Important message to all of the intimidating ‘b*tches’ out there…

Click Here To Change Your Love Life Forever

Song for the day taken from the movie Limitless, and definitely one for the summer…

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

166 Responses to Important message to all of the intimidating ‘b*tches’ out there…

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  1. Renee says:

    p.s. i’d have to say i have seen women look like what you describe here – and its even a turn off to other girls, when i see this i think they are the B-word as well lol – if there are people with them at the time – makes me feel really bad for them :)

  2. Renee says:

    Hey Matthew, that was a great video, i always do my best to look approachable in public lol – i am very shy (which is usually my problem – i probably give off the vibe of being nervous haha – wish i could get over that! – super excited for whatever it is you have planned for June 7th!!! :D Thanks so much for thinking of all of us who are not in London (even though i would love to come there and visit some day) I look forward to every video :D God Bless!

  3. Sage says:

    Given where I come from geographically on this planet and the fact that I was raised with eight(8)brothers and three male cousins (five who’s actively tell their foes they’d get me to beat them up – so much for brothers being protective, sometimes they were but other times – I certainly got my areobic excercise and weight lifting without weights as a child.) I’d say that Matthew’s statement is pretty accurate in terms of what guys look for in a permanent intimate relationship with ‘the one’ – mind you a good ‘b*TCH’, not a bad ‘b*tch’. Mind you hitting anything is and never has been any fun for me don’t even like tennis – will beat an egg-I got to eat. Male mindset is what it is. The sex drive is what is it for us too(probably even more since we’re the ones who tend to give birth) A good ‘b*tch’ is always a lady too and loyal, protective, backs you when things are bad (not necesarilly with money either), unconditional love, etc. Thank you again Matthew–you’re okay for a British/UK male. Working on the two referrals I hope to send you.

  4. Dorthea says:

    Hey Matthew,

    First of all I love all your videos and emails I get they are so wonderful and helpful!

    This one I didn’t find that helpful though, I always try to be very positive-minded and approachable when I walk around town, I think it is very important for us to be able to smile to each other, even though they are strangers. I’m glad that you are sending this message to all the woman who walk around looking like b*tches!

    I must admit though, sometime it can be quit satisfying to take your most diva sunglasses on, and walk around town like you own the world ;)

    With that said I just wanted to mention that I totally understand your excitement about the sunny weather, here in Copenhagen we are going crazy about it too!

    Much love


  5. Laurie says:

    Hello, me again – sorry, that should have said moved to London from Australia. I cared so much about pointing that important fact out I commented again.

  6. Laurie says:

    London is taking a massive beating here! It’s not THAT bad guys! I moved to Australia from London three years ago and never want to leave – it has such character, great restaurants, great history and amazing opportunities… :)

    But back to why we are all here. I was not offended to hear you say bitches Matt, but I was surprised – you always seem so cool, calm and collected!

    I suspect heavily I might be one of these girls! I blame it on my relaxed face muscles ;) I’m sure I look like a right cow when I’m off to Sainsburys, but I also know that there are occasions I bring it, and occasions I don’t. For example, going to the shops I’m not actively looking to attract someone (especially if I’m buying something embarrassing… ‘why, yes, I AM buying £5 tummy tucking undies – you free on Friday?’) but when I’m out at a club or a barbeque or a party, I know that’s an occasion where I’m obviously already there to socialise and be friendly.

    I empathise with the girls who say it’s awful to have to rebuff guys left and right who are sleazy, but honestly, there’s a tiny part way way down that makes me feel flattered, and gives me the confidence to respectfully decline – I always, ALWAYS use the line I’m taken but thank you. And if there’s a problem further than that, that’s what my mates are for. Love you bitches! (There! There’s a time you CAN use bitch playfully!)

    I guess what I’m saying, VERY inarticulately, is thanks for the reminder Matt that it is our own attitude that gets us places. And yes, yes, you are a very attractive guy as everyone tells you *delivered with a roll of the eyes and a smile* ;)

    Bye all!

  7. Coral says:

    Women! Give this man a break! He is trying to HELP, not HURT women. He is telling it like it is, and like it or not–this is the way men think when you walk about scowling!It is also the reason a lot of women miss out on not only meeting nice men, but nice people in general; when really they are probably nice people themselves!Thank you Matthew, I think we all need this reminder at times, and the advice is helpful.

  8. Janet says:

    Hi, Matthew! Thanks for the advice. I think women put mean faces on is because they don’t wanna attract guys they don’t want. So how to separate your reaction to the guys you want and don’t want? But sometimes being nervous makes you react in that kind of way. It all comes down to how well you carry yourself, but isn’t men should also understand women in order to for them to find the right one too?

    Anyways, I’m looking forward to 7th June and already excited on what’s in
    Store for us women.

    More power to you and you’re team in sunny London!

    Just me,


  9. Melissa says:

    A very important message, Matthew.. thanks for the reminder. I enjoy your upbeat attitude and even though I’m still kissing a lot of frogs, I am sure I’m getting closer to a meaningful relationship each day. Unfortunately a lot of guys I meet are only after one thing (and find me to be too innocent for them) but I’m getting better at filtering through these ‘physical relationship- only’ types. Too bad there seems to be more of these guys than the nice ones looking for a committed relationship. Anyhow, looking forward to your next blog :)

  10. Alice says:

    You are so right! I used to be cold and unapproachable, just like you described in this video, until a friend told me how hostile I must appear to strangers. I changed that immediately and it made all the difference – and not just in the guy department.

    Now people actually seem surprised that I am so friendly; according to them, my “style” suggests otherwise (style = mohawk) :P

    In Norway the weather is similar. It’s so hot! I love the winter cold, but this year it overstayed its welcome :P

    I loved the bloopers — high five to your team for putting them there ;)

  11. Peppy says:

    Hey Matt,
    Hello from Hong Kong. Thanks for being back in the scene with all these fantastic videos. I really miss your inspiration and have been sharing your messages with my single girl friends to help inspire and motivate them to take charge of their love lives (or lack of…).

    It’s rainy in Hong Kong while for a change it’s awesome in London. Whew! Sometimes we definitely need that little reminder to stay optimistic and open, when life may not present itself to be as smooth as you wish.


  12. Shannon says:

    Hey Matt, love this video. I know for me I’m in my head 95% of the time, so being ultra extra conscious about what my facial expression might be giving off is a continuous effort for me. It goes both ways as well, I’ve wanted to approach cute guys, but sometimes they don’t look like they want to be approached.. makes me more aware of if someone wanted to approach me, how would it feel to them if I was giving off a terrible vibe. Anyway, going on and on here. Enjoy sunny London! Shannon

  13. Misha says:

    You are amazing darling! Thanks for keeping us updated with what you’re doing! Love it!

    Perfect video.You never go wrong do you?

  14. Pernille says:

    First of all – I love your videos, they are a really great help and they give you something to think about – not only how to behave when you are interested in a guy, but also have you come across in your everyday life. So thank you for that!

    You are truly inspirational – I definately will add your name to the 7th of June :)

    Months ago you wrote that the best way to meet the kind of guy you were looking for, was to go to the places you would think that he would go on a Saturday night – so, where would you go on a Saturday night, where to find a nice, decent guy like you?

    Lots of love from Pernille <3

    P.s. Love your accent – you Brits are so cute!

  15. Shannon says:

    Hi Matthew! If someone has asked this already I’m sorry (123 comments is a bit much to go through haha) but I have a friend who is plagued with what I call RBF or “Resting B*tch Face” and I want to show her this video. The problem though is that she is super sensitive and I don’t know how to tell her to watch this without seeming rude and her getting angry with me. How do I go about telling her to watch it??

    P.S. Love you and this site!!! Thank you for being a virtual shoulder for women to lean on! <3

  16. ZARA says:

    Thanks for the video Mathew.. the 7th of june been booked :D greeting from your follower in middle east..

  17. cindy says:

    hey Matt,

    I appreciate your message. It encourage me to change. Your video help me to exert an effort to be approachable. But my problem is, I’m afraid to smile when I know if I smile at them they won’t smile back at me that’s why I don’t smile a lot and just ignore them as they passed by. I need your advice.

    I’m so excited on the 7th of June and I can’t wait any longer. :D <3

  18. Maria says:

    Everything you say on that video is the absolute truth, Matthew! (:
    Every time when I’m feeling happy and not thinking badly of myself and I’m walking the streets guys come and talk to me, and on those days the chat is always fun and playful (even if I don’t like the guy) and it sets me in even better mood.
    The truth is that you should be happy with yourself and after that everything comes to place (and that’s when acting like a b*tch is not likely, unless you are one).

  19. Caramel Crisp says:

    1) The comments on this are really interesting. In my experience guys actually come up to me when I don´t look too happy or interested, when I feel depressed/sick/unattractive. When I´m all smily and happy nobody tries to approach me. Isn´t that weird?
    2) I so love the background :).
    3) Outtakes…yeeeah!

  20. Rosa Maria says:


    love your advice!

    when will you give us some advice about ex boyfriends. Attracting them back, moving on, finding out why they left etc.
    Please :)

  21. lindsay says:

    Hay Matthew I have to admit this is fantastic advice tho it doesn’t realy apply to me in the situation im in right now – im Canadian and I am and have been crazy for my (British) guy friend for about a year now (so ever since I met him) and I don’t know if its because hes shy or because like I said hes English and he grew up with different morals -which is why I turn to you- (cause hes not like Canadian guys hes the sweetest most gentlemanly guy I have ever known) anyway we have a big semi-formal occasion (my second prom and his first because he went back to high school for an extra year to get prerequisites for university) coming up (on Thursday) and I was hoping he would ask me. Now I am told im intimidating and I have seen it kind of scare guys off before but its nothing I can change… like im never frowning or pouting I love to laugh and smile and especially when im with him (he makes me so happy) but its not my personality that I find intimidates guys it’s how I look… im a tall (6 ft) slim (natural) blonde and there’s nothing I can do about it. And I have been told by my girlfriends that the way I look intimidates a lot of guys that I am attracted to and I have been told by them that until they got to know me they assumed that I was a materialistic b**ch because I look like I am and im really not … and it has made me really self-conscious … so I was hoping you would have some advice or input for me on how to get him to ask me… my love life is now in your hands please help me thanx <3

  22. Rosa says:

    Dear Matt,

    Thank you for this wonderful video, I agree with you “now”. But the following happened to me when I was in college: I did “not” want to be approach by guys during my 1st year at college to focus on studies (I also was shy). But I got most of the guys wanting to approach me and be my friend! I would even frown out of frustration when the guy would keep looking at me in the class for one whole semester! What I had done was only avoiding them, being distant and look arrogant! How come they were into being friends with me??? Matt seeking your advice here :)

    Right now I do believe this does not work now! lol… for some reasons, I thought acting like how u described in the video was being cool!! But I do agree that for guys to approach you, you gotta be approachable. But Still don’t know how frowning worked when I was in college! :D

  23. Sarah says:

    That is SO me right now! 5 years ago I started doing it and became so accustomed to it and I’m struggling to change that big time! I don’t think it helps so much that people I know don’t tell me how to fix my expressions- it’s just a vicious circle!!

  24. Narisa says:

    OMG,I’m one of those bitche!Thanks for pointing that out..I’ll take your advice and hopefully i will find someone just like you!

  25. Elsa says:

    Hi…Im from El Salvador, is really far and sunny, you should come :) love your videos.

  26. Albina says:

    Thanks Matt for the wonderful advice! I gotta tell you, everytime I see you on a my screen my face lits up :) You just have a great way at getting important messages across in an easy and playful way.

    I have to be honest, I’m not sure whether I’m one of those who have the b*tch face on every once in a while, but I’ll definitely be more aware of it now and make sure I look approachable, at least.

    Also, I just want to say that I appreciate your life coaching videos and I am trying to be more aware of how I come across, not only to guys, but people in general. Thank you, once again :)

  27. Lorraine says:

    In this sunshine how can anyone not be smiling :) and Matthew who is looking very sexy by the way, it would be great if you interviewed some of them ladies with that face on… imagine if you walked right up to them and asked them why they looked so shut off today.
    Maybe these ladies just need to breathe and relax.

  28. Blanka says:

    hey Matt,

    The thing is that this is not all the girls fault. I mean I dont think Im a bitch, I am always so smiley, and I really like to laugh and talk a lot. Im really open for anything. For example Im walking in the street and a cute guy comes by. I look at him, he looks at me but he just passes by. Nothing at all! Even though I saw the look on his face he liked me. But they just do not dare to come up to you, to come up to me.I mean Im not a scary person Im nice to everyone. I just really hate the fact that if I want to meet a guy I have to go to a party where boys have already drunk a little. Then they come to me. Why’s that? I like parties but I dont want this all the time. Why cant guys be brave enough to make a conversation with a nice girl when they’re sober? I dont really get this. And I cant just talk to a stranger in the street, and stop him to say : hey I like you. That would be totally weird. I mean what can he answer to that? Thank you, now I gotta go… I dont really get this whole situation. Help me out a little bit please.:)
    Thanks for your answer in advance:)
    P.S.:I like the song;)

  29. Monica says:

    Hey Matt,
    True wisdom. Don’t worry about the comments, some people just can’t take criticism as a gift.
    One question from another perspective… How many chances would you give to a person to act like a “b*tch”? I understand you walk away from a person you just met, but if you see a person regularly, how many times would you try to break the ice?
    Thanks and happy to see you are keeping your promise from last post ;)

  30. fifi says:

    You’re so right.
    I’m always like that, I always have a “dead body on the table” kind of look, I’m never approachable, but I guess I have that deeply rooted because I have and I think generally pretty women (and modest) are constantly getting attention from men, whether they like it or not. Yeah, when you’ve been sexually harrassed ever since you were 14 years old, you’re always suspicious, even if there’s someone who might be worth knowing.

  31. Donna says:

    But the thing is, I get approached by guys i really dislike..NOT ONCE have i genuinely been attracted to someone who’s approached me or asked me out. Its annoying and freakin’ frustrating!

    On a lighter note, i love you. a lot. You’re amazing!

  32. Alannah says:

    Listen up people! This is why Matthew gets so many women!!! He’s so warm and friendly. Although for me I think guys just don’t approach me because I’m so nervous and my hands shake all the time. I don’t think looking down and having your hands shake is being a bitch exactly but it certainly isn’t attractive. :( What do you do for that?

  33. Slavomíra says:

    Dear Mat,

    I loved youre rant, cool and super inspiring!

    But I didnt need it anmore, you already changed me:-)))

    Since being your regular reader I changed my life completely. Thanks to you I am smily, shiny, open and warm to all the people I meet and it works out PERFECTLY! My selfconfidence is so much bigger (one of your youtube-videos about selfconfidence and the right bodylanguage is my mantra). I flirt (which means I warmly communicate) with literally everyone – with old guys cleaning the streets, young businessmen in tho coffee and even with the shy, overweight IT guy fwith sweaty underarms from next office – no difference! And people love and appreciate it! Being sweet and communicative with EVERYBODY makes it so much easier to meet new people. My smily faces and easygoing, warma attitude makes people around me feel so good and so I dont ever want to go back to the old times when I was closed up girl, trying to avoid eye contact with strangers – yes, that made me look like a bitch. Women should relax, smile more, communicate more with strangers and than wait for the results. A true elixir of joy!!

    The ones that feel offended by the word BITCH missed the point completely.

    Thanks for everything dear Mat, you DO change peoples lives! (Sorry for the mistakes, not a native speaker:-)

    Warm smiles and hugs from sunny central Europe


  34. Nervous says:

    Lol okay so my real name isn’t actually Nervous… But whatever :p Anyway, there’s this really cute guy in one of my classes who I really want to get to know. I’m from a new intake which started a week ago in my college and he started 3 months ago. I would looooove to talk to him and I already know HOW (thanks to your advice on the favour asking part) but I’m just scared he’ll brush me off or not respond nicely… Basically I’m scared of rejection :( Help?

  35. Hly says:

    What if your just really shy, I’ve read your male minds book, but I’m just really shy! And have little confidence so I come across as “why are you talking to me”

  36. Nawreen says:

    Haha! very well said! I live in Canada, and I am planning to visit UK sometime soon-ish (September or so) I wish if I could meet you!! :)

  37. Addie says:

    Hey Matt!

    This is my first time actually taking time to respond to one of your videos and the main reason is because of my concern for some of the ladies who are deeply offended with your nature to call some things as it is, in this case the term “Bitch”. And my message to those ladies is to “relax a little, please darlings” I think by being so offended we are missing the entire point of this message, I understand some of you up-hold certain principles, but the world isn’t so black and white dolls, there are indeed bitches out there and this video did exactly that, it reminded me how I do have the tendency to walk around with the most prudent face I’ve been wearing all this while. Yes, this is partially because I have been approached by my share of creeps. But what I believe Matt is trying to convey and at least what I’m taking away from this is I’m at the same time pushing away nice men from approaching me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize this up until now, but thank you Matt. I recently broke my ankle and i’m bed ridden for a while but if that’s not your case, go be the strong, confident, happy ladies you are meant to be every where you go, you have the right. Don’t let those mere creeps that will approach you hide behind that shadow of singlehood. You deserve to smile, it’s your right :)

    • Matthew says:

      One of my favourite comments on the entire blog. Thank you Addie.

      • Addie says:

        Hey Matt,

        I just want to say it made my day to see you respond so positively back to my comment :D I’d like to also add that your initial effort to take time to read and reply back to not only mine, but to others on here is sincerely appreciated, it makes watching and reading your video blogs that much more exciting. Thank-You!

        Stay happy and stay positive always :)

  38. Rima says:

    I agree with u, Mat. I used to show a blank expression or even a sturn one most of da time. But I am tryin to change it. Thx for da tip.

  39. Rossie says:

    Seriously? I actually think a relationship coach who refers to women as b*tches, is like Weight Watchers calling subscribers to their program pigs. This rant says a lot more about the ranter. Sign up for one of your programs? No thank you, I’m not a sadist.

  40. Rohi says:

    Hi Matt :)
    I agree with this video 100%. I definitely have “the face” at times- though a lot less than before. I didn’t even realize I was doing “the face” until a few years ago a guy (who I have been acquainted with for several years before) asked me why I seemed to hate him. Of course, I didn’t hate him at all and told him as much. In short, he then kindly explained to me that I looked mad a lot. It was definitely an “aha” moment.
    I think women do it for different reasons. Mine was that I was socially uncomfortable and frustrated with myself for it, but others saw it as “she doesn’t like me”. I am much better now and have come a long way. There’s always room for improvement though, and this video was a nice reminder to be approachable.
    Thanks ^_^

  41. Jessica Cha says:

    I’m one of those girls.

    I don’t feel offended at that, and I am a bitch lol. So I have to agree with the “don’t be so sensitive” bit..

    So Matthew, what would you say to someone like me, who lives in a place they absolutely detest? The people here don’t interest me; their hobbies are mostly hunting, riding four-wheelers and watching wrestling. I find all of those things completely uninteresting. I’m more of a wine-book-boat kinda girl..

    Moving isn’t exactly an option right now, and that’s the main reason I act the way I do..

    I don’t want to settle either, like I see so many women do.. it seems (here, at least) that women just marry the first guy that seems interested. I don’t want that. I’m an amazing person and I know I’m capable of even more amazing things.

    So what would a girl like me do? I’d like to think I’m holding out for someone amazing, but I can’t meet anyone worthwhile in this place..

    I know it’s silly to want that storybook romance, but I do. I want someone who respects me, loves me, and appreciates all of my quirkiness.. and someone I can feel the same way about…

    I’m 28 years old.. I feel like I have time to wait.


  42. Tracy says:

    I was on an internet dating site and am in a small town, so did a search of the other women on there in my town, checking out the competition. One that came up, WOW, its just her pic.. you can tell she is trying to be sexy, but just looks like she would cut a guys balls of and have them for breakfast. The funny thing is I have seen her in person (small town)and she always looks like this (must hurt her face to smile), I wish I had her email to pass this along :) But will just try and use the info myself then

  43. Maria says:

    hey matthew!
    I just saw the video and a doubt came to my mind. There’s this guy that used to text me and asked me on dates but when i said yes he didnt even reply to my text! the thing is he kept texting but when he sees me at school he doesnt say hi or anything and i was wondering if its becuase i kinda look like a little bitch when i see him, it just pisses me off that he texts me and then he doesnt talk!!! By the way I am a foreign exchange student in the US and im just 16 so this is not really a big deal :) Thaaaanks.xxxxx

  44. lauren says:

    Matthew, thanks for being blunt! Ive had people tell me several times that I look depressed or angry all the time in school. I’m usually focusing on homework and stuff, but I know that I block out opportunities by doing this. Thanks for the reminder! :)

  45. Maria says:

    You are definitely adorable! I love the incites you are sharing with us ladies I appreciate it very much!

  46. Maria says:

    Hey Matthew, It is Gorgeous day In Pittsburgh PA! I was in the same in situation a few 2x years ago @ a store where I work. This guy who I recognize automatically but (His name I could not think of at the time) my brain was FRIED. I smiled ALLOT and had very intense hot eye contact while he was in my lane, (which I thought he might move to another lane) until he approach me I was being so bitchy I know why because I was nervous about personal issue/he was trying to talk to me I was giving him one word answers because I had to speak with him at work (WHILE I WAS AT WORK) of all places. I was at work!! I had my eye surgery, For about two months I was thinking about this guy for two months (which he comes frequently more so these days days I have missed him) never saw in the store to talk to him I pick up (which I called him directly @ work of course he picks up) the phone and called him directly .. Yes it was ballsy move now I feel like I have runin my chances with this guy. When he comes in the store he will not come to my lane when I don’t give him attention I NOTICE that he is always looking at me .. I DO CATCH HIM FREQUENTLY. He alway goes to my one good friend I have notice some things that he does ( I watch is body language, his posture, the way he is walks, push his chest out and take him a good 3-5 minutes to leave her register before he walks past me. I just don’t know what to do. People I know are always feeling me on incites about him. Where he goes, who he is with, what he is wearing, what is purchasing and so forth… Obviously I see him allot but recently he has maintaining a low profile for ungodly reason. He is prominent person. I know he is single I do see him at certain places BYE HIMSELF with guy friends I have not seen him in quite some time. I think I do have a 2nd chance with this guy but I just don’t know what to do here.

  47. Ximena says:

    Come on Matthew!, and what about the book “Men loves bitches”??? ;)..I got your point, anyway.

  48. YT says:

    Hi Matt. Thanks for having the courage and putting out something I’ve been feeling a lot recently. People often rant, but not many will actually take the time to put it out so that others may learn. So Thank you.

    My grouse is that its not just ladies who are being unapproachable. In my urbanized city state of Singapore, people are generally not connecting with one another. See a stranger on the MRT (tube)? avoid eye contact. Meet a stranger’s gaze in the coffee shop? Look away. Meet a security guard in the way to the building? Look straight ahead and keep walking. (ok so I exaggerate a bit) But yea, we can connect so much more with people around us, but most people don’t. Coz they’re too scared to.

    I’ve been trying to smile more at people around me, its been interesting so far, lets see how it goes. ^^
    On the flip side, there are people in my country doing cool stuff like
    so yea, the world is still a good place, but I think people need more love in general to stop being afraid. haha
    Enjoy London!

  49. Kaylyn says:

    Thanks for that, Matthew!
    I’ve had it pointed out to me before that I come across as a bit of a bitch, just in my day to day interactions. (This is from friends). And truth be told when I act like that, it isn’t because I’m not interested in a guy, it’s because I am scared and intimidated myself and feel the need to put up that barrier. In fact, if I like a guy I might even act like a bigger bitch so that he doesn’t realize I am so desperate for him to like me.
    Do you have any pointers or advice on ways to get past this is conversation? I don’t want to seem lovesick, just to let men be aware that I am available.
    Thanks and keep up the good work you’ve been doing lately!

  50. Lucia says:

    Matthew, dear, Thank you for calling out all the Negative Nellies and Neds out there. That face, the one I call “I just smelled the most heinous poo face” is all too prevalent. From what you are saying, I think I understand this: to walk about, interact, in all of your daily life with an open heart and mind; to be receptive to the positive, where ever it may come from, and let the negative roll off you. That’s not to say that we must be pollyannas, never seeing reality, but rather be aware of reality and be willing to see and receive the best of it in our lives.

    BTW, your post about the “seconds” video really, REALLY spoke to me. At that moment, I had such an epiphany, about how too many seconds, moments are wasted, and how I was going to treasure and seize each one! As a woman on the edge of a new life ( I am separated) I know this is essential, vital to my happiness and fulfillment in the future.

    Thanks for your words and insights. They matter! You matter!



    • Matthew says:

      “From what you are saying, I think I understand this: to walk about, interact, in all of your daily life with an open heart and mind; to be receptive to the positive, where ever it may come from, and let the negative roll off you. That’s not to say that we must be pollyannas, never seeing reality, but rather be aware of reality and be willing to see and receive the best of it in our lives.”


      And it doesn’t even have be giving guys big fat smiles…there’s a big difference between a mean looking face and a kind looking face even without the smile. x

  51. Angela says:

    You make London sound dreadful! Glad it wasn’t too crappy when you shot the video. Oh and also, great advice – applies to me, unfortunately.

  52. veronica mundell says:

    LOL!! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Great message and a fun delivery! Thanks for not being boring and politically correct!

  53. Lisa says:

    Matthew, it seemed like you had no trouble with people wanting to interact with you..or your camera.

    I think the thing is that some men don’t know how to handle their biological urges/testerone and that is why they say disgusting things and think it’s okay or that they are complimenting you when it doesn’t sound like it so us women are on the defense. Men biologically are different than women and especially when it comes to dating and the opposite sex. You are correct that it can keep out decent men from ever stepping foot near us.

    But, it’s true. I missed out on a really great guy..I could see he was trying to approach me and made all these moves to try to talk to me more than once and I completely shut him down because of some intimacy issues I have..and also confidence ones.

    Can I ask any advice on how to be confident if (it’s a natural response from both men and women..human) with admiring other people that are better looking than you or with better bodies..including your friends or family members. I feel like even though I take care of myself I don’t have much of a chance.

    Physical attraction is always number one and I’m not sure how to handle that.

    Thanks Matthew.

    This video was really funny and the truth is women call each other bitches or that girl was a bitch and I know you don’t mean it in a degrading don’t seem the type and you were making this more light-hearted.

  54. Winter says:

    Why are you doing this for women even though you are a man and why do you put an exe at the end of your msg is it like your mark.?

  55. Lisa says:

    Hey Matthew, really liked this video! Puhh, it’s really hard to keep friendly and open when people around you just keep looking grumpy and ignorant… It’s really easy for me to smile at little children and even joke a little. It’s also amazing to smile at elderly people and get a surprised smile back. But it’s soooo hard to smile or even look at people my own age. But I’m working on that! ^^

  56. Asli Tumerkan says:

    *Stealing your advice*

    Matthew, I love men who have great laughs like you do.

    How do you put up with London being gloomy all the time? I’d move!

  57. Kami says:

    I agree! I have seen a lot of these faces walking down the street. And I believe I have one of them myself, unfortunately. I have low self esteem at times and to cover it I put up a hard front so I wont look weak. One guy recently said I was acting like “miss perfect”. Wich I found astonishing, cause I felt like the most insecure person ever.

    I usually think everything you do is awesome and I want to give you kudos for that! You are truly an intelligent and charming man with lots to give! I could go on.. But the use of the word bitch isn’t very clever. Although I know it was meant for fun. Cause it translates as if you call your female followers bitches. And that’s not attractive. Bitch is a bad word no woman wants to be associated with. Be careful with it, please.

    Again, great to see you back and blogging! :) The weather looks the same in sweden right now! Lovely!

    • Matthew says:

      Thanks for your kind words Kami!

      In response to your comment:

      “But the use of the word bitch isn’t very clever. Although I know it was meant for fun. Cause it translates as if you call your female followers bitches. And that’s not attractive. Bitch is a bad word no woman wants to be associated with. Be careful with it, please.”

      I call guys names all the time too (names much worse than this I can assure you), it doesn’t mean I’m calling ALL guys those names. I think any hyper-sensitivity to ONE word needs to be looked at, because there are many women on here who saw that I was being playful and don’t take me so seriously!

      Keep watching! x

  58. Martha says:

    Hi Matt!!

    Sometimes we need someone to give us tough love to wake up and change are attitude, so thank you for that :D
    When are you coming to Los Angeles CA. to do a live event again? I was not able to attend to the last one.

  59. Alexa says:

    “a) dont be so sensitive b) dont be so sensitive ”

    Omg that made me laugh so loud the whole office looked at me like I was nuts.

    Hi from Australia by the way :)
    I have a lot of male friends -if you go to my youtube channel you’ll know why lol! -so Im personally very comfortable around guys but I do see so many of my girl friends do the bitch face. Because I know them I also know thats its because they are sooooo shy and nervous, lack of confidence etc.
    I’m personally single and have been for a while, which given the fact that Im surrounded by guys all the time is weird right? I read your book and found it very insightful, the tough part is putting the advice into action. I’m forever friend-zoned, which I dont usually mind as my career has always come first but lately my priorities have changed.


    Alexa x

  60. Minneh says:

    Thanks so much Mathew for this advice. I guess I have to remove my shield now. I wish you can come to Australia for a show that would be really awesome

  61. hani says:

    im from korea i love you matthew you are awesome! you gives me inspiration and motivation always thanks!!

  62. Lulu says:

    Well i agree with you completely. And i think your really funny! :) But i know people who always have a smile on their face and still are never approached by guys. But we can all be grumpy at times… im not moody often but my guy tends to know about it when i am and he hasn.t left me yet!! Thanks for your advice its always very useful :) x

  63. Maria says:

    It’s hard, but just smilling a little when you walk around makes you twice as approachable as without that smile. I got smiled back today by everybody- men, women, kids, dogs wagging their tails – but they don’t know I was laughing inside thinking of “The Penguins of Madagascar”!

    By the way, your muscles look great! You really have worked on thme these last 2 years. A bit of advice for the ladies: I started doing some weight training 9 months ago, and it kills the bitchiness, shapes you up, and you see guys a humans / normalpeople when they are struggling in the gym.

    Have a great olympian summer! :=)

  64. Marielle says:

    Thanks for the reminder! I can look sad or angry when I am lost in my (sometimes even very happy) thoughts or just managing my own business. That’s not something I do on purpose, moreover the way my face apparently is most comfortable :p Whenever I am aware of doing it though, I try to reflect in my face a more happy version of how I might come across. Also, your post reminded me of an illustration I found a while ago, it’s perfectly related to your post, but holds the defensive position of the women saying they can’t help it, labeled as the condition ‘chronic bitch face’ haha:

  65. Claudia says:

    Hey Matt loved the title lol

    I have to admit I am that girl. I always do that with guys, expecially in everyday situations like when I’m at the gym! I see many guys look at me, and I also see they wanna come and talk to me but they never never do that, and I’m pretty sure I do that “angry-face thing” without even realizing it. Or maybe I do realize I’m doing that? I don’t know, I guess it comes from insecurity and being shy, like you said, cos 99% of times, I’ll always think he is not looking cos he really think I’m cute, but for another reason.

    Buuuut… I am also pretty sure that’s my facial expression cos people always tell I look angry when in fact I’m not.. what should I do? Walk with a big smile on my face that tells “hey, I’m not actually angry! It’s just my face!”

    Btw, loved your video, loved London (I miss that city so much) and loved your advices, inspiring and illuminating as usual. Thanks ;)

  66. vo0o0ov says:

    is too far away 7th of June ….. i will miss ur face til that day my Coach.

  67. Catherine says:

    Totally get your rant, Matthew, and can understand why it might be off-putting to guys when trying to approach girls. I’m really shy when it comes to talking to men, which I guess may come across as standoffish-ness so that’s what I’m trying to work on now!
    Though.. I work on a university campus and the hottest student around (seriously like a model) keeps staring at me, and smiling, and the other day we had a bit of a really intense eye contact moment going on.. Basically I wanted to jump on him there and then, ha ha! Awkward, though, cos I’m staff and he’s not so although we chat it’s difficult to take to the next level..but still, nice to have a flirt every now and again, doesn’t happen often enough because of said shyness!

  68. Amanda says:

    Hahaha true. When you smile a lot the muscles in your face tend to grow in that way. So you’ll look much happier when you get older. When you wear your bitch face you will die as a lonely old moody … no I’m kidding it’ll just look different. With the corners of your mouth dropped and your eyebrows low..the wrinkles of dislike carved deep in your cheeks. No wrinkle cream can compete with smiling. There’s been a research in witch two groups of people are watching a cartoon. One study group had to clench a knife between their teeth vertically, so they look sad or angry.. they didn’t enjoy the cartoon that much. The other group had to clench the knife between their teeth horizontally, so they look as if smiling.. they thought the cartoon was so funny ! ;)

  69. Nadine says:

    Uhhh, I can tell you,
    things got pretty bad since I learned from you. Too many guys interested now! Went to a party once just by myself and came home with 3 guys later to have party at my place….well, till the girl under my flat knocked on my door…hm, she didn´t want to be part of it….
    And still I miss sometimes opportunities.
    I started a new job and people there told me that I have to find my boyfriend there cause i won´t have any more time to meet other guys. I have plenty of opportunities, thanks you for reminding me to be chatty. Yes, I´m very much enjoying this.
    by the way, I wanna give some good advice for shy girls, who don´t have selfesteem: go to Indonesia! LOL, really. I was on my trip through Indonesia, Sumatra, came out of the airplane, sweaty, unfit bla bla. Guys, very handsome, young and with beautiful smiles came out of their shops and everywhere to say Hello to me, even falling on their knees. Yes, of course I know, what their intention was, but, who cares. I felt like a TopModel on the catwalk.

    ANyway, love your stuff, Matthew, keep going!!!!

    xxx Nadine

  70. Charlie says:

    …Well, I just want to know if that guy with the handlebar moustache is on the market! Hello London!

  71. Kirsten Stone says:

    You’re brilliant! Love it! :-) x

  72. Viki says:

    Thank you for the video, Matthew and thank you for responding to the comments!:)
    I always try my best not to look like a bitch, haha. I try to smile, I try to look like a nice girl (because I’m a nice girl:D) but I always avoid eye contact. When I talk to someone face to face, it’s not a problem. But when I see a handsome guy… I just can’t.:/ I know it’s because I’m afraid but I don’t want to be!
    (I’m sorry if my English is incorrect, it’s not my 1st language.)

  73. Nehemie says:

    Hi Matthew great video, at times I come off as unapproachable because I am a very shy person and it is hard for me to talk to someone new. What is your advice on how I can stop being unapproachable with my body language and on how I can open up and be more outgoing with people around me. Thank you for your time.

  74. Chaz says:

    Once I was walking down the street and I was late for my train so I was a little panicky then I heard a guy say she looks well upset and I thought to myself is that what people see when they look at me? Lol
    I need to smile more :) xx

  75. Lizzie says:

    Great advice, Matt! I’ve discovered that a girl with a miserable looking face not only affects guy’s thoughts about that girl, but it also affects the thoughts of anyone who looks at that girl. One who looks miserable often will not only lose her chances of getting the right guy, but she will also lose her chances of making some really great friends. I know this from experience. I had trouble making friends during my first semester of college and wondered why, but I later realized that there were a few people (girls and guys) who would drop me hints like “You look sad.” “Are you okay”? I never really thought about until I figured out that my miserable look could be a reason I wasn’t getting any where in the social department at school. :( It’s just so hard to fix because I never can catch myself with a miserable look. I don’t realize I’m doing it until someone says something to me. Oh well…better luck next semester, I hope. lol! I’m trying to work on it.

  76. Maryam says:

    I love the background and your team did a real good job with the bloopers ;)
    I try to be open and look approachable and all that as much as possible, especially when I see a guy I might be interested in. But I ONLY get attention from the guys I don´t want attention from.. IF even that..
    I don´t mind not being the girl who is constantly pursued by guys, but nothing? I don´t think my attitude OR my face is bitchy at all… So, something is going wrong!

  77. Niru says:

    I totally agree with you and i have a confusion that i WAS one of those bit@#^s lol and now i havnt completely stopped being so but i at least know when to be a a bit$%^^ and when to be good :D thank you Matthew x

  78. Alina says:

    Sweet greatings from Moldova!

  79. Alina says:

    Thank you Matthew,

    keep doing what you do! You’re a GREAT friend for so many people!!!

  80. Marta says:

    I really love the advvices u give, I’m 17 years old and learned a bunch of stuff.I watched everything u put up on the internet. everything. =P Ur advices encourage me to become more confident and more open towards guys.
    thank u so much and keep up ur good work.
    sweet greetings from Austria <3

    • Matthew says:

      Thanks Marta! Congrats on wanting to improve yourself in this way at your age! That’s what i was like : ) x

  81. Emma says:

    Hello from France ! And more precisely from Paris

    Your videos are really inspiring! I love you accent !! Haha
    But I found it hard to practise all your recommendations as I am shy..
    However i really enjoy watching all your videos !

    Thanks! Be bless !

  82. Lucy says:

    Wow Matthew, you have no idea how glad I am that a guy has said this! I’m at uni right now and, although I have plenty of guy friends, it is the girls with the hardened ‘I will kill you’ faces that seem to get the guys romantically… I don’t understand! I’ve always been open, friendly and kind – it’s just who I am – and I don’t understand how these other girls find it so easy to find a guy that they’re attracted to, who’s also attracted to them!
    But thank you so much for putting this video, you’ve echoed my thoughts perfectly! I find open, friendly guys much easier to talk to and have always presumed it should be the same the other way round.
    Loved the bloopers at the end, whoever was responsible – it was very funny! You should see if you can do it more often Matthew, it made me smile :)
    Thanks for the videos, they’re so helpful and motivating!
    Lucy xx

    • Matthew says:

      Thanks Lucy! I’ll try to do the bloopers more often, but it’s not easy given that I’m SO damn perfect in my delivery all the time ; )) x

      • Jessica Cha says:


      • Lynn says:

        In some way the song reminds me of a bitch too. Still I like it. I have a bitchy side too. It took time to develop it. Now I try to get rid of it and learn how to deal in an assertive determined way with unwanted strangers, without getting my mood affected by them.
        Did this blog get so many responses because it speaks the truth? ;D

        • Lynn says:

          Ok, wrong place for my comment, sorry. It actually got there because I wanted to suggest to your team to keep doing the choosing of the bloopers. As a perfectionist it’s too hard a thing to do. I love the bloopers!

  83. Tanja says:

    You in sunny London- just amazing:)
    For me this video remind me to take chances and to believe in the prospective of something amazing to happen. And today I went to a friend heardresser and cut off my long hear, that I’ ve had for 10 years. And now I have this funny and fresh hearstyle. I take a small chance, that for me was big and I just go with it and now I smile.
    This message isn’t so relevant as of other women, but I love to share it with all of you.

    Matthew I like you posts and your great work:) good luck in everything.


  84. Amanda says:

    Sorry but that had to be in all caps! I’m not a biaatch, I’m actually quite shy and when I get nervous, I seem more closed off, or colder than I should but I think this still applies, being more open and sunny is the way to go!
    Much Love,

    • Matthew says:

      YOU NAILED IT AMANDA lol. It definitely applies because that ‘bitch’ look comes from being shy/closed/insecure etc. It takes confidence to be open and sunny! x

  85. Mary says:

    Please tell me what am i doing wrong? I’m a sexy, pretty enough woman but i find it hard finding someone to get to notice me. And even if someone does notice me, I never see him..probably a friend will tell me “see that guy over there? he’s looking at you”. I certainly have this look and i don’t know how to change it.. I would love to have the chance to attain one of your seminars but it is quite impossible at the moment since I am not from UK. Is it any other way?

    • Matthew says:

      Mary, stay tuned for the 7th of June, something coming your way that will really make a difference! x

      • arti says:

        I had a lot of respect and admiration for your work and have recommended women to follow your advice excitedly. I do hope they continue to use your postive advice but since watching this and remembering this isn’t the first time you’ve posted up you calling women Bitches I unfortunately would no longer want to recommend you.

        ‘Bitches’ oh dear, a very disrespectful word to use especially when you are trying to empower women and so publicly too.

        I understand your frustration but this video is more of a kinda out of control rant, which I’m sure we all have, including the bitches you refer too. This video should have been reflected upon before posting particularly in your line of work.

        Be the change you wish to see. Speak respectfully about your client group. Because when you do that you are just fab.


  86. Eva says:

    Hi Matthew
    I have to admit- I do this sometimes!! Even without realizing it! But I have to say, most of the time it stems from me being insecure and not having enough confidence to be open and super approachable to some guys. As a result I’ve definitely lost a lot of chances. This video really woke me up. Thanks for posting it!

    • Matthew says:

      That’s true Eva, it comes from insecurity, nothing to do with being a bad person. Once we are aware of it we can change it. And guys do it too by the way (which i tell them!) x

  87. Beatriz says:

    Hahaha! What a title. :p

    I guess some girls they tend to do that because they’re tired of attracting the wrong dudes. Its really hard to be a girl too. Men, men, such mysterious creatures. Most guys when you are open and nice to them they tend to think you’re too nice and they can do something nasty to you.

    Anyway, as usual great tips Matt. Great tips! I’ll surely remember your tips. You’re always awesome! :)

  88. sara says:

    you’re so awesome

  89. Alice says:

    Matthew, thank you for this message. You really woke me up to this reality and from now on I’m gonna try to be more open,warm and friendly. P.S. I love London!!x

    • Matthew says:

      Thanks Alice, it doesn’t take much and you’ll find the results are a world away from the results we get when we are closed to what’s going on around us! x

  90. leena says:

    You know what. I do understand your frustration, but I think there is more to that
    I have this theory which you might disagree on
    I think I am one of those girls in a way. Just because I tend to attract the wrong guys.
    The moment I am approachable, nice, and happy all the WRONG guys see it as a potential chance for a fling. Being blond does not help. So they think they can be lucky. Then if I put my suspicions aside and try to have normal conversation with them they start trying their “tricks” to get me into bed.
    So I put on angry/ less friendly face so that they would leave me. I thought to myself… If the right one comes along he will not be put off by my face .He will approach me anyways, regardless of what my face looks like. He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance .Those who have wrong intentions, look for one night stand or short term fun, or are overly shy -will not come to me. And this is ok. This is what I want to achieve. I want the guy who knows he wants THIS girl and has balls to come over to that angry looking girl to find out “is she really angry?”. Once he does that he will find a gemstone;-)He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance.
    We are not born or become bitches….men make us become one sometimes..


    • Matthew says:

      ” If the right one comes along he will not be put off by my face .He will approach me anyways, regardless of what my face looks like. He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance .Those who have wrong intentions, look for one night stand or short term fun, or are overly shy -will not come to me. ”

      It’s a nice thought but definitely not how the world works. Many amazing guys will be pushed away by you having that face, because no one wants to be rejected. The moment he thinks he’s dealing with someone who is likely to reject him, he probably won’t approach. IN fact, some of the biggest players are the ones who don’t fear your cold looks – so it’s usually the opposite of this quote above. Every now and again an amazing confident guy will overlook the cold expression and talk to you anyway, but I promise you your chances are not good by waiting for that to happen.

      I agree that it’s hard when the wrong guys keep coming up to you, but anyone attractive and positive draws lots of people to them, that’s just the way it is. If you get rid of the positivity that attracts the bad you’re also throwing many of the good guys out with them!

      Thanks for your thoughts Leena, really interesting to hear them x

      • leena says:

        No problem. Clone yourself…you will save all of us -girls-the trouble:-) always happy to share my thoughts by the way:)

  91. Melanie says:

    Hahaha loved the title of ur video and the content! Nice hearing guys rant and vent! ;)

    Totally get what u say about bitches…but i have to say, i’ve been to London quite a few times and i have to say people there are not that open and friendly, although i LOVE LOVE LOVE London and Londoners and i personally find the so-called “British flegm” kinda cool… but compared to other countries where i’ve been and France where i’m actually residing, British people tend to keep to themselves.. but then again, those intimidating bitches can be found everywhere!

    Happy not to be one of them but then again, smiling to people can get u in tricky situations, i’ll tell u that! But it’s fun and a smile can totally make someone’s day :)

  92. kate says:

    loving the fantastic weather ;). What your saying is very true! Thank you for all the insightful videos and emails, I’ve found that its change my attitude to life. The other day my friend came up to me and said I looked miserable, I didn’t even realise! Im wondering if this has an affect on how I come across as a person? x

    • Matthew says:

      We all have moments where we look miserable (myself included), it’s just important to not be like it too often! x

  93. Anasthasia says:

    I think you are great!

  94. Jenn Burton/ Have Him Your says:

    Hey Matthew…

    Wow London’s weather looks fantastic today! I have to say I love love love how you hold women accountable for their romantic prospects… There are so many fantastic men out their that just don’t have a chance because women have their bitch face on too freakin often.

    Funny enough I just taped my short vlog series on “Things That Single Women Say That Make Me Wanna… ;)” I have to admire you getting this message out there to your audience.

    I really appreciate your fun but no games approach to teaching women to do it differently with me. Kinda hot when you go full tilt;) Loved the outtakes.

  95. Raeesa says:

    Hey Matthew
    This is so true, I used to do that without realizing it until someone mentioned it to me. And it’s really amazing how much difference a smile and open body language makes
    Looking forward to the 7th June

  96. Alina says:

    Aaaw, London is the best isn’t it? Hampshire is even better though (fewer people, and not everybody hurrying everywhere like blue a*se flies :-)

    Now with regards to your rant, I’m afraid that for me you got it wrong this time, Matt. You know, there is such thing as shyness – or boredom – or feeling low – or feeling self-conscious – or having a bad hair/pimple/makeup day etc etc. Surely we can’t be expected to be (or look like we are) on a permanent high?

    I really do not like it when a man, even one as charming as your sweet self, tells me that I am not entitled to my negative emotions. It makes me think of all the men in the world, from the past and unfortunately from the present too, who reckon women are supposed to be decorative and are obliged to be forever sweetness and light… and in doing this, men are kinda intimidating arrogant ba*t*rds themselves!

    And also, if a guy doesn’t have the b*lls to come and talk to me if he fancies me, just because I am momentarily frowning at the world, well then the guy is certainly not one for me anyway. What, are you gonna tell us that guys are forever walking around with a smile and kindness painted on their faces??? I beg to differ!

    I do agree with your reacton to the woman who suddenly was into you once she knew you were famous… her behaviour was not very classy, or genuine. But see, even thought she was not looking friendly, you went and spoke to her anyway – well done, now go teach the other guys to grow some courage too, and we’ll be cooking with gas :-)

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Alina!

      “You know, there is such thing as shyness – or boredom – or feeling low – or feeling self-conscious – or having a bad hair/pimple/makeup day etc etc. Surely we can’t be expected to be (or look like we are) on a permanent high?”

      I understand that, but it can still make you look like a bitch. Lol. Just like a guy can feel insecure, awkward, shy, unhappy etc etc but it doesn’t stop him looking like an arrogant bastard.

      The point is, it’s not about what you’re feeling it’s about perception. Now, to the point you made here:

      “I really do not like it when a man, even one as charming as your sweet self, tells me that I am not entitled to my negative emotions.”

      Firstly thank you for the compliment : ), secondly you are more than entitled to them, it’s your life. But don’t expect to be attractive whilst experiencing them. I certainly don’t expect women to be attracted to me when I’m in shitty states.

      I know you don’t always feel on top of the world, but we’re on this site to create more opportunities with the right types of men and enhance our love lives, and looking approachable is a key way to do that.

      And on your final point I agree men need to do the same, and have the courage to approach, and I tell them that whenever they ask my advice. (I rant at both sides don’t worry about that!)

      Thanks for your comments x

      • Alina says:

        A, OK then, if you rant at both sides then I’ll let you off the hook – provided you do tell guys to go and grow some cojones while also nurturing their sensitive side… (not asking 4 much, am I? :-) It is absolutely true that we all look more attractive and much younger when we adopt the ‘approachable’ look. Also, apparently we can make ourselves feel happier if we smile, even though we don’t feel like it – because, science says, we can fool the brain into thinking we’re happy if we just smile for a few seconds. And then, hey presto, we really ARE happier!

        As 4 you, come on Matthew, you’re now fishing for compliments! Beautiful boy like you, I doubt there is any occasion when you don’t look attractive… shitty state or not.

        I hope you, your team, and all the ladies here have a lovely weekend, enjoy the amazing sunshine and let’s all celebrate Queenie, and meet some gorgeous men. Just don’t smile at them with a mouth full of Jubilee cake :-)

      • Jill says:

        I think it’s important to remember that everything we do comes by choice. If you are having a bad day you are still choosing to look miserable. Sometimes it’s good to sit back take a deep breathe and say How can I get through this rough time with a smile :)

  97. Amber says:

    Yes, great points. I’m trying really hard to slap on a smile whenever I’m out and about – it makes me feel better too. Love the outtakes!

    • Matthew says:

      Lol I only just saw the outtakes, someone sneaky on my team must have slipped them in during the editing process! x

  98. Dorothy says:

    Great advice Matt! Thanks for the reminder. We all get distracted with our daily problems… and this is a really good nudge to remember we need to present a positive face to the world. I think it’s like a gift we give to others…
    AND I LOVED the bloopers at the end. Do that again please!

  99. Cris:Gladly says:

    Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. (a) you never call a woman a bitch and (b) you never call a woman a bitch.

    That breech in gentlemanliness aside. I hear your point loud and clear and (minus the not cool use of the b-word), FULLY agree with you that women can often walk around like that.

    So, here’s my challenge back to you. YES … encourage us to remain more open and approachable. I accept that challenge full heartedly, but where you could be of huge service to me, would be to give some really great strategies and language for deflecting the unwanted attention when it happens, while STILL remaining open to to great guy energy.

    You are a dude, and until you are female for a day and are on the receiving end of that smarmy (and sometimes downright creepy) energy and feel how icky it feels when men you are not remotely interested in and have not tried to engage in anyway come up to you and say just such inappropriate stuff, you can’t be empathetic about why women sometimes feel that harder exterior is safer and necessary.

    I would genuinely LOVE some tips from you on how to deflect that in a way that (a) keeps the mood light and helps us stay open to positive energy but (b) sends a clear message that establishes firm boundaries to those who need deflecting. Help me with that a bit, sir, and I will be happy to shoot sunshine out every where I go. :) Because I think we’d all love to stay in that sweet, warm, approachable space.

    But we’re not being “b*tches”. You just have no idea how hard and tricky it can be to stay open and hold boundaries at the same time.

    • Jenn Burton/ Have Him Your says:

      Cris… “I’m flattered but no thank-you” is very effective;)

    • Matthew says:

      Cris Cris Cris,

      a. Don’t be so sensitive. b. Don’t be so sensitive.

      If women act like bitches let’s call them bitches (playfully of course!) If men act like wankers I’m happy to call them wankers. My point is, they are just words. And they are so much more satisfying than saying “She was a little miserable wasn’t she darling???”, or “He was a little rude wasn’t he?” No he was a wanker/she was a bitch, let’s just say it. There’s a difference between thinking someone is a bitch inside and just referring to their silly behaviour as bitch like. I wouldn’t do the former but I’ll happily do the latter. SORRRRRRRY! : )

      If the wrong guy comes up to you say “I really appreciate you coming up to me but I have to catch up with my friend, leave now etc etc.” “Thanks for the compliment but this isn’t the best time, but thank you really it was really sweet” “I’m seeing someone but thank you very much that’s very kind”

      “But we’re not being “b*tches”. You just have no idea how hard and tricky it can be to stay open and hold boundaries at the same time.”
      I get that, but here’s what a guy would say to me “it’s really hard to show women I like them and at the same time not look sleazy”. I will say the same thing to you that I would say to them: If it was easy everyone would do it, but since it’s not it requires a little extra effort.

      M x

      • Ann says:

        Don’t be so sensitive?
        Would you call your mother a bitch? Or your daughter?
        Next time, just send a message out to all us “hoes.”
        Of course, you will assume I am a “bitch” for writing this in defense of Cris, but I also found your title deeply offensive. (Your message was well received, but very badly delivered).
        Not long ago a guy came up all close and snuggly and really SMILING at me in the Paris metro then he ran away with my purse!
        Men often seem super nice and then quickly turn menacing when you tell them to leave you alone. Two minutes after saying how beautiful you are, then they scream “bitch” because you don’t want to drop everything and have sex with them. This is life in France, by the way.
        That’s why most educated urban women don’t want to attract that kind of attention when walking alone and just trying to go about one’s daily business. In my experience, nice guys with jobs ARE AT THEIR JOBS in the middle of the day and not hanging out on street corners picking up “chicks.”
        Next time, walk a mile in our shoes before you criticize and demean women.

        • Matthew says:

          Ann, I think you take me far too seriously x

          • Ashleigh says:

            Uhh, if the shoe fits wear it, or pick another shoe.
            Ladies, if his choice in word offends you because it describes you, make some changes. Truth hurts, but the knowledge of it can also set you free!

            And thank you, Matthew for your rant, I’ve been trying on a new look today!

            Enjoying life today!

          • stefanie says:

            I agree.. women can be bitches.. it’s true.. sometimes I’ve been guilty of it… I blame natural selection and the hormones… :p … but you’re right.. Me for example, when I’m around my college campus sometimes I have this bitch face, because I’m moody or simply because I was having a bad day.. And about being in that mode because of wrong guys approaching.. is so true.. Nice advice!!!

          • Lorena says:

            Wow! I’m astonished of what I’m seeing here! Seriously people don’t take things so serious!! Think about all the time you spent making yourself angry for .. this??!!! a blog??? If you do such a drama, writing huge answers .. for such a tiny-simple-non-important thing, the only affected would be you! Smile, breathe and dont give little things such an importance in the future!

        • Cris:Gladly says:

          Ann … I super appreciate your comment here. And agree. Thank you.

          I have to just say: look at all the drama the b-word caused on both this blog post thread and on Matthew’s FB wall thread. Guess it isn’t “just a word” after all. If it was just a word, it wouldn’t have set off such a reaction on both sides of the argument. So, it just kind of calls us all to wonder … how would the message have been received WITHOUT the use of that one word?

          Couldn’t the same message have been sent from the place of: “Look, sometimes we’re walking around lost in our own heads, struggling through a bad day, maybe even getting over hurts from an old relationship … and without even knowing it, we’re sending a ‘leave me alone’ look when we say we’re trying to welcome new connections in our lives … think about it from the guy’s point of view, if you had to approach someone would you go for the smiling face or the frowning one? … Doesn’t mean you have to be game on every day, but if you DO really want to change your downward spiral into an upward one, be present … check yourself and ask “Am I projecting what it is I say I want to attract?? Take responsibility for contributing to your own positive outcome. On the upside, you’ve just made it that much easier for a great guy to talk to you. On the downside, you made yourSELF feel better by changing your own physiology. Win WIN!” :)

          I guess it’s just easier to say: quit being a b*tch.

          Anyway, thanks, Ann.

        • Jaagii says:

          Girls, its just a word… No biggie… Nothing offensive… The problem with all of us is we take things too seriously, just my opinion… Anyway thanks Matthew for pointing that out… It’s a great video… Watched 3 times in a row ;)

      • Cris:Gladly says:

        Hi, Matthew.

        First, I was trying to be playful in the lead in to my message to you, not rude. This is challenging to do in comment post. Especially around a sensitive topic. But, I was trying to be exactly what you encouraged us to be in the video. So …

        Second, I just simply disagree on the b-word matter. I hear you saying it is just a word. And we all chose different ways of walking in the world. For me, I just really try to be very mindful about the “weight” of certain words. Name calling of any kind contaminates a positive message, in my opinion. It’s so funny b/c the response that comes to my mind on this is one I learned from YOU! “Wow. What you just did is just not cool with me. I have more respect for you than to treat you that way. And to be honest, seeing that is a real turn off.” …. lol.

        We all come to topics with varying degrees of sensitivity. I get that. People using racial slurs, misogynistic words, gay bashing terms, whatever … just not cool with me in particular. Playfully intended or otherwise. Just for me personally, part of “caring” for people in my world is trying to be thoughtful that way. To make sure if I’m trying to communicate a message I really think would serve them, to do so in a way devoid of negative meta-message that might shut them down first.

        That was my point in letting you know that b-word useage landed poorly. B/c I think in general your larger message has been very positive.

        Might just be that I’m not truly your target audience. And that’s cool.

        My other question in my message was a truly sincere one, not a defensive “b*tchy” one. One of the ways your content HAS been SUPER helpful to me is that you’ve provided some great EXAMPLES of actual things women can say or do to implement your advice. Like the quote I playfully quoted back at you about the calling dudes out on bad behavior with grace and tact. That was one of the best things I’ve ever heard you say when you have your audience those powerful words and told us exactly what male triggers they hit (the use of words like respect and honor … and I forgot to add the last line about having higher standards). That was powerful b/c it was NOT sugar coating the man’s bullshit by saying something like “oh, that’s so sweet … or I’m flattered …” when he just said something totally inappropriate and offensive to you. That has no power in it. It feels weak to say something like that.

        So, I was hoping you had some other awesome Matthew Hussey power phrases in your hip pocket, that’s what I was asking for. I have been taking HUGE leaps of faith and open hearted risk in putting my heart out there and being a light out there in my world with people. I’d love tips that leave me feeling empowered and grounded like some you’ve given before … not that leave me feeling disrespected and insulted b/c I disagreed.

    • Susan says:

      Cris I agree wholeheartedly with you…and woman who replied by saying “No Thank You” works effectively…you must live in the burbs…Matthew..would you call your mother a Bitch..even if she were acting such? Where the F are your manners? See how effective that is? You know exactly what i meant w/out name calling/labeling, How about educating MEN..teach them how to treat a woman…now there’s a concept…shape up young man

      • Ann says:

        Went back and took a look and enjoyed reading all new comments this has stirred up. Glad to hear from you too, Cris. Interesting to look at the posts and notice how all the women on the site respectfully address one other as, “Ladies,” mostly or oftentimes as “Girls” but NO OTHER WOMAN on this site said “Bitches, get over it!”
        Matthew, you are a man. You cannot “playfully” address thousands of women you have never met — and who like myself, purchased your e-book and otherwise financially sustain your business and lifestyle — in such an openly offensive manner.
        As for all the airheads who believe this is perfectly acceptable (because Matthew is JUST SOOOOO CUTE), I would like to know if you are 15 years old?
        Are you indulging in a fantasy romance with Matthew because you are still living with your parents and they don’t let you go out with men?
        Have you girls attended any seminars or spent ANY MONEY on his products? Do you plan to in the near future?
        Or are you just following because “he’s cute.”
        Do you have a college education?
        Do you have a fast-paced international career?
        Or any job? At all?
        Once you have achieved something concrete and matured in your life, you might start to take yourselves a bit more seriously too… and not pander to people just because they’re cute.

  100. Wave says:

    You are really really cute…. i’m sorry i just had to say that ^^

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