I think we get bored in life when we stop surrounding ourselves with things, places, books, films, music, activities, and people who inspire us.
That last one is the one we always forget: people.
Yet it’s actually the most important.
Finding people in life who challenge you, yet who also nurture and share your best character traits is one of the great treasures in the world.
It’s easy to feel frustrated if you don’t feel like you have your ‘scene’, your movement, your trusted cabal of friends who share in your beliefs and understand your point of view.
The common advice is to seek out people who are different from you, and although that makes sense when you’re ten years old and don’t know who you are yet, eventually you get to a point in life where you think: I really want to be around people who like the things I like.
When you find your scene, the world makes more sense
You don’t feel constantly isolated, lost in a crowd, like a fish out of water, or a fish who was plopped into the wrong pond and now wonders why all the other fish seem to like the wrong movies and watch football all the time when all it wants to do is stroll through art galleries and drink pretentious coffee.
Yes, variety is the spice of life, but when it comes to people, there’s something to be said for just filling your plate with what you already love.
All the great artists, the great comedians, the great musicians or tech entrepreneurs, thrived from having been part of a scene of like-minded people who shared the same goals, the same sensibilities, the same inspirations.
They could pass on recommendations and share war stories, or explain how they solved problems and trade knowledge. It’s these commonalities that create great movements where every individual spurs each other onto greater heights.
I’m not exactly one for sticking with one crowd all the time, but I do believe that we can all benefit from having a Braintrust of people who think like us.
We all need people in life who remind us who we are.
People who turn us on to new things because we trust their opinion. People who understand what we are trying to achieve so that we don’t have to explain it a million times because they just see where we’re coming from. People who encourage us that what we are doing is worth pursuing because they share in that pursuit themselves.
Your crowd is out there. And they need someone just like you to make their group complete.
What are you doing right now to find them?
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Stephen Hussey helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.
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22 Replies to “Why Finding Your Crowd Will Lead You To A More Inspired, Creative, Meaningful Existence”
Yes, yes, YES.
So pleased you wrote this Stephen. Not least because you introduced me to the term “Brain Trust” :)
I found my crowd in 2010 and it totally transformed my life. This amazing group of men and women are my friends, support network and cheerleaders. I met them through an interest (fragrance blogging)and I think it’s a great way to make friends as an adult.
Find a passion and those who share it. It’s surprising how quickly your relationship will surpass the thing that drew you together in the first place.
My crowd are all different but are all a bit quirky in one way or another and that makes me all the more proud of our inclusive, worldwide community. Every single day they inspire, influence and empower me in so many ways. They’ve exploded my previously hermit-like existence. I am deeply grateful I found them and would encourage everyone to look for theirs.
I actually stole the term BrainTrust from the book Creativity Inc. (it’s excellent, make sure you check it out some time!).
Love your inspirational words about finding your crowd – hope everyone uses it as a spur to action!
Hey matt…. I have a problem, ALL my Best friends (woman friends) though years have abused my trust. I havnet Bern able to get a friend who doesn’t in the end show that her value is to diffrent from mine, to respect People.. In the weekend, the last close friend i had in town let me down. We had a arrangement 14:30 and when i wrote14:10 that i am in town ready to meet her, she write to me that it would be nettet to se eachother another day. Then i Call her and she is in a car on her Way to a market with her patents. So i was in town and had abselutley no idea what to do..
That sucks…. So now i Think i really need to go and see you live!
I think this happens to all of us at times, even with people we thought were great friends. We always have to be assessing “is this person adding to my happiness?” “Do we have a strong connection?” “Does their presence make me a better or worse person?”
I know it can be disheartening but even the bad friendships teach you what to look for next time and you get better at it each time. When you lose the bad ones, you’ve made room for new good ones. Just remember how many opportunities there are in the world to meet people – there are great ones out there, we just have to be willing to get out of our bubble and dip into new places/things/social circles. It doesn’t happen overnight, but keep being pro-active (and kind) and you’ll often find yourself building momentum. Some people can be casual acquaintances, and others can be allowed closer into your inner sanctum – you can have different expectations for both these sets of friends. Just make sure you value yourself and your needs first.
I didn’t see it was mentioned above or below, communication it is crucial.How are we communicating what we like or don’t like from space of love.Don’t assume people to know you before they know you, and know about you what you know about yourself to be true.The think is that we don’t always question if interpretation is correct of what have been communicated out, words are signs but we have different associations and interpretation of them.
This one speaks to me, Steve! It made me feel warm inside, and so grateful for the friends I already have, while also being excited about finding new friends who share my passions. This goes along with a couple of Matt’s posts this morning, talking about how when you are single, you should take risks, and expand your social horizons. I make efforts to do this, often. Sometimes I take a risk, and nothing happens, but I am glad I took it in the end, because the possibility of something great is always there.
I am sure this blog will be on my mind for a while.
You’very been missed. :)
I didn’t go anywhere Arianna! I’ve been posting every week as usual lol
Really glad this resonated with you. While I was writing it I also felt appreciative of the great people I’ve managed to find and surround myself with over the years. They are worth holding onto – it truly makes the difference in your general happiness.
I know you have… so there are some other reasons your presence must have been missed. For example: Matt has been posting a lot more recently, so I have to sift through to find your work, you just made a twitter comeback, and I am in denial about reading the last blog, in which you gave out your phone number. I have repressed that memory… ;) It never happened.
Absolutely! I make a conscious effort to be grateful for at least 3 things, every day. So many times, the things I am grateful for have to do with the wonderful people in my life. :) Being content with what you have, and expressing gratitude often, are huge contributors to happiness and living a meaningful existence.
THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES FOR THIS TOPIC.
more more more more more more of this. I have no clue how to find my crowd.
Thanks Vavavoom. I think it’s not always just ‘found’. More often you have to build it, and you constantly bring new people in (and out) of it. It’s a process, but just take the first few steps of putting yourself out there and you’ll get momentum.
I am writing a comment to find like minded people – sooo… let´s be friends Steve! :) Great article :) *thumb up*
Haha Thanks Lenu :D
That sense of recognition is a deal breaker. I love that you wrote about such a thing and I appreciate the way it was articulated! :)
Appreciate that Farah! x
Love this article, and especially your sub-title “When you find your scene, the world makes more sense”! I’m daily grateful to be surrounded by “my crowd” at work! So refreshing! So invigorating! And I feel like I’ve come alive in the last two years more than ever before!
So great to hear Emily, go you! Keep up the great work x
I know you’re right, it’s so nice when you don’t have to explain yourself over.
I’m doing nothing today about it. Yesterday I was full of life and enthusiasm. Today I had to wait around a hospital for hours and I absolutely hated it. To the point where I was suddenly reminded of a life and death emergency outside, something just triggered a memory and I felt strangely panicked. You can be so strong mentally and still feel weak and vulnerable sometimes. It’s natural and I know tomorrow I’ll be ready to go again.
Being around like minded people matters so much more than people think. It alters a lot emotionally and it gives an implicit support. It’s there without asking.
I moved area to be around more like minded people and my quality of life has improved unbelievably. I like a quote I saw tweeted out from medecins sans frontiers sea who had rescued a migrant from drowning. The migrant had said, If you can’t change your circumstances, you have to change your environment”. I know this is a step on from finding a group to affiliate with, although it’s a very poignant and true thing to say. Both are proactive.
Thanks for sharing this. Fortunes always go up and down, which is why I think having the right “circumstances” or “environment” as you say is one of the best protections against defeat. It makes it so much easier to keep going when you have that team of supporters and people who understand you around.
I haven’t exactly found my crowd yet. Of course I have a great group of friends, but intellectually I want more. Doing new things as often as I can and taking social risks will hopefully lead me to people that I can eventually call my crowd, that also has a growth mindset like myself. Any suggestions?
Although this blog, and your writing, Stephen, does help. I am grateful that at least you guys can be my crowd virtually.
True, Matthew and Stephen have become by virtual go-to crowd for the growth mindset! I can totally relate to how you feel.
Loved this article Stephen….I have found my crowd…& I love being with them…It is so much fun! Plus…the reason is…probably because of my age…I’m 54…and don’t waste my time with people I DON’T want to be with. Life is too short…I surround myself with positive people…because I want to have a great outlook on life…No Debbie Downers…No Eyeores…So tired of drama & emotional vampires that suck the life energy out of you…Delete those people…& hang out with people who are positive, kind, & wonderful people! Life is way too short to waste it on people like that! Just saying…. ;) <3
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