Is He Wasting Your Time? (The Top 2 Red Flags to Watch For)

Ahhhh. So excited for you to see this video.

I talk a lot about letting go of the wrong person. But how do you know if someone is the wrong person? What are the red flags? How can you tell if someone is serious or just stringing you along so that you don’t waste your time?

This video solves that problem for you…

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I think that every video I’ve ever done could be looked at not simply through the lens of dating and relationships but through the lens of time: The idea of not suffering for longer than we need to, not spending longer with the wrong person than we need to, not repeating the same mistakes that are costly in terms of time. In fact, one of the main questions I get from people is, “How do I read someone’s intentions? How do I know if they’re just stringing me along? How do I know if this person is wasting my time?”

I recently posted something across all of my social media saying, “If you want to know someone’s intentions, watch their actions, not their words, because actions have a far harder time lying.” Now, someone replied challenging this principle and their reply is worth noting. “Okay… flip that. What if he’s telling you that he doesn’t want a relationship with you but won’t stop calling, texting, wanting to spend time with you, sleeping with you, making future plans with you, sharing hopes/dreams/fears/troubles? Which do you believe?”

I thought this was a great point because it suggests that the literal inverse of what I said is true, in that case. That if you were to watch that person’s actions, you would continue to invest more and more and more because their actions would be saying the right thing, even though their words are saying the wrong thing.

So based on this comment, I want to add an addendum to this principle of paying more attention to someone’s actions than their words.

If you want to know someone’s intentions: Watch their actions, not their words… Unless what they’re telling you is difficult for them to say.

When we’re trying to make any kind of a sale in life, we want to say all of the things that are going to help us make that sale. If, in the course of that sales presentation, someone tells you something undesirable, unwelcome, something that could cost them the sale, what they’re saying in that moment should be given particular attention.

In that case, we shouldn’t be blindly looking at their actions and what they invest in us. We should be paying attention to the small print. I think of it like a pharmaceutical ad. When someone is trying to sell you on a pill, that’s going to take away some pain or ailment that you have, and it shows you this bright meadow and happy people, and after all of that powerful, emotional, good feeling, it reads you as quickly as possible the small print of how this drug is going to make you want to kill yourself.

Ask your doctor today about Kevorka. Side effects may include making you want to kill yourself.

I think of what someone’s selling you when they tell you they don’t want a relationship as being like that. It’s like a commercial for a relationship where someone is walking you through the scenes. “Here’s us going to a movie. Here’s us in a park having a picnic. Here’s a moment where I confide you with something vulnerable, and aren’t we connected in this moment?” Then after all of these relationship-esque scenes that make you feel so invested comes the small print where someone says:

Warning! This romance comes without a title. We’ll never call you girlfriend, just not ready for a relationship and not looking for anything serious right now.

That’s the small print. Because when somebody is telling you, “I don’t want anything serious,” amidst doing all of the right things, or they’re telling you, “I don’t want a relationship,” even though they’re behaving as if you’re already in a relationship, what they’re saying requires effort to say. It may sabotage the very attention they are trying to get. That means it was inconvenient for them to say. And if it was inconvenient for them to say, if it was something that could cost them the sale, then it’s something that should be given extra attention, over and above their actions.

Before you go, I have a program called How to Talk to Men, which is one of my most popular programs because it literally breaks down word-for-word communication, whether it’s creating attraction, more respect, conveying your standards. And I’ve actually taken an entire chapter of that program that is on flirting, and I’m giving it away for free today. So you can go and download that at

Warning! Downloading this free chapter may result in flirtatious banter, uncontrollable attraction, and quite possibly a loving relationship.

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26 Replies to “Is He Wasting Your Time? (The Top 2 Red Flags to Watch For)”

  • I haven’t taken the course yet but I’m looking forward to it. This came along at just the right time.

  • This is exactly what a doctor told me when he diagnosed my dad with Alzheimer’s. It’s what someone does, not what they say. Wish I knew to apply this to personal relationships when I was younger; looking back I there were so many red flags that I ignored.

  • You lost me with the small print examples. That means it was inconvenient for them to say. And if it was inconvenient for them to say, if it was something that could cost them the sale, then it’s something that should be given extra attention, over and above their actions.– so then you cannot really trust words or actions if they are contradictory. Stop guessing and leave the relationship if they do not match up.

  • Hi Matthew! Love your contents. Your advices have been very helpful. Got a question: Can people learn to be more playful? If so what is the recipe for being playful and fun?

  • Well after listening to you and learning alot from you l really don’t wanna feel even better than Iam right now

  • The title says “2 red flags”. So it means, 1. If he says he wants a relationship but does not act like it and 2. He says he does not want a relationship but pretends like he does. Its telling(a flag) if the person is stable enough for a relationship if he/she can simply be coherent on both components.

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