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Matthew:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I like the intimacy.
Matthew:
Yeah, and he doesn’t?
Speaker 2:
He isn’t really like…
Matthew:
He’s not touchy-feely.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I – that’s, like, very important to me.
Matthew:
So then why are you with that person?
Speaker 3:
Are we together or are we not together?
Matthew:
So you leave.
Speaker 3:
Okay… Didn’t hear that, sorry.
Matthew:
He’s not in jail and he needs to break out in order to be with you.
Speaker 4:
Yeah.
Matthew:
One of you can move. Both of you are deciding not to.
Matthew:
There is something we call in my organization “The ‘one day’ wager.” That’s making the wager that one day someone’s going to change. Someone’s going to be different. They’re all of a sudden going to wake up and give you what you want. They say they don’t want kids, but they’re going to. They say they don’t want marriage, but they’ll change. And I make a wager on that. It is the most dangerous wager you can make.
Speaker 3:
He has said he wants to be with me, but he’s just…
Matthew:
You just said he didn’t want to be with you.
Speaker 3:
Well, yeah, I know. They’re bloody complicated, men. I don’t know.
Matthew:
No, it’s not complicated at all.
You’re telling yourself it’s perfect. It’s pretty far from fucking perfect. And he’s not moving for you either. So you’ve got two people who apparently are perfect for each other. Neither one of them is willing to move for the other one. How perfect can it be?
We minimize these things because we want to make the thing work. We minimize them like they’re nothing.
This thing you’re convincing yourself of, that there’s this happy thing that you’re holding onto, it’s not a happy thing you’re holding onto.
Speaker 5:
Why is he still hanging around?
Matthew:
Because you’re still hanging around.
And too many people get left in a relationship where they’re still convincing themselves that he’s The One. And what did I say before? If someone doesn’t want you, they can’t be The One.
You’re asking for closure and closure is overrated. You don’t want to be with me: that’s closure. The rest is me torturing myself, or still trying to find a strategy to get back in.
You are better off going out and finding that person who’s ready for what you want than you are staying in something with someone who, I promise you, I promise you, does not value your time nearly as much as you do.
If you’ve had an honest conversation and it’s not improving, and this person is just making you wrong for feeling that way, then you got to go and find someone who it fits more easily.
Your love life? The whole equation is time. We have a limited amount of time. What do we do with it? Who do we give it to? Who’s going to get my precious, precious time?
They could improve, they could get better, whatever, but why am I going to stake my time on that?
Why am I here? What am I doing? There is someone out there who wants that thing.
You could be alive for another 40 or 50 years. Every week you waste with someone who’s not sure about you, with someone who’s telling you, “I don’t love you as much as you love me.” Every week you waste is a week you’re not having with the right person.
There is someone out there that you don’t even know about right now. Who’s much better for you, who deserves you, who you deserve. You’re depriving this person and yourself of time in that relationship.
Later, when you meet the right person, you’re going to wish you had more time with them. You’re going to wish you had 10 more, 20 more, 30 more, 40 more years with that person. You’re going to wish you had three lifetimes with the right person, but you’re wasting precious time in this one lifetime you have with someone who’s not sure.
Thanks mathew .its helpful for me. Godbless
What do i do if guy has an avoidant attachment style? Maybe sometimes he doesn’t even realize the distance he adds.
Matthew
Thank you for your brutal yet loving honesty!
Thank you for these videos, webinars, programs and retreats
I appreciate you!
Much love and blessings
Sad and true. Wasting time. Knowing he is the wrong one. Still staying. It makes me be angry with myself. Knowing I am wasting time with the wrong one and still not leaving, has been my reality for the last two years. It is unfair to him. To myself. But why don’t I move on?
Laziness?
Out of comfort?
Fear of not being able to support myself?
Because he is not that bad?
Why?
Well I guess only I can know. Meanwhile I’m still here.
That was fantastic.
Well it’s true, no matter much we love someone, this love something that cannot be forced. I have not seen people dying by marrying late or finding love late however I have seen people dying every day and every minute by marrying wrong. What you said Hussey it’s is totally right… Thanks alot
He breaks me down. He wants wants wants. He can’t see my needs because -I think- he’s stuck In Himself. He says he WANTS marriage. But refuses to commit. I dunno what to do anymore.
Just listening to you it has a profound effect I wish I could be in her seminars it would be a blessing.
Your programs a bit expensive for me so I enjoy when I can learn your tips and logic indirect approach as an energy exchange I am grateful.
Happy energy Rebeckah
This video is simply fantastic- Thank you!
Why do we compromise ourselves, our dreams,and desires for someone who doesn’t want or share those same things equally?!
I love your”tough love” approach Matt.♡♡♡
Half-way love is not enough, and it’s definitely not worth wasting our precious time.
Omg! What a eye opener! I have been stuck because I love ❤️ someone very much! I don’t quite understand but there is a very strong connection! I say things I would never say when I first met him! I felt safe when I saw him! I felt like the real me and whole like I never felt! I felt like the person that I am truly inside in his company! I felt calm, content, nurturing, loving and comfortable and safe! I was hurt really hard because I was put on hold for 5 months while he was off with….. his wife and children? I was stuck, depressed, confused about everything I believed in? I wasn’t in a good place myself! I am given another opportunity and I gave him one. Another chance to make things right! Again I find myself in a relationship online. He can’t come in? He says later? I have been feeling the love again after much hurt, resentment and anger. I love him so very much but deep down I am afraid of falling into the same trap. I have sabotaged this new beginning to because I am not receiving what I need emotionally! Yet he offers me so much more in a different area which I appreciate and need help with! I stopped working for my ex when I need the income and I am put on hold still since I have been trying in may! 4 months hold and still told more time needed! Yes this video is an eye opener! Deep down I know and I am tired of the hold and I sabotage probably making the hold longer! I know it al has to stop and it all starts with me taking care of me and finding that peace and happy place within so the right person can come in! Thank you for sharing your so right!
Really powerful video. Until women stop allowing men to lower their standards, we will continue to get this kind of behavior from them. That adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” is true. And it doesn’t just apply to sex, but also to intimacy, affection, socializing or whatever else he gets from your relationship. He has no incentive to be better if you’re not willing to walk away. My time is precious to me and I’d rather work on myself, my career and my friendships than waste time in a relationship that’s not going somewhere.
Hi! I´ve been dating a guy for about 6-7 months. We matched on Tinder, had great conversations and met each other after a month of taking on Tinder. First date we went skiing and I unfortunately injuried myself and had the ambulance picking me up. After this we talked every single day, both texting and snapchat. We met every other week or so, due to three hours drive. In the early stages he said that he would not drive three hours to a girl who currently walk with crutches if he only wanted som temporary fun. He also said that he was finished spending time on something he didn’t se a potential in. We have an amazing connection, can´t keep our hands off each other, even when we eat he always has one of he´s hands on me. Its not only the chemistry, but we also talked about how great we fit, how our dreams og values are pretty much the same. Maybe its a Norwegian thing to be taking things very slow, but about 5 months in he finally starts talking about maybe seeing himself being done with Tinder, and maybe wanting a girlfriend. We didn’t get any further with that conversation, but we both agreed on that we were a great match in several ways. Two weeks later he has changed his mind a bit, or he says he is confused and dont know what to do with his life. He had bought me a birthday present and wanted to give it to me personally. We then talked for two hours and he sounds very confused, admitted some commitment issues and didn’t know how much feelings he has to have to get over theese issues of commitment. At the same time holding me as close as he can, strokes my arm, my face, kisses me and tells me for the first time how much he cares about me (he didn’t use the Love word, but we have another expression of love in Norway as well), how naturally og amazing it feels to just hold me in his arms. He didn’t get sex that day, it that counts for something. He wants the summer to figure out what he wants. I managed to say that I wanted him to find out what he wants for himself, but that I wouldn’t be waiting, only hoping that Im still here if he decides on this. I also said that I want to find a long term relationship, and that I want a man who know what he wants and wants to be with me…. Its the toughest thing I have ever done. After this he keeps sending snapchats. Rearly personal, but almost everything he posts on story he also sends to me, sometimes hours later. I´ve got one good night snap and one good morning. Im confused.. What the hell does this mean? I really dont know what to do….
Big hugs from Norwegian girl 30.
I was in an eight-year relationship with a man I loved, from the ages of sixteen to twenty-three. We broke up when I suggested we move in together, and he said no. What he actually said, was, “I will never move in with you or marry you.” I was so pissed off! So I broke up with him and thought, “Stuff you – I will find someone who really appreciates me!” And now I am forty-eight, ten relationships down the track, and I still haven’t met my “right person”. And it’s been hard. It’s been hard watching my younger siblings meet their right people, and have children – and then there’s me; perpetually single. And even though I know some really great people are single, even famous people, like Lenny Kravitz, or Charlize Theron – it’s still hard to deal with the reality of my life. I am such a strong person, I am practically invincible; but it doesn’t stop me crying when I think of the life I wanted and am not able to create for myself. I am so used to being on my own, that I don’t get lonely anymore, even. But I would have liked to meet someone to share my life with. And even though a friend once said to me, “It’s never too late to meet the greatest love of your life; my Aunt met someone in a retirement home, at the age of 76!” I am used to being on my own, but it’s still hard to live without romantic love in your life.
Namaste Matthew,
Thank you so much for this motivational video. It makes me feel very light hearted. Feel like I am free bird and concentrated on my career. Thank you so much.
Hope you are staying safe and doing good. Travel safe abd take a good care of yourself.
Warm regards,
Meghana
I really want to get it right with a beautiful relationship
You stay because you have invested time and think one day it will all be worthwhile. It’s convenient, a habit. And here’s the thing, it won’t, darlinks. The situation won’t change. He’s not going to change. Matthew nailed it in the above video. If a man really, really likes you, they want you all to themselves. They don’t want anyone but you, get engaged to you, marry you, call you, go out for dinner you, hug you, kiss you, hold your hand you, can’t wait to get you home to love you, tell you how much they love you. If you are with a man for over a year and you aren’t living this, then you need to say goodbye and find a man who will. Exclamation mark!!!!
Thats great Matthew but what if you have children together.?
This video was quite helpful. Thank so much.