5 Texting Mistakes That Keep You Single (and What to Send Instead)
This is one of the coolest and most informative videos I’ve ever made about how to create and sustain attraction in early dating…
I talk about the 5 texting mistakes that kill attraction, and how to avoid them.
Can’t wait to hear what you think.
P.S. BIG announcement at the end of this video. Make sure you watch right till the end so you don’t miss it.
Get Off Your Phone and Into a REAL Relationship.
Get the Surprising Texts That Create Momentum…
Texting. We’re going to do a video on texting.
People think of texting as this silly, superficial subject but I actually think that there are a lot of mistakes that are made in texting that prevent people from getting the relationship they want. So I’d like to treat it with a little more seriousness I suppose today. How do we do that? That’s a good way for us to lend this video the gravitas it deserves?
Mistake number one, playing games about when to text back.
Now let’s say Monkey receives a text. Huh, it’s from George. But instead of texting George back and having a conversation, Monkey thinks, “No, I am going to wait, and George is going to see how busy I am, and how important I am, and how attractive I am.” But the problem is, George is by his phone right now. She could have had a message with him and carried on the momentum and ridden that wave. Instead, she waited five or six hours to text back George, who incidentally, was no longer curious.
Now, look, I’m not saying that when someone texts you you should always be by your phone waiting to text them back. But if someone happens to text you in a moment where you’re not doing anything and it’s organic to reply to them right away, why not use the momentum of that moment and have a conversation? If five, 10 minutes later you need to go, that’s fine. That’s where you can be busy in an authentic way. But don’t play games of making someone wait just to look cool.
Number two, obsessively sticking to text as the form of communication.
I think of different mediums – whether they’re texts, pictures, voice memos, phone calls, FaceTimes – all as having a kind of energy bar. And the more you do them, the more that energy ball gets depleted, and we start to get diminishing returns from that thing. If we over-text, it doesn’t matter how quirky or fun or witty we are by text, it begins to wear thin, and most people have had that experience. It’s like, “Okay, I need a different stimuli now, I need something else.”
That’s when it pays to send someone a picture and just say, “The view from where I am right now,” if you happen to be looking out on a beautiful view. Or, if you happen to be sitting in bed with a dessert in front of you in front of the TV, take a picture of the dessert and be like, “The view from where I am right now.”
“Check out my view right now.” In that moment you’re changing up the medium.
The same can be done with a voice memo. In the middle of a text conversation, when you feel like it’s getting a little dry, send someone a voice memo instead. If they’re teasing you, shake it up by sending a voice memo back saying, “You’re so mean.” It’s cute, it’s playful, but it’s a pattern break that suddenly injects new life into the conversation because the energy bar of voice is not depleted in the way that you’re texting has.
Mistake number three, being one note.
What gets someone really attracted to us is not when we’re one energy but when we’re able to be versatile between different energies. If you find yourself always being very polite and sweet, today be a little bossy. Say to someone, “Are you going to call me tonight or what?” If you find yourself sending lots of nice, friendly messages to someone, amp up the sexual tension today. Tell him, “You look really hot in that picture you posted today.”
Those are things that show that you can be many things. Think of the energy you normally have, the one you’re most comfortable with, and do the inverse of that today.
Mistake number four, talking about everything except yourself.
People truly fall for you when they hear your story because your story is what makes you different from everybody else. So the next time you have a conversation with someone, ask yourself this, “Am I only describing here what I’ve been doing or am I actually revealing who I am and what I’m thinking about?”
Here’s an example, because I know this sounds a little abstract. If someone asked you, “What did you do last night?”, you say, “I cooked ribs for the first time last night.” Now, that’s not a bad text, it’s still a conversation starter, but it’s still only talking about what you did. What we want to do is add onto that a bit about who you are. If you want it to do even better than that in telling your story, you could say, “I made ribs for the first time for my family last night. I’m a little late to this cooking thing to be honest, but I’m actually really enjoying learning about it.” Now someone sees a hint of vulnerability, what you’re learning about right now, and how you feel about it.
Mistake number five, being too passive.
Almost everybody has had the experience of something moving way too slowly, of someone who keeps drifting back and forth, giving you mixed signals – they’re not asking you out but they do keep reaching out by text, you don’t know where it’s going, it feels totally ambiguous. This is where I like to apply what I call “gracious impatience,” which means warmly, politely being more upfront about what you actually want.
Let’s say Monkey wants to progress things with George. Now, they’ve been texting back and forth for a few weeks but it seems like the momentum isn’t carrying them to the next stage. “Why doesn’t he ask me out on a date? Why doesn’t he at least pick up the phone? Here I am just texting away. What, am I going to text myself into an early, shallow monkey grave?!”
Well, the passive response would be to be texting George and to be like, “Yes, I think that is true as well, George. Bye George, will do the same thing again tomorrow.” Or, Monkey can be graciously impatient. The next time George messages her, she can say, “Haha, yeah, that’s a real funny joke, George. You’re a real funny guy there. So anyway, mister, are you actually going to ask me out or can I just expect a ‘how’s your week?’ for the rest of my life?”
Now I know this sounds like a simple message but there is a lot that is right with this message. When you say, “So, mister,” there’s a little bit of an authoritative, almost sexy tone to that. You’re being demanding, you’re being a little bossy. Then you give the standard: “Are you going to ask me out?” That’s what you want, you’re actually saying what you want. Or, “Can I just expect a ‘how’s your week?’ for the rest of my life?”: That’s you being intentionally hyperbolic and dramatic to create a playfulness around something that you’re also kind of not playing about.
Before you go, I have to tell you about something. I have been working on something in private that I didn’t know I was going to be creating this year but it just happened organically. I started thinking more about what I think one of the big problems in early dating is for people right now. And to me it’s that people never get any momentum. They don’t get from a first conversation to a FaceTime or an actual date. Or they don’t get from date one to date two. Or they had momentum and they lost it and they don’t know how to get it back again with that person.
I wanted to create something that showed people how to get momentum in the early stages of dating someone and then keep it, so that it actually turned into a relationship. And the way that I’ve chosen to do that is to create a texting program that shows you – I think it’s 60 or 70 different text messages in the program that you can use to create, to sustain, or to regain momentum with the person you’re dating.
And I did something even more unique because I created a numbering system whereby it went from one to five. Number one being, you just met this person, very first message. And number five being, you actually feel seriously about this person. And I assigned each one of the text messages I give you in the program a number so that you know when to send the message and when not to send the message.
This program is all about the practical but you’ll also get deeper principles from it that you can apply across the board in your dating life. I’ve called it The Momentum Texts. I’m very proud of it.
It’s like a cool little program, it’s not a big program. It’s really quick to digest but it’s packed with stuff that will help you in your dating life right now and I just think you’re going to love it. When you get in there, you’re going to realize this just is more than you bargained for. It’s more than you realized it was going to be.
You can go to this link. It’s going to be out in the next couple of days, you can sign up to an early bird list. Or if you’re late to this video by a couple of days, chances are it’s already out and you can just go and get your copy right now, so go check it out.
Oh, and I should say, I know I have some programs that are significant investments, this is not. This is super affordable, it’s the price of two lattes – or one and a half lattes if you live in Los Angeles. Between one and a half and two lattes, depending on where you get your lattes. Go check it out, I’ll see you there.