When you lose someone, it’s like an emptiness appears in your life that you can’t even remember how you ever filled before you met that person.
Maybe you and your ex fought all the time. Maybe you both were in different stages of your life. Maybe one of you simply made too many mistakes and you had to call it quits.
Now let’s be clear about this: The reason you broke up matters.
If you had a fundamentally unhealthy relationship with your ex, getting back together is probably not going to be a good idea. The only time it will ever be a good idea is when one (or both) of you has fundamentally changed as people and grown out of certain behaviours, be it jealousy, dependence, argumentative and selfish tendencies, or any other destructive habit that was toxic to the relationship.
So what about the question of how to get him back?
Getting Your Ex Back – The Game Plan
First, I want you to think about this very carefully.
Right now, it’s going to feel like your ex is the only person you could possibly be happy with in your entire life. There’s about a 99.9% chance that isn’t true, so make sure this isn’t a trap you’re falling into believing you could never be happy with another person.
I know. I know. That’s easier said than done. At the moment, you’re probably finding it unbearably painful to imagine life without him.
Even if you know there were problems, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Sure, a few things might have been wrong. But SO much was right about us”.
You both had incredible sex. You shared the same passions for both reading AND marathon running. You knew he was a kind, decent, loving person that you could trust like no-one else.
Look, there’s no exact rule on whether you and your ex should still be together. If you want to hear more of my thoughts on this, check out my article on the 3 Honest Truths You Must Read Before You Think About Getting Your Ex Back.
But here are some basic rules depending on how much time has passed since you broke up:
1. How to get him back (if it’s only been a week)
Right now your emotions are all over the place.
You feel loss, loneliness, fear…you’re even probably wondering if you’ll ever feel ok again.
Just breathe.
You need to do a few things while the break-up is fresh:
– Write down your thoughts and feelings about the relationship (be really honest – what worked about it, what didn’t work about it. Don’t look at it through rose-tinted glasses.)
– Keep people around you who bring you up and work on building a life of INDEPENDENCE from your ex.
– Have a period of No-Contact with your ex.
Give yourself distance. Put away those photos that remind you of him, stop the social media stalking, and start the process of healing your relationship wound.
After a week, send your ex a “Goodbye Letter”. In this VERY short message, you can do the following (and ONLY the following):
- Acknowledge any hurtful or painful things you did at the end of the relationship
- Be graceful and wish him well
- Say goodbye and accept the relationship is over
These are crucial steps to show to him that you are starting to move on. You can only then re-connect once you’ve built other areas of your life and when one of you has truly recognised the changes they need to make to mend the relationship.
I go through the entire detailed process of this in my Ex Back program, so if you really need examples of how to do this here is my copy-and-paste plan to win him back.
2. How to get him back (if it’s been a few months)
If you’ve been without your ex for longer, you now need to think about a few things:
- Have I made a conscious effort to build a life in which I’m happy without my ex? (if you haven’t do this before ANYTHING else!)
- How can I re-establish contact and create a new first impression?
Once again, in this scenario you need to make sure you’ve had a long enough period of time without your ex so that you can start fresh when you open communication again.
So here are your basic steps:
- Make sure you are living a happy, single life (meet other guys, have passions and hobbies, build a social circle).
- Have a period of No-Contact from your ex (if you’re still talking to him)
- Start contacting him with a low-key, low-investment message e.g. use one of my INTRIGUE texts, such as, “Finally tried that new breakfast place we kept talking about. Best. Toasted Bagels. Ever. Definitely worth the trip. x” (again, I have a ton of examples of this in my Ex Back program).
The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter how long has elapsed since you’ve last spoken to your ex (but if he’s in a relationship you now have to ACCEPT that fully and resolve not to attempt to break it up).
What you must do at all costs, is to establish INDEPENDENCE and POSITIVE GROWTH since your relationship ended. These are the essential traits that will make your ex see you in a new light and get him to want a relationship with you again.
When you finally arrange a casual meet up, blow him away with your new first impression, flirt with him in an off-hand way, and show you’re in-demand, and soon things will gradually progress towards getting together again (just don’t rush things and jump into bed too quickly!).
Now that you’re on the path, you can start to re-build and feel confident that, if nothing else, you have a game plan for getting your ex back in a healthy way. If you need more on the next steps, get my Ex Back programme and learn the exact step-by-step things you must say when you meet up with your ex.
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I am so happy I got my ex wife back, she left me because I cheated. But with the help of Love solution temple I have being able to rekindle her love for me. she accepted my apology and I promise never to ever hurt her again. The spell caster that did it for me is priest Adu of [solution.temple@ mail. com] if anyone need their ex back here is the right place to go.
Dear Matthew,
After my breakup with my ex I tried your program. We’d been dating and in a relationship for a few months and it went really well – he was the one who did all the chasing, he really put in lots of effort and was also the one who wanted to make the relationship official. We even spent a week in Spain together because he wanted us to go on holidays.
Before we started the relationship he told me that he had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with his ex. He was completely over her and said he hadn’t been looking for anyone or anything serious but didn’t expect to meet anyone like me. His reasons for breaking up with me, however, were that all of a sudden he felt like he wanted to „be single and enjoy life“. He said it didn’t have to do anything with me because I was a wonderful und amazing woman and he’d never known anyone like me but he didn’t want to be in a relationship now.
So I tried your program to win him back. As you said, I didn’t contact him for not only one but even two months, didn’t look at his social media and tried to get my mind off him by starting a new hobby and going on holidays with friends. After that time, we started talking again, first just a little and then we actually spent time as friends again. I even used some of the sentences you suggested and it was just starting to turn into something more than friendship again but then he told me he didn’t want to hurt me and that his decision hadn’t changed.
I was very sad that the program didn’t work for me – maybe it was due to cultural differences (I’m German), I honestly don’t know. I am not looking for a refund but just wanted to let you know that unfortunately, the program didn’t work for me although I tried to follow every step very carefully. Thank you for giving me a chance anyways.
Best wishes,
Andrea
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I want to use this medium to testify of how I got back my Lover after divorce, i and my Lover has been married for 2 years with 2 kids, we have been a happy family. Last year his behavior towards me and the kids changed, i suspected he was meeting another woman outside our marriage, any time i confronted him, he threatened to divorce me, i did all i could to make things right but all to no avail until i saw a post on a “love and relationship forum” about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on marriage and relationship issues, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a reunion spell and my Lover changed and came apologizing to me and the kids. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage issues via this email: WICCALOVESPELLTOOLS @ GMAIL. COM
My boyfriend broke up with me in November. I want him back more than anything. A third person kept trying to break us up which has resulted in a restraining order against this third person. My ex was sick of the drama and broke it off with me and just blocked me on everything. Im heartbroken. There was a year of this person just being horrible and my ex left when this person spiked my drink and he got what appeared to be loads of drunk calls from me. its a messy messy situation. I don’t know what to do. My ex is a very avoident person. He didn’t break up so much as just ghosted, after 7 years
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I need some help everyone, what can I do?
I was seeing a lady that I love so very much for about 3 years (but found it hard at times to show her this, I have some trust issues from the past).
I was deeply happy and content and did believe she loved me very much also.
Late last year I had some mental health issues that I did not manage well at the time (I struggled to do anything or even get out of bed some days and this made me angry and I snapped at her at times).
There was never anything physical and I would never hurt her in that way but it caused a rift between us and she moved out, we tried to stay friends but it was a bit difficult with how I was.
I finally got the help I needed from counselling and my head is in a far better place now and certainly beyond the mental illness / stress I had at the time.
I did the stupid thing that lots of people do and bombarded her with emails and texts asking for forgiveness and to give me a chance now ok and to see me again, which I know was the wrong thing to do and she blocked me on text and that.
I know deep down she is still very much in love with me and certainly doesn’t want to be on her own, she just doesn’t want to be hurt again.
I kept emailing her and she just said leave me alone and I never want to see or hear from you ever again and that resulted in two police visits now asking me to stop contacting her.
What do I do?
I’m very much in love with her and I know deep down she still loves me. I don’t want miss this one chance in a lifetime to be with someone I love so very much and I know we could have a fantastic life together.
But I’m told if the police come back again for a 3rd time, I will get charged this time.
What can I do?
My husband said he lost feelings for me and that we can no longer be in this marriage together , i was heart broken because i so so much love my husband , i did all i can to make sure he develop feelings for me but nothing happen , not until a friend of mine introduce me to this powerful man who help me , i contacted him and told him about my break up and he said he will help me and my husband will come back to me with heart full of love and in less than 48 hours my husband came back home to apologize to me for hurting me and today we are living together as one, if you want this powerful man to help you in any way please contact him today : dumeladgreat @gmail. com
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