Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…
For guys this is an extremely confusing area.
Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.
This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.
‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’
‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’
No matter where you stand on these specific issues…
Women still want men to be men.
And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.
1) Women
Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.
There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.
The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.
Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.
2) Men
Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.
Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.
If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).
Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.
–You love women.
Take this on out of respect for ALL women.
3) Dads
Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.
Be a role model for them to live up to.
4) Mums
Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.
Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!
Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.
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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.
Question of the day:
What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?
Hi,
Thanks Matthew, this video is just wonderful.
As a woman, I believe that the most attractive point in a man is acting as Chivalry.
I recently met a guy who treated me like a woman, opened the door for me, always let me go first, paid for dinner, gave me his jacket when I was cold, and so on.. I had never met anyone before who treated me like that. He is 12 years older then me and he was surprised to hear he was the first guy to do this. “boys” these days don’t know how to do this anymore..
I felt weird at first and always wanted to let him go first, or open a door for him because I thought it would be rude to let him do that all the time.
But then he smiled and told me I had to stop emasculating him :p
so I let him, and now I respect him even more. he makes me feel like I’m a queen, even tho we are just friends and have no feelings for each other at all. and by letting him do this I make him feel like man :) winwin!
Sounds good, unless it’s controlling. Yes, let him feel like a man and yes, let a man let a woman feel like an adult and an equal, not someone who “has to stop emasculating him” on his terms. How about if we do things for each other that feel natural and not forced? Women are not helpless and weak or treated as property as in past centuries. Was going to say they’re not in historic restrictive costumes that impact their ability to move about, but that’s not true!! HAha.
Good Morning Matthew!
I love the videos where you’re a hard ass! The last three I’ve especially enjoyed immensely. You’re right. We as a society can be rude, uncouth and self absorbed. But each of us individually can change how we treat people. We can teach our sons how to respect women and we can teach our daughters what they should not accept in a relationship. However, there are just as many women who are dicks who treat the men in their lives poorly. We are responsible to teach our children by our actions and role modeling how to respect everyone we come in contact with as well as our standards of treatment. On a personal note, I left an abusive marriage because I didn’t want my son to become that type of man and I didn’t want my daughters ever get into relationships like that either. If we want a world where men and women aren’t all complete douchebags then we need to treat people the way we expect to be treated. It starts with each of us. Thank you for the reminder! Take care!! xo
This video made me think about something I have realized lately. More women hold the door than men do. I open the door for people because I enjoy taking the time to be nice. The most grateful people – black men. Society need to have more chivalry towards everyone. It should not be rare nor a chore. It is fun and enjoyable. This standard should not be as rare as it is in today’s society. Thank-you Matt for the wonderful video. Love the passion
People are so confused about equality. The fact is that men and women are on a par mentally but physically, men are biologically stronger and that’s why chivalry exists – as a symbol of this and making a woman feel safe in his company. Obviously a woman can open a door for herself but if a man does it, it’s symbolic of him taking care of her. And partly it’s just polite to hold a door open for someone, I do it for guys all the time.
I love it when a man (not a guy; guy = bloke = dick) doesn’t just go through the motions of behaving like a gentleman, but really IS one!
I appreciate it so much when a man can open the door for me out of respect for my gender rather than because he thinks I’m a ‘lesser being’ & the difference SHOWS. I can feel it when he’s doing it either out of a sense of duty or because he thinks I/all women are weak etc.
To me, doing it out of respect shows me that he can see my intelligence & strength & that he values those things about me.
There might be billions of males on the planet, but I only want one & the one that gets me for good will be the one that gets me on a really deep level in this way. I won’t settle for less now.
Damn! That was awesome! I also don’t like that when they say “boys will be boys”. Mothers should teach their sons better not just say that!
Wow! My son is 14 yrs old and he has lost his old ways he used to be the perfect gentleman, ladies 1st was his regular moto, he would struggle in with all the shopping bags and feel deeply offended when you started to help. He would on occasions bring me breakie in bed or even make my bed. I still get cuddles several times a day, he still blows me kisses & he still says “I love you” frequently however he is my little prince and I do need to man him up a bit, he has an abundance of genuine manners and is extremely polite. I am very proud of my Angel & I how that he will make a Fantastic husband & Father one day :)
And that was the moment all women everywhere fell in love with Matthew Hussey.
Bravo!
I know right! I thought the exact same thing when I saw that.
I used to be that female who thought she did not need chivalry. Now I know better, and have met better men. True story ;) Thanks Matt
I may be in the minority but I’m not feeling what you’re saying Matthew and it’s because of your delivery. Calling certain types of people “dicks” and “boring” isn’t going to get them to listen to you even if what you’re saying is true. You’ll simply be preaching to the converted. In my opinion you’ve started sounding angry lately. It may be passion but it’s coming across as anger and it’s turning me off. I’m sorry to say this because I have a lot of respect for you and I like your overall message.
Matt, I love that fiery passion which cares!
I love how you speak from the core!
I couldn’t agree more.
En-core!!
Matthew,
You ROCKED this video. Telling it like it is – for the guys, the ladies and the parents (thank you SO for that one).
So grateful you’re in the world telling men and women how it is.
Love!
xoHeather
So funny. I am straight too to men :). From my point of view men should act like a man “protective, caring..” not wasting their time to play up to people.
Me and my friend Teresa were talking about this very subject on Friday 7/26/2013.
We both agreed that it would seem rather difficult for men to be chivalrous especially in this day. seeing that yes, we woman do want to be treated equal, but then we want doors opened and meals paid for and other such things. I personally don’t care about all that. shoot I’ll pick up the tab, no big deal there. I’m just looking for someone who is honest, caring and emotionally ready for something beautiful.
YES, this is soooo true… But actually I think we women have to have some sort of self awareness as well. Just my example… I was that kind of girl, who opened the door for even men, not only women and elderly people. I was the one always polite and then one day I reached that very day, when a man started to be polite towards me. That WAS a HUGE surprise. And then an other man, and then an other… We ladies have to learn how to say thank you, have to accept if someone was being nice to us and return the favour. On my own example I’ve learned to behave like a woman, and now I see the guys being nice guys around me too. And I agree on the communicating part as well.
Thank u for this video, Matt, I enjoyed it very much.
Sasa
xx
Agreed. In southamerica mothers teach kids to dance and be charming before they can even read… that’s something less common in Europa. Matt, you have loads of temperament, your videos are so interesting, but that vein on your neck when you get louder is like hmmmm hahahhahha ( sorry Im too direct, I know ) keep working, we get inspired ;)
This video is so wonderful, Matt!! We should post it in the news and this topic should become part of a subject in school.
I miss those men that act instinctively right a lot.
And here is another self-studied fact. I think this is quite a European thing. In my job I have to travel much through EU and US and I found that in the US right behavior in regards to chivalry is more common than in many countries in the EU.
Best example: in the US men make me as a woman always walk into an elevator first. They would look strange at you if you did not do this or if you did hesitate. In most EU countries it is normal if a guy just cuts your way to be the first in the elevator.
It is always shocking me again when I am back from a trip from the US.
And we all wonder why we have to chew over topics like respect, insecurity, commitment and stuff like that in relationships if we cannot even behave right with the simple things in life?
Personal comment: Matt, you are gorgeous. You inspire me. First time I heard from you is just a week ago. Thanks for your mind!!
Men should be chivalrous to women because they are eternally in debt to us for carrying and delivering all of the babies in the world including themselves. When men start getting pregnant they can stop opening car doors.
Mary Beth….. What a sad perspective on chivalry, that all men are eternally in your debt because you have a functional uterus. There is a level of kindness to which all people are due, which equates to decency, and an additional level of care by man to a woman for the weaknesses (if there remains any) unique to her gender. This latter consideration is roughly equivalent to the love-based kindness to be afforded to anyone of lesser aptitude, capability, or opportunity – not out of compulsion or debt, but love. In that women have been striving for full equality, and largely achieved this in our culture, the unique considerations which were an embedded part of inter-gender relations through all of history, are now largely anachronistic. With equality comes responsibility. Woman up, and open the door for your man if you get there first. If you can more easily bear a common economic responsibility, do it. As others here have said, do it out of a loving heart, not because you “have to”. The basis of a “man paying” was based on the justifiable assumption he made more money (if the woman made any at all), or the man sought to obligate the woman for his own purposes – not a place for “equals” to go. To be equal, one must take equal initiative. To be equal means one does not presume upon “special” treatment based strictly upon their gender – the very thing women’s rights fought for our culture to end. If equality is not what you want, say so. But, take care you aren’t insisting on keeping your cake, even as you savor eating it.
Mary,you’re an idiot.
That was the honest truth and I thank you for that Matt! That does get me annoyed when I open the door and instead of the guy grabbing the door he just walks through and on top of that he doesn’t even have the curtiousy to say thank you… arrrr that makes me think what would your mom say to you about that?!!!
And I really got a kick out of you telling the guys your just being a d**k and your not being cool…thank you so much…lol!!!!