We’re a quarter of the way into the year, spring time is upon us, and so we thought today would be a good day to recap just a few grounding principles of the Get The Guy methodology…
Question Of The Day:
–Did you get it?
Hahaha Mathew I loved it!!!
You are hilarious.
You’re fucking awesome.
Love this! Works for me. :-)
Best advice ever! LOL.
you got me! Was 4 minutes in before I realized it was a spoof!
Like seriously, I started thinking “Maybe I should wear pajamas next time I hang out with my boyfriend” and “Maybe I’ll send him question marks next time he doesn’t text back for awhile…though Matt’s example seems rather obsessive.” Lol.
Hahaha!!!! Pinche Matt! This is probably one of my favorite videos…..happy April Fools Day to you too my Spicy Pickle.
I couldn’t stop laughing!!
“Cinderella got her guy by wearing a glass shoe, and when the glass is half full, you don’t even need the shoe at all” hahahahahha XD
Best April fools coming from you.
Love this Matthew! Happy April Fool’s day….I was totally fooled for exactly 0.34 seconds!!!
I wish there was one video for guys too
Advice for guys
1) If there is any woman you are interested in make eye contact. Actually, stare really hard, bore deep into her yes as if you are transmitting passion signals, just to rub it in. The creepier the better. Stare at her….chest. Women find this incredibly flattering…that’s why they wear low cut dresses or tight T shirts. It’s all for you. A woman takes it personally when a guy *doesn’t* stare at her and her chest. You want her to know how much you want her *that way* before you even know her name.
2) Once you have done the eye-staring thing, just stand there and never ever approach a woman. If you do the staring thing well, her ambrosa lobe will catch your passion signals immediately and she will, on her own, come to you and offer you sex, right then and there. Women are crazy horny and all they want is to jump into bed with strange guys and marry them the next morning. Do not ask for her number or try to make conversation. This is very dangerous, especially if the woman is hot because she WILL bite you.
3) if you DO talk to her in unavoidable circumstances e.g. when you are introduced by a common friend, be sure to be disrespectful. Women, even ordinary ones, have huge egos. They have their noses up in the air so it is your job to knock them down. Why? Because all the time, since they hit puberty, they are told they are stunning and truly unique. They are showered with compliments. The media and especially other women just keep telling them how beautiful they all are. Just see the “likes” on their facebook pictures. Women are never short on compliments. Therefore it is your job to reduce them to dust. There is a well known technique called NEGGING, which involves making subtle insults towards women you are interested in dating. Master this because women love guys who knock them down, are disrespectful, rude and ignore them. Doing this will raise your value in her eyes and she will immediately agree to have no strings attached sex with you.
4) Don’t try to be a man. Don’t even be chivalrous. Masculinity and chivalry are dead. Women and men are now equal so do not buy her a drink. It is an insult to her independence. Be feminine. Reveal your inner girly side by being a total wimp about everything. If you have any iota of courage…just drop it. Women hate men who show initiative, courage, dynamism. Be dead as a doorknob. Show her through your body language that you are not really a man but a woman with more hair. Slump. Look down at the floor. That’s what women really want….other women (just with more hair).
5) If you really like a girl, make sure neither one of you are ever able to contact each other again. If she forcibly gives you her number by writing it on a napkin and stuffing it in your pants, DO NOT CALL HER. The more you are interested in her, the more you should avoid taking any sort of action. But be sure to SAY things like “ I will call you” as if you really mean it. You know, raise her hopes so you can dash them later on. These confusing actions always turn women on. You must mess with women’s heads and hearts. This shows your character. Women love jerks and it sends their hormones spinning. So encourage her in every way saying how much you would like to get together with her BUT never actually do anything about it. That is the key, my friend. Be flaky.
6) Now that it is entirely up to the woman to make sure a date happens, you have already won the first round. Women love to do ALL the work in their relationships. Because this is the new wave of feminism where women must take on the role of men while still being women. They must earn, be independent as well as be nurturing and gorgeous. All men need to do is sit back and relax and watch sports while drinking beer and FARTING. This is early training for all the other stuff they will do for you later on such as cook, clean, have your baby and raise it, wipe your butt etc. So, yeah, back to the date which must happen without any effort from you. Make women chase YOU. That is the way to play the game. This is revenge for all these decades of courtship which has oppressed men.
7) Rules for the first date
(i) show up late (if you cannot avoid cancelling altogether or simply not showing up because there is a free meal to be gained).
(ii) show your loveable rogue side. That is, do not be a gentleman. Otherwise you give women all the power and they will walk all over you. You must keep her in her place.
(iii) DO not bathe, brush your teeth or wear nice clothes. It is the woman’s job to look good, not yours. They are your eye candy. Wear old, bad torn clothes. Women should not know that you are making any effort. Otherwise they will get extremely jealous and feel inadequate because who wants a man who competes with a woman in the looks department? The disheveled look is the best.
(iv) Fart. Loud and clear. Send out really smelly ones. Women love this because they love to improve men. Chew with your mouth open and show no signs of being civilized. Do not show good manners because that is not what a real man does. Just be super macho and all. Yo BRO!
(v) Grope her immediately. Try to make sexual, crude jokes and innuendos. You must make your intentions really clear and waste no time. Cut to the chase. Touch her inappropriately and just be lecherous. Women love men with high sex drives and they need to KNOW you have libido. Because women have NO idea how much men want sex.
(vi) Make sure you stare, gawk and flirt with every woman who walks by. Especially the waitress. This shows your tremendous confidence and lets her know she has a ton of competition. Women are highly competitive by nature and this really gets them going.
(v) Talk about yourself and brag incessantly. Women need to know all about your swanky sports car and the money you earn etc. Do not let her out do you in any way. If she earns more than you, belittle her achievements, saying she got where she is because of her “looks”. Show off shamelessly so she knows that you are a Prize Catch, and so much better than she is. This power dynamic must be establish early on. Remember as a real man you are clearly above all women.
(vi) When the check comes, let her pay ALL of it. Don’t bother to offer. All women are hard core feminists and feminism means women pay.
(vii) When it is time to go, grab her and kiss her violently. Try to go to her apartment or take her to yours for you-know-what. That is the goal and you must stay focused. If she refuses, remember, women always say no at first because they don’t know what they want. But really their answer is yes. Always. If she later files a complaint for rape or sexual assault, you can always easily blame the dress she was wearing. Everyone will believe you and be on your side so do not worry about going to jail.
8) Remember, as soon as you get what you want from her, DISAPPEAR. Women are crazy leeches who will stick to you and never ever leave. All women want is to marry you in an instant. Their whole lives are about that. Even the ones with careers and hobbies only want a husband. Their so called lives are just a façade. You, despite your lack of career prospects, manners, character, looks etc. are irresistible to extremely hot, young, successful and rich women who are brilliant, talented and popular. All they want is you, your body and sex. All the time. They are after you, you and only you. They love to take care of men by providing for them and cooking and cleaning as well. So if you don’t want all this (remember, stay focused on sex), RUN. Never call her again. Disappear. Just make sure you say EXACTLY the opposite otherwise women get upset.
9) The next day, you must go an brag to your friends about how you got laid and how it is was your 1243598th conquest. Don’t forget to call the woman a total slut because you were the 5th guy she slept with. Tell everybody else too. Women must be virgins always. Regardless, they are meant to be your sex slaves.
10) Once she has sex with you, remember she can never be your girlfriend or wife. She probably does that with everybody just so she can marry them. Women do not have any sexual desires they goal is marriage. You on the other hand must build your resume and get as many women as possible into your bed. Remember when you are old, tired, sick at 75, all this sex is what will keep you sustained. Why get trapped into a relationship when you can get everything for free? Who wants love, commitment, togetherness and support? Or a family? You job is to concentrate on sports, beer and bedding women. So stay focused.
How do you like THIS?
Haha at first I thought you were crazy but gosh I love how sarcastic this video is. thanks for posting. love the bloopers in the end as usual.
“I’ve invited your Boss for our wedding next week! So excited!!❤️❤️❤️ILY ❤️❤️❤️”
“Btw you must get a new phone because I’m not getting your texts and I tried calling you and all 30 times it didn’t work!!! Anyway, I know you are busy so I’ll wait for you at home. Your concierge gave me the keys. My parents will be there for diner:)I cannot live without you a minute longer my honeypoo I love you❤️❤️❤️ I’m nothing without you!”
“Ohh the stars were right, Venus is strong today. We are so in love!!! Our connection is AMAZING :))) ❤️ Can you feel it too?? ”
Best video ever ! :D
This is hysterical!!! You almost had me believing i was doing everything wrong ha ha ha ha.
omg LOL! “houdini”, “he wants you to shower”, “knock him down and then pick up the pieces”, “take that napkin in your hand…”, “Cindarella…” LOL! I laughed through the hole vid. The blubbers are amazing! Thanks for sharing! Hope you have lots of laughter today too!
Just wanted to say I loved it all, especially the pun in the title! Delicious irony!
I don’t quite agree with “sleeping with him as soon as possible”. Wouldn’t he think of such a woman as easy?
Okay wait…. this is a spoof. LOL.
Oh yeah! It’s April Fools’ day!
Well done Mat! ;)))
I was actually puzzled at first, thinking what was wrong with Matthew and is it possible that all those things I did so far in regards to meeting new people wee wrong, but then I got it, it’s the 1st of April after all, and still so far no one has managed to fool me, but you have with this video ;) That was a good one, Matt :)
“You’d make a great dad.” haha this is hilarious!
My favorite part was the text message – contact was listed as Strange Napkin. hahahaha That was awesome!
ha! That was my favorite part too!
I died over that part too!! Lmao! :)
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