Whether you’ve been watching my videos for 5 days or 5 years, this is one you can’t miss. It’s one of the most fundamental concepts I’ve ever taught. Enjoy this video. It’s a big one. . .

Well, Jameson and I were just filming a welcome video for all of the attendees of our Virtual Retreat, which is our big annual flagship event that’s about life transformation—not people’s love lives, people’s entire lives. If, by the way, you don’t know about it or you haven’t got your ticket yet, and you want me to coach you through immersion for three days in every part of your life, I’ll leave a link here. Go check it out.

But whilst we were recording those videos, we had an idea for a video that we could make that was tied into that, because that’s where my head’s at right now, is not dating advice but bigger life advice. I truly believe that the concept I’m about to give you is one of the master keys to living an extraordinary life and having extraordinary impact in life—whether it’s the impact of attraction, getting someone attracted to us, or whether it’s the impact of making a difference in the world, or building something . . . But let me take you through this.

In life, there are things that, early on, we got good at, or things that we got rewarded for. For some of us, it’s our ambition. For some of us, it’s, at an early age, we made more money than our peers. For some of us, it’s that we made people laugh more than other people did. We were funnier than other people. Whatever it was that we got rewarded for early, that validation made us want to do that thing more. It became almost an addiction, and it might’ve even been a positive addiction. If you get addicted to achieving because people give you a lot of reward for it, then you can go on to achieve some very big things.

The problem is that the areas of life where we get validation can easily become our mutations. I want you to write this down. This is going to be like a mini seminar right now in this video. It’s not going to be like my typical blog video, where I sit on a sofa and speak. So, our validations can become our mutations. Our validations become our mutations, meaning when we get comfortable being rewarded for a certain thing in our life, we keep doing that thing. It doesn’t mean doing that thing is easy. If you get validated for being a high achiever, it doesn’t mean continuing to be a high achiever is easy. It just means we get real comfortable there, getting our validation. These mutations then create distortions in our personality where all of a sudden, our entire identity can be built around one thing.

Now, what’s the problem with that? When your identity is heavily rooted in one thing, that can now become our weakness. Christopher Hitchens said, qhen talking about relationships, he said, “The skill of relationships is not allowing your strengths to negate themselves,” meaning what once made us strong can actually make us weak if we come to over-rely on it. What happens to the person who spends all day in the gym, and that’s how they get their validation, and then they get injured? If they don’t develop identity in other areas, that can now be the death of their identity and, therefore, the death of their confidence, their happiness, and their sense of internal security.

The solution to these mutations is to develop other areas, whether they’re external parts of our life or they’re other parts of our personality so that we can create unique pairings. Now, let me explain what unique pairings are. Unique pairings are fascinating. A unique pairing is when you find two different things, two different personality traits or interests in the same person that you don’t normally find in the same person. When we meet someone who’s sexy but they can also be goofy and silly, that’s a unique pairing. When we meet someone who takes care of their body and presents themselves really well, they’re well-groomed and they look great, but they’re also intellectual, and they care about deeper pursuits, that’s a unique pairing. When we meet someone who’s a hard worker but they could also go out there and play and have adventures and be spontaneous, that’s a unique pairing.

We see these unique pairings in all different people, and if you think about certain friends of yours or someone you’re in love with or certain family members that you adore, I guarantee you’ll be able to find unique pairings that make you really adore that person. One great quality can attract someone. It can get someone’s attention. If you’re super sexy, you can get someone’s attention. If you’re super successful, you can get someone’s attention. If you’re very funny, you can get someone’s attention. But that’s not what holds someone. One quality doesn’t hold someone. What holds someone are unique pairings.

Let’s think of this on a meta level. Once upon a time, you watched me because I made a dating video, right? Maybe five years ago, 10 years ago, or maybe last week, maybe five minutes ago, you were watching me in a different video where you go, “Oh, man. This guy’s got great dating advice.” Then, you come to this video and you see this, and you’re like, “Holy shit. Now, he’s going to this beat? Now, he could talk about this.” Now, you see a unique pairing. That’s what holds someone. I could only hold you for so long by giving you a flirting tip, but now, you realize I could talk about this as well. All right, now, I’m watching next week’s video.

When people see that we’re constantly developing, constantly evolving, constantly developing more pairings, we become this irreplaceable force in their life. We become someone that it’s … I don’t want to use the word addiction in this context, but we become someone that they say, “Man, I can’t give this person up. I got to keep going on the journey.” So, it’s these unique pairings that make us an unbelievable package to someone else, an irreplaceable package to somebody else. They are the key to people falling in love. They’re also the keys to people maintaining the passion when they’ve been in love for a long time. But, on an internal level, unique pairings also make us impervious to things going wrong in our lives. They are the ultimate defense to change, to not being able to do the same things you used to do, to parts of your life going wrong, being taken away. When you have unique pairings, you become invincible because you’ve always got legs under the table that can support you if one leg breaks.

All of a sudden, you get injured and you can’t work out. That was a source of your confidence. It doesn’t matter because you have all these unique pairings. You’re into this and that and the other, and this thing gives you purpose, and this thing gives you confidence. This is a part of you you really value. All of a sudden, you got legs under the table that can support you. If someone decides they don’t want to be with you anymore in a relationship, you got all these other legs under the table that support you. You’re not just one thing. You’re not a one-trick pony in life. Your value isn’t your relationship.

That’s true of our personality too. You can have a part of your personality that maybe you came to rely on. What happens to a lot of comedians, right? They feel like, “I got to be funny all the time because that’s where my value is,” but all of a sudden, if your whole value doesn’t come from one thing, if it comes from the books you’ve read, if it comes from the energy you bring to a room in a different way, if it comes from the kindness that you bring, if it comes from the work that you’re doing with people, whatever it may be, all of a sudden, you don’t feel like you have to be funny at the dinner table even if that’s how you make a living because there are other legs under the table.

Guys, I’m telling you, this is the master key. One of them. I think there are only four or five things in life if you really boil it down. There’s like four or five things in life that if you know those, life gets a lot easier, a lot better. You can create an extraordinary life on five truths. This is one of them. This is one of the master keys to living an extraordinary life.

If you’re watching this and you’re like, “Man, I need to create more unique pairings for myself. I want to start living a bigger life. I want to start writing a different story for myself than the one that I’ve been writing all along, the one that’s comfortable, the one that’s become my mutation,” then we’re going to be doing that on the Virtual Retreat together. I’m literally going to give you a blueprint for doing this, and we’re going to spend three days of coaching immersion, working through everything in your life to create an amazing story.

Because that’s what we want to do, isn’t it? Ultimately. We all have different goals here—everyone watching this video has something different they want—but they’re all versions of the same thing. Because whether it’s you’re looking for a relationship right now, or more financial freedom, or a better body, or a change in your life because you’re bored of what you’re doing, or you’re looking for more internal confidence or happiness, we’re all looking for the same thing: We want a great story. We want to be able to tell a great story at the end of our lives of what that life meant, of what we did with it, of the impact we’ve made. And we want to enjoy the story because this story is not going to last forever, right? This story is tragically short, and we want to make the most of it while we have it.

So, if you want to do that with me, I have a process that I have refined, and refined, and refined, and refined over 14 years to show you how to do that. I’m going to walk you through it step-by-step over the three days on the Virtual Retreat. I’ll leave a link here. If you’re not signed up yet or if you’re just hearing about it for the first time, do not miss it. It’s a live event. It’s not something you can do two weeks later. It’s a live event that is happening on March the 19th to the 21st. I will see you there.