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How To Make Friends As An Adult

Today I want to get vulnerable and come out with something we don’t often talk about…

*It seems to many of us to be really hard to make new friends as an adult.*

(To check out my brother Steve’s latest article, click here.)

Building a network of close friends is a crucial component of getting the guy (as without one you’re not going to have reason to go out enough to meet the guy you want)…

And, it’s a great way to get practice for being more sociable.

Question Of The Day: What’s one fun thing you can organise in the next 30 days to invite people to? (a happy hour, a movie night… the possibilities are endless.)

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48 Replies to “How To Make Friends As An Adult”

  • OMG Matthew I love this video post this is my first struggle as an adult and it’s a bit embarrassing to admit I know people don’t get me wrong but I don’t have somebody I can just call up and hang out with and the ones I use to don’t make an effort to communicate back it’s quite annoying Luckly my coworker and I have been connecting :-D and ugh the most annoying thing is when someone’s is all up for something but then doesn’t call/message back to meet up

    But sure enough I do try to set at least movie nights with people and outings with my coworkers now I just have to make an effort to meet new people while being out

    P.s. The get the guy techniques actually worky coworker mentioned above and I went out I stayed open smiling having a good time her as well and guys approached us left to right very nice
    Next time the handkerchief method

    Thanks Matt for every inspiring email

  • Oh and yes Stephens post are pretty good I like to images your voice in the opening paragraph and then a different one for Stephens lol hope to see him in video soon too

  • What a great video! This is something that’s weighed on me a bit in the last few years. When you have a major change in circumstances and geography and you’ve previously been really insulated in the same social circle for years, it becomes painfully obvious that we have our guard up a lot more in adulthood than we did when we were kids. I’m still struggling with it (mostly because right now I’m living in a place I don’t feel comfortable hosting gatherings in) and feel like I’ve really isolated myself. I need to get back out there and reconnect with old friends as well as make new ones. Thanks for the reminder.
    And btw…you look amazing in red. You should wear it more often! :)

  • ♥ Again I have to say: your topic & question is beautiful ♥

    If Yesterday was a day of ♥LOVE♥ for family & friends :)
    why not create a ♥Every♥moment♥heart♥hug♥day♥
    today :)
    & share moments of ♥LOVE♥ together again :)

    One more fun thing to organise in the next 30 days:

    ♥Every♥moment♥heart♥hug♥days♥ :)

    Today, tomorrow, every day :)
    A day, a few hours, a few minutes, a few seconds :)

    Oh what a beautiful world it would be if human beings could ♥hug each other with all their heart♥every moment♥ :)

    Hope everybody finds something wonderful again :)

    ♥ Happy Every♥moment♥heart♥hug day ♥ :)

    Susanne

  • :)Hey Matthew, how are you? I’ve been having trouble making friends after being betrayed and ditched by all my old ones. I used to be really good at making friends and flirting with guys but after my best friends ganged up on me and left me out of the group (this happened two times @ two different schools) I’ve lost my social confidence and trust in people. To be honest I don’t enjoy talking to most people anymore because I’ve really lost faith in making (or finding) those TRUE friends. I’m in high school, this is my senior year & I dont want this to continue all the way to university as leftover baggage. Why can’t I make friends like I used to? Why can’t I talk to guys, have male friends and flirt with them like I used to? I’m still confident but not when it comes to social stuff and so people usually shun me for being “distant” “uncaring” or a “bitch”. I’m pretty popular at my school but because of that everyone just assumes I have friends and guys to talk to when in reality I only have my sisters. :'( When you talked about looking at your contact list and calling someone to go out I realized I have no one. I’ve even gotten the courage to try asking people who I thought were some new friends but I’ve been rejected multiple times. :( Help me PLEASE. I want this “unsociable” label off my back and this baggage out of my life – especially since university around the corner.

    1. I’m in my 30s and my ex friends ganged up on me so that level of childish never ends. learn from it and move on. go on meetup and maybe you can make new friends.

  • I was thinking about this problem for about a year. It is even worse than not having a botfriend.
    You are sto right we have to be proactive and not so peaky

  • Matt, I notice that often..when you talk about social-life, you give bars and clubs as examples, why? I think the worst places we can meet (serious) men are bars and clubs.

    1. Hey Faizah

      I agree bars and clubs aren’t the most likely way to meet your husband but it can happen. One of my friends met hers at a lounge a few years ago. And I know someone else who met her now fiancee at a club we went to. Funny thing is both nights were my plan too. lol

      Bars and clubs are still a good way to meet both new girl friends and guy friends to go out with. I believe Matthew says somewhere it’s better to meet guys at an evening happy hour than a seedy club. And he also points out you might meet someone suitable for you through a guy you met at a bar/club

  • I love watching these videos, and especially this one. Now I know I am not alone on this topic.

    You and I talked about this a couple weeks ago when I met you at Ainsworth Park in NYC, but we can relate to each other since I moved from another state to New York a couple months ago.

    I absolutely adore you, and I always want to better myself, so I am glad I have you who will help me with that.

    The NYC event was sooo much fun! and I am hoping to come along on the retreat in October.

    Much Love,
    Kalee Renae

  • I really needed this, thanks Matt!!! You always surprise me (in a good way) with your topics. It’s always right on track with what I need or want to know. I need this because over the past few years I’ve lost a few friends—close friends–and need to rebuild my core group. Again, thank you soo soo much!!

    Christine

  • I really took to heart what you say here about inviting people to what you want instead of waiting or complaining about not being invited. Recently, I asked several friends out to happy hour. We all had a great time, and bar hopped afterwards. I was thinking, “I did this! I never instigate stuff like this, but everybody is here and having fun”. It was very validating to bring happiness to others. Incidentally, this video goes perfectly with your Ernesto Arguello interview. I like how he talks about going out, even if you’re alone, and talking to everyone/assuming most people will be friendly and talk to you. That’s really difficult for most people, and I can say that 90% of people, myself included, would dread going anywhere without a support system. But I’ve always admired the people who were un-selfconscious and open enough to do so. Working on it :)

    1. p.s., just wanted to say your brother Stephen’s articles are amazing. Everything I’ve read so far, I’m like, “Oh my god! YES! Exactly”, lol. Very perceptive, invaluable advice.

  • Let’s stop thinking about “how to get a guy” for a moment, just thinking of “how to get a friend,or any friend”, or “how to make myself a better / more popular/ more positive person”, in that sense, Matthew you really did a great job. Thank you.

  • People who are struggling to make new friends as an adult- you should try New Crew. It’s an app being developed to help people make new friends as adults. You can sign up for the beta version at newcrew.co 

  • hi matthew, I think your videos are interesting, but it will be nice if you could add a French translation (i’m little bit weak in English). thank you. ps: i have used google translation for this post

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