The Lost Art Of Giving A Great Compliment – And How To Do It Right!

I’m kind of a movie-fanatic. Anyone who comes to my live events will know that I love dissecting even the tiniest moments from films to draw profound lessons.

And today, I want to use one my favourite film moments to ask you this question: How good are you at giving compliments?

The art of giving a great compliment is a tragically under-appreciated skill. Most people use compliments as meaningless flattery, or they just use generic phrases like “you’re so sweet”, “you’re really great” or “thanks, you’re so lovely”. These phrases, while they are all nice to hear, are completely forgettable.

Think of the compliments you have cherished from people you love in life. Usually it’s because they told you something about yourself and you just thought: they totally understand me. Or when someone told you something about yourself that you weren’t even aware of.

Take a look at the video below to see one of the greatest on-screen compliments ever uttered. It’s from the film As Good As It Gets.

It’s a breathtaking moment. Melvin (Jack Nicholson) finally tells Carol (Helen Hunt) what makes her the greatest woman on earth to him.

We all go through life never really telling people the best things about them. This might be with our friends, parents, and our love lives. What makes someone else feel special (and see us as special), is when they feel like we understand them on a level that no-one else does. Even if when you’re dating a guy you say “I really like the way you’re so considerate of other people. You always want everyone to feel good before yourself. I really admire that about you.”

Compliments like these (as long as they are true!) will resonate with someone, because they see that you are someone who notices the small actions they do everyday.

So my tip for today is to give better compliments. And for that you’re going to need some principles for doing it right. So here are three:

1. Always be specific

Just telling someone they are sexy is okay, but it’s kind of generic and impersonal. Tell them why they are sexy, or kind, or great fun, or whatever it is you want to say about them. If you want to tell a guy he is cute, tell him something specific about his looks, like “I love the little dimples on your cheeks when you smile.”

2. Focus on the little things

Compliments don’t have to be huge. The most meaningful ones can come from tiny things we do everyday. Maybe it’s saying “You make the best coffee in the world”, or “I love talking to you over breakfast. You always make me feel like I can really be myself around you.”

3. Make sure they are accurate

Don’t pull compliments out of thin air. Really think about the person you are talking to and what makes them great. Even if it’s someone you’ve known for a few weeks, you could just say what makes them so fun to be around. Is it their spontaneity, their kindness, their curiosity about the world?

What are some of the compliments that have stuck with you over the years? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!


If you haven’t yet signed up to my home study programme ‘The Man Myth’, I really encourage you to check it out. The holidays will soon arrive, and wouldn’t it be great if you had someone to share them with!? If you start the programme now, you’ll be just in time! Check it out here.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

55 Responses to The Lost Art Of Giving A Great Compliment – And How To Do It Right!

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  1. Website stats says:

    Helpful info. Fortunate me I found your web site accidentally,
    and I am stunned why this accident didn’t happened earlier!
    I bookmarked it.

  2. Judith says:

    One simple way to tell if an article is good: it makes you start thinking ;)
    I definitely need to learn and be better at giving compliments. Thank you for reminding me :)

    The most amazing compliment I ever got: he told me that he felt relaxed in my company.
    Let me add the back story: he has Aspbergers. He can’t stand being around people. If that’s not the biggest compliment someone with Aspbergers can give, than I don’t know what :)

  3. K Cherry says:

    I just ran across this great article and wanted to share because compliments can change lives. I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life that have truly lifted me up with words.

    A very memorable compliment i received was based in feeling, not words. A gentleman in the grocery store approached me, leaned in towards me in a friendly manner and said, “you are truly beautiful”. Although people have said you hot or pretty at other times, this man’s genuine smile and spirit struck me so differently. It was like he was speaking about my soul and not my looks, so very moving.

    My most memorable compliment came from a retiring coworker: “I really hope the person who gets to spend every day with you knows how truly blessed he is”…. It opened up my heart and eyes… that one was a life changer.

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  5. val muth says:

    “you’re one of the few women I know who gets more beautiful with age”

  6. Anastasia says:

    I was reading down the blog and i just had to comment on this one. the greatest compliment i have ever received was not even a compliment exactly; a guy looked at me in the eyes and told me they were green. everyone,including myself, always thought they were brown to olive-hued at most. but after closer examination we concluded he was right! also he had once told me that had never seen eyes that sparkled more than mine.. i guess he owned the art of complementing :p

  7. MaryLou says:

    I have twice received the following compliment “you’re very easy to talk to.”

  8. BLX says:

    The MOST AMAZING compliment I ever got from a guy was “I love the way you throw back your head when you laugh.” (I never realized that I was doing that until he told me!)

  9. Alannah says:

    Hi Matt,
    I have this friend called Ross, we banter, call each other vain and other rubbish. Anyway I gave him a compliment the other day and when I went to cinema with him saturday he was awfully weird and very difficult to talk to and family have said that maybe he thought I fancied him. Yes, he’s attractive but I wouldn’t go out with him and I’m worried he’s got the wrong idea and is trying to push me away. I said this: “you know I’m very glad you spoke to me that day, you’re too kind to me Rossatron, thank you. You’re an awesome dude :)”….I don’t know how he could that could be coming on strong. Any advice? x

  10. Marta says:

    A person once told me that talking was not necessary, because my eyes could talk. That is the only compliment that has stayed with me through the years.
    Thank you for this amazing entry. I’ll try these tips to tell those that are caring a lot about me how grateful I am.

  11. Linda says:

    Thanks again! This really worked!(I tried it on my mom) Hope you will always post!!

  12. D says:

    Dear Matthew and the GTG team.

    I love this post because I’m pretty lousy at giving compliments and your post gets to the point whilst imparting knowledge that takes years to master. Many thanks for taking the time out of your hectic schedule to write such gem articles. This goes for all your entries of course. Meticulous attention to detail is something employers look for in their employees, a quality that is important to our work life. Your post helped me to understand that attention to detail is also crucial when it comes to our personal life. I think I might just start dissecting movies now.

    Many thanks again,

  13. mimi says:

    Oh Mathew!!! You just have a way of bringing our attention to little things that really matter but sadly we take for granted. It is inexplicable to express how much I have been inspired by your articles. thank you so much for all that you do. I wish you happiness always :)

  14. Layla says:

    Thanks a lot Matthew!!

    You alway bring out the smallest details that make us feel like things are actually simple if we look at them deeply… I’m so happy for having the chance to read your great articles!!
    Well, the best compliment I got was (In brief)…. “You are so pure”… From all of the compliments I heard in my life, this one was the best, I don’t know why – may be because it made me feel so good about myself… :)

    Best of luck Matthew, and Thanks again!

  15. Regina says:

    It’s one thing to seek advice from a love coach to improve your love life, and it’s another thing when you find yourself almost falling for that love coach for his genuinity and altruism towards women that he goes out of his way to help them in every way he can. Even with the little things.

    Thank you so much Matthew. You never fail to amaze us. :)

  16. Marthe says:

    Hi Matt! I love you article! It reminded me a nice anecdote … Do you want to read it? Well!!..We were at a party, the boyfriend of my best friend and I, waited for her to stop arguing with her ​​ex-boyfriend (a horrible situation and uncomfortable because neither he nor I were born in that city) … Suddenly! came semi friends from her and him joined us, they thought I was his girlfriend but he, gentlemanly but drinks a few beers told them NO! Martha is “cinnamon finer for me”! she is very pretty and sweet girl! killed me and I died,(WTH) since then is my platonic love! I stopped and went heheheheeee! I could grab him with kisses! and put together on a terrific fight! hahahhaa … They are still my friends each separately! They broke up, but I never told her what happened that night! she was very drunk and sad, I think it was her worst night but for meeeee it was the best night in a while! and those words will be “mine forever”! They were exactly applied! Thanks Matt made ​​me remember something wonderful … It wasn´t the only compliment I’ve been told cute!mmmmm? thought I was the one who had said more! xD

    Question? Miami will be have another event coming up? How can attend it? if it will be!

    1000 wait not!! 10,000 Bisous, I miss you so much On Twitter! Have a great time!!! ;)

  17. Brita says:

    Hi Matthew (and all readers of get the guy)

    Last spring I dated the greatest guy – unfortunately not for long. After the first date, he was very busy with his exams and children for several weeks, so he didn’t have any time for further dating. During the weeks I understood, I had completely fallen for him. I loved his passion, his honesty and his determination to achieve his goals as well as his way of being a parent.

    Having fallen for him, I got very sad, when – after his exams – he texted me that he had realized, he didn’t feel anything for me, and he didn’t want to see me again.
    I never got a chance to tell him, how I felt. I just replied that I was sorry, but I wished him the best.

    After being sad for some days, I took a good look at myself, trying to figure out, if I would fall for myself, if I were to meet myself on a date – and I found room for several improvements. :)
    I wrote down what I wanted to change and made a plan. I still work everyday to achieve the things I’ve planned. It feels so right working on being the best I can be.
    Ironically him not wanting to see me again has turned out to be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time!

    My dilemma is now that I would love to tell him, how he inspired me and how our meeting has helped me to turn my life in a different direction. But I can’t figure out how to do so in a good way!

    I will properly never meet him again, if I don’t actively seek him, and I don’t want to do so, because it will make me look as if I’m desperate for a guy I hardly know. I’m sure he will not like that.

    What would you do in my situation?

    • Wow says:

      Hi Brita. if I was you, I wouldnt tell him anything. I think your improvement was initiated by yourself and not by the fact that he said no to you. maybe a rejection from any other guy at that time would have initiated the same positive changes in your life.
      I think you shouldnt prize anyone for having rejected you! be a proud woman.
      take care :)

      • Brita says:

        Thanks Wow.
        I didn’t see your answer before today.

        You’re absolutely right. I shall just stay away from him. And I do. And do. And keep doing while I work on my project on becoming the person I would fall for myself.

        Of course I shouldn’t prize anyone for having rejected me! You are right about that too.
        I was properly just looking for an excuse to get to see him again. Stupid, I know!

        There are a lot of other guys out there, and at the moment I feel quite a lot of them want to be with me.
        But none of them make me feel the way he did. :(

        Thanks again.

  18. Lizzy says:

    Hi Matt, after reading your post I decided to text my man (dating for 7months)a true, from the heart compliment. I wrote: Just thinking about you. You make me feel complete when we are together and like something is missing when we are apart.I got a text back telling me how he appreciated the text and that I am always so good to him, with xxx. I could tell it made his day that truthful little compliment and his reply made mine.Thanks for the post, sometimes our lives get so busy we forget about the little things that can help a relationship deepen.

  19. Natalie says:

    I played the clarinet in middle school and it was after a concert recital when my friend’s grandfather came up to me and told me I had an elegance about me in the way I sat and played. I was so surprised and grateful for the compliment that as you can see, it has stuck to me til this day.

  20. joy says:

    Over 50 years ago, a young man i hardly knew, gave me a compliment that i have never forgotten. He said ” Your hair is so black and beautiful and when u grow old it will not be yellow like some hair does, but it will be beautiful pure silver.” Guess what, he was right. Today my hair is pure silver and i dont even remember his name, but i remember his unique and genuine compliment. He will never know that i carried his words with me always, what a wonderful gift he gave to me.

  21. Pauline says:

    I was recently dating a guy who could not do this at all… the best compliment he gave me was that I looked hot. I am over 50, you would think by now! I am no longer seeing him…My question is, is finding a guy different over 50?

  22. Shelby says:

    This is really good advice! I’ve done given these sorts of comments a few times. Best not to say them too often to someone or I’d scare them a bit and think you’re obsessed I think…. :/
    I remember this guy I was into was down on himself so I told him why he was such a great person and he returned with a “Thank you Shelby, you always know what to say :)” That was a good day. Thank you for the advice Matt! <3

  23. Foxie says:

    Matt, where have you been all my life?
    This is such an amazing piece that I have been looking for for years. Thank you so much.

    There was a guy told me that I have a pure heart cos Ive never meant to hurt other people and he asked me to never lose it. <3

    I just couldnt find any good compliment to "pay him back"

  24. Blue says:

    i’ve always been attracted to the “tortured artist” type. now, there’s a definite down side to that, but when a song, poem, or portrait is inspired by you, well, it’s hard to compete with that in the complement arena. but i’m trying to be gentle… ;-)

  25. Jade says:

    Ha how appropriate for today have been complementing people like mad today just for the fun of it – my best one was telling my friend she has the heart of a tigress! I just had an amazing weekend in Liverpool doing the full Hussey and spreading the word like mad – especially the girl on the disastrous first date funnily enough she had him in the palm of her hand when i talked to her later after a ‘tension’ talk. Seeing what is wonderful in others helps you to see what is wonderful in yourself too, its about building confidence and learning to be more open without letting go of your strength I love your programme Mr Hussey and long may it continue…x

  26. maria says:

    i agree with you Mat compliments are important but (cause there is always a “but”) what about us??? We do need them too, it applies to women too. My question is what to do to make a guy occasionally -at least- tell me that.
    My and my boyfriend are together for 10 months now and its been great, way we met was quite funny. I love spending time with him but he is no good in telling compliments and he knows it (just so we are clear, i never made that impression on him) few times he tried but it came out completely wrong, and every time he was trying saying something nice he was adding at the end: well i am not a poet i am programmist. I know it is quite funny but i need to be aknowledge i need sometimes to hear sometihng nice like a decent compliement. On top of that he is no good sharing feelings too, word love was never mentioned. I can see it in his eyes and in things he does like the way he holds me, looks in my eyes, talks to me. We are together for a while and i would think the longer we are the more confident he should be feeling around me. I am trying so hard to show him how important he is and how happy i am with him, how proud i am about things he has done, all i get after is “yeah me too” or “you are important to me too” and stuff. I may sound pathetic but i am getting so frustrated about it and having a chat about it with him is no option.I tried it. At the moment he is finishing his studies, working i know he is busy and i understand that but because of that he is spering me less and less time. I told him that i know about how busy he is and i want him to focus on his responsibilities but sometimes, just sometimes i am tired of understanding and i wish he would understand – all i need is a simple text from time to time when he is on the bus for example or in the evening at home. After i told him that he said we will spend weekend together, and he knows about al of it, he will spare me more time. We did spend a weekend together – well two evenings actually but its wednesday evening and again there is no message, phonecall or else since sunday. If all of that makes any sense to you then please i beg you tell me if and possibly what can i do to make it more…. well normal i guess is the word…

  27. N. H says:

    A hi from Paris.Thx for your post. I guess we must be short enough in our compliments on 1st dates. cuz the guy will smirks inside saying: ” Man, she has fallen for me so badly and let`s rock on”, and unfortunately, as you continue to compliment him more and more, he backs off. Though this is not true for all guys, for some guys who are honest works well, cuz the poor one will get more and more attracted to you. All I wanna say is that, 1st try to get which type of guy are you dating with. If he is the one who is a lil bit mean or player, bear in your mind that he may make you beg for hearing a lovely word from his mouth. I`m saying this from my baggage of experiences gained from talking with 65 dates. lol.
    Have a great week,and carry on helping ppl!

  28. Audrey says:

    The greatest compliment came from my best friend. She said she was thinking over who she could really turn to no matter what. Who would have her back. She said, “The only person I know would stand by me 100% always is you. And that’s the truth.” Then she started to cry over the phone. It is the best to have love and be loved that much.

    I cannot think of a compliment from a boyfriend/hubby that stuck with me unless it’s: “I don’t think you realize how hot that is!” and “I cannot imagine you being anything but compassionate. You are a very compassionate person.”

  29. Susan says:

    one of the most memorable compliments I’ve ever received:
    Susan…you are an E Ticket….that was a hundred years ago when Disneyland had ticket books and the coolest rides were E tickets…charmed the pants right off all ways!

  30. Mika says:

    I’m in a rock solid loving relationship but this was a great reminder to show him my appreciation & not take him for granted. Compliments are a great verbal reminder that you truly appreciate someone–this is something I could really work on.

    Thanks for the reminder!

  31. A says:

    That compliment by Jack was intense because it WAS NOT even about her looks…. Most men seem to be unable to see women unsuperficially unless they are mainly solid friends.

  32. Crystal says:

    Matthew I really love this advice. I guess I never really noticed how insincere people can be when giving compliments until I read this. Mostly because I’ve always tried to surround myself with very genuine people, so I don’t often encounter this myself.

    Personally I have always worked really hard to let the people in my life know how I feel about them, because I know in truth how short and fragile life and relationships both can be.

    So Matthew, even though I don’t know you personally, here is my compliment for you, because we can all use a few every now and then.
    I love how much you care about people. I know that what you do, to most may be just a job, but to you, I can tell it is much more. You sincerely care about the people that you work with. You want nothing more than for them to get out of their own way and allow themselves the love they deserve in their lives. It is highly commendable to see someone use their talents of perception in such a way as to aid others rather than take advantage of them. Keep up the good work, and may you help and touch many more lives, for they are all blessed to have the opportunity to meet you.

  33. Joeyanna says:

    I have to say that I have always been a big giver of compliments, even to strangers (when I was working in retail, I once told a woman I was serving that she had the most beautiful hair). I tell my boyfriend how amazing he is all the time and how truly unique he is and all the things that are special about him and he does the same for me.

    One thing that you didn’t touch on however, is how bad people are at receiving compliments, maybe that is something you could cover in another blog. I think as humans we have come to expect the worst of people a lot of the time and due to low self esteem or lack of confidence, we are very good at dismissing praise, not only does it make the reciever feel uncomfortable but it undermines the sincerity of the giver!

    Maybe it’s as simple as being comfortable with who we are!?

    Anyway, enough of my musings….great clip Matt, it brought a tear to my eye and as a fellow movie buff, I’m definitely going to watch that in full.

    Thanks once again for an insightful blog, they’re always a joy to read.

    Jo x

  34. Kathy says:

    Wanted to respond to a comment about your ears –

    Always thought you had great ears – they are perfectly balance to go with your face!

  35. Julie says:

    Thanks for this. You are so right the art of giving great compliments is fading, fast. ( am afraid am not helping with keeping it alight). Hopefully now I shall be able to give compliments well.
    The compliment that stuck with me the most was that I was inspiring because, despite all the negatives that come with having OCD I still find a way to see the postives in the world. Not sure if it stuck with me because its a lovely complimnet or because it came from a guy I liked.
    PS Looking forward to seeing what other ways you are changing the world in the form of a blog. :D

  36. Lil says:

    Thank you for this really good advice. I have never actually thought about this. I think I have given compliments but have not been able to be specific or unique enough to make a lasting impression. I am definitely going to think about these “rules” when giving compliments to my loved ones. I also wish I’d get better at recieving compliments. Maybe that will happen as I get better at giving them.

  37. adora says:

    Thank you for another great post! I’ve been wanting to know how to compliment a man, or anyone really.

    Great advice. However, I find that a lot of men don’t know how to take compliments. (Perhaps because women rarely gives them?) For example, I would often tell my male friends when they have nice hair. I know they love it, but instead of saying “Thank You”, they would reject it (with giggles), “Are you joking? Is that a joke?” or “My parents are old fashioned Scottish, they hate when my hair is messy.” (giggle some more)

    I love a man with widow’s peak like Matthew’s. (You’re rocking great hair!) I always tell a man to grow his hair slightly and sweep it up to show it off. It’s amazing how much they love to hear it. I suppose it says that I notice things about him?

    • Annette Mencke says:

      Hi Adora,
      The reason men and women “don’t know how to take a compliment” is because they don’t feel worthy and lack self-esteem. Don’t blame yourself. The man you can accept your compliment can also accept you as a woman.

  38. Nofia says:

    Actually, I stay with my guy because he gets and accepts all my different personality quirks…including the things that can sometimes be negative…he gets that women can sometimes be as open-eyed as men when it comes to sex…and he doesn’t think it’s bad..just appreciates being kept in the loop if I see a guy I think is hot, etc…sure, he’ll tease the hell out of me about it, but he doesn’t get rankled and angry and jealous..

  39. caressatran says:

    This is exactly what I need.

    Thanks for another awesome article Matthew. If I eventually got married with my dream guy, I would definitely invite u to the wedding :).

  40. sharynsmiilz says:

    I just want to say thank you Matthew. I have read and signed up for emails from several different relationship experts over the last few months, and I have to say your blog and your emails are so refreshing. I can tell you are passionate about genuinely helping people. Your messages always contain helpful information for everyone and do not just allude to the “secrets” to making your life or relationships better to sell your programme or someone else’s book. I love that about you! Your emails are the only ones I did unsubscribe from and as. Participant in your online program, I have found your material more useful and uplifting than anything else I’ve tried. Thanks and kudos to you and your team for helping me to be a better and more informed person.

  41. Ann says:

    Thank you Matthew, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched movies, but you know, it’s awesome what they can teach us a lot of times, and kudos to you for spotting it!! ^_^

    I like a guy atm, but be has said before that he didn’t think we were compatible even though our colleagues thought we were. But I guess I’ve forgotten how to do compliments as well after a while.

    I am working on my life atm, being the best that I can possibly be, and talking to more men as you suggested and am getting really comfortable with them, that it seems that I’m able to make them smile. So I’ll continue working on it :)

  42. Jamie says:

    This is really great advice, thank you! I can’t count how many times I’ve been given generalized compliments by the guys I’ve dated, giving compliments is definitely an under-appreciated skill! I just came up with compliment I can give to one of the guys I’ve been dating:
    I love that you’re committed to your music. When you sing, I can tell that you’re passionate about it, and that is so amazing because most people aren’t passionate about anything. I like being around passionate people who truly commit to what they love. :)

  43. Red Apple* says:

    I wanted to check out your home study programme ‘The Man Myth’, but the link didn’t work :(

    My compliment to him: You are strong in being patient and fair. But very often I witness that in your decisions mercy plays a far more important role than fairness.
    I admire that.

  44. Mandy says:

    This is just what I needed to read. For whatever reason I never know what to say around people that i truly like and I end up with the label “egocentric”.
    I read about the power that nice words can have on someone and i experienced that before. It is amazing how “wow, that lipstick looks fabulous on you” can turn the lady at the supermarket in a friend that won’t let you buy something if she knows is something wrong with it. And also “what a great smile you have” can make the nastiest start of a day in an amazing one. But I have to learn to tell nice things to the persons that I care about. For whatever reason i just get the feeling that they know it and I find it awkward to say it.
    Maybe the guy that I like needs to find out how I wait for those mornings when I meet him in the gym, how he makes my day when he compliments me, how his smile makes me smile and how I like talking to him just because he is such an interesting, smart,kind and generous person. But..I have to also face my shyness.
    So baby steps for now. I’ve just called my mum to tell her how much I love her just because she cares about me unconditionally.
    Thank you Matt for this incredible article!

  45. Alecia says:

    Thank you for this eye opener I always give compilement but I never really be exact it was always just the normal everyday ones like thank, you look nice. But I know understand I can be more polite.

  46. Jess says:

    Matthew, I love the way you give the impression the big questions which have flumoxed humans since the dawn of time, does he? will he…? and so forth, can be easily, almost effortlessly resolved, with the application of a method. True or not, it is reassuring and makes you so very comforting to listen to. Your sticky out ears are really cute, too. :)
    Have a happily memorable day,

  47. Christine Ko says:

    This is really true. The impact of a genuine compliment can last a lifetime, helping people remember who they are during difficult times.

  48. Caroline says:

    Hi Matt

    Wow this is beautiful, it put the hugest smile on my face and brought tears to my eyes!

    I’ve met a guy recently and I really like the way he makes me feel.

    This is wonderful advice thank you – it allows me to really consider why he does and to tell him – so far he is very attentive and sensitive to my needs and desires, ands not afraid to meet them. He makes me feel a little challenged yet comfortable and beautiful; he brings out a shy confidence and freedom to express my beautiful self, and I really like it!!!

    As for you … I love a man -anybody!- who really see’s and gets the little yet profound messages life is giving them, then shares them with the world to better the quality of peoples lives – to share the love :). Your opening sentence grabbed me completely and shows that you are beautifully passionate about what you do. I admire this deeply and am so grateful for having you in my life. I aim to be as inspiring as you are, and to be a part of healing the relationships we have with eachother the way you do. :)

    Thanks Matt .. you tha bomb!!!

    Love Caroline x

  49. Alina says:

    you’re right dear Mathew! Ill add this to my “daily tasks”…:) Thank you for helping us to have a wonderful life,thank you for all your magic and blessed advices.
    keep doing what you do!

  50. s. says:

    Matthew, this is just what I needed today!! Thank you so much! :)
    I was just thinking these days about the guy I’m currently dating, what compliment to give him – and the first thing that came into my mind was that he does not judge people. I SO LOVE that kind of people! And that’s why I’m always relaxed with him. :)
    And his clothes always smells so nice – I have to ask him what kind of fabric softener he uses. ;)

    You made my day with this great post, thank you!! x

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