Just Broke Up? This Conversation Will Give You the Closure You Need

“Is there anything I can do to rekindle the relationship with my ex?”

It’s one of the biggest questions we have after a breakup.

This week’s video is an example of a conversation you can have that will empower you to either rekindle your relationship with your ex… or get the closure you want so you can move on…

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Matthew Hussey:

One of the things that really freaks people out in a breakup is – one of the reasons they’re looking for closure is – is there anything I can still do? I could fix this, I need them back. There’s that element to it.

I think what people need is to be able to sleep at night, and there are productive conversations you can have with someone that will allow you to sleep at night. For example, you saying to the person that’s just broken up with you, very calmly and in a neutral way, “I care about you deeply and I love you deeply and I believe that I’m willing to give to this relationship on a level that is irreplaceable. I know that there are things that you must wish were different about this relationship or you wouldn’t be ending it. I’m prepared to do everything in my power to work on things that I need to work on. If there is anything that genuinely falls into my lap that I need to work on, I am willing to do that work because this relationship matters to me. If you want to make this work and you care about me and love me on the level that I do you, I trust that you’ll give us a shot based on that. But if you genuinely don’t want to fight for this or don’t even want to allow me to fight for this, then you must be right, this must be the wrong relationship. I can’t make you say yes to trying this again but I can tell you what I’m willing to do and what I would love to do to make this work. Other than that, I’ll be moving on unless you tell me otherwise.”

Ashley Hesseltine:

I think that’s totally fair.

Rayna Greenberg:

It sounds confident to me.

Ashley:

Let’s be real here. People break up, they get back together, they get married, they’re together forever. It happens.

Matthew:

Of course it does.

Ashley:

I don’t totally believe once…it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. I own the book, whatever. I just think sometimes people don’t have the tools to express their needs and things like that. A lot of times it is totally over forever, but when you still have a lot of love for somebody and there’s work that could be done, I think that conversation is really important.

Matthew:

What keeps people up at night is the idea that, “What if?” It’s the question mark.

Ashley:

“Could I have done something?”

Rayna:

“Could I have fixed this?”

Matthew:

“What if I could have done something?”

Ashley:

So ask the person, yeah.

Matthew:

“Well listen. You tell me what it is because I’m willing to fight for this and I would love to know. But if you don’t want to fight for us, then I can’t help us.”

Rayna:

But to me that’s a very confident way of saying that. I think people are very afraid to say that. Everybody is. I said to somebody once, “I’ll change everything about myself to be with you for one more minute.” That was somebody I was engaged to. I think, just in general, the way that you phrased it is very confident and there is no shame in saying, “Hey, I want to work on this and work on me. If you really don’t think that’s the case, then I’m fine to walk too.” That sounds like you still hold the power, even though you’re being super vulnerable.

Ashley:

Then, just to tie it back in, I think you walk into that conversation knowing that the person could say there’s nothing you can do.

Matthew:

You have to.

Ashley:

Then you get to sleep at night.

Matthew:

That’s the purpose. The purpose isn’t getting them back. The purpose is sleep.

Ashley:

Is to sleep at night.

Rayna:

Totally, yeah.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

15 Responses to Just Broke Up? This Conversation Will Give You the Closure You Need

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  1. Libby Lee says:

    Wish I just broke up. It’s too late

  2. Kayan hughes says:

    Thanks for these tips it’s really appreciate. Keep up the good work.

  3. Alice Njeka says:

    Hi, I like this and may be will to try but, what about if you are in different countries, meaning long distance relationship.He’s claiming of getting late of making babies and I have nothing to do till the contract is over. I love him. But if he’s telling me of moving on, what do I do

  4. Lauren says:

    After first date that went well no reply

  5. Mary says:

    Hey mathew. Thanks again to hear from you. But for me im still healing from a Brake up.and I don’t think I can move on anymore terribly hurt!!

  6. Lucy says:

    I listened to what Matthew said and thought “I wish my ex would say that to me”. So on the flip side, you could say “don’t take a guy back until he tells you he’s willing to work on himself to make the relationship work”.

    I broke up with my long term guy last year because he didn’t know what the word ‘compromise’ meant. I’m still waiting for an apology and a promise to change that won’t ever come while he is blaming me for it not working.

  7. Christin says:

    Gave my ex a second chance. He told me all the “change and growth” he did to be in the right place for us. Today is my 40th birthday and I asked him to make plans for it for us because I knew it would be a blue day for me and told him clearly. He said yes. Then changed plans for a friend on the day of. This isn’t the first time his priorities have been on someone or something else. This is just another example. It hurts. Do I let it go? Do I work on it with him through conversation or do i break away? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you,
    Christin

  8. Dopeincounter says:

    I haven’t spoken to my ex in 7 months.We were together nearly 3yrs. I’m dating someone else and I honestly still love and think about my ex bf. But he hasn’t reached out to me ,I have reached out 4 months ago but our texting wasn’t what I wanted so I stop responding. Did I drop the ball there? I just wasn’t ready to be friends with him then I love him still .Does this apply to my situation?

  9. Trish Grainger says:

    Truly need help to reel him back in

  10. Lisa says:

    If both are willing to work and there is Hope this might work. But for most of us we know it’s over and Our insecurities and feelings of being alone make us try to find ways to get them back when it’s not good for us. I did this for 8 years, kept doing everything to get him back and now that it’s finally over I’m ok but very disappointed on me for continuing to try to save something that was never going to work. Only answer to a breakup is to put you focus on the one true God who loves you no matter what. When focusing on him the hurt and loneliness get better. It’s only when we try to do it our way that things go bad.

  11. Judy Reynolds says:

    I agree with Axel, don’t want him back, also a Scorpio & very controlling, manipulative caused me a lot of pain. But it’s hard because I’m very isolated & miss the company but it’s over & I must find the strength to move on. And be on my own.

  12. Juliette says:

    I think that’s grovelling. It’s giving a guy permission to abuse. And l AM a psychologist.

  13. Acel says:

    Perfect hearing you about this.
    Yes it helps.thank you snd im totally brake this guy hes immature narsisistic scorpio sign …wow i cant believe this how i been stay for him in 7 months.
    Possesive swing his moods one sided.no respect at all.im done.

  14. Ama Tee says:

    What if your ex says the infamous phrase “it’s not you it’s me” does he really mean it or is that a way for him to stop all conversations such as this one. If it’s something that both of us can fix shouldn’t we try but if it’s one persons issue along how can there be a light at the end of the tunnel?

  15. Elisabete Sousa says:

    If both person want a second chance. Is up to thems. Depends how many chances, and go back to the same after a few weeks. Life is too short to be wasted,but from every failure there is a lesson to be learned.

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