Today I want to get vulnerable and come out with something we don’t often talk about…
*It seems to many of us to be really hard to make new friends as an adult.*
(To check out my brother Steve’s latest article, click here.)
Building a network of close friends is a crucial component of getting the guy (as without one you’re not going to have reason to go out enough to meet the guy you want)…
And, it’s a great way to get practice for being more sociable.
Question Of The Day: What’s one fun thing you can organise in the next 30 days to invite people to? (a happy hour, a movie night… the possibilities are endless.)
48 Replies to “How To Make Friends As An Adult”
This message couldn’t have come at a more opportune time for me since I’m packed to move from Chicago, IL to Savannah, Georgia within the next week. I only know my best friend/roommate out there and I can’t just wait for her social network to find me worthy. I’m nervous as hell since this is the farthest I’ve been from home ever but this just gave me a bit more hope about the situation. Thanks!
You shaved?!!! Woww!!! Very fresh looking and handsome. Told you….you look great in red! Thank you for posting this video, it reminds me again of how important for all of us to be productive and fun. Not boring. YOLO!
More than dating, this topic of making new friends is exactly what’s been on my mind lately. I’m trying to break out of my introvert shell, my fear of rejection, and expand my social circle. One of the problems I had with my ex was that he was so lazy and never wanted to leave the house and have a social life. Life was boring with him. So I thought, the next guy I date has to be the opposite. He’s got to be this social butterfly who includes me in an awesome social life. But instead, I kept meeting people like my ex and had to realize it’s because I don’t have enough to offer in my own life that would attract the extroverted, interesting guys I want to meet. It’s a tough process, because trying to put yourself out there with potential friends can be even scarier than dating. You’re potentially going to be rejected by an entire social circle, not just one person. Thanks for the video, the good advice, and acknowledging this dilemma for grown ups.
I have been doing basically all his advices for 3 years and still I have every weekend at home. I always say yes to things with excitement, usually it is me who organize things for people to meet but no one has time, I do contribute as bringing energy to a group, maybe I am too picky. I just think that I appeared in cultures who are not so keen on getting new people in their circles. Let’s say Scandinavia, Baltics.
Hei Mathhew have you ever made video on cultural differences or you think it is not a case to find friends and boyfriends?
I both agree and disagree with you on this point. It isn’t hard to make friends if you *really* want to make new friends.
My lil brother explained something that adults choose to live in isolation (for whatever reason.) However if one is smiling and talking words of (genuine!) kindness it goes a long way. I commented a woman with cherry earings that looked fabulous on her and we had 2 min fashion talk! Before the groceries were paid.
My own tips would be:
1) Smile :D 2) Shake your shoulders if you’re listening to any kind of party music! That way you will certainly get the attention of the people around you and you will have a twinkle in your eyes when you look up and it will be soo easy just saying “Hi” and continue grooving or applying your GTG advice ;D
(I’ve tried and it works! Even kids starts jamming and laughing!)
Answer to your Q: I’ll be organizing a “There-Is-A-New-Ice Cream-Place-Let’s-Go-There!-celebration” on Thursday with new found friend! :)
Have a fun-tastic Sunday! :D
I alredy do what you explanied I’m your Viedeo but so often there is this one person in a group who I don’t like Moste of time cause they are rude towards me or have views of Life I do not appreciate.
So I just want them to not be with the group what should I do ?
Cause when I invite my friends and this one person not I am the one that’s comes off as men.
Great item and so true.
One of the things I had hoped would come out of the GTG live London event was a network of like minded friends to move forward with. However, despite meeting some really nice people in the queue, we never got around to exchanging details and went separate ways in the rush for a seat , followed by a pretty full seminar.
Is there any way that local link ups could be facilitated through the group?
Would love more of this general networking and self esteem based info
Val, If you have a phone with apps, download the free app Bump. It is a quick way to exchange phone & email info in situations as you described. (Many of us downloaded it quickly and used it at the end of the MH Retreat :)
Thanks Julia, that sounds like a great idea.
Will look into it for future.
“Back in September, we announced that the Bump team was joining Google to continue our work of helping people share and interact with one another using mobile devices.
We are now deeply focused on our new projects within Google, and we’ve decided to discontinue Bump and Flock. On January 31, 2014, Bump and Flock will be removed from the App Store and Google Play. After this date, neither app will work, and all user data will be deleted.”
Hi I think your message is really good but you’ve missed a really important part. We need to be good friends with ourselves first before someone will want to be a friend with us. Like yourself, try and be confident even if you don’t want to, connect with people even f you don’t want to go out. Be interested, be interesting, learn new things, smile and look at your posture. Haha
I’ve learned this after losing my parents within 5 months and people not being a good friend to me. A friend can be anywhere and you can meet them when you don’t expect. A childhood friend has been a crap friend but when I cut down on focus to them I opened up to a new friend. I think I’m a better person now and open to new people.
Ann, You make excellent points! Being aware of yourself and creating goodness for yourself is the place to start. You sound like a wise, strong person. I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose you parents so quickly. Sending hugs your way. Julia
I’ve had the same problem this summer, when I moved to Germany, with one extra problem added: I dont speak german!
I completely agree with your 4 points, but I would also say that it’s important not to focus on just 1 group of people. Some people are welcomed in a group and they stop trying to meet new people.
In my opinion, this is a mistake because you do not know them yet. Maybe in 2 months you find that these are not the people who you’d like to go with, or they feel that you don’t really fit and stop inviting you, or whatever other reason. And then, you are back on square 1.
I have followed those 4 points you have mentioned in the video since the summer, without focusing in just one group. Also, I never said NO for no reason when I have been invited. If you can’t make it, the next time the offer comes from my side.
The result: I have lots of people I can call to go out. BUT I would not call all these people “friends”. Good friends I have made 2 so far, but that is something that develops and takes time.
Sorry for the long text! Xoxo
Your video on making more friends are truly what I needed now..It is true that as a child it is easier to just go in and mingle and children are just magically wonderful in making new friends.
When one’s move into adulthood, making new friend can be such a stressful thing as people cannot revealed their raw personalities or their true colours in the first meeting right…But I guess with your 4 tips, which I am going to test them all when I am out this weekend and everyday of my life….
Thanks Matt for your tips..
This is exactly where I am. Matt, at the retreat you taught us about how when we grow, we may need to expand our friend circle. I recently became aware I need to do this. Thanks for the tips.
Very good video Matt!
I wish I did all this since I was 16…I have always been very picky and I still am! However, I have realised during the past few years that if I seek people with the same values I have, I will end up being alone…Truth is everyone brings something different to the table as you said! We don’t have to become best friends with everyone…Due to my studies I have been teavelling in different countries and I struggle hanging out with any person just to avoid staying at home…Oh and dear Matt, believe me…it is hard to find people so positive and enthusiastic like you…Most people are friendly to me but don’t bother to make a new friend…I cannot pretend to be excited about everyone…I’d rather be alone than with the wrong people…Luck is a very important factor…sometimes you just don’t meet interesting people…
Anyway, life goes on!
I like that you post your blog regularly every Sunday. What have I learned from Matthew recently? (Sorry, to go off road from your current vidoeo, but where else can I share things from the dating coach? :-)
1. I have now seen you live twice! Which is always inspiring though I got more the first time than the second. I really am glad you are sharing more about your experience in L.A. for that year doing Ready For Love. There is something real about that experience that I felt from you live that’s hard to get through a video. I really appreciate you continuing to share about your own life and growth.
2. I want to go to another live event! Been to the two ‘get the guy’ events and they are, good, but pretty similar. Not ready for the retreat yet. I am sorry to see that the Women’s Weekends aren’t scheduled yet for 2014. I worry about the fate of these Women’s Weekends, because they are a perfect middle ground for people can’t afford or aren’t ready yet for the retreat.
3. Making friends isn’t so hard for me, just takes time. There’s no way around it, it takes time to really get to know someone. My only goal is to try to be more supple and flexible about it. Just because it took a long time to get to know someone and you like them, doesn’t mean they might be a lifelong friend. So you just have to keep meeting people regularly.
4. You should take Jameson with you everywhere! Everyone needs a wingman!
Dear Matt :)
I ♥ ——-> your video & your question :)
This is one of your best videos & questions :)
A wonderful THANK YOU to you :)
If valentines day is a day of ♥LOVE♥ for boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives
why not create a day of ♥LOVE♥ for everybody :)
& share moments of ♥LOVE♥ together :)
One fun thing to organise in the next 30 days: Family & friends hug days :)
Share ♥LOVE♥ with family and friends:
Today, tomorrow, every day :)
A day, a few hours, a few seconds :)
Oh what a beautiful world it would be: if everybody had a bit time to hug the people they LOVE :)
Again I have to say: your topic & question is beautiful ♥
Hope everybody finds something wonderful :)
♥ Happy hug day ♥ :)
I’ll start here: Hug you all :)
Thanks for your lovely words Susanne, I’m feeling the love ;) x
Awwwwwwwwwwww Hussey brother Stephen :)
You feel the ♥LOVE♥ :)
Me too :) I feel the Hussey brothers ♥LOVE♥ too & thank you with all my heart :)
I ♥——> what you feel :)
Hug your wonderful hearts :)
I have made new friends as an adult, but usually through taking a dance class, something like that. Also, many of the friends I actually made that way have a military background, so they have a different attitude about friendship generally – it’s more instantaneous comradeship, and you’re a “buddy” for life basically. It’s nice, and rare among adults. It almost (only *almost*) makes me wish I’d joined the ROTC when I was in college. They have really tight friendships, and loads of them. Get over your fear of looking silly on a dance floor, and your fear of hanging out with people who collect guns for fun, and you’ll make a lot of great new friends, in my experience. If you don’t have a dance partner, sign up for bellydance classes (that’s what I did), or Contra dance lessons (a friend of mine did that, and one of her friends met her husband that way too…).
Mathew, I honestly very much value your take on life. The way you think, your maturity, your ideas. The reason why I bought your book “Get the guy” in the first place was not because of improving my relationship with a guy. It was because I loved the way you look at life! And I truly hope that you would consider to write a book about life – happiness, confidence, finding your path in life, being passionate about something etc. I think it would be so valuable to all the young adults, even teenagers; to have guidance to prepare us for the future adult world. Thank you. :) Keep doing what you do. You’re an inspiration.
“…that demeans women and makes them out to only talk about shoes…” MARRY ME MATTHEW HUSSEY~ I WILL BE YOUR LIFELONG FRIEND :D
Ally Hussey really does have a nice ring to it, no? haha
I normally don’t have difficulties meeting new people but it somehow has become more difficult to keep up contact with them. I really have to work on that.
It’s funny because I discussed this topic with my Mom (my buddy) the other day. I can’t say I have a best friend, male or female. I rather would say I have a hand full of friends who really mean a lot to me. I love them individually and love spending time with them. They are all over the place – different cities, countries.
I don’t necessarily need to meet them every day or hang out with them every minute. I love the fact that we can connect within seconds when we meet or talk on the phone, skype, name it.
So I need to make (more) time to create more of these wonderful memories. I don’t really have an excuse than time and that’s a shame. I need to change that, prioritise differently.
So my plan in 30 days: A friend of mine will be heading home next month so I was thinking of organizing a Party or suchlike, haven’t thought that through yet :)
Hey, thanks for these useful tips Matthew! It’s so true what you say, especially your third point about finding your way of adding value :) I love to socialise but I’m a naturally very shy person so have found it increasingly hard to make friends as an adult. I don’t know what to say in social situations… :/ But I will try these out once I’m back in London :D
I’ve never really had a problem meeting new people and I think part of that is because I will talk to just about anyone.
With that said I do have a question. I work with a girl who never stops talking and is loud. How would you suggest handling that when you all want to go out but don’t want to deal with a scene?
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