Have you ever been hurt badly by someone in love?
Those wounds can stay with us a long time. They can stop us from taking chances again in love.
If you can relate to this, today’s video is for you. You’ll hear me doing a live demonstration with someone who is going through exactly this issue. And what I tell her may be exactly the words you need to hear right now…
Be Brave and Invest in Love Again.
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→ http://www.3SecretsToLove.com
Matthew Hussey:
Thank you so much for calling in. What was your question, Kristeen?
Kristeen:
I always open up myself and I’m very vulnerable, but as soon as they tried to take action and they show that they care back, I start to pull away and I start to not want to commit, even though, consciously I want to, and I don’t know if it’s a subconscious thing and I keep making excuses or…
Matthew Hussey:
What are you afraid of?
Kristeen:
That he’s going to hurt me and what happened last time it was to happen again.
Matthew Hussey:
What happened last time?
Kristeen:
I was completely committed and I put too much of myself into the relationship when he wasn’t giving enough back, and I just don’t want that to happen again. But, I think–
Matthew Hussey:
Let me ask you a question, Kristeen. What lesson did you learn from that relationship? What did you take the lesson to be from that time that you got hurt? What did it teach you? Did it teach you–
Kristeen:
That a healthy relationship’s, like, give and take and I shouldn’t give way more than I get back.
Matthew Hussey:
That’s the logical lesson you took. But, the emotional lesson you took was quite different from that. Because, if you say it out loud, that sounds very normal, very reasonable. But, if you actually look at your behavior, it probably speaks more of this lesson: The lesson I took was never invest, because you’ll get hurt. I think we need to go back for a moment to that relationship where you get hurt. Because that relationship where you were hurt, that was kind of a defining moment for you, wasn’t it?
Kristeen:
Definitely.
Matthew Hussey:
Now, in life’s defining moments, we have to decide what they mean. You have to now decide what lesson you want to take from that, because the beauty of life is that we can go back to any experience from any moment of our life, and we can’t change the past, but we can change what it means. We have the potential to time travel back there anytime we want and change the meaning. What if we were to revisit your past right now and revisit that relationship and change the lesson to a more empowering one? To a lesson that actually would help your love life today, not hurt it. But, still at the same time, allow you to protect yourself. What lesson would you take from it now?
Kristeen:
That I need to be more proactive and I need to figure out where he stands before I commit more.
Matthew Hussey:
So perhaps the lesson is, if I learn to communicate better and not be afraid of the answers, I’ll find out what I need to find out about a situation. That’s one potential lesson that you could take. I think there’s a real big lesson here that’s bigger than all of these lessons, and I think it’s this: That relationship taught you that it’s possible to recover, because right now you’re out there living, but it also taught you that when you know something isn’t right, you have the power to walk away from it.
Kristeen:
Right.
Matthew Hussey:
You have the power to leave. I think something that’s really scaring you right now is, what if I invest in someone and I get close to them, and all of a sudden they start treating me the wrong way and they don’t give me the love that I deserve, but I’m not strong enough to walk away?
Kristeen:
Exactly.
Matthew Hussey:
Because I’m too close to them and I’m too bound up in this relationship. I think you’re afraid to get into that situation again. But I think the real lesson is that you’re strong enough to walk away from any situation that isn’t right for you, even if it hurts. The next time you go into a relationship, you can know that you can invest and you can get close to someone, and if it doesn’t work out and if that man doesn’t prove to be worthy of you, you have the strength to walk away.
Kristeen:
Yeah, and there’s plenty of other people out there.
Matthew Hussey:
Plenty of other people out there, as you are proving, by the way, right now. Your goal right now should be to go out there and invest in people and be generous with your energy, but walk away when you know they’re not worthy of it, not walk away just because you’re paranoid and scared.
Kristeen:
Thank you so much. That makes so much sense.
Matthew Hussey:
Thank you, Kristeen. It’s been such a pleasure to have you on the call.
Great advice Matthew…as usual…;) <3
Wow thank you ! I tend to put more into a relationship then the guy. I’m worth more . Love ur advice ❤️ Thank you
Hi Matthew,
It’s a wonderful video with a powerful advice. I really really can feel Kristeen’s fears because I have been there. I have had an abusive childhood, physically and mentally abusive marriage and now am a single mom. All through these storms there is one thing I learnt and that is to never give up..never to be bitter and be prepared to be hurt and face many more challenging times ahead, for every dark cloud has a silver lining. We learn from our mistakes and thinking we will not make mistakes in our future relationship is like expecting summers only without rains n winters. If we really want to move ahead in our love life we should be ready to get hurt, make new mistakes and keep learning but remember one thing- just never live your life in fear.Never ever be stuck in the past and scared to take the leap. Life is about moving ahead and chasing the rainbows. I wish I could share my story with the community and how your videos taught me to love myself and make myself a priority.
I would always be thankful for your advices.
Lots of love
Priya
This helped me SO much. I’ve been having trouble communicating in my current relationship for exactly this reason and this helped me reframe so I feel like I can do that now
I have a question. I hope it is OK to ask here. My fear and a relationship is if I give my time and energy, if I show my emotional side and vulnerability, if I am fully in and let him see me then he will back away. I fear he will break things off. I fear he will leave. So I find myself tiptoeing towards somebody. I live in daily fear that my new love interest is already pulling back and preparing to walk away for me. I’ve been hurt this way before and it hurts deep. How do I live and love knowing this is a possibility but jumping in anyway And give love a chance?
LaVerne. Here,
How do you find your worth? Better yet speak to me about worth. I never thought of it being I was not worth it, but that he was not worthy of who I am. This is foreign to me:(.
Ty for your time
Love life, love life, love life, it’s only the one who have not been there that will not understand how it feels like both mentally, emotional and physical otherwise look l know is not going to be easy but I can only say, to be brave in love after you have been hurt is the perfect experience we can always learn from even helps to face in future, to be honest I really don’t think past experience should stop us from loving or opening up for love. I think it should be a great experience that can help us focus in future like they say experience is the best teacher ✌️
Aww matt that was yet another amazing way you empower women to stand in there power and be true and authentic to there aspect of divinity in form and honour that divine spark and the love that brings instead of dishonouring its sacred value into been less then its worth!see your working on your 5d heartcentred portal matt haha!there is ways to go down timelines spiritual meditations even innerchildones or to take her bk to that point and thus changeing the energy that relationship has left her with as there is no passed or future thereis only concurrent timelines playing out in parrell realitys and dimensions change the past change what we conceive as the future!life is a journey of lessons to makeyou spiritually grow and were tested most in love cause our souks grow and expand the most in this but its also a journey ofself worth standards and boundaries and for any empath women you know your boundaries are out cause empaths usually are.wishing you godesses all the best on your journeys of love.love and light matt keep shineing that heart centre!
Hi Matt
I’ve been in four relationships. The first one, he told me he was gay and I was crushed and felt used. The second was an alcoholic but it ended when he came to my home drunk and embarrassed me infront of my mom. The third was two timing me. The fourth told me he was HIV positive, a year into the relationship. Thank God we had never been intimate. The fifth I found out he had 5 children from different women nearly 2 years into the relationship.
I’ve been single for the past three years. Each time I think of dating, even if slightly interested, my mind just shuts off. But I really wish for a companion but don’t know how to relax anymore.
Please help.
I got hurt in my last relationship. I stayed with him for three years because I convinced myself he was equally as invested as I was – even though my friends and family could see that he wasn’t. I didn’t listen and I stayed and after three years, he ghosted me. I haven’t heard from him since that day. When I look back now, I recognize that I stayed as long as I did because I was afraid of being alone again.
Since our “breakup” I’ve been kind of taking a break from dating or looking to meet people so I could figure out myself but now that I’m looking to start dating again -and I am actively trying – I’m scared.
Scared of putting in the work and not getting anything back again.
Scared of getting hurt by someone I love.
But the thing that scares me the most is that I don’t know if I’m looking for someone because I’m lonely or because I really am ready to be with someone.
I luv this. To ransack ureself. Be Tru to u. But also be willing to listen.
I think my biggest lesson was to learn the power of forgiveness in order to move on. To let go of the hows and whys and really work on “me”. Using the negative energy that I had around my divorce and chanel it in to something positive. Which I did.
I trusted my boyfriend.. but he already had a girlfriend and got married to him without even telling me…he used me
I trusted my boyfriend.. but he already had a girlfriend and got married to him without even telling me…he used me