You’ve probably spent a lot of time in life figuring out certain things that are really important to you in a relationship.
But what if when you express your need for something, the person you’re with makes you feel unreasonable, high maintenance, or even crazy?
In this week’s video, I coach a woman whose partner doesn’t value physical affection like she does. You’ll hear what happens when she expresses that she’d like more touch from him…
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I recently talked to a guy, dated a guy that said that my expectations, my standards were unrealistic because I like physical touch. I like intimacy.
And he doesn’t?
He isn’t really like touchy feely…
He’s not touchy feely?
Yes. And I… that’s very important to me. When we sit down…
So then why are you with that person?
I don’t know.
I know that’s a blunt thing to say, and it might sound like a lot to say, “Well, you should leave a person because the level of affection you want is here, and the level they want is here.” But it’s not really that crazy of a thing to say, because you just said it was really, really important to you. And it feels like therefore you’re ignoring a piece of you that’s really important to you that’s going to continue to make you unhappy and suffer in a relationship.
Because he says, “Well, people don’t do that. People don’t walk around and just hold hands.”
I do. I do. So you need to find someone like that. So instead of allowing someone to convince you that their worldview is The Worldview, go find someone with your worldview. Because all he’s doing is trying to… a lot of us do it for survival, right? We do it because, “I need to make you believe that what I do is the norm so that you don’t challenge me on it.” But he’s not representative of all men, there are many different types of men, and if that person has a radically different view of things that are important to you, we can have all sorts of different views on things in relationships. But when they’re your core…
That’s it. I tell him that my core values… I’m not asking you to make $250,000 a year. I’m not asking…
I’m asking for a hug and a handhold.
Or if we’re watching a movie, if you ain’t touched me, I might as well be sitting next to my daddy.
Right, you want to snuggle up. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, something that’s showing, “I’m your girl, you’re my guy.”
Yeah. Go find that guy. Don’t find a guy that you need to convince to give you a fucking cuddle.
You got to be like… Listen, to me, the best part of watching a movie with someone is you’re spooning the hell out of that shit. That’s the person I want. I don’t want someone whose like, “Not really, I’m fine. I need my space.” All right. I want someone who’s affectionate. So you do too. So go find that, life’s too short. What are you going to do, hang out with someone all day that’s never going to give you the level of touch and affection you want? You’re going to be affection starved, you’re going to starve.
Yes. Build resentment and …
Yeah, it’s going to drive you crazy. And that person is always going to make you feel like you’re crazy for wanting it.
So no, and go find someone who can do that. I know that’s a hard bit of advice to hear in a couple of minutes, when you’ve actually got to go home and face the reality of letting go of someone who’s not going to give you that. But if you’ve had an honest conversation and it’s not improving, and this person is just making you wrong for feeling that way, then you got to go and find someone who it fits more easily. Great relationships aren’t easy, but they shouldn’t be that difficult, no. All right?
14 Replies to “Is He Making You Seem Crazy for Something You Want?”
Exactly, is not easy as it sounds to be, to find such a person it may take ages but speaking of confidence the question is, is opposite sex worthy of him or her ✌️
Hi Matt, my parner is super and I’m really happy with him. BUT when I tell him I’m eg. I’m cold, he says ‘how can you? I’ts warm enough to dinner outdoors’. How do I have a proper conversation without quarrel? Cheers, Betsi
Great advice…be with a person who is going to reciprocate. It has to be a 2-way street. ;)
I like that !
Oh Mathew where were you 5,10,15, years ago when I Wasted my time on many wrong men
This is so much! Great relationships are not easy but they shouldn’t be difficult.
l am spending time with such a wrong man but how could survive
Hi and Thank you Matthew, thank you for the all videos you emailing , i like this video too, it was something important in this video that maybe we all forget sometimes.. I learned a lot about the relationships since I find your page. I am glad that you are here. You are Working with all your heart. Thank you // Lisa
Matthew! I think the whole system you build it’s doesn’t work sometimes and it’s not 100% right and on a deep level .. because you learn woman/ girls run after men and what they should say or not to say… the problem is much deeper than so…we are humans and not robots…but the important thing it’s that when woman run after men the men going not to take them seriously.. I am asking you why women should try harder? NO! Real men take real action if they really like a woman. Week or confuse men or un secure men or men who doesn’t want a real relationship always play around or sitting and waiting to grils take action. Today Everyone like animal jump in different relationships every second and nobody feels good because they run from they own feelings…When men texting different girls/ women they never can find a real woman or a real relationship. Real and strong and wise women don’t run after men because they know their worth. Real woman deserve real men who take real action. // Lisa
Matthew! I think the whole system you build it’s doesn’t work sometimes and it’s not 100% right i mean on a deeper level .. because you learn woman/ girls run after men and what they should say or not to say to guys..you don’t know the whole story .. it is much deeper..we are humans and not robots…but the important thing it’s that when woman run after men they going not to take the woman seriously.. I am asking you: why women should try harder? NO! Real men take real action if they really want a woman. Week or confuse men or un secure men or men who doesn’t want a real relationship always play around or sitting and waiting to grils take action. Today almost Everyone like animal jump in different relationships every second and nobody feels good because every time they run from they own feelings and from themselves and from the true..And this is the problem with the internet dating..”a world in a box who can’t see the real human “ When men texting/ dating different girls/women they never can find a real woman or find a real relationship, and they eyes can’t see the real one..and this is the danger of internet/ online dating !!!!! I think it’s better that you should learn men/ gays who they can behave and treat a woman and how they can action . If men texting many woman’s and they run from feeling to feelings they can not find or see the real one.
A Real and strong and wise women don’t run after men because they know their worth, Real woman deserve real men who take real action. // Lisa
Thanks for the enlightening video! I broke up with the guy I had only been dating for a month and a half because of a few things that I decided were important to me that I noticed he wasn’t giving me. He didn’t think it was right and tried to make me feel crazy at first but my therapist and family confirmed I was right to ask for what I want. The next day he begged me to come back and said he would change anything to keep me in his life. I have a lot of reservations about this and my therapist and family tell me to trust my intuition. I think part of my reservations are about whether I will still want to be with him even if he is able to change. He wants to try to change because he doesn’t want to regret losing me and agreed that he needs to work on some of the things I listed. We are not back together because I said I need time. Is it foolish to wait to see if he can change? What is the best way to go about waiting? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
It’s true to find someone that will give her the touch she needs, but what if they have come far and the Lady have scarificed a lot, will she just leave like that? I think there should be another way to handle it.
Thanks for this Matt. Its hard for women to adjust sometimes as the guy might have wrong intentions
Love your videos & advice.
I met this fabulous guy two months ago,but we haven’t kissed yet,only little kisses on cheek.
We spent the night away but no kissing,he tried to get intimate with me ,but because there was no kissing before hand,I couldn’t get turned on.I spoke to him about this but felt ignored.
What do I do????
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