I’ve been surprised in dating how much that job interview rule applies: you probably know whether someone is a good fit within the first minute.
When you introduce yourself and begin talking on a date, you’re saying a lot about yourself in those crucial initial 60 seconds.
This is especially true nowadays thanks to the prevalence of internet dating apps, which have made it ever more likely that you won’t have spoken to a guy in person when you first meet up with him.
So here are five things you must know immediately if you want to win a guy over when you meet up with him:
1. Men are drawn to women with a joy for life
Do you greet him warmly? Do you smile and show you’re excited about the date? Do you seem like someone who has a passionate life?
A guy is noticing all these things when you introduce yourself.
If you give him a limp-wristed handshake and have a neutral uninterested look, he’ll assume you’re going to be a major downer rather than someone who brings positivity and general good vibes into his world.
I just used the term “good vibes” and I kind of hate myself for it. But it’s true.
Guys are praying you’ll be easy to talk to. They are crossing their fingers hoping you’ll have a big smile and a great energy. He’s hoping you’ll answer his questions enthusiastically and show you’re the kind of person who is excited about what they’re doing.
It sounds like a lot of pressure, but really, this is what everyone should be like who lives with passion.
2. He wants to see you’re interested
One thing guys notice very quickly is whether a woman is self-involved or interested in getting to know him better.
If you don’t ask any questions or seem like you want to hear more about who he is, it makes him feel distant and he’ll quickly be turned off.
It’s easy to fall into a passive mode of answering questions without reciprocating and showing genuine interest in the other person. Watch out for this trap in any interaction. Yes, men are often doing the impressing on a date, but he needs to see that you are intrigued by him as well.
You’d be shocked at how many women don’t do this.
3. Men want a woman who is self-expressive
How closed is your body language? Do you tend to hold back from expressing yourself or laughing or giving an opinion?
When a guy feels like you’re holding back, he feels like he’s not getting to the more vulnerable part of your personality that reveals your authentic self. If you have defensive barriers or you get uncomfortable with real conversation, he’ll often interpret this as insecurity, which is a huge turn-off on a first date.
If you want to date a confident guy, it’s crucial to show you are comfortable with being expressive and showing your authentic self.
4. Guys care about your attention to detail
Women are turned off by sloppy, disheveled appearance and so are men.
When he first sees you for a date he’s asking himself: Did she make an effort to look attractive?
You don’t have to always show up in the tiny red dress you save for formal dinners, but if you’re rocking up in ill-fitted jeans and a hoodie, no matter how pretty he finds you, he’s going to be asking himself whether you’re someone he could be attracted to long-term.
(FYI – I’m aware that guys are more often the culprits for being bad dressers, but believe me, as a guy who has been on his share of first dates, there are also women who don’t make the effort, and men do notice…)
5. The easiest way to make a guy want you is sexual confidence
Sexual confidence is not always easy to define, but it’s very easy to spot when someone doesn’t have it.
It’s the quality that makes you stand up and take notice of someone as something other than a friend. It’s the slight glint in your eye or the warm hug when you meet them that makes you aware of their body for half a second. It’s being comfortable with contact, even if it’s the a tiny touch on the hand or arm.
It may be more accurate here to say physical confidence, but either way, it’s this that really changes you from a potential friend in a guy’s head to someone he thinks about sexually. If you get stuck in the friend zone a lot, or don’t know how to get a guy to kiss you, this is the area to focus on!
By the way, in my accompanying piece on what men want I go into more detail about how to show this kind of sexual confidence but still remain challenging to a guy.
Now that you know how to make a guy want you in the first minute, you can nail that important first impression armed with the knowledge of exactly how to push his romantic buttons. It might feel difficult at first, but you’ll be thankful when every guy wants to call you to arrange another date!
8 Replies to “How To Make A Guy Want You In The First 60 Seconds”
I wanted to thank you for all your advices. I’m following them step by step for a year and I’m suprised how easy and risk-free it is. First I was little scared about taking even little risks, but I started step by step smiling more, talking to strangers, giving complimets, and now talking to guys, usually preety handsome :P . I’m rewarding my tries and every day I was doing things, which where terrified me time ago. I havent find a guy yet, but I’m glad of direction I’m going… and I feel much better with myself :)
I totally agree, that woman dont talk to men, don’t ask them, don’t show that they are interested in what men want to say… And usually they are scared of what people thinks, they escaping from real life to the internet and complainging, that they cant find any guy. They just lost that social skill…
I know its still the begginning of my way, but I just wanted to tell all girls, that they are worth to be happy, but to feel that you have to evolve and believe in yourself. Stucking in the same place is the worst thing, that could ever happen to you ;)
Great job, Ada! Thanks for the insight and encouragement. Rock on, Girl!
Last night at a speed dating event, I decided to make small millimeter shifts like you spoke about. I’ve gone to one before with dismal results and usually there are just not enough guys that I am interested in. So this time, I dragged myself out and decided to use some of your techniques
1) I was affectionate (not overly so) But for example, when I shook the guys hand I did a two handed shake and covered his hand with my own while shaking it. It only lasted a second or so. Then when I was leaving I touched this guy on the arm as I left and said goodbye.
2) I asked interesting questions but tried not to make it an interview. So throughout the conversation, I asked things like, What is your most favorite part about your work? What was your best moment at your job? If we had tomorrow off, what would we do together, where would you take me? It felt so good to be in control of the conversation. Also it was mental gymnastics trying to figure out transitions into the conversation to my question. It was good though because I truly felt present in the moment which meant I was actually listening to what the guy was saying.
3) Also I broke rapport with guys who I thought were being less than genuine and told them boldfaced that you seem to be evading the question, while looking them in the eyes. I felt so powerful. It was great to be in the moment and able to calmly tell a guy exactly how I was feeling.
4) I dressed in a way that was visually appealing yet seductive.
5) I also was friendly with everyone, with women and even the guys I wasn’t interested in. Usually, at these events, women eyeball other women quite competitively and I actually made friends with two other women and we talked and joked around. It was really nice
We get results in two days about our matches. I don’t know if I even have any, but no matter what the diagnosis, that was the most fun I’ve had in the two years of moving to this new place. Thanks so much for your techniques, It was so much fun to feel in control of the night.
I want to say “thanks” about this blog. What’s amazing relationship advice article! Going to share this to my fans!
Great advice as usual…Stephen & Matthew ;) To ED: Hope your speed dating event was successful…Hoping you get some dates using the techniques…Good luck! ;)
Question! Maybe for another blog? I met two men the other week and we started to chat. One guy sat down next to me and we are talking I touch his shoulder as I am making a point. (platonic area). But he says in a very serious tone, “Don’t do that.” Ok is that don’t do that as “don’t do that” or please do that? I ask him why and he says nothing.
If I take it as flirting back how am I supposed to respond to him? By violating him and doing it again? Then his friend says “she’s flirting with you touch her back”. Ok seriously? The guy then pokes me with his finger and looks like he is afraid to touch me like I have coodies. If he had jokingly touched my shoulder or something that would have been ok but noo the guy makes a face like he is terrified and pokes me with his finger.
I move on and later he asks for my number. He is in my friend zone now at his bad attempt to flirt with me by poking me with his finger while making a face like I am Gollum or something.
I probably should have made a comment about how poking me and making a face isn’t the biggest turn on, but at that point I was turned off.
This is when at the end of the evening I think why do I waste my time. If a man is not interested then how about not sitting next to me? How about ignoring my flirting and going and talking to another woman? How about mentioning another woman? There were so many better ways the guy could have handled that. Clearly this guy was not mature enough to understand how to flirt himself.
But here is the thing. I find more men unable to handle flirting let alone creating sexual tension. My gosh what would that guy have done had I touched the inside of his arm on a date?
I think there is some truth to what you have said in the past, that most women don’t interact with men on purpose but the reality is they don’t know what to do when you do! Sigh
I always do this, and I always get asked out for a second date (even though I say no to half of them).
Sometime you can tell that the guys don’t know how to react, and are not really being sexual themselves, and thus put themself in the friendzone. If they don’t touch me in anyway or are awkward about hugging etc, it just gets a bit weird later on, and you definitely don’t feel anything more than a friendship.
Lovely article as always!
I have a question – How to slow down a guy who wants to be in a relationship with you?
With all great tips learned here, I have no problem attracting guys. On the contrary, some guys are moving too fast – not for sex, but to get into a relationship or even talk about marriage topics. I don’t even know the guy enough to decide if I want a relationship with him. My previous relationship ended because the guy kept pushing for marriage and created a lot of pressure. (I totally felt how guys are freaked out by needy and insecure women!)
Thank and take care! x
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