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The Future Of Chivalry

Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…

For guys this is an extremely confusing area.

Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.

This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.

‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’

‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’

No matter where you stand on these specific issues…

Women still want men to be men.

And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.

1) Women

Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.

There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.

The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.

Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.

2) Men

Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.

Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.

If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).

Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.

–You love women.

Take this on out of respect for ALL women.

3) Dads

Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.

Be a role model for them to live up to.

4) Mums

Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.

Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!

Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.

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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.

Question of the day:

What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?

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170 Replies to “The Future Of Chivalry”

  • Dear Matthew
    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for speaking out loud and clear what modern women REALLY care about!
    I can only hope that this video will be seen by as many gents as possible..

  • PREACH IT!!! So glad that my standard and expectation is to have all men be chivilarous (sp?) towards me is okay to have!! Dont worry I say Thank you. Best Video yet. Seriously. Love it. Love it. Love it.

    I was at a recent workshop where the leader allowed the women of the event to to leave first for the break as we usually require more time in the restroom etc. It was extremely thoughtful.

    Thank you Matt… I think singlehandedly you ARE bringing sexy back.

  • You are absolutely right. Adult men and little boys can learn from us if we just ask or tell them “Can you open the door for me, please? Thanks for helping. You’re so kind”.
    Many people haven’t been taught how to be a little kind and sympathetic with everybody they meet. I’m a women, and I’ve given my seat to pregnant women or with small children because I’ve been there. I was dying on my feet 8 months preganat and nobody gave me their seat on the bus.Not a man or woman. Kindness and gentelness is soooo charming in anybody.

  • Matthew marry me,hahahaaha

    i saw this from twitter and i was like: YESSSSS,this is the kind of man that i want in my life.respect and caring are important in the relationsip.if you care for someone,then it is okay to do those little things for her,and leave the ego and pride behind.

    My point stays the same,Matthew,marry me,im very cute.

  • Bravo, Matt! Thank you for telling it like it is! Most guys are into the whole pickup thing-where the more of a dick they are the more the girl wants them. Why do things have to be black and white? they’re either the boring, weak, “nice guy”, or the guy that acts like he’s too cool to be bothered with chivalry. lol. They want to be like James Bond, attracting girls left & right but they forget that even he opened doors for girls from time to time ;)

    Anyway, Matt, I need your advise. A few days ago I went to a theme park and spotted a handsome guy with his friends. We were both walking, passing by each other and we made some eye contact( & I could see in his eyes that he liked what he saw :), but we both kept walking. What do I do in a situation like this? do I casually follow him for a bit to give it a chance? I find the hottest guys in huge crowds where everyone is walking from one spot to the other and you only have seconds to make an impression.

    Thanx, Matt for everything!

  • I’m trying not to cry as I’m writing this…the fact that a guy like you exists out there Matthew, makes me feel safe and hopeful that things will be right at some point…

  • hey sexy, bring It on Mathew im going to meet my guy from UK soon were going to Cyprus/paphos.

    LOVe LOVE LOVE thanks u always BRAVO… MILLIONS KISSSSSSSS.

  • Hi Matt,

    I love your advice in general, but I don’t see why men should have to act in a ‘chivalrous’ way towards women. I think manners and courtesy are extremely important, regardless of gender. I treat others, and hope to be treated in turn, with courtesy because I am human being, not because I am a woman. A man is not a ‘dick’ if he chooses to treat people equally.
    Why do you endorse this confusing double standard?

  • Thanks, Matt! You are SO on point!! Love your comment about being better than society. Yes! That manly delivery of yours is getting through. Instead of being surprised when a man is occasionally chivalrous, I am expect more of men. Another good lesson sinking in here…
    Thanks!

    ~Melanie

  • Hurray Matthew! Standing ovation! Back on the ballfield!

    Its all comes down to respect. Respect for yourself and others. Leading by example with standards.

    One important thing to remember about the chivalry tho, as you pointed out, is the “why”. It must always come from a good, loving and respectful place. And never turn into a compulsive thing or trying to take away the persons own capability of getting things done.

    I have an example; I was studying for being a chef. Me and a classmate were going to prepair dishes together and we were retrieving ingrediences. And everytime I was lifting something somewhat heavy (not too heavy, the whole thing was rediculous) he would just grab the thing from my hands or try to grab it without a word. It infuriated me so much, you cant believe it. In the chef world and especially as a woman you need to hold your own and be just as good as, if not better than men or no-one will take you seriously.
    The thing is not that he “tried to help” cause I could have used him as a mule if that was the case but its that he didnt bother to ask me! And when confronted he said “it was cause I was a woman and it was the nice thing to do”. I hate that, when the reason behind the action turns out to be that he looks down on women.

  • To guys you said, the “Driving Why” is because:

    “You love women! You care about them. You think they are the most precious creatures on Earth and you would do anything for them, because you want them to feel safe. You want them to feel comfortable. You want them to feel happy. And you want to be that man that doesn’t fit that societal norm for today. Who gives a fuck about the societal norm for today, and how men and women are today. Let’s be better than society. Let’s be better than the average. You’re not opening that car door for one woman. You’re not paying that bill for one woman. You’re not going out of your way to give her your seat, or to let her through the door first, or to walk on the car side of the street for one woman. You’re doing it out of respect for all women.” – by Matthew Hussey

    Oh – My – God! That’s fucking brilliant! The “Driving Why” you gave is THE “Why” to all of it! I see too many men hating on women and too many women hating on men. It comes in varying degrees of intensity and man it’s just ugly! We all need to be more decent to each other and also give each other a little leeway – as human beings in general – because communicating with each other can be damn hard sometimes.

    I loved the “pshaw” you gave to the “boys will be boys” mentality some moms have when it comes to their sons bad behavior. When you posed the question men ask, about how they should treat women, the first thing that popped into my head was, “How would you treat your mom? That’s probably a good place to start.” Of course, that’s assuming the guy treats his mom well.

    I also liked that you mention that some women can behave just as poorly as some men. It’s just about being a nice and courteous person – whether you’re male or female. If you’re a guy and you want to open the door for me that’s great! Hopefully, he won’t have a problem if I happen to open the door for him some time when it seems appropriate to do so. All of this should come naturally because we’re all attempting to treat each other decently and with respect.

    I’ve watched quite a few of your videos recently, and they’re good, but this one just nailed it! It’s like a monologue version of Bryan Adam’s song “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” I don’t know Mr. Hussey… I think you’d better go into hiding for awhile, because that little bad boy Cupid just shot out thousands of his Love arrows making you the new English version of Don Juan De Marco to a lot of women – and probably some guys too! ;oD

  • Wow! It’s great that you posted this video. It’s also quite sad that you had to point out something so basic and simple as respect one another and train your offspring. As single mom, I have taught my son all of these things. He gets a kick out of the responses that women and older men. (yes he must hold the door open for his elders no matter what their sex)He literally beams with joy. I’m happy to say Thank You to guy for helping me with something heavy or opening a door for me. The one thing I wish men would do is stop using foul language in front of women and children. Keep it clean guys.

  • this is interesting and obviously from a good place, but i don’t think he actually simplified it at all, just expanded on one side. the “why” part was perfect, but it would’ve been better if he’d discussed women who want to do these sorts of things as well and not be patronized when they try. everyone should treat everyone as they’d treat their mom (assuming all is good and loving there), regardless of the gender of either party. there are a lot of things we need to think about here… for instance, would your guy feel emasculated if you opened the door for him? carried his suitcase up the stairs for him? paid for dinner? bought him flowers? would your lady feel unfeminine if you lovingly asked her to do those things for you? why do we assign such concrete genders to these actions, and why is it so uncomfortable for us to go outside of those confines in the name of helping someone out or being helped out ourselves? let’s all just be nice to people, you know?

  • You couldn’t nailed better Matt really loved this video!!… You seem very passionate and sincere about this subject…

    Everyone got their piece of cake lol.. I personally will always accomplish any person with good manners around me with an smile and a thank you.. Any person who opens the doors for me, regardless man, woman, or child..

    Anyone who shows that kind of respect.. will always win me…Good behaviors and manners have to be well rewarded always no matter what..:) Rude people fall sooo short… If they would know…

  • As a man, I agreed with the first minute or so of this video, and with other various parts.

    HOWEVER – As a man who always opens doors (car doors too), walks on the right side of the road, and pulls a chair for a woman, I’m outraged by the reasoning this “expert” gives for suggesting men should continue paying for things. Other than calling any man who doesn’t do this “a dick,” that is a ridiculous generalization. Chivalry is about courtesy and watching out for a woman; the “rule” that men should pay pushes society away from equality.

    If we truly want to move forward towards equality among the sexes in this world, the woman should pay for herself. I can’t tell you how many guys don’t go on dates for this reason – they can’t afford it! We might like you and want to do amazing, fun things, but we can’t afford to set a standard where we pay double the price it would cost just ourselves.

    The man used to pay because the woman didn’t work, and now that the woman works, why on earth would we continue this ancient trend? I have no problem with paying on a first date as a nice gesture, but if the woman doesn’t grab her purse when the check comes by the 3rd date and I know she’s not living in a gutter, I lose a tremendous amount of respect for her.

    Women: This double standard needs to go. We want you to pay for yourself like a grown up, unless we insist. If you want to be thought of as an independent woman, who was joining us on the date for the sole satisfaction of being with us, and most importantly progress society more in the direction of equality, then pay your own way! We will appreciate that as much as you will when we run around the car to open the door for you.

    1. As I said in another comment, I think values are above costumes… Like respect and care! If both man and woman works, of course she can offer to pay her share, or even everything, and then say something like “you pay our next dinner…”, as an invitation! What I got from the video is that being gentle is really the key, and only what one another thinks is really important should be a costume! (While the woman feels like she is not being treated well). Of course gentleness and respect are highly important! The problem is that everybody seems to just care about themselves…

    2. Thank heaven a guy is commenting on this post. Rick I have to say I totally agree. I always feel like if I pay (for) every other date then we are actually having a relationship. I don’t think it has anything to do with whether or not its a guy’s place to pay it’s just I want to return the gesture. Thanks for being a gentlemen.

      1. Lisa, you’re awesome – “it feels like a real relationship” – couldn’t have put it better myself. Unless the guy is rich, the man paying every time won’t last long term (or you won’t be going out much).

        At least offering to pay your share when the bill comes means more than you think. A woman who does this demonstrates that she appreciates the gesture if we do insist on paying; that it isn’t overlooked because society expects this from men.

        Another reason this is interpreted so positively is that it demonstrates interest – if you’re willing to make the gesture to pay when it’s your turn, you obviously care enough to make the impression that you’re not using the guy and genuinely enjoy spending time with him.

        I personally interpret women who never pay on their turn or offer to pay as either not interested in pursuing anything (and depending on the situation, potentially like I’m being used) or as some kind of diva (which isn’t attractive either).

        Really, it comes down to feeling respected and appreciated, which is what anybody really wants.

    3. Great to see a guy giving his opinion on here!

      You’re right, women nowadays are capable of contributing to the dinner bill. However, women are also capable of opening car doors themselves and walking on the road side of the pavement. So why stop at the moment of paying the bill? Personally, for me it shows generosity. And by this I don’t mean that you have to have to fattest wallet. I mean that it shows you have the kind, considerate nature to make a woman feel feminine in a world where we have to act more and more on par with men. And what woman doesn’t want to feel feminine? If you prefer, why not do something more inexpensive for your date? Just takes some imagination. x

  • “Let´s be better than society” loved it!! Really much, I guess it is a hard topic because we as women are not even sure if we like the chivalry or not. To be honest, sometimes I think is unfair to you to always have to open the door for us or stuff like that, but at the same time it makes me feel important when someone does that for me.

    So, you are right, we should talk this straight with everyone instead of complaining. AND BE GRATEFUL WHEN ANYBODY IS NICE TO US.

  • Preach, Matty! Hallelujer (Madea Voice) Matt gettin mad, tellin these dudes how to grow balls. Btw, Matty, what’s your phone number? :-o

    -Sincerely, your future ex-wife.

  • I absolutely agree with you Matthew. We want to be treated with respect and have equal rights to pursue our careers but it doesn’t mean that it is not nice when someone hold the door open for us. It’s mostly just the matter of good manners and being nice to each other. I hold the elevator for others, I keep the door open if I see that someone is coming with their hands full, I give my seat to elderly people… and so on. Little things make our lives better. Greetings from Poland.

  • Amen. I love when guys open dors for me. It makes my heart melt :) I also showed my ex boyfriend to walk on the car side of the road, i think this is chivalrous too.

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