This is article #52 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.
(Photo: Jackie Newgent)
Do you stick too closely to your comfortable little group of friends?
Are you the kind of person who is always calling up the same two or three people to go out with on a Friday night?
If so, this post is for you.
I know how you feel. Maybe only a few people in the world really get you. It’s hard to find friends you feel totally comfortable and connected with.
Plus, you like your small group of friends.
You enjoy their company and they laugh at all your jokes.
I don’t want to tell you that you need a bigger social group, or that you need different friends.
But if you want to meet more guys, have a more vibrant social life, and challenge yourself to grow as a person, then I can’t recommend highly enough the power of what I call “Social Dipping”.
Social Dipping is when you simply break into a new social group, even if it’s just for one night.
Maybe you get invited to that housewarming party of an acquaintance and you’re wondering whether to bother. Social Dipping can mean tagging along on a single trip, a single night-out, or even just for lunch.
Here are the advantages:
- 90% of the people you meet will be new
Even if for one night you’re just tagging along to a barbecue or a pool party, or if you’re showing up at the birthday party of that friend you haven’t seen in five years, you’re going to be exposed to an entirely different social circle.
If you want to meet a lot of new guys fast, and have easy conversation, this is one damn good way to do it.
You might not come away with any new life-long friends from it, but you’re much more likely to score a date than you would be by just hanging with your regular one or two friends in a bar.
- You’ll be challenged
Staying with the same friends will keep you the same.
New social groups force you to confront different aspects of your personality. You’ll get to practice introducing yourself in ten different ways and learn how to talk about your job without boring the person listening.
In short, you’re giving your social skills a serious workout.
- You’ll learn about new stuff
Why not have a neuroscientist in your life? Why not find out what an iOS Developer actually does? Why not challenge your prejudice that all investment bankers are assholes?
When you meet new social groups, you learn about different kinds of people.
You’ll learn much more from one night with a whole new crowd than from yet another conversation about your latest TV series with the same friends you always hang out with.
- You’ll be able to try different personalities on
Away from your normal environment, you’ll feel comfortable having a confident swagger, or being more flirtatious than usual, or more assertive about your views.
A new social group is a chance to wear a different mental outfit for the night.
Without your regular friends’ expectations, you’ll be free to break out and do the unexpected.
How to do ‘Social Dipping’
How do you find new social circles to break into?
At some point, perhaps by a co-worker, a long forgotten college roommate, or some other “half-friend”, you’re going to be invited to an event they’re holding.
They won’t be expecting you to say yes.
But here’s what you’re going to do: Say YES.
Now, I’m not one for saying “yes” mindlessly, and finding yourself trapped in a calendar full of tedious events that you’re now obligated to attend.
So here are the rules: You only say “yes” when either:
1. You get invited to some really fun sounding activity or event you wouldn’t otherwise get to do.
2. You feel like there is a good chance you’re going to meet a lot of new and interesting people in a new social scene. (Don’t bother if it’s only 3-4 people sitting around drinking wine, that’s not really enough to dip into a whole new social circle. Unless they are truly divine company!)
When you keep your eyes open, you’ll find these opportunities open up more and more. Again, don’t say “Yes” to all of them, but definitely to some of them.
See where “Social Dipping” takes you and let me know some of your best stories!
* * * * * * * * * * * *