Just as there are a lot of myths about attraction, there are also myths about what makes a good relationship.
In this post, I want to talk about some of the facts about what makes relationships work in the long-term.
Don’t worry – being a good girlfriend doesn’t by any mean imply YOU’RE going to be the one putting in all the work. It means being the highest value version of yourself so that you also get the best out of him.
Here are 5 powerful tips for being the woman of his dreams:
1. A good girlfriend makes him feel like his best self
One of my favourite ever movie quotes is in the film As Good As It Gets, when Jack Nicholson says to Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man.”
This is the dream woman every man hopes he will find. A girlfriend who inspires him to be better by believing in him 100% and encouraging him to put himself out there and fulfill his potential.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can take a lazy, useless guy and live hoping he’ll grow up and take control of his life. It means finding a guy who truly has drive and then being someone who is his greatest teammate (and allowing him to be yours as well!).
2. Understand his particular “love triggers”
Men don’t always feel love in the same way women do.
In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains how women typically experience love through acts of service and quality time spent together, whilst men on average tend to experience love through admiration and acts of physical touch (sexual and non-sexual).
One of the best things anyone can do in a relationship is learn how their partner feels love, even if it’s completely different to them. This enables us to give our partner that feeling of significance and safety that we crave ourselves in a relationship.
And what’s more, be willing to show him your own standards as well. This way, he knows the exact blueprint to pleasing you, instead of having to guess and get it wrong all the time!
3. Knowing how to be a good girlfriend means knowing how to care for yourself
The girlfriend he dreams of isn’t someone who depends on him to fulfill every need.
The only guys who are turned on by a dependent woman are narcissistic control freaks who need to be in charge of their partner’s happiness.
A high-value guy will want to see evidence that you have your own independent sources of happiness outside the relationship that give you inspiration and joy every day.
This is one of the secrets that will get him to commit in the first place, and it also happens to be the secret of keeping the guy and having a healthy relationship.
4. Realise DESIRE is just as important as COMFORT
In many relationships, especially those in which the couple live together, things can quickly become so comfortable that your partner begins to feel more like a roommate or a best friend than a romantic lover.
And that’s usually when things go bad.
The couples that work best know how to prioritize DESIRE just as much as COMFORT.
That might mean being more open with each other about sexual fantasies. It might mean being less predictable and creating flirtatious or sexy moments through text, groping, and occasional role-play.
Whatever method you use to get there, the best partners are those who appreciate their significant others need for desire and work to satisfy it just as much as their need for comfort.
5. Be willing to be strong for him sometimes
It’s well-known that men in general like to play the strong role in the relationship.
They like to be able to comfort and take care of you, keep you warm with their jacket, make sure you get home safe, stroke your hair and hug you when you’re feeling emotional or upset.
But occasionally, men love the idea of a woman who lets him be vulnerable without judgment. That is, the girlfriend who is going to look after him and hear him out when he’s not at his best, who is going to pick him up and give him a hug when he feels weak and at the mercy of all of the crap life throws at him.
It might sound cheesey, but men need a woman who makes him feel safe and protected as well. If you become the one person he can really be his vulnerable self around (even if it’s only once in a while), you become irreplaceable to him. He’ll want to be the best man he can be to keep someone as confident and self-assured as you around.
14 Replies to “How To Be A Good Girlfriend (And Get YOUR Needs Met)”
Matthew this is so sweet, it reminds me of the things I will be focusing on to be a better girlfriend :) xxx Catt
What an insightful article. Good to be reminded of things like this. Thank you Matt. XAudrey
Thank you Audrey. x
Really found this interesting, particularly the different ways men and women experience love. I had heard men need to feel admiration from their partner but didn’t know about the importance of physical touch in relation to feelings of love.
Too often we assume men feel and therefore react in the same way we do. Or we just expect them to be psychic. We need to get over feeling that if a guy loves us he should just “know”.
I can vouch for only narcissists wanting a women to be dependent. Early last year before I started to really work on myself in this area, a guy love-bombed me after knowing me for just one day and I totally fell for it to an embarrassing and ultimately painful degree. I now realise guys with NPD have a sixth sense for sussing out women who are needy. I’m still a way from being high value but at least I’m now aware and that agonising experience has led to where I am today.
Yea, that’s why guys who fall in love TOO quickly can appear romantic when really they are impulsive or potentially looking for someone needy (usually because they are needy for affection themselves). Good thing you got out sooner rather than later Tara!
I love the part where you’ve mentioned about the 5 Love Languages, such an insightful book!
I need to be touched to feel loved but my boyfriend doesn’t like to be touched (possibly due to medication). In fact the medication has killed all intimacy in the relationship. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without making him feel s*** or blaming himself – something he does already. Any advice would be appreciated as it’s making me depressed. :(
On the other hand. What makes a good boyfriend? How do you know if a guy is good for you?
I suggest checking out the blog post by Stephen “15 Sure Signs You’re Dating a High Value Man”
Totally agree, Tara. Excellent read…
Thanks for the good advise. Your videos and writings inspire me to be a better woman. Have always thought I was wrong about what I tell people and what I do for my man but I guess am on the right track. Thank you Mathew. Am from Africa Uganda.
This article made me warm and fuzzy. I love when you talk about relationships in the long term.
I love the part about making him feel safe and willing to be vulnerable. I feel like that’s so hard for guys and part of it is what’s expected of them-by society and other men, atleast where I live.
Keep it coming
I follow all these but still whenever he is in problem he never speaks,he just pushes away and he says that he cannot share his problems with me as it will annoy me n don’t want to give any pain because of that.Now what should I do?please suggest me something.
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