but I see it as a major minus in my chances of finding a partner. Maybe doing pilates again, because I loved the way it elongated my muscles, would be a good way to improve my confidence. Turning my body into a more efficient machine will definitely help.

  2. Sheila says:

    I love this! At 48, I thought I’d heard it all about body confidence and image…and here, I found something new :) It is silly to compare yourself to someone who is BIOLOGICALLY built differently…that makes zero sense! I also like the idea of visualizing where I’ll be in 6 mos if I don’t make healthy choices…and where I will be if I DO. Thank you. :)

  3. Alicia says:

    Great advice.

    My body issue is being flat chested and it’s something I don’t think about a lot because it’s not obvious when clothed. But I would worry about it if I was seriously dating a guy.

    This issue is specific I feel because it doesn’t come from comparing myself to others who are bigger – in fact I have no desire at all to have big boobs – but that I feel there is nothing there / something missing and that this may be off-putting. Whilst I can definitely take this advice by only comparing myself with other ‘flat-chested’ women, I don’t feel my insecurity really comes from a comparison.

    Worse, there isn’t much I can do or ‘work towards’ in having more fat on my chest! I.e. I can’t compare with a future self unless I had a breast enlargement which I don’t want.

    Any advice/tips? x

    • Dee says:

      I was flat chested until I hit 40 then my body shape became more voluptuous and curvy. My breasts are still growing through my perimenopause. I was a size 32A, now at the age of 51 I am a 34C, so hang in there girl there is hope to come for you.

    • K says:

      3 approaches:
      – start weight lifting. Build up your pecs, your latissimus dorsi, your deltoids.
      – learn and use great posture every moment of your life. Suck your tummy in for the rest of your life and KEEP YOUR RIB CAGE LIFTED.
      – take a class — burlesque, pole dancing, belly dancing, stripping…. your choice! They will help teach you to get in touch with your femininity. Quit concentrating on what you don’t have and focus on your assets!

      Or not! I’m big-chested and OLD and I don’t need the competition! ;-)

  4. AB says:

    Love this; thank you, Matthew! I also love what you write in your book about translating body confidence into the context of dating, which isn’t in this video: if a guy is on a date with you / in bed with you, he finds you sexy. This is great advice to make us ladies feel certain of that too :)

  5. Steffanie giesinger says:

    I am quite confident in my body , however ever since a year ago my skin is out of control due to a disease …. Now luckily it is all treatable and my skin will go back to being flawless ! I wanna compare myself to Kendall Jenner who looks a lot like me and also used to have terrible acne .. She now has poreless skin and looks absolutely gorgeous !

  6. Lila says:

    You are so cute and most always right too. Thanks for this it really helps me.

  7. ALy says:

    Why I cant see everybody else comments?

  8. Lisa Young says:

    I Want To commit To Being BRAZILIAN SEXY!! Meaning No Matter How Much Weight I’ve Put On Or Lost I’m Going To Commit To What Flatters Me Most And Makes Me Feel Like My Most Sexy Badass Self.

    I Don’t Want To judge Myself So Harshly According To Bullshit Lifestyle Expectations Anymore And Just LIVE And BE Happy. It’s So Much More Than Just Eating Better And Working Out More, Decluttering Is So Much More Beautifully Complicated Than That…

  9. vicky says:

    Hi Matt, you are an excellent speaker and keep pointing out that which is retrospectively so obvious, Thankyou.
    I feel empowered and confident listening to or reading your material.
    I love that you embrace public/ motivational speaking gowsh thanks again…. Champ
    I feel confident when I exercise and make an effort to dress well

  10. TriAesha says:

    Great energy guys yes! bring Lewis back. This video helps sooo much right now as I am newly single and if course wondering how will I handle living alone once he moves out. So great tips I will try. I also recently realized that I used to do little things like check the size of my clothes and say to myself “oh soon I’m going to need the next size up” or “oh man, what am I going to do if I get any bigger” and of course I got bigger and needed the next size, actually 2 sizes up, now. Currently at a size 18 I’m trying the reverse. When I’m in the fitting rooms if something doesn’t fit I realize that it’s the clothes that are wrong not me. Now it’s “oh these pants are all wrong” or “they dont fit me” vs I can’t fit them. Keep up the great work!

  11. Doyin says:

    I’m a Nigerian, extremely close to a UK size 16. I used to be a 10 but one treat after another 3 years later I’m this. recently I read about a Nigerian comedian- a huge plus size woman she must have been a size 30. we have the same body type she was a clear picture of me if I do not put my dieting and exercising in check. but this remarkable woman dropped from that size to a size 14. i guess i just have to work out for me to make a difference. thanks a lot for this it shows we are not alone people have passed through our experiences.

  12. Eman Abulmagd says:

    May be focusing, like reallyfocusing on improvement and considering this the only metric by which you evaluate yourself can do alot good :)

  13. Harriet Morris says:

    I have done a lot of work on my body confidence (better phrase than body image – after all an image is a 2D thing that can be photoshopped. We are 3D and imperfectly beautiful) and the best thing anyone can do right now that worked for me both immediately and even more powerfully long term is this:

    Google ‘plus size models’ or ‘Ashley graham’ or ‘Robyn Lawley’. Now make a collage of all these larger ladies. You will feel instantly better because you are changing who you are comparing yourself to, as Matt suggests. Make sure you include some images that make you feel uncomfortable.However you have found a new tribe.

    Here’s where it gets reaaaaaally interesting. Put that collage up where you see it every day. Over time the images that initially caused discomfort (when I did it it was Robyn Lawley ‘s thighs) will become neutral and you will start REALLY accepting yourself.

  14. Ellie says:

    I did exactly what you said in your speech, i am a curvy girl and i used to compare myself to very slim straight figured models.
    Now i look at other ladies who are also curvy and beautifull and i combine it with going to the gym and eating better and trying not to bodyshame myself or others. Since then i look in the mirror and i see a pretty girl and i try to look at the things i think are lovely instead of my “flaws”. Since then, I even got to doing some modelling work. All these little things combined make me feel happy. It still is an excercise and sometimes i fail; i just let it go by and try again. Its also taking the space to work on yourself for yourself that makes me feel accomplished and happy. Relax and not care about what others think.

  15. Maida says:

    You should look yourself straight in the eye using a mirror and you should give yourself a few compliments every day the more you believe and repeat these complements the better you will actually look and feel .

  16. Dorothy Kahigi says:

    I love you Matt…excellent advice. From next month, I start going to the gym after my last baby (2.5yrs) now and wanted to get some perspective so I do not loose sight of what I wanted to do and where am headed. Thanks again!

  17. Lauren Latham says:

    Omg your advice has helped me out a lot especially this one as I always compare myself to models

  18. elle says:

    Naomi Harris ! shwing! Absolute stunner. I can make it happen for sure.

  19. Barb says:

    I just adore you. I have read many books and listened to many videos and you are so real, genuine and sincere. You are friends with Michael Fiore and I can’t figure out why!!! He is so cocky and disengenuine.

    Thank you, this video will help. I am always getting mad that I work hard for the amount of tone I have and then I’ll lose it overnight and it’s so upsetting because it will take ma 8 months to get it back. I am 52 (as of 2 days ago) and it gets harder as you get older. I am a size 6 but being thin is just ok. I want to be tone as well!!

  20. Emily says:

    simple + brilliant advice. I’m going to try both tips. Thank you!

  21. Karen Brauch says:

    Everyone is attracted to somebody. It is not only about what kind of body you have it also is what your inner spirit is. Are you kind, or are you cruel to those who are not of the same body type? Do you tease those who are heavier then you or do you support them in their struggles to become more acceptable to themselves?

  22. Andree says:

    Hi, Matt and thank you for all you do. Been out of the scene for a long time but your programs and videos (plus taking care of myself by going to the gym!) has given me the confidence to step out. I struggle with the comparison game and this was a great video. I tend toward a strong build but after a more than two decades old C-section and years of (let’s be honest) physical neglect, I ran my mental self into the ground by making unrealistic comparisons. I did a quick self-check by taking my measurements. While I am not and don’t want to be as busty, my ‘role model’ is Coco Austin. I can embrace my shape and now have a realistic goal in mind that is attractive and suits me.

  23. Mandy says:

    Hi Mathew I personally started celebrating body health quite some time ago as opposed to body image itself. I’m in my 40’s & overweight. It’s amaaaazing how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders in doing so, in being grateful that I still have working limbs & breasts & other parts intact & healthy I’ve come to realise that ANY body image I have is a plus for me, therefor my confidence has grown & I am able to tackle parts of my image I don’t like realistically. As a bonus I have aquired an admirer who said that it was my confidence that he found attractive & sexy first & foremost, not bad seeing as all I changed was my way of thinking.

  24. Vikster says:

    that’s a really good suggestion! Thanks for that.
    I also especially like that you suggested looking six months ahead. Why not even a year? Good to be realistic. Change doesn’t happen in 6 weeks. And change is possible, as you say, once you accept your own body type and what is possible. Yes!! Look to your own body type for incentive of what is possible!

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself in whatever way!

    In the mean time, find your “sexy” parts and flaunt them, baby!! My eyes and smile seem to get the guys every time. I start there. My workout routine is for ME!

    Thank you, Matt!

  25. Mini Jacques says:

    I think my struggle with body image came to an end when I realized it wasn’t about my body at all – it was about accepting where I wwas physically in that moment and accepting my entire “self” – including my physical body.

    in that moment I got there. No longer shaming myself – or comparing myself to another’s physical appearance as “successful and deserving” of love and a relationship. HUGE moment!

    I needed to focus on my success by working at my own paceand saying it’s ok where I am – right in this moment.

    Then deciding that I wanted a healthy and fit life – and that was loving and accepting of my body- and myself. I am a work in progress and that’s ok…. What a releif that is to know and accept.

    You are totally correct in choosing a “same body type’ role model. Bravo well done…..

    I have over 80 pounds to lose – one pound a time my friend – My body role models are Amy Schumer and Mad Men actress Christina Hendricks. Close to my body shape and I believe achieveable.

    Hendricks sums up succinctly how I want to feel when she recently revealed that she got her voluptuous shape after gaining weight while working as a model in Italy. The 38-year-old put on 15 pounds eating pasta and drinking cappuccinos. She says: “I loved how it changed my appearance and how it made me look more womanly and sexy.”

    For me – healthy first! Then Fit – Feeling womanly – sexy – voluptuous and curvy!

    That is what I think when I work out and hit the gym! And especially when I am out on the dating scene…… Healthy – Fit – womanly – sexy – voluptuous and curvy!

    Count me in! Now pass the barbells will ya’!

  26. Karyn says:

    Reese Witherspoon or Paige Parker

  27. Melanie says:

    Hi Matt

    My first time to comment :-)

    I don not see the need to torture myself with perfect images, because no one is perfect. I strive to accentuate the things I know works for me, things I get complimented on and rather build from that. I am of average build, look much younger than I am and have been blessed with pretty eyes and a dashing smile, therfore I accentuate the eyes and wear colors and clothes that I get complimented on by both sexes and of course no one can resist a smile.

    Thank you for your video’s, it breaks my sometimes mundane routine, working throug e-mails and I really apreciate the fact that they are not long and boring and takes too much time out of my busy schedule.

    Keep up the good work!

  28. Haiho says:

    I’ve been once in a gym, or twice – not my thing..
    There are horses to ride, or bicycles, swimming (preferably in the ocean)and what not.
    I get the problem though..
    I was excessively dancing at some point and was in classes where people were VERY advanced. It was good to push myself, but as you say – a little discouraging. I was immensely flexible, no one in my ‘normal life’ could compete. I did lots of other sports on the side (some by myself, in my room).
    BUT: For me it didn’t count, I compared myself to the best in class..
    So with body image in general, I’m cautious. The more I want to be perfect the more I feel flawed, no matter the progress or feedback I get and I end up feeling miserable!
    I’ve done this game several times: Start afresh! I can get there again, I did it before. Still it’s frustrating considering where I’ve been.. starting below zero (again!).
    So .. ‘to do’: Get my mind off it! That’s the only discipline I have to follow!
    From the huge repertoire of what I could be doing.. what I’m ACTUALLY gonna do is simple:
    1. eat one fresh thing a day (fruit; herbs; cook something unprocessed)
    2. stretch, daily for 3-5 minutes min.! Can include exercise of any kind, up to 1h max.!

    Other little things that do me good are:
    Getting some fresh air = go for a little walk; run up stairs, or take 2 at a time (it’s hard not to); stand on one foot when in line at the supermarket; stand on my toes when waiting for the bus. Because it’s fun!

    For a role model, I don’t have one right now. Maybe I get inspired from the comments here, can be a good thing.

  29. Angie says:

    I am extremely lucky to have acquired great genes from my parents. I work out very little but I do watch my food intake. Of course I would be happier with my body if I worked out on a regular basis and I could definitely have a flatter stomach! But the bottom line is this;.if you “connect” with a man, he doesn’t care if you have a little muffin top, that you are not perfectly fat free! Get over your insecurities because what is in your heart is what is the most important@

  30. abigail barry says:

    Would it not be better to ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE ???

    • Rachael says:

      So if one is unhealthy/out of shape, one should “accept yourself as you are”???

      If you mean in terms of comparing yourself to others, Matt did say we should have a ‘race with ourselves’ and think about where we will be if we don’t/do work out or live a healthy lifestyle 6 months from now. And then he said IF we “must” compare ourselves to others, we should at least compare ourselves to someone who has the same body type as ours because that will give us something realistic to aspire to.

      Maybe next time try watching the video first before commenting…

  31. Erin says:

    Body Image Movement my friends! Get amongst it! And she is about to release the doco ‘Embrace’ #ihaveembraced

  32. Iris says:

    Hii Matt!! You remember me of a boyfriend i had ten years ago.. haha. Well i want to say that everyone is really beauty, just being clean and in your weight, some exercise and always remember…a big smile. Evrything has a solution, maybe you need a little professional help with teeth or something, its ok. Also walking with your head up, and the right clothes and comfortable shoes makes you take the best part of your body to get magic!!
    Good night from Mexico!!

  33. Julie MacKenzie says:

    OMGoodness! You are so sexy! Who cares about others….Bruce Lee was one of my favorites…growing up…The first Chinese Superstar….a wonderful role model…not for me…My 2 brothers took Kung Fu..to be just like him…My oldest brother is a Tai Chi Master…took a different path..but, he is so good at that….I am very happy in my own skin…finally…At the age of 54..turning 55…I feel wonderful…Proud of the way I look…Been mistaken for being much younger…& take pride in that…I think that comes with life experience…and maintaining a healthy weight by eating right…& especially exercising..My passions in life are Dancing, singing, & playing the harp. When everything is in alignment…Body, Mind, & spirit…Everything else just falls into place..It helps being a Dietary Technologist too! ;) <3 Love you …just the way you are Matthew!

  34. wajeeha says:

    I just love what u said… .i have a mild dysmorphic phobia and alot of depression regarding my body image and my face looks… But non of my psychologists ever said what u did…it was helpful! Ill try to remember these words the next time i go through a depressive episode…
    And your voice is amazing honestly…

  35. Kate says:

    I aspire to have a physique like Kelly Osbourne. She is still a more curvaceous woman but has lost weight the last couple years and looks healthy and gorgeous. It is completely realistic for me to aspire to tone the way she did. This thought is far from defeating, like if I was comparing myself to Brittany spears.I will look in the mirror today and give myself a smile at how I can rock it like Kelly.

  36. May Y. Lee says:

    Being a woman poses extra layers of obstacles to self love and acceptance because of the common standards imposed upon us through media. I am an anomaly if I compared myself to the rest of my peers as defined by stereotype. With a “large” frame (by measurement of the wrist) at 5’9″, 36D and 160 lbs, I’m not your typical Chinese woman. To boot, I didn’t grow up in America. Dating has always been a challenge even though height difference doesn’t bother me. In fact, I’m attracted to shorter men just as much as men who tower over me. This is a great reminder to be in love with ourself first and break out of the prison of self criticism. The more I love myself, the more I feel at ease in my own skin. Great lesson!

  37. Helen says:

    I feel, Matthew, that in order to move ahead and get the body that you crave, it is important firstly, to embrace who you are right now. This is about unconditional love. Helen xx

  38. gladstonbeth@ayoo.com says:

    Hi, sorry, this has nothing to do with body image although I have some issues. I bought your program but found that the pages jumped around too much. If I was sent a small paper manual I would be able to read it more easily. BTW, I’m a attractive, singe(divorced) 54 yr. old. When I was younger and thinner I had a rockin body.(large boobs) Now with getting older and gaining a lot of weight 5ft. 180 lbs(cry, cry)I am self-conscious. Sigh I have a strange kind of man that is attracted to me. Only want hook-ups. I like romance, wine and dine.

  39. Megan says:

    I’m 39 and I just started dating a 29 year old. Met him at the gym in the sauna actually. This younger hotter woman was chatting him up and I was shocked when he asked ME out. Later out for a drink I told him I was 10 years older and he said Perfect! Then he explained the reasons he prefers to date an older woman: you know what you want, I don’t have to invent you, you have your own life so you aren’t going to freak out if i can’t text you back right away. Then the subject turned to physical differences. I was again shocked that he is not attracted to a super firm toned physique. He said “strong is sexy, but only if you’re soft too! I’m not trying to date a dude!” I realized that although there are areas of my bod I can always improve… I’m still Smokin hot if I am confident and behind my own value! The situation is great practice for countering my insecurities about aging with affirmations coming from a super sweet sexy stud!

  40. Karine B says:

    One I started to compare myself to Ashley Graham (plus size model – whom my body type has a lot in common with) I realized that 1- I wasn’t that far from her vibe, 2- the “distance” was mostly things I could work on and 3- it’s amazing how guys are telling me they think she is stunning and sexy. Got me straightening my shoulders, walking proud, doing Pilates and I feel better than I ever did about my body!

  41. Tracee says:

    I’m a very small and petite women. I have struggled with my body image. I really don’t know who I could compare myself to. I do enjoy listening to your videos.

    • Maureen Friend says:

      Hi Tracee – I struggled with the same during my so-called dating years, appearing much younger than I was, being treated like a child even when an adult. It felt very limiting. My body has been through many changes and I only felt confident in it after I had kids, they were grown and I started going through menopause. This is the opposite of what we’re taught to expect. Having the kids gave me confidence and that has been the most effective change of all. I receive a lot more positive attention (from everyone) now that I behave more confidently. I shrug off people’s insensitive comments easier, I surround myself only with people who lift me up and do the same for them. These have been the keys to feeling beautiful and sexy, for the first time, at 52.

  42. Vasiliki says:

    What a great message today coach! Making the most with what you have.

    Most people struggle to keep their body in shape. For me things are quite easy. My body measurements match those of Diane Kruger (same height, weight, eyes color). My weight was never an issue. So the big challenge, for me, was to prove that I am something more than just a pretty face/body.

    You see that is what I praise in you. While you are clearly a handsome man, you are not left assured. You continue to learn and evolve as a person and you have achieved so much. That is whom I am determined to be!!!

  43. victoria says:

    Queen Latifah is my body type I’ve lost 50 pounds have 50 more to go going to be 70 years old I want a man to love me for the way I love myself hopefully I will find one

  44. julie copeland says:

    I compare myself to Ellie Goulding, as she is not skinny but well toned with a femine figure….beautiful! I have a curvy figures and often guys say 98% prefer this to waifs so I am happy. I work out 4 times a week, like you at home and always pleased with the way it makes me feel energised and toned, at 53 I am not too bad for my age and feel sexier than when I did in my 20’s, as lacked confidence which I now get from great positive friends, both male and female…so happy :)

  45. Elle says:

    Thanks for an honest approach to this subject! I was a “runway” model in my younger days, nothing high profile, just local things, but I am aspiring to feel that confidence again. My “hero” is my younger self AND Kirsty Godso (I’m pretty sure I spelled her name correctly) the Nike trainer who has a similar body type to me. As a Health Coach, my clients love that I’m “real”. I show them where I am and I encourage them and work alongside them for BOTH of us to achieve our goals. I appreciate your approach to Coaching, keep up the great work Matt and team :)

  46. Laura says:

    Hi Matthew! I know I’m not in your target demographic audience (I’m 51 and married), but I absolutely LOVE your videos! Your advice is dead-on, and even someone in my stage of life usually gets some type of inspiration from you. You are wise beyond your years when it comes to relationships; something I admire tremendously. I don’t have children, but I hope my nieces are watching your videos as they go through their dating and relationship experiences. Your wisdom has hit home for me many times, and I’m grateful that people of ALL demographics have a source like you for giving such realistic, moral advice, ESPECIALLY with such an emphasis on self-respect. Peace. Laura D., Buffalo, NY

  47. Emily Clark says:

    That was great! Thanks for sharing. I do try not to compare myself, but that’s not always easy, as you said. You’re definitely right about having a good attitude and finding positive role models–especially ones that work well for you.

    I’m very tall and I’ve always found it difficult to follow most workout regimes, because the people leading them were either men who were stronger or women who were much shorter than I. I ended up finding Tracy Anderson, (who is 8 inches shorter than me), but I love her for a few reasons. One she has workouts for body types (yay!), her work outs are fun and make me feel feminine (yay!) and she has an amazing personal body image story. She hasn’t always been a cute, perfect package herself.

    I also love the South Beach Diet. I’m not a dieter, never have been, which is why this has worked so well for me. It’s not about deprivation, but about training yourself how to eat healthier, and let’s face it, it’s so easy to eat junk these days. Plus the food in it is fantastic and pretty easy to prepare.

    I’m glad you posted this video, and added your challenge at the end, because it’s frustrating to me to see women being so tough on themselves. It really is important to have a good mindset and to make realistic goals. As always you’re awesome! My mind guru. Haha!

  48. Donna says:

    I recently turned 52. I had a baby at the age of 43. First of all, maintaining your body in your 40’s can be challenging. Trying to recover from child birth in your 40’s is even more difficult. There was a time I thought this is what happens when you have a baby in your 40’s. Get use to it. You will never wear a bikini again. It took a very long time to recover and fit back in those pre-baby clothes again. I eat healthy, get a good nights rest, do moderate exercise, and now I look great. I am proud of how my body looks. My body rocks. Part of that is because I am in shape and part of that is because of that inter confidence I have of I like my body. I take care of myself, after all I have a young child and I need to be in good shape to keep up and rise him. I want to be the best me I can be. That includes with being happy with your physical self.

  49. Carolyn says:

    I’m the manager of a women’s clothing store, with sizes 4-24 and petite to tall…so I see it all. I’m grateful for the variety and uniqueness of each person. Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. If someone is unattractive, it’s almost always due to an unhealthy lifestyle, poor grooming or a negative attitude. Those are all things we can change. Letting go of self-criticism (not honest self reflection) improves a person’s attractiveness immensely.

  50. Lynn MacLeod says:

    Wow. Just…..wow. I am on tears right now. You and your messages are like receiving a hug of encouragement. Thank you for the reminder to not compare myself to all of those Cosmo covers with their perfect models. To find a more realistic comparison…like those big beautiful women modeling undergarments no less and looking gorgeous doing so. Muuuuuwaaaaaa! From,

    Big Beautiful Gal!

  51. Lucy says:

    Well, Matt, interesting. I have to confess I have NEVER been to a gym in my life. And I’m HAPPY with the way I look, more or less! Not an issue for me, thank goodness. I also get quite a lot of compliments, saying that I’m slim, have a great figure etc. I just walk quite a lot, run for the bus, eat a fairly healthy balanced diet, have plenty of sleep. My heroine is Rihanna and I can admire her, for her style, her music, her fashion, creativity etc but I don’t compare myself with her. I know she’s different from me and that’s OK. Maybe one day I’ll meet her, and maybe one day I’ll meet you??

  52. Melissa Losurdo says:

    I think it is human nature to compare ourselves. Albeit negative, but normal nonetheless. I just try to improve my own body and abilities. I have given up on aspiring to be a Supermodel, as I am too short:) As always Matt Thank you for the positive and sound advice.

  53. Emma says:

    Matthew. Always a joy and a pleasure hearing your rants. Thing I could do today? Go to a plastic surgeon lol

  54. Meagan says:

    It’s funny how you came up with this segment, because for the past three weeks I’ve had this same chat with my sister. Women compare themselves to Beyonce or Kim Kardashian ( why I don’t know) but they do. I have a hourglass figure like them but my frame and bone structure is much bigger.
    My celebrity image is Serena Williams. She is athletic, her frame/ structure, weight, measurements and her motivation is what I want for me. I am a plus size woman. The smallest size I’ve been as an adult was a 14 and my body was smaller/ athletic. At that time I had no self-esteem. I would love to lose 100lbs and tone more but that’s effort for me to pick up and I know it. Lately, will power is my obstacle. I’m trying my best to move more. I am not a fan of the gym because of the $ or being around that many smelly/ sweaty people. I’m trying to create a home gym. Still room for improvements and hope. I want to do for me, what no one else can. And that’s to be myself beautiful in and out.

  55. Davina Fereday says:

    Loved this. Thanks so much! I sometimes felt inadequate in the past because of my petite frame (5.2″). I love practicing yoga and often find myself wanting a longer leaner yoga body that only someone taller than me can achieve. It’s frustrating when I can’t do some of the postures that a taller and more flexible body can do but I’ve also found that there are many postures I can do that a taller person might struggle with. In terms of finding a badass person in my body category whom has motivated and inspired me greatly is Tracy Anderson. She has a brilliant positive attitude and has developed her own methods for achieving that longer and leaner physique. As a result of following her I feel more comfortable with my body and realise how great I can look and feel.

  56. JJ says:

    This is so true, Matthew! To me, my friends are so beautiful, and so am I, even though we are all different colors, shapes and sizes. Once, I was standing with my friends talking and I saw that we were this smorgesboard of women, fair, dark,redheaded, tall, short…all of us different. It was a beautiful, affirming moment. Abd I saw the lingering looks passing guys gave us…they enjoyed the picture too. No competition, just pretty.

  57. Gale Scaramuzza says:

    I am lucky. I’ve been blessed with a body shape that is the best for a woman. There may be some as good as I am, but none better. I LOVE how you said that I should compare myself to my 6 month- from-now-self. If I don’t continue to work out, where will I be. I have a tendency to go to the gym, look awesome and then slack off until I look in the mirror and say, “Oh SH*T…got to get back to the gym.” So even for me, you are a God sent. I will never forget, on the Today Show you said that women shouldn’t have “rules”. We should have standards. If I want to feel loved and wanted, I shouldn’t tell a guy he has to text me a million times. If I feel safe and loved in the relationship, he is doing the right things, PERIOD.

  58. TJ says:

    Ok. I have to say something. Following exactly the gym and body scenario…
    Here are a couple points I really wish everyone (women and men alike) would consider:
    1. So many people have zero understanding when it comes to biology and bio-mechanics and are actively damaging themselves whilst training. What’s the use of a flat stomach/V-cut if you have back pain or a stiff neck?
    2. Love your body for what it can do and not just how it looks. There’s no bigger motivation and confidence boost for these things than freeing yourself of pain and being able to control your body in movement patterns (plus, in the long run, you will have a better physic and posture than most people).
    3. Knowledge is power, inside and outside of the gym.

    That’s it folks :)
    BTW – Matt, if you’re seeing this, I hope you got the mug (London event).

  59. Allison Diller says:

    I think something else incredibly important to consider is not comparing yourself with people who have a vastly different lifestyle. Comparing myself to someone like Hope Solo who is paid to keep her body in a certain condition is completely unrealistic. But looking 3 cubicles down, I see another woman who has a very similar lifestyle and a similar base figure. And instead of making this comparison with some hero who is out of reach, I’ve found myself a hero who is not only within reach, but also an available lunch partner!

  60. Lisa says:

    Fun advice, Matthew. I would even encourage complimenting the person you find who has a badass body type like yours, and befriending her. She may have some great tips for how she got there. And you’re mixing! You never know, she might become someone you could go out and meet guys with someday, or she could give you hints on where she has met guys. And she’ll be totally happy for the attention.

  61. Jessica Cornfeld says:

    As women we have a very special relationship with our bodies. They are our medium of creation. I know it’s not PC to talk about hard and fast differences between the sexes but I’m going to do it because truth is still truth even when it’s not in fashion. A woman’s body is equipped to build another life and as a woman who has conceived and born a child I can speak first Hadid about how deeply I felt the relationship with my body during my pregnancy I felt it was, pretty much the whole of me and all my intentions and ideals were being poured into the new life forming in my womb.
    Men don’t have that privilege, they have to find other ways of being creative which is why, looking out across our history the vast majority of composers, artists, poets, novelists, architects and leaders who have achieved true greatness have been men. One could say that where a man’s soul is located in his ideas a woman’s is located in her body. Try this thought experiment: a man loses his arm in an accident and then the same thing happens to a woman. Which person do you feel most sadness for? The woman, right? That’s because, to a much greater extent than a man, her body is who she is. The man has to do something to prove himself the power of his personality a woman just has to be. And there in lies the hard part for women – when we look at our bodies it is intimately and intfinitly more personal for us. Anyway you slice it so much more of a woman’s value is invested in the way she looks the grace of her body. A man can be ugly as sin but make himself genuinely attractive to the opposite sex through his personality and his achievements – women don’t really have that option. Yes we need to be good people, smart, caring kind and wise but before all that we need to look good, just to get a foot in the door.
    It’s good advice to set up a competition with yourself across a given stretch of time and I’m going to take that to heart, thank you. Where the issue of comparisons come in its important for us as women to meet our situation head on. We need to take our appearance seriously, it’s part of the job description, what we don’t need to do is to either run from that fact or fail to transcend it.
    Hope this finds you well.
    Have a great day,

    • Victoria says:

      The “job” description?

      Most composers, artists, poets, novelists, architects and leaders who have achieved true greatness have been men because women historically were denied the right to these professions or denied recognition BECAUSE they were women…

      I have a dear friend who was born without an arm, and to this day I think she is one of the most beautiful creatures walking this planet… And I never felt sorry for her.

      The REAL truth — when you die your BODY despite its appearance gets dumped with the dirt, and no one will sit around and talk about how beautiful you were. Your appearance can’t do anything for anyone, but what’s inside of you is where all of that comes from. I think Judge Judy has a book with this title: Beauty Fades, but Dumb Is Forever… And that is certainly the truth when you place more emphasis on developing your outsides than you do on your insides.

      Of course a woman should care about their appearance, but so should a man… I’ve yet to date one (or meet one for that matter) who is “ugly as sin” as you so delicately put it. Who is anyone to call anyone ugly, because anyone could be ugly to someone, including you and I lol.

      Our bodies are for more than making babies and being pleasing to the opposite sex… Beauty fades honey… Oh how it fades.

    • Andrea Gerák says:

      Agreed, thank you for not buying the politically correct BS.

      (I didn’t understand the Hadid part though – what is that?)

  62. Alexandra pavletich says:

    Great job, Mat!!!! Love the way you encourage people (women, us) to be our best selves! Specially when you emphasize the importance of self love and treat ourselves with compassion and respect!!!
    I think you are honest and real!
    Thank you!

  63. Penny says:

    I agree with you that finding someone with your body type to emulate is very motivating. I also look at style and fashion sense. I have been able to maintain a healthy weight and am in my early 50’s however it always amazes me how some women make looking chic, stylish & cool seem effortless! It is true that the right clothes for your specific body type can enhance your best features but having real style is an art. I think one of the best things you can do to look better aside from diet choices, exercise & fashion sense though is to stand up tall, smile and do your best. Thanks for all of your insightful messages!

  64. Jen says:

    Me… I would put myself up there… i have been in better shape, i have also been in worse shape… I have done a lot of work on myself and work a lot with my clients on using ourselves as the benchmark (I am a personal trainer and personal development coach)

    I don’t want to look like anyone else :)

  65. Libby says:

    Mat …..you make me smile …you are so astute …THANKYOU.
    I’ m 55 so I’m PROBABLEY about the same age as your Mum..and I can’t help thinking …..” Gosh …what a great job she has done ….what a great kid ”
    I love your way of inspiring us …..wishing you the very best

  66. Trudie Brown says:

    How to you gain positive body image around having such low thoughts, and bad past experiences where men have made comments on stretch marks etc, and then you have major anxiety about exposing yourself In a new relationship?

    • Jelena says:

      Dear,I absolutely love that you put it out coz its really a good question and I felt the same about it. Have delivered 2 beautiful kids, pregnant at the moment with 3rd, and stretch marks are every mothers nightmare.I was always watching my daily intake,especially during pregnancy. Just to tell you, every woman has stretch marks, atleast few on some places. It can be from weight changes so even skinny ones are on list. But if it bothers you so much, try to use tanning cream or go to tanning salon coz it truly helped me. And guys, they don’t mind that, trust me. They mind your charm and self esteem. They don’t see that much as we think they do, so relax and love yourself,I was also very unhappy till I realized that they (the men) absolutely don’t see what all we suffer from..there is no perfection,and always look at all good you have, not what is missing.it will help you out. All the best and be positive about yourself always. With love Jelena

    • Jelena says:

      And one more thing dear, find a man or a guy who will love you or like you for your smile and enthusiasm. The guy whose basics are not on body. That guy will give you the strength to go over insecurities and even to laugh at them later. But be patient, don’t let others knock you down,wait for the right one, you will instantly feel when you find him or he finds you :) mine has found me simply because I wasn’t even looking.and when it happens, you will fly over all of that and trust me even laugh at past :) I wish you all the best and don’t waste your time on worthless men. X

  67. Alisha says:

    Its was really helping…..i love it bloke…..keep up with the same✌

  68. Victoria says:

    Thank you sooooo much for this, Matt! I’m going to be in a fashion show next month… 1 of the 3 plus-size models, though I don’t see myself and never did see myself as plus-sized, this categorizing has really been screwing with my head and body image. And as someone who tries to go to the gym regularly and has a significant amount of weight to lose, while this fashion show was motivation in the beginning to be consistent in my workouts, its had the opposite effect on me… This labeling… Frustrating.

    But, this video was a sweet reminder that I can feel and AM beautiful just as I am on my way to where I want to be, and what anyone else has to say about it flat out doesn’t matter. I am not going to for a second compare myself to any other women during this rehearsal today! Lol…Seriously. Or any other day for that matter… I’m going to give it my best shot not to anyway.

    I love you and your videos, and Matt, while I understand that even you are not exempt from battles with body image, I want you to know that you’re so very incredibly handsome… A heart-throb indeed <3

  69. Jgirl says:

    Focus on performance goals and allow the body to adjust in order to achieve those performance goals. The focus is being able to do what you want to do. Focus on shape or numbers is not personal and easily becomes obsessive. As we work toward goals, our bodies will adjust and change in order to enable us to achieve those goals. You may not have arms or abs like celebrity X, but your body can do what you want to do.

  70. colin says:

    im an 80s kid..we didnt have all the pressure as far as i remember..society types are all the same now..some of us are just human beings.

  71. Kristi says:

    Eh… Many times I compared myself with other women and felt angry and frustrated because I knew I’ll never look like them. But few months ago I found some vlogs about body shapes and how to dress them. The vloger is one of the most popular in my country filming about ladieswear (and not only). The big plus is she has the same body shape like me and she is my inspiration now. Plus I started eating better and doing some activities I like (e.g. zumba). I feel and look better. I need a lot of time to understand this simple thing .
    Best wishes!

  72. Edyta says:

    Hi Mattew

    That is an amazing video and a great insigh. If you do want to compare yourself to anyone choose the right body type.- of course this make much more sense. I believe that most of us reach the point that we really start liking ourselves more and this becoming less of an issue.
    Thank you Matt, keep up the great work!

  73. PAX GREEN says:

    A friend lost 100pounds in a year. She was always the big lady in our group. now I’m the big one and I will use her determination and strength to motivate me.

  74. Sheila Giles says:

    That is a simple, but profound motivator for me… In 6 months if I continue this… Or if I don’t continue this, what will be the result?! Not just working out…. But can relate to many things.
    Thank you!! Btw… I appreciate all of your videos and podcasts, etc. And I think you’re dreamy too. :-)

  75. Caroline says:

    Thanks for this video! Recently I gained weight from all the late night dinners with my doctor boyfriend, our hours are crazy.(Which as an aside is going amazingly thanks to all your tips on being high value and actually meeting loads of guys. I am literally so happy).
    Not happy with this I realized I needed to shed this weight. I went online and found images of my favorite celebrities with my body type. In the past I compared my self to the model body type. But in reality, I am an hourglass shape and I always failed to look like the models…a bit silly since I am not tall.
    Long story short, in the past two weeks I have never done so well at reaching my workout and healthy eatting goals. I think it is due to the attainability of the goal.
    Really appreciate you discussing comparisons to others. Something I think everyone struggles with at some level. I am in a pre-doc program where comparison is the name of the game. It can get suffocating. I also have a newly diagnosed med condition which makes daily life significantly harder. I end up getting discouraged since simple things like doing dishes is challenging, so when I see friends in my class who are killing it it can be hard not to be discouraged. How do you suggest I deal with this. For the most part you don’t hear about things like medical conditions. Do you have suggestions for who would be a good role model?


    • Goldberry says:

      Hi Caroline,

      I know what you mean about medical conditions – I don’t think there’s a quick way to handle it. I have gone through this (improved now but still there) and it forced me to be more patient with myself. It also made me think about my self-image and what I based it on. The ability to get everything done when I wanted to was history. Try to look at yourself with compassion and take good care of yourself!


  76. Verasdottir says:

    Matthew, having just completed a PhD around this topic I can say that women are socialised into talking about body image, unlike their male counterparts. As you say ‘comparison’ happens all the time. Men tend to make downward comparisons i.e. ‘he isn’t as good as me’, whilst women may make upward comparisons ‘I wish I looked like her’. It is a good point that you make about not aspiriring to be like someone who is not your body shape. I would also add that look to your age group too. It is no good hoping for a body of a twenty-something when you are pushing 40. The body shape alters with age. Best wishes to you.

    • Andrea Gerák says:

      “Socialized” into talking about bodies?
      Aren’t there basic biological differences in how our brains, hormones and bodies in general structured and work? And in how our body shapes are built differently, with female bodies generally being more appealling aesthetically?
      Which all give a logical difference also in how we look at our bodies.

      As long as it’s the women who give birth to children and nurture them, and also, as long as its women whose creativity manifests more in creating beauty and harmony also in the wax we look, it will be natural that women talk more about body image.

      I don’t have a PhD in the subject and don’t aspire for one, but this is just how it would all make sense for me.

      The other thing: It is true that the body alters with the age – however, one can do extremely much to influence that. I am now getting close to 50, but (apart from a medical condition affecting my legs, that takes some te to get rid of) I look better than many 20-year-old girls, or how I did in my 20s. And certainly there are more ladies like me.

      It’s first of all about attitude – where we come back to Matt’s video.

  77. Mary says:

    My ex husband would say things like ‘you have the face of the Madonna but the rest of you is blasphemy’, or when i was pregnant with his child, I’d be admiring the baby bump (I lost the child in the previous pregnancy) and he’d just say that some men like to have fat wives, and it’s because they are stupid men. Can you address this kind of body image pls Matthew? I’m scared of dating for fear of hearing the same words again; I’m not even sure how to start trusting men again. I’ve gone through all of your material Matthew and haven’t found anything so far that addresses this. Pls help.

  78. Liz says:

    This was so motivating to me. I never really thought about it but I still compare myself to girls who are younger which is absolutely crazy I know, because older women still do it even though it is next to impossible to do. I am still motivated however to do exercises because it makes me healthier and feels good. I will now be looking to aspire to someone who is more my age and is still fit and healthy.

  79. sharie says:

    THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’ve completely missed this. My body type, my category — YES!

  80. Elena says:

    I see in myself and in countless other women body and overall confidence shoots up in dance classes. I take pole dance and the focus there is on what you CAN do and on a personal progress. I raised my own daughter with the same focus – on what you CAN do, in dealing with people, situations, with yourself. When you focused on it, comparing becomes an inspiration, a motivation to find ways and to put effort.
    Warm regards, Matthew

  81. Sharon Groh says:

    After hearing your msg, I once again, leave feeling inspired, motivated and happier. Thank you Matt!

  82. Sakshi says:

    Trying hard to be positive… But wait… why are you sitting on the edge of your seat?
    Naah.. JK awesome tips, bro! as always. I used to have a really low fat percentage and started out to prove that you can have a crap diet and still smash it by exercising like a dog… and then I stopped working out :| fast forward 5 months and I
    m still eating crap but not working out at all.. My biggest challenge is just to get back to where I was 6 months ago. Thank you.. youre remark about ‘where will I be 6 months from now if I did nothing’ totally hit home. Thank you!

  83. Deborah says:

    I’M the bad ass! I have younger people come up to me and say “wow you look great! I hope I look as good as you when I’m your age” lol!

  84. Yasaman sharifi says:

    You are absolutely right. We can not compare ourselves to others because it will take us to a very constant unhappy place.

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