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The Future Of Chivalry

Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…

For guys this is an extremely confusing area.

Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.

This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.

‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’

‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’

No matter where you stand on these specific issues…

Women still want men to be men.

And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.

1) Women

Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.

There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.

The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.

Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.

2) Men

Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.

Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.

If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).

Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.

–You love women.

Take this on out of respect for ALL women.

3) Dads

Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.

Be a role model for them to live up to.

4) Mums

Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.

Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!

Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.

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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.

Question of the day:

What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?

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170 Replies to “The Future Of Chivalry”

  • AMEN!!!!!!!! I have a 16 Year old son, and I have tried to raise him, as you have said in your video…and all the time people I have never met before will come up to me and tell me what a wonderful and caring young man I have raised. **I raised him with his wife in mind..hehehe

  • Chivalry? You talking about horsemanship? Knights?

    What a bizarre concept to care about in 2013.

  • Yes….exactly….
    As a women with very well paying job/position of authority…. it does pose a certain dilemma …what are the expectations with a new man? I think clear communication about your standards – in a nice way -is key…even if it is uncomfortable.
    Also as a single mom with a young son is absolutely agree with your statements abut how mothers should set equally high standards for their children. I recently attended a birthday party with my little guy. It was a fascinating study in human interactions. All boys…most moms too busy socializing to take notice about what their kids were doing…when lunch came most manners were atrocious …and yes they thought it was ‘cute or ‘funny’ or ‘just boys’ behaviour. I don’t think smashing cake in your face is remotely amusing…but what made me proud was my son…who looked bemused at the whole thing…didn’t participate/succumb to peers…and then turned to me quietly and asked what was wrong with the other kids. Hallelujah!

  • Hallo Matt, I’m absolutely loving the passion you’re channeling in the last 3 posts – or should I say rants! lol, something’s gotten under your skin, huh?
    I agree, chivalry can be the x-factor that makes a man super attractive beyond the visible, tangible things and the lack thereof, a subliminal signal for a lady to run for the nearest exit!
    I tell my young son to treat the little girls in his play circle with lots of consideration (everyone for that matter) and I get criticised for this but I’ll keep it up. I saw a hilarious sign recently & it’s germane to your comments – paraphrasing… it’s easier to correct a boy than to repair a man!
    Cheers
    A

  • I just could see blah blah with my best silly smile… I have to say that I love guys who talk in that way…. ;)

    Hahaha honesty is a good video, i love it! And it´s true mums and dads have a big responsibility with us, women and men.

    Thanks Matt! You are the best!

  • Bravo, Matt! You are something of a genius! I have been listening to you for several months now and you have conveyed a GREAT DEAL of wisdom to woman AND men. The kind of wisdom that belies someone of your actual age. You truly have a gift for dispenses wisdom to both genders when it comes to the business of relationships.

    I especially enjoyed “You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring”. I can definitely relate as a women who has identified herself as “shy”. It is a GREAT and FRUITLESS copout. Sometimes we all just have to be called out on our excuses…thank you! Keep up the brilliant work!

  • Matt this is my question “What about men?” You said that you realized when coaching men that you were coaching the wrong gender or was it that you just wanted to get closer to females? If what you are telling us about men and we are the sex that has to approach the opposite sex, why are you not still coaching men? I surprisingly have shown the opposite sex that I am interested in getting to know them, but they just run off like little cowards and act like nothing has happened. Men need to stand up and at least do a part in the pre relationship stages than just us all the time. Why don’t you coach both genders and give the guys a little more balls?

    1. Also, it gives me some ideas of how to run things in my elementary classroom and how to deal with parent conferences. That “boys will be boys” mantra from parents got old a long time ago, and this helps me figure out how to respond to those moms.

  • Love the video. I used to act like I didn’t need the door opened or men to be chivalrous towards me. One time I went out on a date with a guy who once I was in his car… he lectured me on my attitude. He said, “let yourself be loved and be treated like a lady.” I laughed. He said once we get to the restaurant, wait for me to walk around and open the door for you. He said, “would you do that for me?” So I agreed. At first, I felt kinda silly but after a while I began to enjoy this treatment. I felt like a queen. He said, “this is how every woman needs to be treated. Demand it from every man, and most men will live up to the expectations.” He is right.

  • It’s men like you that have keept women and men in the stereotypes they have been fighting so many years to get out of. Chivalry is an old code for knights and it has nothing to do with today. Men want to date women – not small spoiled girls that are used to their fathers calling them princess. Its a real big turn off to meet these kind of girls. Women should stand up and open their own doors. How else are they ever going to get the respect that will give them equal pay and benefits in the work place? You can’t behave like a child and expect to be treated like an adult.

    1. I think you missed the point. No one thinks a woman can’t open their own door or can’t pay for their own dinner (and if they do, they are idiots), but it’s just being nice and considerate in general. I (a woman) hold open doors for men and women in consideration sometimes, but it’s just a subtle gesture of love when my husband does it for me. It’s like me making sure the coffee is set up for him in the morning, a small act of kindness.

      1. Exactly! I do open and hold open doors for women and men, old or young… It’s because I’m saying “Yes, I can see you, I respect you, so I won’t bang it right on your face!”… I mean… It’s all about respect… Being nice to others! Yes, our society is different because values are above costumes…!

  • This is,hands down,your best video yet.Why? It sums it all up pretty nicely…with moms,dads,boys and girls…(and it shows your core values which are awesome)but you forgot to mention dads and how they shape expectations a girl has towards men.I know many girls didn’t have a father figure in their lives,and it is not a must have,but it’s a HUGE help when your dad treats you the way a man should-opening doors,paying for dinners,protecting you etc. and explicitely telling you this is how a man should treat you.Hell,if a men is acting less than I will accept I stand by my point and if he tries to argue with me or convince me otherwise,I just say “This is how my dad taught me a man should act towards me,you have to sort it out with him” :D sneaky,I know but I love it…it’s all daddy’s fault :)))))

  • Matt,
    I’ve been watching and reading from the early days and this is by far THE BEST VIDEO EVER!!
    It’s so refreshing to see you so passionate about this stuff. You have no idea how many guys need to hear this. That was a ‘get the girl’ post. Love it!
    Keep up the great work!

  • Hi Matthew my name is Anthea from Australia

    2years ago I purchased your initial get the guy ebook. Since then I’ve regularly followed your blogs and videos and would probably come to your live event if you had one here

    So the question I’m asking is that I try to follow you advice but have still not found the man for me! What am I doing wrong! the guys I attract seem to be people that either not wanting a relationship or to shy to commit to anything. After a meeting a guy out we went on ten dates and nothing happened yet he initiated each one. Finally I decided to cut him off but he didn’t want to be just friends so I’m not sure what he wanted! I also meet guys that just want things casual. What am I doing wrong! I go to bars with friends but also involved in running groups and other activities so it is not like I’m not putting myself out there!

    all my friends are getting engaged or are in long term relationships so I’m at the point of why can’t that happen to me! What am I doing wrong? Why do I attract non committal people or people who aren’t confident.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated as despite all this I still enjoy your videos :-)

  • Great vid Matt,

    I don’t think I should be paid less than a man for doing the same work in exchange for being treated with chivalry. It is ridiculous how society and men around the world degrade women. After all women nearly gave our lives to birth human kind and that alone deserves honor and respect.

    Thanks Matt oxoxox

  • Matthew – you rock!!! This video was your best yet. If I wouldn’t feel foolish doing so, I would be standing and cheering right now at everything you just said. Thank for setting all of us straight. And hooray to your parents for raising you right!

  • Respect is the key thing I got from watching this. It’s unfortunate but alot of people out there weren’t raised to respect others or don’t care too. It’s something that do in and out of dating but still wonder why they aren’t having any luck meeting someone. The older I get the more I realize that many of my major problems are because of ME. Men AND women need to take a good hard look at the mirror every day and then be willing to stop being in their own way.

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