Is He Too Hot For You?

Do you ever feel that when you walk into a room you’re having to compete with other women to get a guy’s attention? Do you ever have the fear that you’re being overshadowed by other, more attractive women? Or even that when you look at a hot guy, you feel he’s ‘out of your league’?

In today’s video I talk about these feelings and discuss the answer to a question that I know you ask yourself in the depths of these deeply insecure moments…

Is he too hot for me?

If you enjoyed that, my brother Stephen (who co-wrote the Get The Guy book with me) posted an article on the blog this week that’s a fantastic compliment to this video. It’s called ‘What Men *Really* Want‘, and further explains how looks aren’t everything (with the opposing view of looking at yourself in being attractive to others).

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

49 Responses to Is He Too Hot For You?

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  1. Klara says:

    Thank you for this! Great video, you’re right, he is not too hot for me! ;D

  2. Ana says:

    T h a n k y o u ! :D

    We put too much pressure on ourselves and get stuck inside our heads so often… Matthew, you voicing all the things I know but need to hear out loud is such a precious gift to me. I am feeling a lot happier in my life in the past month, BECAUSE of your advice.

    Thank you for being the voice. :)

  3. Emilia says:

    Great video, so true! I think it’s all about accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. Not for who you want to be or for who you think the other person would love you. I used to think I did until I saw a hot guy on the train, 30’s, in a suit and though, ‘nah, he wouldn’t go for me’. Then I realised I actually thought there were men I thought were out of my league! Now, just to clarify, what I am constantly being told, every day, by random guys, by men I know is that I am hot. So shouldn’t I be more confident? But confidence has nothing to do with your looks, it’s to do with accepting who you are and loving yourself for that. People who don’t love themselves attract other people who don’t love themselves, who look to others to fill that void and that’s how you get all of those disastrous relationships you’ve had so far. So no, he’s not too hot for you. No one is out of your league, just accept that.

  4. Maz says:

    Took this on board when I first saw this a few months ago. I thought ‘this is easy – my problems are over’. But practice makes perfect. Just joined this social club which had an open day a few days ago. Good opportunity to meet other members. Whilst I was there this really nice guy who belongs to this club was with another guy, both walking in my direction. This really nice guy appeared also to be looking in my direction and smiling. He may have just been in conversation with this other guy and just idly looking around. What did I do? Forgot everything. Looked at this guy, got tongue tied and walked off. Kicked myself a bit, but then laughed as it’s just typical of me. Won’t forget that message again, tho’.

  5. A.M. says:

    “Guys = get laid”
    “Women = meaningful relationships”

    I understand you were just shooting out generalities in the heat of the moment, but it’s really discouraging when you say all this positive stuff to women about creating meaning and value, but in the moment you address male viewers you cheapen women to mere conquests. Call me over sensitive, but I’m going to say what I think.

  6. Nina says:

    Need to ask from a man’s point of view . How do men define/ differentiate any girl being – sexy versus hot verses beautiful . Who stands a better chance with men of those 3 kind of females ? U will shoot me down with your words if i say this to u- i have fallen for this guy who is seeing all 3 kinds of girls all at the same time … And yes unfortunately i am one of them – the sexy one

  7. Liz says:

    I just wanted to say I followed your advice from this video today & ended up w/ a date this Friday.

    I went to my gym at a different time than I normally go & saw a new guy I found attractive. I followed your tips on how to look, look-away, etc. & was getting some IOI’s in return. I wanted to be “easy” for the first ten seconds, so I took out my headphones & continued my workout on a bench closer to his bench. He moved his workout to the bench right next to mine. We were both exchanging quick looks in the mirror between sets & I kept thinking “What do I say??” Then I remembered this video I watched yesterday & did the simple thing: After getting a little off-balance during some one-legged Romanian Deadlifts, I just said “Whoa, sorry. I don’t want to fall on you,” to which he replied “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’d catch you anytime!” We had a great exchange (during which I used some more of your lines & tips) & he asked me out to a comedy club this weekend. Is he Mr. Right? Eh, maybe. Probably not. But I don’t care; I’m having too much fun collecting dates by following your tips! Thanks, Matt!

  8. lorena says:

    very good point… i really love all your videos … they are very useful and realistic ..keep it up!

  9. Yesenia Esmeralda says:

    Sounds like great news. I have 2 friends I go out with they always get the guys attention. Some people tell me I’m intimidating! Hm I don’t get it

  10. Maya says:

    I need to watch this video every week. I get stressed out about what to say but in the end it’s just about making a connection.

  11. Michelle says:

    You, Mathew Hussey, are HOT!

  12. emma says:

    What is ‘hot’ or good looking as we say in England.

    I say is not so much about having the bone structure of Johnny Depp but about the man being healthy and holding good posture. A glowing completion, clear eyes etc. NOT smelling of cigarettes or too much boy perfume and so on. This denotes the ‘high value’ Matt has been speaking about.

  13. Erin says:

    Love the location change of the last two videos… If you can’t literally wake up on a Sunday morning with Matthew Hussey in his bedroom, I guess this is the next best thing!

  14. Susanne says:

    ☆♥♥♥ :)HEART BEATS :) ♥♥♥☆

    With all my heart I thank you for everything beautiful you said :)

    May I say:
    I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove everything you said :)
    You truly touch my heart with your message :)

    To meet Mr.Right who is so so so so so incredibly amazingly oh truly hot :

    I looooooooooooooooooooooooove this thought ♥&♥ I’ll keep it in my heart :)

    If I meet Mr.Right, one of the most heart-touching moments in my life, I’ll thank God for creating him with so so so so so much LOVE ♥&♥ I’ll enjoy this heart-touching moment with him ♥&♥ RELAX IN PEACE :)

    May God bless this special heart-touching day :)

    ♥&♥ May Mr.Right see I’m so so so so so incredibly amazingly oh truly hot too: My heart, mind and everything God gave me with true LOVE :)

    Oh I’m so so so so so looking forward to this heart-touching day :)♥&♥ to date myself again :)

    ♥♥♥ Heart-touching LOVE :) ♥♥♥


    • Susanne says:

      I loooooooooooooove the way you said RELAX :)
      Thank God you are so so so so so warm-hearted :)

      Hope everybody can enjoy the most heart-touching moments in life ♥&♥ relax so incredibly well after reading your blog ♥&♥ watching your video :)

      A beautiful thank you for your amazing Sunday warmth :)
      May the amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing lifecoach enjoy his day too : In the best way :))))))))))

  15. Marieke says:

    Matt, Thanks, that was an eye-opener… One comment though..

    “Guys, (…) get laid”

    “women, (…)get into relationships”

    Why did you put it like that? it comes across as stereotypical…

    other than that, great! confidence boost to the max :)

  16. Jasmine Che says:

    I loved this. Thank you. Xx :D you’re so funny Matt!

  17. Anastasia says:

    Ha ha I love the example about the gym!!! I normally start off with dead lifts after a break;))
    Thank you Matthew, I admire your videos!!!

  18. Veronica M says:

    Thanks for this Matthew!

    Currently on a 20 dates challenge, would love for you to have a glance over my blog for any tips/suggestions.

    Will take on board your comments.

  19. Steven says:

    omg i frickin love you. Yes! everyone with cold feet to walk up to someone needs to pull this vid up on the stop and watch this!

  20. paula Martinez says:

    Beauty isn’t important in reality… Its loving that one person for his or her beautiful imperfections… Anyone can get a beauty job … But those little details that just memorize you . Are real …no one is to pretty for anyone …. Were all equal if we really balanced what matters truly

  21. Rumors says:

    My answer before seeing the video: No, he is not too hot for me.

  22. Kim McMaster says:

    Thank you!

  23. Tracey says:

    Sadly, I can talk to hot guys because I know I am out of their league :-) It does help me practice interacting and flirting…and it has helped my friends make connections.

    • Agostinha Jacinto says: too!!! :)

    • Rumors says:

      “Out of their league”

      For God sake, what makes you think that?

      • Tracey says:

        I don’t mean that as self disparaging…it’s realistic. I often hang out with younger friends, so I’m too old for those guys (and no, I’m not saying I’m OLD!) And though I’m healthy overall, I am overweight and am working on it. That doesn’t keep me from being social. It just makes it easier to interact with the “hot” guys :-)

  24. Kryn says:

    Matt, thumbs up for your sense of humour at the end ;) Take care

  25. Cathy says:

    Matt, this is so true! Great video!

  26. Irene says:

    People become beautiful, not based on their looks. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and has more to do with the person and their inner beauty. When it comes to looks I would say I’m confident and sometimes insecure. We women have some issues in that area at times.
    Overly insecure or too confident is not confident after all. A good individual mixture is great. Keep your qualities in mind.
    Thank you!

  27. Maria Mira says:

    Best video to date! Love it!

  28. Irina says:

    Johny bravo:))

  29. Irina says:

    Matt , put your hair down ! :))

  30. Viola says:

    Luckily enough, I don’t think I have a problem with getting a hot guys to like me, in fact, I believe anyone can get the guy they want if they really want him, the question is why the guy has no competition over him until I show up. As soon as things are working out with him, an army of girls suddenly gather around to fight with me. It is a mystery to me and I want to understand it. Why can’t we just play a fair game and focus on our own efforts in getting what we want and not getting it on expense of others. I mean, a sudden desire of a girl to become my friend, a subtle belittling of my personality by her in front of him, interruption of our conversation with him , etc. I think it is nobler to show your inside out precious qualities without looking around and faking those invaluable qualities others might have. We need to be honest and show the qualities we have at the moment, so he fall in love with the real you. I bet that’s another reason why so many divorces accrue because he falls in love with the wrong person.

    • Jessica says:

      That reminds me of a girl that used to avoid hanging out with me, until she found out I befriended a few hot guys. She started asking when’s the next time we can hang out. The girl you talk about sounds like an insecure bitch. She NEEDS to be put in her place but in a detached, lighthearted way. Good luck!

    • Ninela says:

      I feel totally identified with your post, actually I’m glad you brought that up. Sometimes I wonder if that actually can happen always to me, or if I am doing something unconsciously to cause that type of behavior in others. My problem is that as soon as I feel I have to “compete” for a guy, I step aside and get upset with the guy (if he started paying attention to the girl) and with the girl (for starting to chase someone she wouldn’t have been interested otherwise).

  31. Holly says:

    Take a deep breath!
    Ok… This was a great message the encouraged me to be a little brave (for me) when I read your book… I was at a party last week and I was in a circle of friends who were talking to this guy. I liked him so, when he was done talking to all of us… I just walked over and told him that I like his point on something. We talked for about an hour and we are going on a dinner date later this week….
    So thanks jiminy cricket (see my old post)!

  32. Jill says:

    I’m the type of person who can talk to just about anyone UNTIL I realize they have multiple qualities I’m looking for then I get all goofy, then I get to know them and I’m my same old self just takes me a minute.
    When I think about it some of the best relationships have come to me when I didn’t care what I mean is I had no fear I just said what I wanted to say and let the rest happen. I think a lot of times we get stuck inside our own heads analyzing what could go wrong and it scares the living crap out of us.
    PS please forgive my lack of punctuation if I question where it goes I just don’t use it.

    • Holly says:

      I have the same problem!!
      I can talk to anyone; I do public speaking in front of crowds of over 500 every week! But when I meet someone I like… I get super shy and I just don’t know how to deal with that side of me as I never see it!
      What do you do?

  33. Brandi says:

    Hi. I have a question for you. This guy I like wanted to ask me questions and discover my life. He did not want me to tell him answers to questions like “what do you do” , etc. He wanted/wants to ask questions and discover it. He is in discovery mode – which as you say is good. But I got insecure about my life and I did not answer his questions correctly to lead him to an answer. In that moment, his insecurity kicked in. He seemed bummed. He is hopeful and he said he will figure it out. I said I believed in him. I tried to make the situation my fault – like its my fault that I did not lead you to the right answer but that did not help. I want to resolve the issue and move forward with him with more confidence. Please let me know how I can recover from this situation and help put him in a position where he can feel like a man again with me.

    This taught me that I am enough because I was insecure about my life compared to his and there was no need to be insecure at all. I sincerely hope you could help me with the dilemma.

    • Brandi says:

      Matthew – please reply. If you are not available for a reply, please put me in touch with a team member that can help me. Thank you again.

  34. A says:

    So you really believe you can put yourself in another league? Interesting thought.

    You’re right about hot people giving the vibe they don’t like to be approached. I wish I knew what that was about. It’s hard enough to approach a friendly, smiling person sometimes. But some of the hot guys’ body language, the way they look right through you, zero eye contact, I don’t always *want* to approach them. Give me a less hot, friendly-looking guy any day. Friendliness is attractive to me.

    Hmmm, I might try talking to an actual hot guy next time I go out. I usually ignore them. They aren’t my type but they are still people so why leave them out?


  35. Emily says:

    When I hit play to watch, I get the message “this video is private.”

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