The Holidays Are Coming…

As Coca Cola would say… the holidays are coming.

The holidays are always an interesting time for the way we look at our love lives. They tend to make us add pressure that wasn’t there before in an effort to overcompensate for what hasn’t happened during the rest of the year. Christmas, Valentines, birthdays… all benchmarks of the year where almost by default we assess where we are in our love lives.

Though that doesn’t mean we assess where we are in productive ways…

We don’t start wondering if we could create a more balanced lifestyle between work and play, whether we should take more risks and let our guard down, whether we should learn more about the opposite sex so that we can truly engage with them in a way that enhances our attractiveness. Instead we ask the wonderfully unhelpful and ultimately soul-destroying question:

“Why am I still single?” (Or if you are in a relationship… “when am I going to finally get rid of this idiot??” Joke ; )!)


This question rarely creates empowering answers. Usually they are to the tune of “Because you’re not good enough/pretty enough/too fat/too old”, or “because there are no good men left/men are pigs who don’t want relationships” blah blah blah.

The notions that swirl around our heads are unhelpful at best, and confidence destroying at their worst.

As we lead up to the Holidays this December many people will be feeling a common feeling of sadness or loneliness; that they still don’t have the relationship they have been seeking. Passing through December we swiftly move through New Year into what feels like a long and painful Monday morning for most – January (commonly shown in research to be the most depressing time of year). That is followed by Valentines Day, another depressing and annoying time for most singles… and so it goes on.

When I talk about various products we have here at GetTheGuy I often use these checkpoints as motivators for people to take action. But I don’t use them because I think that they actually are important markers. The truth is they are arbitrary – just another day in the calendar. Who cares if we are single over Christmas? Who cares if we are single on Valentines? It really doesn’t matter.

But we feel like it matters because they remind people that they haven’t met anyone yet, quite mercilessly at a point when other people are coming together and showing off their couple-y-ness in front of everyone. (“Oh you’re buying that tie for your partner who you love so much and who loves you back? Screw you! I mean errr, that’s so sweet…”)

So why then do I use these dates to rouse people?

Because we all need checkpoints. We all need markers in time to make us consider how far we have come and whether we are on the path to our goals. Otherwise time gets away from us. Now I know that whether or not we are single is not a good measure of whether we have made progress in our love lives.

In the last six months we could have met great people, become better at flirting, feel sexier than ever and have a wealth of interest from potential partners, all of which would show we are doing a lot right. Or we could have none of those things because we really haven’t been growing in this area of our lives for some time.

Whatever the case, suddenly feeling sad around the holidays is not an appropriate response; it only leads to feelings of panic and desperation, which rarely leads to productive action steps. These feelings are more likely to lead to complaining, feeling insecure, and eating a lot more food than is healthy for any mammal to consume!

Instead I encourage you to do this: Assess your love life each day.

Ask yourself whether you really feel you are moving forwards, or backwards. Whether you are doing things that make it more likely you will meet someone, or less likely. Whether you are doing things that will enhance your confidence, or make you feel powerless. Everyday is a chance to move forward in small ways, and if we do, we won’t feel the need to reassess our entire lives every time the Holiday commercials start arriving on the TV because we’ll already be on our way to what we want.

Measure your life in the progress you make every day of the year, and when Christmas rolls around this year, just enjoy it!


P.S. If you want to take the next step above just reading the blog and really set in motion changes for your love life, I’d love to help you. My online programme is available here if you’d like to take a look.

Question of the day: What one thing will you do this month that will bring you closer to what you want in your love life? I’d love to know.

(Photo Credits: Robin Hutton, Funky64)

132 Responses to The Holidays Are Coming…

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  1. Jem says:

    Hi Matthew, I have followed so much of your stuff over the past year. I find it really interesting. The funniest thing happened last night. There was this guy that struck up a conversation at the bus stop and instantly I could tell he was a psychologist. Hahaha he said he’d studied it and worked in advertising just before I got my words out. It was the way he spoke and his body language. It was kind of surreal. lol. I mean watching him adopt this method. He invited my friend and I to a penthouse party for new year haha.. ;)

  2. Sarah says:

    I love this article and it’s ironic I was clearing out my email that I rarely use now and thought “OMG. Story of my life right now!” I was just mopping around the last few days, complaining about how much I need a male companion right now.

    Anyway, I have a situation: I am moving in with two good guy friends of mine, Phil and Bob, whom I have know for 3 intense months. I used to have a crunch on Phil when we worked very closely together. He had a lot going on in his love life, and I accepted the role of friend and listener. I then realized that I probably wasn’t his type anyway and he is just a flaming extrovert, so things he said or did that made me feel special were not personal, or at least romantic.

    The other day, he took me to an Italian restaurant and we shared a dessert together. A few days ago, he came to pick me up because he said I “sound like [I’m] having a bad morning” and took me to a coffee shop, then we went on a walk in the park and sat under a tree watching the sunset. We’ve had late chats till 2am, getting to know each other and talking about different aspects of our lives, and I start thinking maybe there is a possibility of something..till he introduces me to the girl he’s seeing, or openly hits on other girls and I remember my place.

    Do you think it is my insecurities that make me think there is nothing there and I’m not his type, or could it be the lack of a Winter Warmer-buddy that is even let these ideas creep into my mind and potentially ruin an AMAZING and rare young friendship?


  3. Elle says:

    Hey Matt!
    Great article! I’ve watched and read your stuff a million times, I always find it so helpful. And about this topic… yes, I do feel lonely around holidays, but not so much this year. I’ve learned (from you) to have my own passions and I feel good about myself because of that. However, I met a guy who I’ve been dating for a few months now, but I’m never sure of what he thinks or feels. We have a great time together, but when we don’t see each other, he almost never gets in touch. Either I call him and then he becomes ”obsessed” and can’t stop not calling me (some tactics I learned from you as well), or he has to run into me to initiate the calling. He knows that bothers me but he keeps doing it. So I broke it off with him because I can’t sit around waiting for him. Our relationship did not get physical, it was very sweet actually. And I really like him, so I’m questioning my decision… He says he likes me but how can I believe him if he always has some lame excuses. And I mean those typical excuses you see on a movie and think ”Your woman must be an idiot if she believes you”. When we started dating he said I was cold and that he wasn’t sure if I was serious about the whole thing, and maybe I was blowing hot and cold on him in the beginning, but that was just because he didn’t call and I wasn’t sure about what he thinks! And I can’t get satisfying advice from my friends, some say that I’m too hard on him, some say I did the right thing. I’m not even sure if he would speak to me, because when we see each other (through some mutual friends) he keeps ignoring me… So, I don’t feel lonely around holidays, I just want to spend them with him. But I’m not sure how to do something or even if I should do anything…
    Can you please tell me what you think?
    Thank you for your blog posts so far! :)

    • gettheguy says:

      Hi Elle,

      Anyone who is at anytime ignoring you can’t be the right guy, at least not for right now. There is a difference between using techniques to draw someone in and simply playing games. Let him play those games on his own.


  4. Mel says:

    Hey Matt,

    Great article, as always. Indeedy, this time of year can be tough for the single, lonesome hearts out there…
    But what advice would you give to a girl who’s career driven and won’t start looking for love / let any guy near, until she has arrived where she wants to be career-wise ?
    I know i’m shutting myself and the probability of me finding love in the near future = 0 lol – not funny though! :(
    The other control freaks in here will probably understand and feel for me… lol

    Any advice would be welcome (apart from ‘change ur personality’ or ‘stop being a control freak’ :P )

    • gettheguy says:

      Hi Mel,

      That’s a great question! If you know that your career is the most important thing in your life right now and that you are trying to remain focused I would say don’t give yourself too hard of a time for being single. Dating and love require time an energy. When you’re ready to devote that time to your romantic life things are sure to blossom.


      • Mel says:

        Thx for ur reply… i guess u’re right. A relationship does require time and energy and work… u gotta be in it at 100%. And by experience, i know i won’t be happy if i feel like i’m sacrificing too much of myself.
        So i guess until i’m at that stage where i’m emotionally, mentally and physically ready, i’m absorbing all the great tips and advice u’re giving us! :)

  5. Anna says:

    Dear Matt (or Matt’s minions/helpful elves)

    It’s soo easy to get depressed around this time of the year, I am battling with that each time I look at the twinkling lights outside or smell mulled wine in the crisp winter air.

    Anyhow, it’s all well and good trying to meet someone new but it doesn’t work too well when your heart is obsessing over one person who you can’t have. I’m friends with a guy who I work with and have to see every single day.. For the first time in my life I was brave enough and told him how I feel about him but he rejected me in a very vague way and didn’t even have the decency to tell me the “I just see you as a friend” standard line. The odd thing is that after that our friendship became so much closer and we ended up spending much more time together.

    Right now we go through phases in which we’re either really close or keeping our distance. Each time I’ve expressed interest in another guy he was supportive but then those have also been the times when he would become quite flirty and more affectionate with me. He is still single, ridiculously picky and very indecisive. He also expressed interest for someone but kept finding excuses why not to be with them. Honestly, I’m not biased when I say we’re the perfect match for each other. We have so much in common and such a similar view on life but still able to challenge each other constantly and push each other to be better people. Everyone used to think we’re together or going to end up together but clearly that never happened.

    How can I look for someone new when all I want is that one guy?? I can’t even distance myself from him because we work together and no matter how many times I tell myself that he doesn’t care about me in that way, it just doesn’t do a thing. I can’t stop comparing each guy I meet to him and they just don’t measure up. I know this is really long but I’ve been in this situation for a year and if you could spare me a minute to grant me some of your wise insight, my battered heart would be eternally grateful. xx

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Anna,

      I know it isn’t easy when you feel like this. But being alike in thought and outlook isn’t the only thing that makes two people a match. They have to both want it. There’s nothing I can say logically that will get you over him. Unfortunately the closer you are to him the harder it will be to find something new, because your brain is locking onto the thing you know best, HIM…even though he’s not taking things further with you.

      Stay tuned over the next few weeks. I’m going to be releasing blogs that are not only going to help, but will culminate in something in January which will change the entire way you think about this subject, and HIM.

      Thanks for commenting, stick with me ; )


  6. Jo says:

    Thank you, I really got a lot out of this article, I have enjoyed the videos as well. In answer to your question, I will definitely try to open up…and smile more. I tend to freeze up when I see a guy I want to meet.

    However, I do have a particular situation, I have met someone online a few months ago. He is a singer and in the entertainment industry…I had no problems catching his attention via e-mail. He drove to see me last month and had an absolutely wonderful, AMAZING time:), but now things have fizzled. He lives a day’s drive away so we have only seen each other once in 2 months, and are planning on seeing each other again in a few weeks. My problem is that he has NEVER called me, we only share a few texts a day. I have asked him to call me so we can get to know each other better, he said he would but still hasn’t. I just know we are a perfect match for each other. He doesn’t open up in e-mails or texts so I feel sort of like the relationship is one sided. I know the attraction is there for both of us. And I know he wants to see me or he wouldn’t make the effort to drive here and let me know he misses me and wants to see me again. I feel the distance is probably holding him back from really wanting to get to know me better. I definitely don’t want that to hold him back though, how do I get him to open up to me and call, skype, or communicate in some other form other than one or two texts a day??

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Jo,

      Ok here’s the truth…it sounds like he’s looking for the easy route. He wants to be connected to you and get the attention but doesn’t want anything more with you. Until he decides he wants more with you he won’t bother calling. Texting is a nice way of staying in touch and leaving the door open while keeping you at arms length.

      My honest advice, build the connection when you see him in person, but the rest of the time you need to be meeting other people. And in the next few weeks, I’ll be revealing what you can do to help him commit to getting to know you better and take it further.

      Thanks for commenting!


  7. Petra says:

    1. I have completed your 6 month program :)
    2. I moved to my own flat, so from now on I have my own space and I’m ready for love life :)

  8. shana says:

    I’ve always enjoyed your articles but there was one thing that always had me thinking.

    I feel that the some of the tips that you share might be a bit hard to be applied in all parts of the world (where the cultures are different and men are more shy..). I think in most of your articles, the best place to meet people seem to be at a bar or a club, which doesn’t work out so well for me.

    And when I do meet people, they always seem to be attracted to my friends who are already in a relationship. And these friends play along and keep these guys around, so that they can them for favours later on. When it turns out like this, it’s quite hard to keep faith in finding someone.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Shana,
      Most of the principles I teach hold true in every culture, in every part of the world. THe only thing that changes are the specifics of how you apply them. But I want to point out that by no means do I only tell people to go to bars or clubs. To the contrary, I often think these are terrible places to meet people. These techniques can be used day or night, in any activity, just try it!
      Thanks for commenting, so glad you’re a part of this with us : ) x

  9. Erika says:

    SO the night before I am watching your videos, and tonight I had you open the door of Jones for me in LA! That is what I called law of attraction :) Thank you for taking a minute to talk to me and congratulations on all your new projects! I tried to add you on facebook but it says the number of friends has been maximazed, I am following you on twitter now, please look up my music on it will mean the world to me!
    Erika Miranda

    • gettheguy says:

      So crazy bumping into you randomly as I’m going to have dinner lol. I’m still not really used to people recognising me, it’s a surreal experience but so great to meet someone who’s following my programme!

      You have to come to a live event next year!

      • Erika says:

        Hi Matthew, I can’t even imagine how surreal it must be for you that people recognize you, imagine for us,, the people who do your program, we watch you, respect you and really trust your advice, for me you became like a close friend while doing your program,. So I was genuinely extremely happy when I bumped into you. Would love to come to one of your live events, the next one is March 18 Florida right? I am planning a trip to Asia those days, but I will let all my friends know,,my friend who was with me when we met you is probably going,, do you remember her name?

  10. Rohi says:

    Hi Matt :)
    LOVE the blog, as always! The question you pose at the end really struck a nerve with me. I’m afraid I might have already lost my chance. Where I work on campus (I’m at university) our staff had a winter wonderland/ staff bonding party where everyone had a bag with their name on it and on slips of paper we all wrote good things we wanted to say to people (our choice whether or not to be anonymous) and we couldn’t open the bag until we got home. Well this guy I work with and kind of like wrote, “I <3 U" and signed his name. I think he meant it in a 'just friends' way, which makes me think he is a guy I'm not getting… you're opinion would really mean a lot to me Matt.
    Thanks ^_^

    • gettheguy says:

      Well he’s flirting, that’s for sure, but he’s doing it playfully because he doesn’t want to look to into you. Flirt back! And don’t worry. there’s always another party! x

      • Rohi says:

        Thanks! I have to say, I’m not a great flirt lol. I texted him “you’re so sweet! <3" which in hindsight (which is always 20/20 *sigh*) doesn't seem flirty- just friendly. Any tips on what I should've said?

        • gettheguy says:

          “Oh you’ve written notes like that to everyone today I’m sure” (done with a wink, and bundles of charm and charisma lol!). This response will prompt him to defend his note and say “noooo i didn’t!” – now you’re teasing him and creating tension. Voila!


          • Rohi says:

            Haha would you believe that was what I was thinking in my head? Lol, evidence that I should trust myself more!
            Thank you :) I’ll trust my gut if it comes up again.

  11. rimah baiva says:

    Really enjoyed reading other posts and i am kind of sad dont know what to do cos he only thinks of his beer,thats his first priority,what can i do to make him think of me, more than his beer??please help

    • gettheguy says:

      My first thought in reading this was why is your computer auto-replacing some important word with beer. My second thought upon realising that it wasn’t, is that he sounds like someone you should leave.

      If you are being the best you can be and someone is putting ‘beer’ ahead of you in his priorities, LEAVE. x

  12. Mayela says:

    First of all, excellent blog, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, I really enjoy your mails, maybe a little too much and I’ve definitely learned a lot this year.
    Regarding your question, I think my focus this month will have to be to get out more and meeting new people … I always forget how much one can learn about itself through other people’s eyes.

    I think my biggest problem right now is that I’m too used to be alone and it gets really hard to get out of this confort zone… so much work to do in 2013…

    happy Holidays

    PS. I miss your videos ;)

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Mayela,

      It’s always tough to get out of your comfort zone, but take small risks and it will happen.

      More videos to come soon!

      THanks x

  13. Joella says:

    Hey matt , I have a prob
    I love a guy ( I never told him ) . We meet each other long time ago , and spoke together on chat . But on day I invent a fake story to make him jealous and see if he really cares about me , after he that story he began to be strange and completely stop talking to me . So my friend decided to add him on the chat ( they don’t know each other but , he knows that she’s my friend ) he always talk to her even to tell anything special (most of the time when she comment my pictures , so he knows that I speak to her in that moment) . I add him on Facebook but he put my invitation in attend , why he doesn’t refuse or accept my invitation ? I have tried twice to add him but he always put my invitation in attend what I must to do ?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Joella,
      Never play games with a guy. If he finds out (and they usually do) the bond of trust will be broken, and is difficult to repair. Maybe it’s time to look at why you need to invent stories to make someone else jealous. That is something inside you that needs to be fixed, or it will be a recurring pattern in the future. Stay with me and we’ll work on it!

  14. Hui Ying says:

    Love your posts, great reminder to track our progress and keep our eyes on the goal. I followed the online program before but never actually fully committed myself into doing all the exercises. So the one thing I will do this moment on is to hold myself accountable to the promise that I will live the life I imagine (stolen quote from Thoreau).

    I have a few PLPs (potential love partners) amongst my friends but they don’t see me in the romantic way so I will challenge our relationships daily and use my sunshine energy to practice building connections that are more intense and exciting!

    Happy holidays Matt and thanks for being the great big brother you are :)

  15. C says:

    Hi matt!
    I like this guy who is in my biology class. He sits sort of far away from me, but I want to get his attention! To be honest though, I am scared to talk to him. I dont know what to say or what guys even find attractive about faces, and personality. Can you help me?



    • gettheguy says:

      Hey C,
      Talk to his friends first, you will be less scared because they are not the ones you are after. Then when you feel more ‘warmed up’, say something to him. Start small, and build your connection with him day by day. You don’t have to perform a miracle all in one day x

      • C says:

        That makes sense! The problem is I don’t know who his friends are! We are in different ages, and I just happen to take the same class as him! What would be a good way to approch him during class? :)


  16. fch says:

    Maybe holidays are coming to give us a chance to assess our past year. These are free times that help us to remove our failure and breaking ups with new hopes. We change everyday, but new year holidays can helps us to believe this change; the change that we are here in this world because we hope.

  17. minti says:

    Hi Matt, You make a lot of sense and are incredibly logical. That is why I have turned to you. I recently met someone and we have been sort of seeing each other exclusively for 3 months even though he kept saying that I must not get attached. He has recently moved to London. He has suggested that we should be friends and has always wanted to speak to me and even wanted me to visit him etc which I regret to say I did. He always tells me that he loves me and values me a lot. This festive season has been getting me down. I have no family here and my close friends are away. So I suggested to him that it would be great if we could hang out together on NY eve. To this he reacted rather strangely and suggested that I should hang out with someone special rather than with him. He would be happy to meet but really he feels that if I meet him he will get attached to me and that will hurt me. Why does he not consider it hurting me when he needs/wants to meet me like he has even after moving to London? Why should it only be hurtful for me when in all this months this is the only time I have ever asked for anything? This was a one off request and I assured him that I am not looking for anything but merely some companionship on this day when this year everyone seems to be away. It was a simple request which elicited acomplex reaction and he says he vales me and loves me deeply and everything he is doing is for not hurting me. He also mentioned that e felt a bit guilty because he met someone he did not like for drinks a few times recently and nothing happened etc. I have no idea why he volunteered this inormation and kept repeating like a broken record, I deeply respect and value you because you have never met any demand on me before and I will happily meet you for NY except that I think if you meet me you will get hut. Frankly he has hurt me much more by reacting in this strange manner to what I felt was just a harmless suggesstion I made. Please help…I feel like a fool and incredibly sad. I asked for nothing and while he kept insisting that he is there for me and shoud always contact him and he would love to meet me of his own accord he responds in this hurtful manner. How should I respond without losing my sanity and keeping my self respect intact!

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Minti,

      I don’t think it matters why he doesn’t want to see you, what matters is that he is making it this difficult. Think about it, do you really want someone who is going to make it this complicated? This is not attractive behaviour, so pull away from him and find someone who just WANTS to spend time with you. Period.
      M x

  18. MJ says:

    This is really helpful and I forwarded it to a few friends who I thought would benefit.

    One thing I would like to do to move on in my love life is to let go of this guy who I thought liked me, but I know he doesn’t because I found out he now has a girlfriend, which h didn’t have when we started talking. But it’s hard because it took me a long time to get his number and start talking to him, but I guess I should have gotten the hint when was always too busy to hang out. My first step in helping my love life was getting his number and asking him to hang out, but now the goal is to be able to do that with other people since he seems to not be worth my time. We will see what happens

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey MJ,
      The good thing is that you took the risk, and you got better at exchanging details and building a connection. Now go use that skill with guys who are available. Simple ; ) x

  19. Red Apple* says:

    I will try to take myself not too seriously :D cuz my joy and happiness is not dependent on one single person ;) All I wanna do is share my happiness! <3

  20. Yazmin says:

    When can you visit Canada!?

    I love the work you’re doing it’s inspiring and refreshing no one like you and it’s admirable and I thank you! I wish I knew about you and your work a year ago cause I just recently 2 months back stumbled upon a youtube video and have been hooked since.

    One thing I know that will bring me closer is being honest. Cause honestly Im doubting things now and to keep a long story short I was married to the man of my dreams and it happened fast. Met him one month married the next, and then pregnant, stayed with in laws couple months MASS tension there especially with a new born, miscommunication (language barrier) and most of all my mother who was trying to destroy my marriage instead of being rational and supportive. In the end sad to say no communication again, he pulled the plug without warning cause apparently his career was calling? and maybe he had enough so he cut his losses.

    Fast fwd to 7 months later we meet again he visits our child on and off and something sparkling happened.. Although it has been a year and I’m trying to be more happy positive when he visits ( I do miss him) cause I used to be pessimistic and just overwhelmed constantly. All I wanted was for him to say I LOVE YOU when were together even though NOW he mentions that you don’t have to say it to know that a person loves you! That hasn’t changed even though he says he misses me more often now.

    Is it wrong to wish for a happy ending for all the right reasons and to try and be the best me I could be or am I waiting too long and not being honest with myself thinking he needs more time to see my good side to change his mind to WANT to be with me?

    Cause if communication WAS his problem and mine maybe my problem is reading the signals wrong thinking that it gives me hope :S

    On a positive note. I do WISH you a VERY Happy Christmas and new year :))

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Yazmin,
      As much as you may love him he is not there for you day to day. You need to find someone who is actually going to give you what you want. I know the dream is compelling but the reality could be more exciting if you let go and kept moving forward in your life.
      SO great to hear from you! More to come!

  21. Lindsey says:

    I’ve recently discovered you on youtube and your videos are amazing! You explain things in a simple, but meaningful way and you put so much passion into what you say. It really gives me that extra push I need to start to feel good about myself again. The one thing I’m going to do this month is to actually let a cute stranger know that I’m looking at them. Lol! It’s such an effortless thing to do, but it’s the hardest part for me and I want to get over that fear of rejection. Thank you for this blog because it’s reminded me that I need to start being a confident woman.

  22. Amber says:

    Hi, Matt!

    First of all, I just want to say that finding your blog and your videos on YouTube had been a true heaven-sent. Normally, I am a very shy and guarded person when it comes to people I don’t know (especially guys), but since I found your videos and watched all of them, my life has changed a lot. I finally got my first job and I’ve become more open with every person I meet. Without even trying, I can just start up a conversation that’s filled with smiles and laughter. Something that wasn’t easy for me, at all, if I didn’t know the person already.

    And, in regard to my new job, your advice about flirting in the work place helped, too. I have to admit that my confidence has grown a lot since I’ve found your blog and videos. So, thank you, very much for all you do and for helping women (like myself) gain so much with your advice.

    For the month of December, the one thing I’m going to do to get me closer to where I want to be in my love life will have to be to not over think my current standing. My problem, for almost everything in my life, is that I over think it. I stress over it and I end up making myself feel less than I know I am. My goal is to look back on the year I’ve had and remember that I’ve come so far already that, with a little more time and practice, I’ll get to where I need/want to be. The holidays, for me, has always been hard, but after reading your blog and actually agreeing with it, I know it won’t be as hard this time around.

    Thank you, again, for everything! I don’t even want to think about where I’d be right now if I hadn’t stumbled onto your videos on YouTube!!

    Definitely A Fan,

  23. kathy says:

    I will have to work on my image and and how I should respond to others especially men. I am usually quiet with men and that reason is because I don’t know what to talk to them about to not come off as desperate or such. And def if there is someone i like, I don’t know how to flirt with them and tease them and soo I would like to learn how to work on that. I do meet alot of great guys but appearance does play a huge part in life and i don’t know how to get the guy interested without him focusing on my looks. what should i do?

    • gettheguy says:

      The more compelling you are as a person the less focus he will place on your looks. Trust me, I know this from personal experience! Work on becoming an amazing person to be around and the rest will follow x

  24. little_wonderful_thing says:

    Just read that line on assesing my love life every day… I don’t think all men are pigs, I don’t think I’m too old/not pretty enough/whatever, still I think its not moving anywhere, cause all guys that I happen to like are in commitment in some way (married/have longterm relationships)(don’t get me wrong, I don’t chase them, its just that if I meet someone interesting, I also see the ring or a girl arriving after some time). In my country there’s a serious lack of men who are 30-something and still single;/ I’m just 29 and I start to loose hope to meet someone, seriously:( so I don’t really know what can I do to take me one step closer to what I want.Still I wish you all that you meet that special someone!

    • gettheguy says:

      When I was coaching guys I coached over 10,000 of them over a 2 yr period. Trust me, they are out there, and they are looking for great women!

      Of course many good ones are taken. But many are not. And even the ones that are taken often go through breakups (it’s not like 100% of relationships succeed, or even close!). You’re 29, that’s YOUNG. You’ll meet many more great guys that could be your guy, so long as you’re taking the chances.

      Thanks for reading and commenting! M x

  25. Kathryn says:

    Hi Matt, a very opportune reminder for us all not to dwell too much on what we feel is currently missing from our lives. The one thing I intend to do this month in order to bring me one step closer to the love life I would like is to carry on focusing on myself and the things that make me happy, and keep setting myself (and achieving) personal challenges. Although I have not yet met the right man (I’m in my 50s, divorced for the past 15 years, and started dipping my toes in the dating pool again some 4 years ago with repeated failures/heartbreak !), I believe in myself as a worthy individual despite the knockbacks and I have found that I attract more male attention by simply being myself, enjoying my passion in life (motorbikes), and striving for personal achievements, than by focusing on what a man wants and “trying” too hard. So I’m going to keep on doing what I’ve been doing ! Best wishes for a very happy Christmas

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Kathryn,

      Everything you’ve said is fantastic and I couldn’t agree more. Focusing on what makes you happy will result in you being happy, and high value men are attracted to happy women!

      Thanks for commenting x

  26. Jessie says:

    To Matt,
    This Christmas I Plan to enjoy , Being single and be without a shadow of self doubt.Making a list for the new year , starting with a bang , running a 10 km race!get fit , get time organised and go on many Dates!;)
    I have learnt so much from your articles , and I have personally struggled with flirting and making eye contact.
    I am 19 , Redhead ( have been told I look like Rita Haysworth). I think Im single because I am shy, and lack in knowledge or confidence with flirty and being sexy. But the articles are slowly changing this, in a good way and I am putting myself out there, meeting new people (oh the nerves) and waiting to meet a nice guy. One step at a time.
    I want to thank you, and to wish a merry Christmas and new year.
    P.S have u ever done conferences in Ireland?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Jessie. Love that your following the blog. We haven’t done any in Ireland, you’ll have to come visit the team in London sometime when you get the chance, we’d love to have you. In reference to what you’ve said, something I’ve learned is that your level of shyness can change drastically if you just do little things each day to break out of your shell. Start today by finding a small thing you can do that you wouldn’t normally do. Do that each day for a week and you’ll be amazed at what happens.


  27. UsagiX says:

    Thank you for the wonderful article Matt!

    One step to getting me closer to the love life I want is to build my confidence. If I have confidence then I can do anything I want to accomplish. *Includes flirting more with guys. haha*

    I’ve read lots of your articles and they’ve helped me lots. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook and mindset on things. I’m going to become more of a high value woman. Thanks.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey UsagiX! You already are a high value woman, I assure you. They key is finding all the ways you can show it and also believe it! Confidence is all about knowing our worth. Once we believe in that others will follow suit! x

  28. Melissa says:


    I was literally just on the phone with one of my best friends asking her if it was normal for me to feel so depressed already just thinking about the holidays. Reading your blog has really helped me understand that I’m not alone and that maintaining positive thoughts and keeping an open attitude are always a great way to get through any uncomfortable situations one may encounter at family/ friend gatherings this season.

    One thing I will commit to doing this month that will bring me closer to what I want in my love life is to not settle for anyone just because there is pressure to be in a relationship. I have a very old school, ethnic family that thinks I should have been married years ago and they keep trying to push one guy one me that they think will be perfect for me. I’m mature enough to know after 3 months of seeing this person that he is not the right person for me (even if he is nice, likes me, etc.) and I am the only person who knows what I am looking for. Just because I have not found the right person yet does not mean I don’t know what qualities I am lookign for in another. Trusting myself, my intuition and not succumbing to all the pressure people in my life try to push on me will be my commitment to myself.

    Anyhow, thanks again for the article and great timing on this one. I’ve been following you for over a year now and you always seem to publish something just in time for when I feel I need to hear it! Keep up the great work!!!

    • gettheguy says:

      Thanks Melissa! I’m really working hard to put more on the blog to give people things to think about, so I appreciate your highly supportive feedback.

      I completely get what you say. The pressure to be in a relationship can be really draining, and have you making decisions that don’t serve you. I think you have a really mature awareness of the situation you’re in and as long as you focus on building a great life for yourself and doing what you love most good things will happen.

      Don’t let em grind you down! x

  29. Mona says:

    I will forgive myself for all the things I did and didn’t do/said or didn’t say, with respect to what I wanted/needed in past relationships.

    I want an amazing connection with someone.
    I deserve it. We all do.

  30. Kathryn says:

    Hello Matt!!
    First off, I just stumbled on your blog while trying to avoid writing an essay (shh don’t tell my professor lol) and I love the article! I must admit that as a 22 year old grad student I am not too concerned about being single…BUT Christmas time always seems to remind me that being single means that I don’t have a boyfriend. In that respect, your article was quite reassuring, so thank you!!
    PS. Any tips for getting over “first move anxiety”??

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Kathryn!
      Well I’m glad you arrived here. Just make sure you make up the time on your essay when you get the chance lol. I’m guessing by first move anxiety you’re referring to you being proactive in walking up to him, talking to him, going in for the kiss etc…if so, remember that the first move doesn’t always have to be some big thing. Sometimes the first move is just a little kiss on the cheek, long before it is a big sexy kiss on the lips. The first move can be made up of many much smaller moves, which are lower risk and won’t make you so nervous.

      Hope this helps!

      M x

  31. M says:

    Good blog, do you have any advice on what to do with a over-protective parent? I’m in my 20’s and my mom has never approved of men I’m interested in (none have been “bad” guys), so I always feel I’d should drop it… And which has lead to one of a few reasons why I have never been asked out….
    Lately I’ve used your tips on this guy and its working! He hasn’t asked me out, but he keeps coming in and trying to chat with me :)
    Guess I made the mistake and told my mom a little bit about him and now it’s like I shouldn’t even get to know him. I still want to see what happens with this guy, but not sure how to without telling my mom to shove it! – just a joke :)
    Thanks for your advice!

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey M,

      It sounds like you are a little over invested in your mums approval. Remember, loving her is not the same as needing her approval. And if you’re worried that you’ll lose her love if you do date someone she doesn’t approve of remember: “Nothing makes a loving parent happier than your happiness”. The greatest gift you can give her is showing you are happy and living life. No matter what disapproving comments she makes day to day, over the long time she will respect you more for being a strong woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t need her to make the decisions for you. After all, if she saw you being stronger in your decision making she may not feel the need to be so over protective…just a thought ; )


  32. Cindy says:

    Great post Matt! I have learned so much from you.

    I really do feel like I’ve progressed a lot even though I am still single. I’ve gained a lot of confidence, met many new guys and been more daring than I think I’ve ever been.

    However I still feel like I don’t quite know how to show that cheeky, flirty side, even though it does exist somewhere in me. So that’s what I am trying to learn this month.

    • gettheguy says:

      That’s great to hear Cindy.

      WIth regards to bringing out your flirty side, it’s in all of us to be able to do it, it just takes some practice. In the new year I’m going to have something that helps people with this specific issue, so watch this space!

      In the meantime check out this programme if you haven’t already, it’s great for the fundamentals:

      Speak soon x

  33. Carolina says:



  34. Sarah says:

    I do agree that we should assess ourselves on a daily basis, not just in regards to our love lives but to who we are as a person to make sure that we are becoming the person we want to be, which I hope is a person that is kind, generous, empathetic, and other general qualities that inspire other people to be great people too. That being said, its definitely easier said than done, since we all “fall down” and make mistakes, but if we can show mercy to our fellow human beings and recognize that we are all human trying to get by, then we can learn to forgive each other for things that really dont matter in the grand scheme of things even if they seem to be a big deal to our egos at the time. This kind of in a round about way, brings me to my point. I feel like the one of the biggest crises of our time is the lack of common etiquette and courtesies for our fellow humans. I do believe that this is the fundamental problem in why we are unhappy with certain situations or why we treat people the way we do. If we all changed our attitudes to be more of concern for our fellow humans and less for ourselves and ego, imagine how beautiful the world would be. Happiness is only real when shared just as love and love isn’t all the mushy stuff we see on tv, its compassion, understanding, its recognizing that we are all human. I dont think we should just look for love in the sense of a romantic partner, but look for it in every interaction that we have with people, whether they be random strangers or family members. Maybe this idea is too ideal and a lot of people think it would never work, but we have to start somewhere. Anyways, thats my rant…maybe it will help us all work to be better people, not just for ourselves, but more importantly for others.

    • gettheguy says:

      I don’t think that’s an ideal, i think it’s an amazing way to live!

      Thanks for an amazing contribution Sarah, see you on the next blog!


      • Sarah says:

        Random unrelated question. What do you suggest for this scenario? So I met a guy that I am actually interested in a lot and he said he was interested in me too. However, he was very honest and straight forward from the beginning with the fact that he recently got out of a long relationship and he initially was hesitant to talk to me because he said he didn’t want me to be a rebound and he wants to have time to process his last relationship and because of this he doesn’t contact me as much as I feel would show interest (like we have communication once every month). I totally understand that, and I respect him for being honest. We have talked a couple times (we don’t live in the same place) and then text, email, etc. a few times as well. My question is, how much in a sense should I wait. I really like him. I feel like I should give him space but at the same time I want him to contact me. Its been really difficult deciphering a good course of action which will ultimately get me my desired outcome. I kind of want to “stay in the picture” so he knows Im interested and care about him, but I don’t want to push him away and we’ve both told each other that we like each other so maybe that put more pressure on the situation? Any suggestions are welcome obviously.

        • gettheguy says:

          Hey Sarah,
          I don’t think you can put your life on hold because someone isn’t ready. I think you have to do whats best for you, and work on meeting people who are ready. If in the meantime, you speak to him, he hears you are out there having fun and decides to change his mind, BONUS! ; ) x

  35. Ana says:

    Hey Matt,
    greetings from Germany! In the past months you have been a irreplacable support in becoming a more confident person. I have always struggeled with trying too hard and falling for guys who clearly have no interest in me. I’d waste tons of time chasing them. Over the last year I build more confidence, investing in being ‘high value’. I worked on my fitness e.g. and look for interesting people in other places than clubs.

    What I’ll do over the holidays: staying positive and not forcing things too hard anymore.

    Thank you again Matt! Wishing you and your loved ones a wonderful December.

    • gettheguy says:

      Ana this is such a sweet message thank you! I’m so glad I’ve been able to support you in some way, and I love your commitment to being everything you can be.


  36. Learning says:

    As always I appreciate what you have to say.

    I am really struggling this year, having lost my father and moving to a new town and am struggling and not being very successful at a new job. I am better off than last year at this time ( I have a job : )), but it is hard at the holidays, with so much family drama, etc. I have done some dating and have ended a relationship that isn’t right, and needs to be over before I move on. But having a relationship helped to increase my confidence that there may be someone out there that will like me. He was much younger than me and this is part of the reason that it will not work, but also part of the reason why I feel hopeful about new possibilities. If someone much younger could find me that attractive, then someone closer to my own age will also. Anyway, I am facing the holidays with acceptance. These are just days on the calendar as you said. I will take vitamin D to help with the depression from lack of sun and try to go tanning and/ or swimming sometime during this season. I will take care of my self and avoid the processed foods that cause me allergy problems, which are often hidden in so many “homemade” foods during the holidays. If I have to I will carry myself a dish that I know I can eat and bring enough to share and simply avoid the other food, and not try to eat things I shouldn’t in hopes of not offending other people. In this way I will avoid the panic attacks which are symptoms of my allergy to MSG and other food additives. I will double up my efforts to be more efficient at my job and feel more successful and confident there. I will also make an effort to go to some local plays, which I enjoy. There is a great local theatre where I live and I may even try to attend some high school productions. I went to one recently and was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the performance. So I face the Holiday and New Year accepting my losses and looking forward to the future, whatever it may bring.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Learning,
      I think it’s great you have some many ideas about things that will help. Just make sure you set them in motion. I’m sure even writing them down like that helped as a motivator to get you started. Now choose some to implement THIS week ; )

  37. S H says:

    so I’ve been insanely excited for the holidays because it means it’s closer for me to go to France on exchange in January. However, it IS depressing to note that most of my girlfriends who have boyfriends have OTHER things to look forward to–not presents and cuddles, but maybe another year of intimacy with someone.

    I’m super young, and I understand it’s not a huge deal to be single at 20, but I’ve got some good qualities and I’ve tried dating. A lot. So it shows me that there’s something off about me that people don’t want to stick with.

    It’s weird having to be so self-reflective all the time, but I have an intense and strong personality that makes it hard to sustain intimate relationships with most people. That’s the truth :/ I’m unsure of how to fix this, but it’s sad that my personality inherently makes it hard to meet guys :P

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey S H,
      It’s good to be self reflective some of the time, but definitely not all of the time. Sometimes you have to let go and just enjoy your experiences, even if you reflect later. Make a decision this month to put your focus on having some fun and not analysing it all too much. See where it takes you. x

  38. Megan says:

    Love the advice you give, its very practical and give women a better understanding of what they are doing wrong. My question is what are you supposed to do if there is something about yourself that you cannot change. Not a personality trait or the way you carry yourself or approach guys, but that once they find out they run from, like an illness for example? I know common logic is to say well they were not the right man for you and a man that is committed is going to stick around, but what if this thing is a threat to his health? How do you get guys to accept that?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Megan,
      Without knowing more it’s tough to answer, but there’s one rule I always live by: If you can’t change the situation you’re in you have to change your attitude towards it. There may be something you can’t change, but could you look at it differently? Could the challenge you face be seen as a gift in some way that you hadn’t thought about before? How could it help you become stronger, wiser, more interesting, more able to deal with life’s challenges? There is more than one way to spin any story, and fortunately you get to choose the spin you put on your story. So make it a good one.
      Ultimately you are going to have to find someone who is ok with the situation you’re in if you want a relationship. If you really want it I believe you can find that person.

  39. Jess says:

    Hey Matt,

    Thank you so much for all you do, you have truly transformed the way I act in my love life. It is amazing to me how you address so many issues women face in dating and they apply directly to me. Although, I am still single I know I am no longer making the same mistakes and am growing. This Christmas will only mark how much I have grown in my mentality from last year-which is a much stronger foundation for the kind of relationship I desire.

    I plan to be a better listener this year, and be more interested in other people. I think a large part to why I am single is because I don’t contribute or give what I ultimately want to receive in a relationship, and that if I start small (listening), hopefully that will enhance my attractiveness. Any other advice in “being” what I wish to attract for myself?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Jess, love your self awareness. Just focus on adding value to peoples lives and you can’t go wrong. If you’re always looking to see how to make peoples lives more fun/exciting/enjoyable/sexy/meaningful when you are around, people will want to be around you.

      Thanks for leaving a comment. M x

  40. Mireia says:

    I decided to get myself fit again so started going about a month ago, now I can run 10 km. every other day and I am already feeling better in my body. I feel powerful and sexy when I run in the forest, and I have noticed that I am more relaxed and smiling more the rest of the time.

  41. Anita says:

    Great Thanks for this. I met a nice guy in August. And again this same story: it was so nice untill he disappeared two weeks ago. I had a strange feeling and found him online-dating, although I told him when we met that I don’t date men who are there at the same time. I think this relationship is over.

    Now I feel that I’m in the same situation again and starting all over again and the only thing I can think is to love myself more and concentrate on my dreams and goals.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Anita,

      Remember you can concentrate on your dreams and goals at the same time as finding your man. Doing both at the same time is actually beneficial, because one of them going wrong won’t be so detrimental to your emotions if the other is strong.

      I’m sorry it didn’t work out with that guy. You can’t account for those moments when you suddenly find something out you didn’t want to, and it was outside of your control. Just remember not every guy is like that.


  42. Julie says:

    As a away to rise above my ocd I am trying to say ‘yes’ to things, in other words do things I wouldn’t normally do because of my ocd. So this has seen me going out more (coffee shops, random trips to museums and going to a lot more gigs, staying later at uni, going to friend’s parties) but I only interact a little with guy, as for flirting with them; well I try with little success or confidence. So the one thing I will do this month is be chattier (for lack of a better word). Try sparking up a conversation or two, keep conversations going, having a positive vibe and smiling more.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Julie,

      I used to say no to things ALL the time. If I’m not careful I still fall into that trap, so I have to be conscious of always being open to what new opportunities might happen. Here’s what I’ve found…my best moments have come from times when I’ve just tried something, or stepped outside my comfort zone, or done something that pushed social norms in an interaction.

      Never be afraid to push things just one step further. To flirt a little more than you are used to, to be a little more care free, to be a little more open. Once you start seeing what effect this has on the spontaneous excitement in your life, you’ll begin to get addicted.

      One step at a time : )

      M x

  43. Tara says:

    Great article Matt, thanks for publishing this – once again I was fearing singledom this Christmas/ NewYears/ Valentines Day but you’re right, it is just another day, and you can only measure your love life day by day!
    One thing I will be doing this month to improve my love life? Hmm… I will head out to all my friend’s post-rugby-match dinners in the hope of spotting someone? ;)xx

    • gettheguy says:

      I love that idea Tara, especially if you’re into that type of guy. That’s a smart move. I know it can be tough but things can change in an instant, so keep going! x

  44. Milica says:

    *FEELGREAT*. I will start dressing more carefully everyday so that I feel more comfortable and sensual. I will invest in my feeling great! I will also strive to eat as much healthy food as I can. I will lose 7 pounds.

    • gettheguy says:

      Nice one Millica. It’s amazing how much going that extra 10% with our appearance makes us feel so much sexier and confident. Our love life is always a combination of internal and external factors, but making the most of what we have on the outside if def one of them (not because you have to look like a supermodel but because you’re more likely to act confidently if you feel great in your appearance). x

  45. michelle says:

    That’s a hard one.I would have to know what I truly want in my love life first. What I would like first is to get over my ex,its been 3years in the mean time,but I can get to meet another guy that is remotely as interesting as my ex.and when I get to spend time with the ex,oh the connection we have…can’t get better than that but unfortunately he was been with another girl for 2years now.any suggestion on what I could do? Greetings from belgium

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Michelle,
      That’s never easy, I’m sorry you are going through that. Just remember that even though you think you have a connection with him (and I’m sure you do), it’s not the connection you REALLY want. The connection you want deep down is an intimate one, and it’s not one he is giving you on the level you deserve.

      When we like someone it always feels like we won’t meet anyone like them again. Though we are right to say we will never meet ‘them’ again in another person, the reality is far more encouraging – that there are thousands of unique individuals that we could be attracted to just as much if we opened our eyes to it and took the chances.

      Big love Michelle! x

  46. harper says:

    i have a guy whom i love, but the thing is he is away, in the sense that i can’t meet him personally,, though we ocassionaly chat. i think he likes me, i just want to know how can i confirm that?
    please do reply….

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Harper,

      Hard to know without knowing the level of communication you have with him, but it has to start by you measuring the extent to which he is trying to get in touch with you. If he’s trying to chat that’s a good sign and you can build on that. If he’s not then he’s probably not interested right now – or at least you’re not a priority – so it’s best to meet other people to take the pressure off of trying to make it work.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Matt x

  47. Lisa says:

    I agree you can’t just reflect on being single, but generally it is a marker for life development. My whole family unit is affected as both me and my sister are still single, so it’s very stagnant. We’re not likely to mope about the general fact – we’re all upbeat people! But we’ve tried so hard all year and so little movement that we feel more drained and defeated about that than just being single. Trying to Improve the social life is the most depressing. So many people are so boring. its been a struggle to even go for a coffee! I hate Xmas not cos I’m single, but cos nothing moves on or changes at my family home and theres no kids. I escape to friends with kids usually- so much more fun. You see can’t mope twith kids around.

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Lisa,

      Trying to make a relationship or kids ‘happen’ is like trying to make a million dollars tomorrow without having a business to start with. We can’t begin at the end. I know you don’t want to hear tired cliches about meeting more people and developing your social circle in order to start moving towards the results you want, since you seem pretty frustrated with people! One thing I will say is this…

      In the last few months I moved and left my family and friends, to build a new life in a new location. In doing so I had to meet a whole new group of people (and still am). I have met so many amazing people already. Some will be life long friends, others will just be interesting people, but they are there. If YOU exist (and I am assuming you are interesting ; )) then others like you exist. So be careful with blanket statements.

      You’ll get there. Stay upbeat and keep putting yourself around people, and the results will happen.


      • Jill says:

        Lisa, Living in a new place I’ve had to find ways to meet new people. One thing I like is a meetup site online. I tell it what I’m interested in and it tells me what’s going on in the area. It’s a great way to meet people with the same interests.
        I hope this helps :)

  48. zahra al amine says:

    do you think that time is really going fast?or we just have to take it easy and relax?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Zahra,

      Time isn’t going fast or slow, but it is going. Time is limited for all of us. Does that mean we should act frantic? NO. There’s no fun in panic. Does it mean we should value every minute? Absolutely. Sometimes valuing time does mean taking it easy and relaxing. That can be a goal in itself. At other times it means building skills, meeting people, seeing places, having unique experiences.

      One tip: The next time you are ‘relaxing’ check that that it’s because you are truly enjoying it and it’s contributing towards your happiness, instead of just making you ‘comfortable’. There’s a big difference.

      M x

  49. Lucy says:

    Thanks for getting me even more inspired to make changes in my life.
    I have a question for you. I am trying to improve my flirting skills. Do you have any tips on how I can become great at flirting?

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Lucy,

      Flirting is a combination of demonstrating interest, teasing someone, and acting with a sexual energy.

      It can be done through various methods. Touch is a great one – physical rapport is a cornerstone of intimacy. You can use tone of voice – put a more playful/cheeky tone in your speech. Think of the tone you have when you are teasing someone, or the tone you have when someone is teasing you and you are ‘acting’ like they are being mean (with a wink of course). Eye contact is great – try using your eyes more slowly, looking away less, and smiling and looking at his lips every now and again while he’s talking.

      There are many more but those can get you started for now. Flirting is all about the little things you do in every millisecond. If you miss one remember there’s another chance in the next second!


      • Katie says:

        To be honest, I’d love to hear the ‘many more’ flirting ideas, especially what statements are teasing and playful. Unless you are great at flirting (which I’m not! :) ), I feel that teasing can come across as sarcastic and not in a good way.

        It would be great to read a blog post or see a video on Breaking Rapport with VERY specific statements and ideas like the ones you mentioned above. I’ve done the FTTMR program and this is still the one area I feel clueless about!

        Love all you do!

        • gettheguy says:

          Hey Katie,
          It’s a great question, I will try my best to work it into a new blog post for you!

          So glad you did the programme!

          M x

  50. Rebecca says:

    Thanks Matthew a timely reminder not to panic and keep grounded the one thing iwould do is look after me when im happy i radiate much better and things come to me in a different way xxxx

  51. Carley says:

    Hmmmm…what one thing will I do this month that will bring me closer to what I want in my love life?

    I like that you only ask for one, as it would be a recipe for overwhelm to try to do a bunch of things. My one thing is to smile more. I used to all the time at the guys I found attractive / interesting. For some reason I’ve shied away from it…which I’m only now just realizing.

    What do you think?!

    :) love your work, but you already know that!

    • gettheguy says:

      Like that you picked up on the overwhelm lesson Carley, great stuff. Smiling is good always, and I’ve seen the transition from not smiling to smiling single handedly transform peoples love lives. And even though it seems like a small thing to some people, it’s a big deal to do it if you’ve gotten out of the habit. So in keeping with your astute point about overwhelm, I will not add a suggestion, instead I will say use that one tip this month to the best of your ability and see what it brings.

      Thanks for commenting x

  52. Louise says:

    Thank you for this post. Having recently broken up with my boyfriend of 8 months I am dreading Christmas. But if I look at how far I have come in the last year and the steps I have made (and personal barriers I have overcome with regard to my love life) I realise I’m in so much more of a better place than I was last year. I just have to make the same progress next year which means being more social, learning more about guys and building (and rebuilding – breakups are hard!) my self confidence. Thank you!

    • gettheguy says:

      One less present!!!

      Ok bad joke, but sometimes you have to smile and laugh at these times. Break ups around Christmas can suck big time, or they can represent a new beginning. It can give you more time and energy to dedicate to family and friends (and yourself). Just make sure you get out with friends wherever possible this christmas, and look for all the love that is around you. When you see how loved you are you’ll realise your rock is not in him, but in everything that is constant in your life.

      It’s possible for you to make this the best christmas you’ve ever had – make that your mission.

      M x

  53. C S says:

    Hi Matthew,

    This article has given another boost to my plan of being more open to a relationship, particularly at my work Christmas party with a colleague who I can tell is interested in me, and to resolutely move on from the unsuitable / unattainable guy that I was seeing for the last 2 years!

    Fingers crossed I give him enough “I’m interested too” vibes for him to ask me out!

    • gettheguy says:

      Great stuff C S, and if it doesn’t work out there’ll be another one! There are far too many people in the world to bother spending energy on unobtainable or unsuitable people. Both are a royal waste of time!


      • C S says:

        Thanks Matt!

        I know you’re right about this one I’m interested in right now :-)

        I found myself trying on my party outfit last night, looking in the mirror & thinking “Well, given the way I feel in this… if he doesn’t ask me out, I’m moving on!”

  54. Sarah says:

    Hey Matt!
    I definitely agree with measuring your progress each day. I think it’s great to enjoy the journey and to congratulate yourself on all achievements no matter how small. What do you think are some great rituals to do everyday that can contribute to moving foreword in your love life?

    • gettheguy says:

      1. Talk to people around you everywhere – in shops, bars, restaurants, cafes…
      2. Compliment people
      3. Take time to make yourself look great everyday – just because you’ll feel sexy
      4. Connect with friends and encourage them to introduce you to friends of theirs you don’t know
      5. Have sex with at least one new person a day…JOKE!!! :)

      Thanks for commenting Sarah xx

      • Vanessa says:

        Ha ha ha, loved the advice to someone about having sex with one new person per day. Yes, that is a great joke. Sounds like fun though. Who doesn’t love sex? Anyway, I have been seeing someone who is coming off a long-term relationship. Sometimes he is closed off. It makes me crazy. I am really trying to just detach from my emotions with this situation but that is difficult as we are such a good match. The holidays suck because he has to spend them with his family. His daughter means a lot to him, thank God. I know I should probably walk away from the situation as he is not ready to commit. I’m confused! It does not help that my birthday is new year’s eve and I’ve always spent it alone except for once!!!

        • gettheguy says:

          Hey Vanessa. That’s tough, but you have to look at it objectively and ask if he is meeting your needs. If he is, then be understanding of his commitments to his family and be happy that he is taking things further down the road with you. If he’s not in the same mindset of commitment as you right now, it’s something you need to think about. Don’t pressure him, but let him know that if he’s not looking to take things further you need to keep your options open to other people.

          I have something coming in January that will really help you with these dilemmas. Stay tuned. x

  55. Iris says:

    No.1 thing that I’m going to do is to love myself more, enhance my confidence everyday!

    Thanks for your online videos, they are indeed valuable and useful, I used to be so desperate in watching the next month video before it’s released..haha

    I have learnt a lot from Matt this year, big thanks with hugs!!

    Merry Christmas & Happy New Year in advance =)

    • gettheguy says:

      Thank you Iris, you are so sweet! I have something coming up in the new year that’s going to blow you away. For now, let’s enjoy December together.

      Thanks for all your support x

  56. Consuelo Francia says:

    Matt…again OMG I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! It inspires me and makes my day :) really!!!! I laughed at this “Why am I still single?” (Or if you are in a relationship… “when am I going to finally get rid of this idiot??” Joke ; )!) ” hahaha
    Sense of humor! ;) I like that specially in this time I’m going through…Anyways about your question…
    :) What one thing will I do this month that will bring me closer to what I want in your love life?
    Now I’m not in a relationship but what I always want is RESPECT and TRUST. Working on this is kinda hard when one of us forgets it…
    As I’m single now… I can tell, since now I will try to respect others points of view when it’s about relationship.
    For example, I don’t understand why some men like to do things that they used to do when they were single.
    Such as find any excuse to look for new girls.
    I’m from southamerica (Peru) and it’s so difficult to deal with open minded men.
    Oh! Another thing :) came to my mind… I will try this so so so hard… but i will try… it’s about not expecting nothing from others…and also this can apply to my love life..right? :)
    You don’t know how much your blog helps me to be positive. Thank you so much! I have been following you by a year.
    Your awesome, next year I’m going to Germany I will try to go to England for one of your events!!!
    Thank you again

    Consuelo xoxo

    • gettheguy says:

      Hey Consuelo!

      Thankyou!! I would love you to go to one of our events, they are really special and you’d get so much out of it if you’ve been following the blog this long because you’ll already have some basic knowledge.

      The thing about respect and trust is that you have to have your own standard internally for them, and then give other people a chance to show you the same. If they don’t the key is how you tell them that they have fallen below your standard. Many people do this the wrong way and end up losing people over an argument that could have been avoided. But as always emotion get’s in the way!

      Don’t be too quick to make other people into the enemy, but at the same time respect what you know in your gut to be right. Be strong, but don’t be judgemental. When someone feels you are not judging them, just respecting yourself, it’ll do wonders for how they see you.

      Thanks for being here and continuing to support me, a year is a wonderful amount of time to have a fan and I’m very grateful


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