“How Do I Know If He’s Attracted?”

So a few weeks ago I put out my first Q&A video in a while.

And people loved it.

It’s always fun getting my hands dirty in women’s real-life dating problems, and I know you’ll get a ton of value when you watch this new blog video.

If you’re always stuck wanting to know what he really thinks, you’ll want to see this…

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30 Responses to “How Do I Know If He’s Attracted?”

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  1. Angela says:

    Probably just missed it, but she did write that “Clark” always tries to say “hi” to her. That could be a pattern – a sign of his attempt to break through his shyness to make a connection.

  2. Janice says:

    Hi… I have a friend who has been a friend for years. Over the yrs he has brought flowers we’ve gone to lunch, got pizza and talk a couple times a week on phone..and when my daughter left for college he called and came over because he knew how hard it would be for me.
    Well.. the other day I got a kiss – ok not just “a” and I was like wow where is this coming from.. ok I over thought it and sent a Tex. Where are we going or are we just friends…. claims he didn’t get it. Back again last night – conversation, tea and when he left — another wow… I’m not going to over think this any more but I’m like ok what is going on here…
    I’m at the age (over 50) where this should get easier but it’s not…
    Any thoughts?
    Thank you….

  3. Pamela says:

    Idk Matthew- I think if a guy really likes you he’will find a way – seems like she is doing all the work – I would step back see if he comes to me – it seemed as if she made the 1st move already twice she made a move. If a guy looks at me I smile and that’s about it – if he wants something bad enough he’ll find a way if he doesn’t want it bad enough he doesn’t want me. Maybe I’m just not in a hurry to meet someone like some of these women. If I miss a cute guy at the coffee shop I miss a cute guy at the coffee shop. There will be others – if I were her I would ignore him and see if he strikes up conversation next time. If he doesn’t even look at her or smile – move on! Just my 2 cents.

  4. Julia says:

    Hi. I watch this stoned and I think you are just so funny. Keep doing! It is nice to look from different perspectives :) Thanks!

  5. Shasha says:

    I want to sleep with him but this is the first date and I want to date him too because I quite like him and not just for sex. However I don’t want him to think that the only thing I’m interested in is sleeping with him and put him off from wanting to date me and beig interested in me. So should I sleep with him or at least show that I want to or should I not?

    • Shirley says:

      Do not sleep with him on the first date or that is all your relationship will be, a friendship with benefits.

      Practice a little self control, a little patience and show him that you respect your self and him too much to short cut your relationship.

  6. Lani says:


    I think this is interesting scenario discussed in the video because it can get really tricky to read people who deliver a service like baristas, sale staff or customer service support.

    I work in customer service for an American company. This being said, I get paid to positive position and be nice to a mostly professional clientele/business people. In my job it should not be a surprise for customers that you are nice and professional.
    Clients feel flattered and sometimes read into some taught behaviour because they are being acknowledged and listened to. I remember a training day where my trainer got a naughty look in his eye and started the presentation with: Here we KISS and have SEX with the customers! (chuckles followed from the group)
    1. KISS = Keep it short and simple.
    2. SEX = Smile, Eye Contact and the X is short for Excitement.
    I have had men and women invite me to other events and made new friends by using the above 2 mentioned methods. Always keeping things HR appropriate!

    I have found it is safe to assume a person likes/would like to know more about you if they ask for your details or give you some personal details like a number or tell you about a party or social event that they will be attending then TRY and convince you to go. :-D

    Thanks for all the useful dating and life advise in general How to get the guy team! Looking forward to the pearls of wisdom to come in 2017. ;-) #teamworkmakesthedreamwork

    Happy Holidays!

  7. lisbeth traffelet says:

    I love that, Matt, when you omment on real questions…!

  8. Emily says:

    He could be shy, or he could be attracted to her but also in a relationship!

  9. Candy kaiser says:

    Thank you, Matt!!!! This is what I needed to hear, you always know. Love, miss and adore you.

  10. Svetlana Pokorna says:

    Thanks a lot, the words I needed to hear is if he isn’t doing anything that is it. He needs to step up sometimes, that made me realise he is not interested…

  11. Maria Cañadas says:

    I guess he did his best when talking about Christopher reeves he really wanted to know if they have something in common, maybe he is a DC fan, and her answer although cute was probably not what he was looking for… anyways… good luck on that and great video, love those Q&A

  12. Deedee says:

    The whole time I watch you I have the feeling it’s challenging for you to keep a straight face. It’s adorable ;)

  13. Sofia says:

    Hey Matt,

    I’ve been watching your videos for quite a time and it has really improved my interpersonal experience and the way I relate to men. Thanks. All this Q&A sessions remind me of myself talking to my girlfriends, as long as I’ve learnt quite a lot with your videos. However, sometimes I also need an advice.

    So, once you said we have a community here. A community of women who care and interested in social dynamics, right? But.. to become a community there must be support from the members. There must a certainty that our questions can be always answered.

    So I wonder: why there’s still no FORUM for us, girls who fallow you and have already know something about how relationships work?


  14. Melissa says:

    I was kinda thinking maybe “Clark”is gay.

  15. Carole says:

    Are you coming out to Australia in the near future to do any courses Etc?

  16. implementation says:

    He does not want to see you at that moment, if he is looking down. Try another time. You don t know how to get his interest. It is not to talk to him

  17. Shade says:

    That was brilliant Matthew! Thank you! :)

  18. Carla says:

    Hi Matt,
    Your advice is fantastic. Thank you. Watching your videos makes me feel like I’m sitting across the table from my “protective older brother” — someone who genuinely cares about giving it to me straight from a guys’ perspective. And especially this one…your comments about the kids’ screaming/basketball only added to the charm. So, thank you!

    So, here’s my dilemma. I’m in my late 40s and younger men are always approaching me. Don’t get me wrong. I like this. I’m naturally attracted to them, too, and find myself approaching them (unwittingly) as well. (It’s difficult to tell some people’s ages anymore, you know?) But while there may be attraction, once I/we realize the age difference, I/we (?) may hesitate about taking these advances seriously because of the age difference. It’s odd, but most don’t give a second thought to a younger woman dating a much older man, but the reverse (older woman/younger man) is less common.

    So I’m not sure what boundaries I should set for myself here. Is a man who is 10 years younger than me a “safe” range? How can I tell if he’s not just out looking for a thrill, with an older woman? I look young for my age (early 30s, I’m told), so when guys approach me and later discover my age, it can be surprising I think.

    Any “top 5” things to look out for here?

    Thank you,

    Your little ‘sis ;)

  19. Mary says:

    The brilliant thing about this situation is that – it’s her coffee shop. She most likely will be going there every day, or at least several times a week, indefinitely into the future, so, many, many opportunities to do some really subtle flirting and suss out the situation as the days go by. No need to hurry it. See how he responds as time goes by. (And also observe how he interacts with other customers.) Smile, be friendly. Sometimes lean in, figuratively, but never be pushy. More often, lean back, but still be friendly and positive. Build on the “relationship”, as it were, in tiny increments as the days and weeks go by. On Mondays, ask about his weekend. Ask if he went (or is going to) an upcoming (or recent past) fun event or festival in the area. If it’s an event he’s not familiar with, she can even go as far as saying, “it’s awesome – I go every year. You should go…”, etc. And, as time goes by, see if he reciprocates – see if he asks about her weekend. See if he remembers her regular order. There’s no downside. And no rush. If it never progresses beyond friendly conversation, she’s still lost nothing, and perhaps gained a new friend.

    Matthew has a great point about not messing up one’s favorite coffee shop, though. So, best not to push things if this guy doesn’t seem like he wants things to go any further than a barrista-customer relationship. Hence the slow burn.

  20. Victoria says:

    BUT.. What happens when they lose interest. Like you open up and let them in and then they start to disappear. and when they do that, how do you get your mind right to not feel the rejection?

  21. Julie MacKenzie says:

    I love these question & answer sessions…Keep them coming! ;) Hugs! <3

  22. Lauren says:

    I have first hand experience with this kind of situation. We were both flirting back and forth for a few months every time I was in there, it was clear we were both interested. After advice from a friend, I was bold enough to slide him a note with my name/phone number and it turned out to be one of the greatest things! He said he had been wanting to ask me out but was hesitant because he was at work and didn’t want to come across unprofessional or make me feel uncomfortable about going there. We went on a date 4 days later ;)

  23. Kelly says:

    So right on! It’s hard not to overthink things with someone you find attractive, but for me, if I think about it on the flip where I might’ve just been polite or kind to a man in passing and then I have an overly eager “admirer” on my hands only based on one interaction, it can be rather uncomfortable. Great advice as always, Matthew. Merry Christmas to you and yours!! XO

  24. Jocelyn says:

    I liked the Q&A in response to Marissa’s question you are right that sometimes just making it simple is much easier my approach is always been hello or good morning how aris your day going so far?I And she can easily say OK I’ll see you tomorrow again that opens it up for the barista to know that she’s coming back tomorrow. I’ve learned to be assertive and honest as welll as sincere to everyone makes it so much easier. I made it a point after my divorce over 15 years ago and I am 56 years old now to just to get out of my comfort zone by doing 1-2 things which to say hi and see if a conversation can initiate and most of the time it does! I don’t have a way minute and women make it so difficult just feed themselves keep it simple and have fun with life I am a stroke survivor and I’m still recuperating and what’s funny is I still get Approach but it’s all good I’m enjoying life thank you for always making your videos

  25. T-Cat says:

    Yupp, heard it. Sounds like The Exorcist in the background. :’)

  26. Cheryl says:

    How do I know if a man is attracted to me? That’s a good question, I haven’t thought about it lately, because a lot has been going on with the ceremony of life of my dad’s. if I were to look at what I said, at that ceremony when I was on stage, stating from the heart that what my Dad left me was the memories of following him around as a little girl than to grow up and know that he had followed my sister and her husband on their honeymoon, and when I took him into a conversation to have a heart to heart that although he didn’t leave us a whole lot, he left us with the world of music and I asked him to leave my girls a song for them to have growing up. He left the adults a song, so why not his grandchldren? For almost 30 years right up until he died their goodnight song was wee baby we bear that he often sung in Jazz, made them laugh or giggle and he sang them out prior to when he passed on. Which my youngest daughter sang at the ceremony.
    I have realized Matthew, that a Dad can be a Dad but a Father ? Is the man upstairs so if I’m alive and God must like me enough that I’m still around? I must be doing something good.. Ok so how do I know recently if a man likes me? If I were to go back into the beginning of the relationships and from what I can tell they like me because I was casual, aloof, honest, and I didn’t take a lot of flak. From the flak, I haven’t drank in 26 years, so they know upfront what I’m into and what I’m not into. I find men who do drink are attracted to women who don’t drink which is a real problem because in actual fact they like women who don’t drink; but it might mean having to give up an old friend that they’ve had for 20 years? My Dad had the same problem, he liked me but he figured he’d loose his pak if he had stopped drinking. I told him (like how I would explain to the ex- boyfriend) that the friends who stuck by you no matter if you drank or not, are the real friends right up until the end, and the ones who don’t stick by you, aren’t the ones and let them go on their way. My problem was the flak was too much for me, and not for those who did drink or did drugs. I’m an introvert trying to be an extrovert was the gist of the way he’d say it, so he was really saying he’d have to have a drink in order to be himself?
    I took my Dad some artwork to show him, and he’d refuse to see it, he’s 83 and doesn’t need to see anything new. The ex -boyfriend said about the same, he liked me for not because I did artwork, it wasn’t about the clothes I wore either. People can like you for you, and not because of what you do. Because of WHO you are. That’s the take home I learned so far. Great Video

  27. Syd says:

    Great video. I thought I had learned a lot, but I keep learning more which is really good :)

    I admire that woman for subtly approaching you at the gym. It is acts of courage and confidence that get is the man we deserve! It is important to not be afraid of rejection.

    I always forget that I look pretty because I told myself when I was 11 that I look ugly when I was facing some bullying at school. Since then, the label had buried itself deep within me. BUT I’m actually not bad looking at all and guys notice me. Once I’m ready to start dating, I can’t wait to be open and to approach any guy I like with courage and confidence. The whole point IS to let the guy know you are interested!!

    It’s a bit hard for me because I don’t see myself settling down here at my town BUT it’s no reason to not meet people. I just have to heal from my annulment and also, a large amount of disappointment from times where I failed at love. The important thing is to learn all the lessons and to make the future that much better. Thanks, Matt & Team

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