How Your Fear of Losing Him Is Actually Pushing Him Away

In this week’s episode of LOVELife I take a question from Raquel about a guy who’s just not putting forward the idea of a relationship. We get into the difference between liking someone and respecting someone, holding standards for yourself, and the repercussions of being ‘nice‘. Enjoy!

If listening to this you realised you’re in the same boat as Raquel and that you don’t uphold your standards, click here to find more about my 5 day Retreats.

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11 Replies to “How Your Fear of Losing Him Is Actually Pushing Him Away”

  1. Okay, so if you have a person like that, who you give higher priority to than they give you, do you cut off the relationship and move on or is there a way to change it?

  2. WoW!!! what a great video!!! Thank you so much Raquel!!!

    I have been there, I have lowered my standards for fear of losing something in romantic relationships and in the non, and I did this to a complete and utter mental breakdown, and I mean that. I lost so much weight from not being able to eat, it took everything I had to just get out of bed, all I did was have these sobbing fits, and I just kept thinking ‘What the Eff is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself?
    Why am I a pushover?’ ‘What have I lost, but pieces of me?’
    and so, yes, I found a therapist and I will say “she has been my saving grace!!!” I’ve learned things about myself I didn’t know or rather refused to know. Matt is right. it’s conditioning. I’ve spent hours in therapy and I am not ashamed to admit it. It has been the second best thing I have ever done (my daughter is the first)
    I use to fear losing something so much that I conformed myself into someone I didn’t even know, and I still lost what I feared!!!

  3. That was amazing. When Raquel said “It’s not just been in my romantic relationships, but in my friendships…”

    suddenly realized why I’ve been so miserable in my non-romantic friendships and social interactions.

  4. This is actually what I am facing right now. This guy was initially very nice and very attracted to me; I think his attraction for me dropped once I showed signs of wanting a relationship. The mind- boggling thing is that he kept saying he is not seeing anyone else, then recently he said he is seeing other people, when our schedules couldn’t meet for the date he wanted to meet. I couldn’t figure out which is the real him- the warm vibe I get from him or maybe I misread it =P That’s the part that troubled me. Thinking whether I pushed him away with sth I did. But then I realised this is a losing mindset, and it’s better to move on. I think as he is dating around anyway, what I do probably wouldn’t make a difference,(though I think my neediness for him probably played a role =P) as he might not really be into me, and is all about his work. Matt,your video really made things clearer!! Raquel’s qn was really great!! xxx

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