Why are you thinking about getting your ex back?
I know why.
It’s because you’re heartbroken. Devastated. You can only see your future right now as being miserable so long as this guy is out of your life.
So let me start by reassuring you: these feelings are completely normal and we all have had them.
In this short article, I want to explain how you should come to the decision of trying to get your ex back, because it’s not a decision that should be taken lightly.
Here are 3 cardinal truths that you MUST read so that you know what to do first:
Truth No. 1 – Just missing him is NOT a good enough reason to get your ex back
It’s very easy to miss relationships that weren’t necessarily good for us in the long-term.
Ask yourself before you move on: Did your ex actually fulfill all your emotional needs while you were together? Did he treat you in a way you would want to be treated for the rest of your life?
These questions are worth stopping to reflect on.
But so many of us get caught up in the terror of losing someone that we forget to ask whether it’s even a good idea to want them back in our lives.
Truth No. 2 – You cannot attract your ex back into your life, until you have changed your life
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying you should change to win back your ex.
But when you’ve just broken up, it’s likely you’ll be in a rough place. In this heightened emotional state, it’s impossible to take the steps you need to attract your ex back from a high-value place.
More likely, you’ll make some rash move that will freak your ex out and make him see you as needy or unable to move on, which will only repel him way even more.
Which is why you have to move on first before you ever win your ex back.
This sounds very counter-intuitive, but when you start building your own life and moving on, taking positive steps in your own future, you’ll be coming from a position of power again where you feel confident and happy, and this is what is going to get your ex to see you in a new light.
Building a life that fulfils you on an emotional level is one of the keys to adding value to a guys life, and that’s what ultimately gets him to want you more than anyone else.
That’s why desperation and neediness are such turn-offs, because they make a man feel like you are only wanting to take from him, instead of coming from a place of making his world better. In fact, apart from the fact that a man may simply be in the wrong stage of his life, this is the no.1 reason why men won’t commit, even if they are more attracted to you than anyone else.
Truth No. 3 – Accept that you won’t win him back overnight
This is one of the most difficult to face, but right now putting distance between you and your ex is absolutely crucial.
As soon as the relationship ends, send your ex a short note or email saying goodbye and acknowledging any mistakes, then do not contact him for at least a month.
That means…Don’t Facebook like his pics, don’t send any texts or voicemails, and don’t meet up for a “coffee”.
This No-Contact period is the essential first step. It’s what allows you to move on and build up your own life so that you can re-contact your ex later feeling like a new, reinvigorated person. He’ll see all the changes you’ve made in your life and will be curious to know what else you’ve been up to since the break up.
Then, when you meet your ex, you need to take it slow. Build up the mystery and intrigue, and slowly gauge his intentions regarding getting back together.
But you cannot rush ANY of this. That’s the most crucial part.
And always remember: you have to move on from your ex, before you can have him back in your life.
That might sound tough but look at it this way: even if things don’t work out, you’ll be proceeding with your life going onward and upwards, whether he comes along for the ride or not. If you want more on devising a game plan for attracting him again, make sure you read my article on How To Get Him Back.
Matthew, I just spent the Christmas weekend (Thursday-Monday) with my now ex-boyfriend. He was acting normal until Sunday night. On that day he was more distant. I spent Sunday night in a hotel with him, his son, and his brother. He spent a good amount of money on the hotel, more than he should have, so he was stressed. We went out to eat that night and we had issues deciding what to eat because in vegan and it’s difficult for me to eat at some places. He paid for my meal like he normally does.
After we went out to eat, he was different. I could feel it. I couldn’t sleep and was lying in his arms crying while he slept.
I gave everyone their Christmas gifts the next morning after breakfast and he acted almost as if he didn’t want them. Afterwards, he dropped me off at home and I thanked him for everything. That day he still behaved normally in text, then the next day he was short/distant. Not as excited in his texts. I tried to ignore it. I tried to be my normal self and joke with him. He seems like he was coming back around Wednesday morning, but by that point I was frustrated and wanted to talk to him but didnt know how to get him to engage me.
I called his brother crying and asking what I should do since he’s acting so different. His brother explained to me that my boyfriend was tired of paying for my food every time, giving me gas money to come see him sometimes, and was irritated about the difficulty of finding something to eat on Sunday night. I couldn’t understand why my boyfriend didnt just tell me these things because theyre easy fixes. And it doesnt make sense because 1. I could see any woman wanting him to pay for dinner and even bills 2. He would contact me sometimes asking me to come over saying he has no problem paying for my gas. He even offered to fix my car for me once and I turned him down.
At that point I just wanted to talk about it, but instead of doing so I asked for a break because I thought space would be good. He agreed and said he has a lot on his plate right now, I said the same. Then within an hour he changes his facebook status to single. I was shocked. I just wanted time away, not to be available for other people. Now I see I’ve made a mistake and I don’t know how to fix it.
I know I need to get a new steady job, because I would like to be able to provide for myself more and I would like to help pay for dinner sometimes or cover the tip, etc.
I feel like I wasnt there for him emotionally like he needed me. There are things I wanted to do for him and I didn’t out of fear from my previous relationship. I wanted to support him while he was stressed and dealing with finances and working so much, but I didnt know how.
I see now where I made mistakes and I think I was selfish and blind. I want to talk to him to apologize, but I don’t want to push him away more.
Up until Monday, this man treated me like he would do anything for me, his actions and words showed me that. I think I blamed him too much, forgetting that I still needed to work on myself. At this point, he won’t talk to me. Wednesday I called him amd left a message to talk for only 2 minutes, he ignored it. Then that night he likes a photo of mine on facebook. The next day I returned a like, but that’s all. Neither of us have reached out to each other since.
I thought about sending a text today saying something like this: “I hope you’re well. I realized my faults our relationship and I believe I was selfish and blind to your needs/concerns. There were things I wanted to do for you and I let my fears get in the way. You inspire me and when I’m with you, I’m a better person. Please know that I was always grateful for everything you did for me. I apologize.” What do you think?
He use to talk about our future and just this weekend he was showing me off to his long-term friends. I know that’s huge for him. All of his friends really adored me and I know that’s very important for him.
I’m hurting Matthew. I always get over guys quickly and never care to fight for them. This man has touched my heart. I want to be a better person, I want us to enrich each other’s lives. I want to support him, but I dont know how. I feel like I owe him an apology.
I feel like him and I don’t have major issues. We were only together for 4 months (we’ve known each other for 3 years). To me, this is all too soon.
Please help! I’m going crazy. I don’t want to do anything foolish.
Hi Tay. From what you’ve shared here, I think you’d benefit from Matt’s “Get Him Running To You”. Watch this video for more info: https://matthewhussey.com/exback/eg/vsl-1thing/index-new.php. Good luck! – Mars
Hi Matthew. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after almost 5-years being together. We’re both in our 20s, 23 years precisely. We met when we were 18 and immediately deeply fell in love with each other. We spent the first year of our relationship in the same city. Then I had to move to another place for my studies and he had too. We spent 4 months 400kms away from each other, but I visited him every 2 weeks. Then I decided to come back to my hometown and I still visited him every 2 weeks. After this 2nd year being together we decided to live together in the city he was studying and we went to the same university. Living together in our early 20s wasn’t the best idea in the world. We were truly in love but I didn’t feel good and I couldn’t be the best version of me. I wasn’t showing my love, sometimes rejecting him even if he was the loveliest person in the world with me. After 2 years living together, spending our lives together we both had to move from where we were. He had to go in another city for his studies and I went to London because I needed a gap year to find myself and have time to think about what happened to me. We were only 1h30 away from each other by train, but on 2 different countries. Me in England, him in France. I visited him once a month. It was really hard because I realized how much I care and love him. But at the same time he began to be distant with me and I felt pushed away from his life.
In last February, on Valentine’s day precisely, he told me he wasn’t sure to still love me. That broke my heart because I had so much hope for our relationship. I knew the distance was temporary and that as soon as we would be together agin, things would be amazing because I’ve changed so much. Immediately after he almost never talked to me, left me behind. I felt betrayed and desperate. He visited me in April but he didn’t want to have any physical contact with me because he wasn’t sure to love me anymore. In May, he told me (by text because I forced him to put words on the situation) that he didn’t feel love for me anymore. It completely destroyed me. I felt that my entire world was falling apart. I almost don’t hear from him now. We haven’t seen each other already to talk about it and make it official because he was having exams in his town and I came back in my hometown.
I met his parents because we’re really close. His mum told me he was just like this with her too and that’s not who he is. He doesn’t talk to them, doesn’t call the. He told her he felt trapped and couldn’t breathe between how his mum was with him and how I was. I got angry at him this week because he doesn’t talk to me, neither answer my texts sometimes. As soon as I sent the texts I realized it was a mistake. He told me he was waiting to see me to figure it out. I didn’t answer him yesterday because I want to be on my own, without feeling the pain of being left behind by the person I love. Today I saw the he stopped following me on Instagram and that he put a story being in Brussels. That broke me because it’s not him. He never behaved like this and for me it’s really radical. I feel he’s trying to provock me by putting this story and unfollowing me, because that’s what I use to do before, but as I said, I’ve changed. We will probably see each other in the next few days because he will come back here. I had so much hopes for this relationship, I imagined that as soon as we would see each other we would fall in love again and be the happiest. I have so much proofs that everything would be better again, but now he’s doing that I feel completely lost. I don’t want to move on because I know we could be the happiest people together, but the thing is I feel lost and alone with this. I don’t want to go on any social media because I’m scared of being hurt if I see something from him. I feel hurt anyway because he’s not texting me, and I don’t want to text him because I want him to miss me and see that in some way I made him happy.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve read and listen your videos. It helped me and I felt confident. But it’s so hard. I just want him to know how much I care and that I know things can be better between us. But he wouldn’t hear that because he’s scared I would be the same person I was when we lived together. The other “problem” is that I applied in his university in March because I thought things would get better, but now it’s the only university which accepted me -and the best one. I feel scared because I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him or whatever. I want to begin a new life. I deeply think it’s fate that brought me in the same city than him. When we were together he kept telling our friends if one day we break up, he knows we would meet again later because i’m the love of his life. So I know he’s probably in pain because of this situation and he’s trying to fight it by going out and ignoring me, but that hurt so much. I don’t know how I can make him realize I’m different, and happier, and that I’m the girl he’s wanted to be with during these last 3 years.
I need advices because my heart can’t stand so much pain. The hardest thing is probably seeing all my hopes crashing down.
Hey Mathilde! Matt’s busy schedule makes it impossible for him to give individual advice here, but he takes questions from the community in live monthly coaching sessions. Find out more here: https://matthewhussey.com/fasttrack/. Good luck! – Mars
Great info. Thanks for sharing this.
I was desperate to save my marriage but to my greatest surprise munak helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back, but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help. holyprophet8@gmail. com
I was desperate to save my marriage but to my greatest surprise munak helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back, but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help. holyprophet8 @gmail. com
What if I already sent him a long message pouring my heart out. Is it too late to apply the 5 steps to get your ex back?
I am Finn Noah from Belarus, i just want to quickly say a big thanks to Dr.Joe who helped me in getting my wife back after she left me because of a little misunderstanding we had some months ago. i came across Dr.joe who promised me in getting her back. Today my wife is back home happily with the powerful spell of Dr.Joe. Finally I gained my happiness back, She is everything to me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. All thanks Dr.Joe, I will forever be grateful to you for all the efforts you made. Please endeavor to contact Dr.Joe via his Email: Dr.joespirtualhome@ gmail. com
I don’t really know how to thank priest manuka enough for what he has done for me. My husband left me and went back to his mistress for months. If not for the intervention of manuka temple, i wouldn’t have gotten back my husband. His powerful reunion love spell brought back my husband the last day he finish his spiritual prayers with his Goddess. I debuted him at the beginning but I realized with faith nothing Is Impossible. Thank God today I am among the people who testify about manuka temple for his good work done that restored peace back to my marriage. I will forever be grateful to God of manuka. I suggest to anyone who need help to get In touch with Priest manuka now through his Email ID;;; [lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com]
Hi guys, if you need help to get back your ex lovers or want any help whatsoever, you can email Lord Zakuza via Lordzakuza7 @ gmail. com for he is a GOD on earth.
I don’t really know how to thank priest ukodo enough for what he has done for me. My husband left me and went back to his mistress for months. If not for the intervention of manuka temple, i wouldn’t have gotten back my husband. His powerful reunion love spell brought back my husband the last day he finish his spiritual prayers with his Goddess. I debuted him at the beginning but I realized with faith nothing Is Impossible. Thank God today I am among the people who testify about ukodo temple for his good work done that restored peace back to my marriage. I will forever be grateful to God of manuka. I suggest to anyone who need help to get In touch with Priest ukodo now through his Email ID;;; [ukodosolutiontemple1@gmail. com]
My boyfriend broke up with me and stop picking my calls. I tried to convince him, I know I can’t live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, I came across this man called ((Robinson.Buckler)) on the internet, he promised to help me and behold my ex came back after few days, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised, I was cured from herpes with herbal remedy If anyone needs some help, with all sincerity, …..Robinsonbuckler11@gmail com ……………………………………
I am really grateful for your help my husband is back to me and he love me more than ever before. I don’t know what next i would do if you hadn’t helped me.Thank you for bringing back my husband with our love spell work…. Contact him on WhatsAPP… +2349032041242 or Email: doctoraduraherbalhome@gmail:com