Should Guys Still Hold Open Doors For Women? (Today Show)

I’m back in New York for The Today Show and it looks like they’re making me a more permanent feature… You’ll see why in the video…

(Having trouble viewing the video? Try this link instead.)

From the video…

“Is a guy not interested in me if he plans a date night and calls right before to say that he also has plans with his friends so can they join?”

Give him the benefit of the doubt if it’s the first time that night he’s done something like this, and go and be charming with his friends.

This can be a great chance to show off a little, as a guy’s attraction for you will go through the roof if his friends are impressed. This isn’t something that we like to admit, but it’s true of women with guys too.

“I just started dating again after years of marriage and I’m not sure of the rules these days. Should I let a guy pay for me and open my car door, or are those days over?”

Guys aren’t taught right.

I just shot a video on this titled ‘Is Chivalry Dead?’. Firstly, this area has become incredibly confusing for guys. We’re in a world now where women are crazy powerful in relation to us, and we’re trying to figure out where we still matter.

Guys have run out of so many ways of impressing women that they should be holding onto all of the remaining ways they can! A guy should look to go the extra mile – to open the car door, to cover the bill… – because it’s immediately going to separate him from every other guy.

If your guy doesn’t do these things, his actions aren’t set in stone. You have to have the confidence to enforce a certain standard.

If he’s never been ‘conditioned’ to do these things, but meets you and you convey that that’s your standard, then he’ll begin to do it if he really wants to impress you.

Communicate your expectations by saying something like, “I would love for you to do this for me.” and give him a chance to live up to them.

Question of the day: What one chivalrous act do you think all men should do?

36 Responses to Should Guys Still Hold Open Doors For Women? (Today Show)

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  2. Heh? says:

    Being considerate is attractive. I don’t really expect a guy to open doors, etc., but being courteous increases a guy’s hot factor. If I’m carrying things and a guy opens the door, it’s appreciated. When a guy opened the car door for me, I unlocked his door for him. He really liked that. Both sides should be considerate.

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  4. Nofyah says:

    Car door. The first time we ever went anywhere together in a taxi my man gave me specific instructions to wait for him to open the door for me.

  5. Jackie says:

    Hi Matt, I was talking to a dating coach because I was thinking of reviewing her book Meet to Marry. When she asked me how my dating was going I mentioned that I’m working with a matchmaker, and that online just wasn’t doing it for me. For the most part, I’ve found that alot of the men online are not commitment oriented. It’s pretty easy to tell. One guy wanted me to go to the other end of town to meet him for coffee instead of meeting halfway. Anyways, she wrote me unsolicited advice that I found very offensive. Would really like your thoughts here because this woman had me in tears. She seemed to say that I was responsible for the men’s behavior online. While I agree that our inner reality is reflected in our outer reality, at the same time I’m still not responsible for other people’s behavior. This is what she wrote:

    The Meet to Marry motto is to To Find The One You Need To Be The One. I coach both men and women and we have blind spots keeping us from love! It’s the human condition and just can’t see our own blind spots.

    The key to finding true love is to look within. True love can be found on dating sites, using a matchmaker or an introduction but we have to know ourselves and be ready to dissolve whatever has been getting in the way. It’s never outside of ourselves. The reason for the high divorce rate is people tend to be unconscious in marriage as well and they don’t understand that the purpose of marriage is self growth and bonding with another. It’s important to be mature, generous and self aware. Also, many singles have lists of what they are looking for, but the list are not qualities that will make them happy.

    When we’re having the experience that “the men in general don’t seem relationship oriented or capable of commitment” –it’s just not a fact. It’s the experience someone is having and that reality can change to one that is empowering. My clients have a shift – a big aha moment and see a clear path to finding love by getting out of their own way, creating a compelling marriage vision and then dating to marry in a fun, exciting and principled way to make it happen. We always attract what we send out, even if it’s unconscious. I am living proof that with a breakthrough anything is possible. I was a total dating disaster and my breakthrough set me on a course that changed my life and now I’m married to Michael for almost 9 years. I never thought it was possible to feel so safe and cared for in a relationship that deepens every year. That is what’s possible and I wish that for you.

    If you are interested in taking a look at what might be getting in your way, I am here. We can do a Breakthrough session. Let me know and I can send you the link.

    So my response was: I’ve done ALOT of inner excavation on this very matter for the past 2 years while I have been online dating and networking. My comments about online dating are anecdotal based on even the experiences of people who met their soulmate online. Just a trend I have noticed and heard for years. I also believe that dating coaches either have to collaborate with a matchmaker or host social mixers. Finding love online alone is not the best strategy. To tell someone that there may be an inner thing going on is accurate in some cases, but extraordinarily destructive in others, especially those who have done that inner work. That is why I like to ask people first what they have done both internally and externally on the path to finding true love before I make a judgement call.

    This she wrote back: My clients are all very successful and smart and have been therapy for a long time and man of my clients are therapists and analysts themselves. We do love work.

    The bottom line is that they have tried everything. We do the inner work first, then create their compelling marriage vision based on emotional needs and 8 other elements and then they learn to date to marry—and they love it! It’s empowering. Inner work is always the foundation. My clients have actually been repelling true love and then they see it and are so relieved.

    You can see by the limited success of matchmakers who send matches that often make no sense. Red heads get red heads, short people are matched with short people—they match based on age and religion and my clients have been dealing with this for 10 years or more. Mystery dating.

    They have patterns that don’t change and they want a change. When a person doesn’t know himself or herself and they have walls up, it doesn’t matter how many events they go to, how many introductions they get, the results are the same. We attract what we send out. They’ve read all of the books and they are finally ready for a change.

    My work is transformational – big aha moments that cause a big shift. Our society is very superficial and people lose themselves and put up big walls of defense. They are so happy to open up to love.In my work people see how lovable and valuable they are and what they actually need in a relationship that is unique to each person. Then they can guide the matchmaker on who they are and become an attraction magnet for what they need to feel happy and safe in a relationship.

    A person definitely has to be ready and it’s truly worth it.

    At this point I felt like she was suggesting that I was not ready to do the work of finding true love. So I asked her to clarify if that was what she was implying. Her response:

    What’s great is that there are so many different ways to meet people and they can choose to date any way that works for them and makes them feel comfortable.

    I found that whatever I did related to dating, the results were the same until I had a breakthrough. For me, with the people I attracted, I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I attracted people based on chemical attraction and they all looked great. Didn’t mean there was anything wrong with them—but they were wrong for me and it was consistent over many, many years—it was a pattern for me. So just because I attracted people who were wrong for me, did that mean that amazing men who would be right for me didn’t exist? Of course not. They were there the whole time, but just not for me. The people I attracted couldn’t meet my needs because I was unaware of what my needs were.

    The dating sites are filled with all different kinds of people and it takes skill and knowledge to navigate, as it does working with matchmakers or asking for introductions.

    Like everything in life, we need knowledge and wisdom to achieve success. Marriage readiness is a mindset and we are all works in progress.

    For people who have been dating for a long time and haven’t had results they tend to ask the question: What can I do achieve my dream and thankfully, having success in love is achievable.

    My talent lies in seeing blind spots and blockages and helping people dissolve whatever it is that is getting in their way. I wouldn’t attempt to assess your situation without doing a Breakthrough session. Since you sent a media inquiry I thought it would be great to share a bit of my work and philosophy with you in advance or you receiving the book.I’m passionate about it and love to share. I wish every success in finding love.

    Here is an email from someone who got married after reading the book. I took out her email address to protect her privacy. Her last email below my response tells all. Blessings for you to meet your soulmate soon,


    Hi Bari, I emailed you about 7-8 months ago. Tommorow i am marrying my soul mate. Thanks again for your book and teachings. I am inspired to help others and continue my spiritual journey. I am so happy, and like you, had endless years of dating men who i never connected with yet i longed for ‘the one’. Thanks again, Love P.

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  8. Carla says:

    Thanks for the clip! Quick question about the first scenario, though:

    If the girl does give the guy the benefit of the doubt, and chooses to go out with him and his (and her) friends, does that “set the standard” for the rest of their time together? If not, how can she then convey to him that she really doesn’t expect that sort of behavior to repeat itself?

    Thanks again for all your wonderful advice, and I suppose my favorite chivalrous action would be…hmm, are massages counted as chivalrous actions? I’d love to get one of those without complaint…

    Really, though, I’d say attention to detail and a lot of affection. So that we feel we’re actually an object of men’s interest, and not just an accessory to their own.

    Hope all is well! (Your hair is definitely improved in this video….love the vests)!

  9. Angela says:

    help to put on your jacket/coat and do it Right! lol…

  10. Bunga says:

    If only both women and men watch and follow your advises, finding partners would be smoother & easier.

  11. Anya says:

    You can’t ask a guy to open a door for you! That would defeat the object!

  12. jenny abbot says:

    Some women don’t like men holding the door open for them?
    I suppose with the advent of feminism they thought it

  13. Juju says:

    Imagine if every female on the planet respected and enforced high standards with men instead of lowering her expectations and undermining her own self-respect. Not only would men become better people, but the whole planet would evolve for the better. Women have the power to transform the world but we give it away to clods who aren’t worthy of us and who obviously can’t handle that power. Mediocre standards invite mediocre men and lousy relationships with them. We teach people how to treat us. Stop excusing male BS. Stop blaming yourself for his BS. Own your greatness. Own your power. I’ve recently let go of a tall, attractive, sexy, funny…clod. He proved himself unworthy and I’m moving on. It’s so empowering!

  14. Lerae says:

    I feel awkward when someone opens doors for me. I feel awkward when they walk behind me. I met a guy and later he chewed me out because there were times I did not want to take the lead. He asked me how is he to protect me if something were to happen when I would be behind him. I had no idea this is how guys feel. It sort of made me feel good that he wanted to protect me. :)

    • Lerae says:

      I feel awkward because I have to turn and wait for him to open the door if I am going to allow him to do it for me. Now if he walked a few steps ahead of me and encountered the door before me, then I would be more at ease.

  15. Raquel Martínez says:

    Lol love it! Chivalry is dead lol NO but it is rare so when a guy does open the door or shows respect… …… It throws me off in a good way. Part of me is like I can open my own door but then I’m like accept like compliment. So with that being said th most chivalrous thing a guy has done would be…. Protecting me fo some creepy homeless man I hadn’t even notice because I was too busy talking to him jajajaja too bad he has a Girlfriend one lucky girl.

  16. Carine says:

    My boyfriend always opens the car door for me and I love it. I tell him regularly how much I appreciate it.
    It makes me feel cared for, valued and confirms that I’m going out with a true gentleman.
    I do feel sorry for men who have not been raised with manners but all it takes is for a high value woman to show that man that it matters to you to reverse poor manners.

  17. Kathryn says:

    As an older woman who knows what she wants I would definitely be able, and have, voiced what I would expect from a guy. If I was cooking a meal or having a movie night in, it is polite to bring a bottle of wine or flowers. I think to turn up empty handed is rude.
    It is also chivalrous to offer a compliment. My little boy was getting his teddies in bed tonight, I heard him say to one of them “you smell nice” “well thank you”. Goes to show at a young age what boys will pick up on.
    Kathryn xx

  18. NancyH says:

    Chivalry has already been at the top for me. And for some it just comes naturally at any age. I still enjoy being picked up for the date. There are those who walk me to my car, if drove separately and/or to the door, as well. It will definitely set them apart.

  19. Kooky says:

    what i see (chivalry) is something natural .it’s inside of us . it can be appear when men understand women . so we have to make men understand us (how) by telling them what we want .

  20. gruvee says:

    Lovely. Happy for you that you’ve become a fixture & well-received. One door closed and this one has opened. Yay!

  21. Viola says:

    Of cause guys should open a car door for us, especially after we “dropped a handkerchief.” It must be “50/50” contribution :)

  22. Kristi says:

    Great clip Matt! Yes, by a wide margin, a man who takes the time to open my car door sets himself apart and above the men who don’t.
    I like sitting and waiting for him to come around to open my door for a few reasons. #1 is as you say, it’s his chance to be a man for me. #2 I have injured my back opening heavy doors before, so it is a safety factor. And #3 it allows me to more elegantly exit the vehicle while managing my purse, skirt, heels etc., and receive his assistance at the same time. It’s a win-win for me: I feel more feminine and he feels more masculine.

  23. Martina says:

    Hey Matt,
    I think men should definitely offer help when a woman carries a bag or something bigger/heavier. It seems obvious, but it is not!
    I`d like to ask you this.. What value do the answers of your questions here on blog bring into your life as Matt, not the dating coach? Thank you and take care! :)
    P.S. Your last video was pretty amazing :)

  24. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    Love ur cartoon!!! ^_^ and we have the same age!
    Last weekend i was having dinner with a group a friends, and we were talking about this…chivalry, and one of my male friend was was saying that if women “won” the same rights, paying for dinner, cinema or even open the doors…guys dont have to do it anymore…!
    and i was really sad, because i couldnt change his mind….and he have ur age, and is this kind of guy or generation i could have in the future? no, thanks!…thats why im single but i have stantards! :) kisses!

  25. Lo says:

    Hi Matt!

    Loved this post and the last one. To me is very easy. I know that we are in s “girl power” world and that men and women are equals, but this doesn’t apply to every situation and the lightning hint is that men are stronger than women, as a fact. So, in my case I really appreciate when a man opens the door of a place for me (they look very caring/nice/polite) or when they offer to carry some heavy thing I may be walking with or even offering me their seat in some public transportation.

    On the other hand, I really don’t need a man to open the door of the car (it’s senseless that I wait in the car until he gets off, turn to my side and open my door while I’m perfectly capable of doing it!)

    So, for me cavalry is important and makes difference on how a man treats you. If he should pay the bills all the time .. I don’t think so, but in the first one

    it becames a must hehe :)

    Hugs and thx for your messages!

  26. Sol says:

    love your cartoon, congrats,

    i have 2 amazing dates with this guy i just met, and he recently got cold… i text him and i ask him is there is something wrong, he said i though the same from you, then i tell him that i want to see him again, and them he avoid the messege, is there a way to make him ask me on a date again- or i have to move on…

    ple matt some help

  27. Paige says:

    One chivalrous act all men should do: If the guy is picking you up for a date, he should get out of the car and come to the door or where ever you are. I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel automatically feel underappreciated when I get a text saying “I’m here” or “U ready?” Get your ass out of the car and find out. Don’t even think about honking the horn. Not sure if this only happens to me, but it is plain rude.

  28. Nicolioli says:

    HA! I finally found out how old you are! X)

    • Rumors says:

      I was thinking the same! xD Matthew is sooo, young…And already has a book publish, a cartoon, a good business and some fans. It makes me feel like I should move and do something important, too, xDD.

  29. Rumors says:

    I want my own cartoon too!!!! I envy you…

    About the question… I know it sounds silly but I would love to find a guy that when I´m wearing high heels doesn´t go in the speed of ligth while we are walking and undestands that with high heels I can not go as fast as with other shoes. Or when I ask him to walk slow because of that doesn´t look at me with a semi angry face and ask me why I put high heels.

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