I have 3 powerful secrets that will teach you how to stop wasting time with the wrong guys, and finally get commitment from the right ones.
You have no more excuses. It’s time to escape limbo forever and choose the love you deserve…
►► Discover The Surprising Reasons Men Pull Away From You. Go To: WhyHesGone.com
Hi Matt, Thanks for this amazing advice! I clicked on the link “why he is gone” and I’m not getting any email, not even in the junk folder… can someone help me with that?
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I need to write in defence of the ‘Limbers”. I am a ‘limber’ right now: I am keeping a lovely guy in the limbo you describe. He wants a serious relationship, I know he’d even move in with me if I asked him or even marry me. Why am I keeping him in a limbo?
BECAUSE IT IS TOO SOON!!! And his ‘commitment drive’ sends ME a message: he is not interested IN ME, but in having a relationship with me. He needs a woman, not necessarily ME. Makes sense? So I also said something kind and ruthless but on opposite lines to yours. “I really like you, and love spending time with you… and you are really hot…But if your priority is to find a partner (rather than getting to know me better) then you should date other women and I hope that you do so if this is what you want and still continue to spend with me the nice time we always have together”. Too ruthless? Nothing wrong with trying to get our needs met – just the limber may want something different than ‘meeting our needs’. Matthew and others…I am genuinely interested in hearing about your ideas about us ‘Limbers’!
Awesome video! ;) <3
I was kept in limbo but in the end the more I pushed for a relationship he ended it with me .
I like this video…I feel very confused about my current relationship. He DOES invest time and energy, attentiveness…through phone calls and texts. And he is willing to spend time with me talking about relationship issues. But he’s soooo stingy with words of affection (once in a while he will cough up “I love you”)and worse, with money. In almost a year I can think of one gift he bought me ($20 earrings) and not a single meal he paid for. We met here and had a sweet but dollar free relationship for 4 months, then left for France for a pre-commmitted stay of 8 months. Over Xmas I flew to France to be with him and he did not offer a dime to help with the cost. He did buy the food we ate. But never took me to a restaurant. So much for the romantic French! He says he loves me but I feel he totally takes me for granted and can’t see the incredible, gifted, loving woman he has in me. In his heart he’s a gentle soul, I believe, and got severely taken to the cleaners on his last divorce. He is retired and doesn’t earn a lot of money but surely if he deeply cared and wanted to be with me, he’d be more giving than he is. I have held back my own giving nature a LOT but this is too painful. Should I even bother with this cheapskate who DOES show he cares in certain ways? I used to really enjoy his company but it’s going south fast.
This is the most concise advice you’ve ever given or I guess I’ve heard
Where are the steps to make him to commit?
Tell Jameson he’s handsome. *Winky face*
Hi Matt,
I loved the limbo video, it’s very accurate, and also quite funny.
It’s great to know from your advice how to get out of this kind of relationship, but what if it suits the woman at that particular time.. is it wrong to go along with limbo, until something better comes along?
Sit back.. this may end up long. (Tldr at end)
Me and this guy have been friends on and off since we were 14 (we’re 35 now) We met when a friend of mine in high school liked him she would send me out to do her dirty work. So I got his number for her,talked to him for her and ask him out for her. I developed feelings for him in this process but being the passive shy person I was I held back. They ended up “dating” for a few weeks until she got tired of him and moved onto someone else. We ended up dropping this girl from our lives all together and stayed close friends. At this point I was in love with him but I was too scared to say anything and that’s how it stayed until we were 19. I started dating a new friend of his and he just disappeared for a while and resurfaced a few years later at my door and it was like he never left. We went back into our old routine of hanging out and doing everything together every day. Friends would make comments on how we should just be together already but he would make comments back on how that’s gross because I’m his sister. So I continued to hold my feelings back. Then he met a girl and disappeared again until things with her started going south. They lived together and she didn’t approve of our friendship so he would sneak out to see me. Sometimes at 2-3am he would call asking if I would just keep him company as he drove around to get away from her. At the time I was living with someone also I wasn’t happy with so we both found an escape with each other. We both ended things with our partners at the time and grew closer than before. He would take me out to fancy restaurants but call it hanging out though these were places you take a date to. We would spend nights together snuggled on the couch. People around us thought we were finally together and would make comments and we wouldn’t correct them. I finally felt like this was it.
This was the moment when we get to live happily ever after. It was 4th of July and a friend of ours was having a party we had fun and at the end of the night when everyone was going home our friend asked a few to stay and chill inside to play some video games. After a while we were getting tired so our friend said we were welcomed to sleep in the guest room. We got in bed and he started getting touchy which turned into a playful tickle fight and I wanted him. I thought this was finally going to happen. I went to kiss him and he pulled away and said let’s just get some sleep. I felt my heart sink to my stomach and I ended up laying there awake the whole time trying to think what was wrong with me.
That morning he took me home as if nothing changed or happened. That night we were supposed to be at his boss’s post 4th of July fancy bbq. Where we had to be dressed as if you were going to a galla event. He invited me weeks prior so I found a dress(I dont normally wear them) got my hair done and then… nothing. He never answered his phone. I drove to his place and he wasn’t there. He just stood me up and left me with an expensive dress I didn’t even want. I was crushed. And I hated him. The day after that was my birthday and we were supposed to go all out for my 30th. And nothing. No word from him.
Weeks later he showed up to a friend of ours dinner party. He acted as if nothing was wrong. So I confronted him about the bbq and he just nonchalantly said oh I forgot I invited you to that, I took this new girl from work. I was heartbroken and ended up leaving the party early. I stopped talking to him for a year. I was with someone and he was now a year into a relationship with the girl at work. We went on double dates a few times. We were friends but not close and soon the contact between us stopped. I found out on Facebook 2years ago that he was engaged. Saw photos from an engagement party they had I wasn’t invited to. Then last year a very close friend of ours passed away. We reconnected again and he told me he broke off the engagement. At the time I was still with someone so when he tried to get close again I pulled away and cut contact with him because i didn’t think it was fair to the man i was with.
Now another year has gone by. I’m no longer in a relationship and the wedding is back on with “the girl from work”… he’s been calling and texting me a lot lately. He asked me out to a dinner and movie tonight. I don’t know what to do. The more we see each other the more I get attached. I don’t want to be heartbroken again. Then again I don’t get the feeling he’s happy in his relationship but he’s just going through with the wedding anyway. I’m at a loss of what to say or do at this point or if it’s even worth saying or doing anything.
A part of me wants to stop him from marrying this girl and tell him he should be with me and be selfish…… and the other part of me just wants to see him happy.
Any words of wisdom will help.
TLDR: in love with my best friend for 20yrs (on and off) things almost happened but he pulled away. He got engaged broke it off but now the wedding is back on and we’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. Want to tell him how I feel but feel it would be selfish at this point even useless.
The state of Limbo can be inside of already “committed” relationships as well, unfortunately. I found myself after being married for 9 years having to enact these 3 steps because I kept hearing the same thing from the then husband, but never saw any actionable steps that moved us past the limbo state.
Such great info to have BEFORE you get into a marriage with kids…
Fantastic achievment and very catchy song to remind us. But, who is Hope? You mention the last names of everyone else in the production (except Jamieson but we know him) but you only mention the first name of the actress. Why?
Mathew, I can’t thank you enough specifically for this video. It is very kind of you to help and guide woman and making them realizing their value and worth. You are a gem.
Love the limbo video and the song!!! This has been the biggest reoccurring issue for me. Guys in general want to keep their options open for someone better. When Jesse’s phone is ‘blowing up’ with messages -the thought that crossed my mind is he’s on dating sites. This is the reoccurring obstacle… find a guy, we date, there’s chemistry -and then low and behold… they’re on dating sites at the same time we’re seeing each other -then I break it off. I don’t know that I’ve ever truly been in love… I dream of being in love and finding the perfect man. Is there a way of dectecting his intentions early on? Thanks for the limbo video!
Hi Matt
Love your videos! Your advice is priceless!
I want to know Matt if I am in a limbo because my bf told me he wants to be in a monogamous relationship snd he loves me but he doesn’t want to say that we are in s serious or committed relationship. I don’t know what that means. Is that a limbo?
Please help Matt!
This is so helpful. We can now choose the right person. Thanks for sharing.
Hmmm this video have taught me exactly what I need to do
First of Matthew: Yes, totally agree. But reading many of the comments below I really think: People, talk to each other! What do you think Matthew could do other than assume the reasons behind someone doing or not doing x? He can’t know. You need to learn to address the tricky topics and get to the bottom of it… and then see if you as a (potential) couple can find a compromise that works for both, and see whether you both stick to it. Relationships are about communication. First you find out what you want, then you learn to communicate it, and then with time (and speaking from my own experience) lots of disasters where you didn’t quite bring it across as diplomatically as you thought it out in your head, you learn to successfully communicate with men giving them a chance to live up to your standards. It’s doable, easy and all depends on you feeling like an enabler, a high-value woman, the person in control (for the most part).
You’re amazing brilliant caring Matthew! I hope to get to one of your retreats one day or weekend..I am recovering from narcissistic abuse and I was the self love deficit codependent: a perfect storm of a relationship. Yes I am ever
Thankful for your love and passionate teachings!
Lovely girl who is love with her best friend. He knows how you feel. And he uses that when he wants some company or to slip on that old comfortable shoe. Would you be comfortable being engaged to a guy who was slipping off for dates nights with a “friend”? He sounds like a bit of an arse. Personally I’d cut him out of my life as he’s being very careless with your feelings. If you feel like telling him how you feel is unfinished business, tell him how you feel but expect to get crushed.