I’m not against dating apps. But I know the frustration that causes so many women to just give up. They decide there are zero good men out there and throw in the towel. That doesn’t have to be you.
If you want to learn how to win in modern dating, this is the only strategy you’ll need…
►► Want to know what to say to a guy online AND in real life? Go to → SayThisToHim.com
44 Replies to “How to Make Dating Apps Human Again…”
Wow I never realised how much we let calture dictate our lives and our relationships.
Hi, I’ve recently started watching your YouTube sessions and just got your book ‘get the guy’. You give such amazing advice,thank you, and I have used some of your techniques. I was in a terrible ‘telatiship’ for almost 10 years with a guy who just didn’t want to commit and used his culture/ race as a barrier. I finally ended that over a year ago, but I’m struggling to date more and find someone. I’ve had 2 dates since that didn’t go very well and another guy who prefers texting or calling. There seems to be a connection with this later guy, but he was very flaky and after 2months said he wasn’t ready (post divorce 3y and anxiety issues). Now he’s back and initially we spoke a few times and he’s so lovely to speak with, but distant with hardly any texts in between and no plans to meet again. I’ve used your suggestions to state my needs, encourage him to invest but he’s not responding as I would like. Last night he said ‘we’re friends’ in a text, so weird, I just gave him the I need to be with someone who wants me (not heard yet).
Can you help?
Based on what you have said, this is exactly like your previous “relationship”. He has made it obvious he isn’t interested and yet you continue to try to get a commitment out of this man. By continuing to reach out in this way, you are not valuing yourself and he can see that. I say it’s time to let him go.
Thanks Ashleigh; I did let go quite clearly, even deleted his number, but a few weeks later he was back. Although I was being very casual with his first texts, he called me and was happy to discuss how we both felt before. I even said that I was hurt and disappointed that we didn’t even meet and connection through text can not replace a real date. These chats all seemed really promising a few weeks ago . I’ve left it at ‘I deserve better, bye’. If he gets back in touch again … I’ve no idea what to do
Great video! Thanks – Matthew you advise us to meet guys where they meet us. He initiated the first call?
Just want to clarify :)
I was about to delete my Tinder account because of the players, liars and cheats I had encountered. Some wanted an ego-boosting WhatsApp relationship. Some were married. Some were already emotionally unavailable and just working out their issues through this process. I have become adept at spotting types now and I have also become more confident about asking for what I want. I won’t hang around waiting for weeks talking about superficialities like I did at the start. I have taken back my power. I leave voice messages so they can hear that I am a real person. I suggest speaking on the phone if I like someone. I make it clear that I don’t want a virtual connection. It works. It weeds out the twonks. I recently started dating someone who picked up the phone after a few days. He said that talking to me was the thing that made him realise that we were a good combination. Who knows where it will lead but it’s a good start. I have been following Matthew for months and his advice has really helped me develop confidence to ask for what I want in a positive way and without fear
I have been on several dating site for about year and a half paying all kind of money in Florida and all I see is men just interested in the texting then they want to get off the app and ask you for your cell only to continue texting, never want to talk on the phone and give you excuses as to why they do want to meet. Most end up being scammers. I can’t seem to find real men on these dating site that are actually looking for a relationship but yet they seem to say that is what they are looking on their profile.
Thank YOU Matthew! This is so on the money as far as how I’ve handled any dabbling with the tinder tardis! I’m not looking for a cyber penpal or virtual relationship – let’s bring it all back to the real world and if people want to stay online then let’s leave them there and move on to the next.
I’ve been following you from day dot and am so chuffed to see how much you and your business you’ve grown and how your path has changed and developed along the way – from the invaluable dating advice – to the now much more important all round life lessons on self-awareness, self-love, values and integrity and living life authentically. The content just keeps getting better and better and as a result I continue to be an unofficial ambassador and am sending even more people your way every day.
I could go on for ages but for now I shall leave you with this final nugget – that colour you’re wearing today is without a doubt YOUR colour! Your eyes are popping and it just really works with your overall skin tone and colouring If I notice that something looks good and really makes the most of someone in any way then I can’t help but just say! Let’s call it aubergine or eggplant as they say over your way. Either way, it looks wicked so stick with it. Big love from the big smoke. Julie xox
Thank you for this!
It’s true that it’s weird to just text with someone and not meeting the person in real life. But I think you have to consider that women like to just chat even more than guys do. I notice that my female friends text much more than my male friends and on the other hand my male friends text obly to exchange informations, not to entertain. So maybe you should also state that WE, the WOMEN, need to understand that texting is no relationship and that we scare guys away with casual small talk.
I totally agree with keeping it the same way you would when face to face… I’ve been in a online distance relationship for a year now and it’s becoming frustrating for me to keep up with balancing everything..
I’ve been getting your emails and watching your videos for the last couple of years. I’m 55 and have been in a 12 step recovery program for people who grew up in a dysfunctional family for the last 3 years. Your work is an EXCELLENT complement to what I”ve learned there about boundaries and putting my own values and worth “front and center” in my decision-making. It has been in romantic relationships that I suffered most from my dysfunctional upbringing, but now I have hope that I have the tools to avoid dysfunctional relationships like I’ve had in the past.
Your material actually gives me words and phrases that I could never have come up with on my own. Thank you for making my skill-building concrete. You and your team are a blessing Matthew!
I’ve been talking to a guy online for a month, then 3 months on the phone only we never talk, he just tells me to have a nice day and gives me the weather report. I finally decided to ditch him this week and stopped replying. A week later, he’s still messaging me. He lives 45 mins down the road and says he hopes we’ll meet one day. We did plan a coffee date one day months ago but he texted me with some weak excuse an hour before our date saying he can’t come. What’s wrong with this guy. I don’t think he’s ready to date. He isn’t ready for me then is he?
He only lives 45 minutes from you and you still haven’t met? I’m sorry to say he isn’t that interested. If a man wants to meet you, he will. I think you did the right thing by ignoring his messages and should continue to do so. Don’t let him string you along anymore.
I agree with others. I live in a small town and almost everyone I’ve met online has come to visit and they call soon after.
Granted, that doesn’t guarantee it’s a good match, still it shows that they are dedicated and are truly interested and I value that.
You, your time and your energy matter and are valued. So only share them with ones that are worthy of it!
Best of luck to you beautiful! ♥️
interesting reminds me of the Series CatFish maybe he is shy or not who he clames to be?
added the trailer:
Matt is totally right on with this video. If a guy does not want to meet after a week of text/phone chat then he is just playing around. He maybe even has several women he is texting to feed his ego or perhaps he is married and wants attention.
Catch and release…and do it quickly otherwise you are wasting your time.Its like a bandage rip it off rather than slowly. Yes, its hurts but only for a moment.
Debs…you deserve much more so don’t settle for BS.
Mathew your video of on line dating resonated with me and have inspired me to change my way of thinking and doing. I’ve always been a people pleaser. I realize that by not being true to me, I was someone who didn’t speak up, made bad decisions, and was afraid to be me. I gave in because having someone in my life who seemed to care was better then having no one. In the end I was taken advantage of and hurt. I am inspired to be true to who I am. Your words are always so thought provoking and helpful. Thank you Mathew
Outstanding advice, Matt! I get stuck in this textual twilight zone s lot with guys, and I am a meet.in person kind of lady. It’s brave to speak our truth, come what may,including eliminating those who don’t get it.
After 10 months on a dating site I worked out exactly as you express it, no actuality no go.
I met a wonderful man who shared the same on line technique,we spoke within 3 days dated within 5. Still together 2 no the later. Candour honesty truth transparency
Actuality reality……life living respect …..= good!
I met my boyfriend in an online game, he got me at “when we meet I will give you a big hug”
I imagine he might say.
“If the hug goes as sexy as he imagined. Then a hot& minblowing first french kiss afterwards ^_^ “
So I have a question, somewhat related… I’m in the beginning stages of a relationship with a guy that lives 500 miles away, and because of my living/employment situation I can’t see myself being able to visit him anytime soon. Thing is, because I work in education, as far as time off work, it would be easier for me than for him, since I have these big breaks. And he says that every time we talk about it. I really like him but feel like he’s dodging (which, again, early stages, so I guess I can’t blame him). I guess I’m curious as to whether you think I should just suck it up and find a way to visit (even though it might take longer), or if I should be more insistent that he come see me first.
Matthew, You can articulated modern day dating perils so well. I could not believe all that was in my mind (I am sure in many people’s mind too), you can have captured exactly that.
I simply floored by your communication skill. Keep it up!!
Meanwhile I agree and like what you said about being true to your self yet being adaptable to situation seems the best process in this journey. I see light at the end of my tunnel. This video has given me hope. A BIG THANKYOU!
Ha I’ve been wondering what the best answer to « how’s it been for you on the site? ». Perfect. « Oh I’ve been dabbling a bit but I’m more of a meet in person type of girl ». Thank you! Some other language I’ve chosen. I connect online. I do not meet online. If I use the word meet it’s IRL. I’ve been messaging someone online. Not talking. Talking is on the phone or IRL. Also I keep emotional investment very low until IRL occurs. I texted, talked on phone and videoed extensively with someone 200 miles away for six weeks before we met. He was a total gentleman non-IRL. He was VERY different in person and we did not see each other again. I was a little sad but very briefly because I kept my head straight. If there’s no IRL it’s NOT a relationship. It’s an exchange.
Excellent video, thank you so much! So much coaching details in here, is amazing how “being true to ourselves and speak our truth” is so important! I have a REAL AMAZING Qs in here and I kind of linked this video in my mind with the video you once made about the girl who asked you how should she take that small risk further with teh coffee shop GUY she meets every morning when she grabs her coffee and he is at work (Jameson will remember, for sure, as I KNOW he handed you that paper). Well, I have the exact scenario, but is NOT at the coffee shop. This is a Pol. Off (who is a taller version of Matt, is insane) whom I always run into when he is at work and always in that Uniform. Is very clear that he likes me, eye contact from across the room, laughing, smiling, hitting on me (I associate that with him taking that extra small risk and comming to say hello how are you with such a warm &kind tone when he doesn’t have to, that light joke, the way I caught him squeezing his head after me at least 4-5X, his face lightening up literally when he used to see me) and yet nobody says anything. All I did so far is I respond w a smile, eye contact and Introduced myslef. I was hoping HE will do the asking “out” and he probably was hoping I will say somethging. This has been going on for 1year + now but we only ran into each other consistently teh first 6 months ( (maybe 2/week, the firts 6 mo, after that maybe 1/month, then our both scheduled cahnged and we happen to run into eachother 1/3 months, although the eye-ing was still there, the eye connection from across the room still there and again I caugh him squeezing his head after me, even when we had such long breaks in seeing each other). I am not sure what to do to take that small extra risk next time if I happen to see him again, as I don’t know if the “connection” is still there ( I haven’t seen him since December). Is OK whatever happens, is just he seems so kind and down to earth and of course so damn hot ( and my intuition is that he feels the same way) and I wouldn’t want to lose an oportunity of meeting a great guy. What do you Matt’s team suggest? That video of the girl with the Coffee shop guy suggested “play the slow burn game” WHICH WE ALREADY DID, DAMN it is 1 year ++ and I was wondering if teh coffee light hearted suggestion might be too big of a step forward? JMatt and Jameson, what do YOU THINK? how would you guys feel?
Matt, I suggest making a video about the AFTER playing “slow burn” for a while in real life, as it gets boring, or it loses tension IF nothing moves just a little bit forward. You know what I mean? HOW do we “help” the guy saying somethg. when he is at work (this guy is at work and I am not sure if as an Officer he is allowed to ask women out, especially w so many harrasment cases in US). Am I unconsciously making excuses for him? Hmmm, or he could be seeing soemone? but then showering me w attention constantly for that long? he doesn’t seem the type of guy who doesn’t have options…too much gray area! I know Matt’s intuition will be rigt on point in here. You do an amazing job, Matthew Hussay and team! Outstanding!
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