Here’s a clip from my recent appearance on Katie Couric where I’m joined on the couch by the Ready For Love gang Tracey McMillan and Amber Kelleher-Andrews.[SlideDeck2 id=9283]
From the video…
1) Meet more men
Most women aren’t meeting the quantity of men they need in their everyday lives. It’s often not easy as we get stuck doing the same things over and over.
How can you mix things up? (From Tracy) “To meet people with similar interests, find the things you love to do, then go out and do those things.”
And while you’re at it, don’t worry about the outcome. (From Katie) “You’ve got to be a little creative girls… and if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, because you don’t want to be with someone who’s not attracted to you anyway.”
Make it easy for a guy in the first 10 seconds as most guys don’t know how to talk to you and you need to be able to give him licence to come over and approach you. As a general rule, don’t BE easy, but in the first 10 seconds, be easy.
2) Layer your approach
The thing that makes us nervous around people we’re attracted to is intent.
Here’s a way to get over nerves I’ve used with clients – one of whom went on to get two dates and four numbers in one afternoon!
Take on each stage until you’re fully comfortable doing it.
–Ask a guy for the time
–Ask a guy for the time and when he gives it to you tell him you like his watch
–Ask a guy for the time, tell him you like his watch, and then say that you need his ideas on what you can get as a present for your brother/friend/nephew
This is a guaranteed conversation starter that you can have some real fun with.
3) Simple speed-dating tips
–Address the awkwardness
–Keep conversations emotional not logical
Question of the day:
Do you agree with Katie? Are there really more cool women than men?
The person with the best response gets to ask me anything : )
UPDATE: Congrats Lisa! Your question and my answer can be found here.
To get more insight into men, check out my online home-study programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.
64 Replies to “Getting The Guy You Want – Katie Couric Show”
I know I have all ready said it but I truly think that you should do a “draw my life” video so we can be inspired by your success.
I’ll look into it ; )
Thank you very much, gentleman.
Haha katie I must disagree, every women can be a drama queen and every man can be a pain in the ass, so I think we even out pretty well!!! I think it’s so true that we have to get out of our routine and go new places, which is hard for all of us, mostly because of the comfort zone idea. Good tips as always!!! Love from maryland!
Thanks for commenting Ashley : )
I think there is a little something special in all of us. The cool part is finding out what it is then showing it to the world :)
Really great Matthew! I enjoyed it a lot, thanks for keeping us updated even when we’re not in the area where the show can be watched!
No problem Ana!
Are there really more cool women than men? I would not begin to answer that one Mr Hussey. How many women have you met now in the course of your work and how many men also, all looking for love. You did have a little glint in your eye when Katie asked you that one, so I think you know the answer….
One thing, women can laugh at themselves and maybe not take themselves too seriously.
I would take you seriously though, we all hang on every word you say. Is this healthy ? ; ) xx
I think women are driving men into extinction with our Drama.
I am sorry if I overstepped the mark, it was meant to be tongue in cheek. X
Accountants. Are. NOT. Boring! :O
Oh God! I work in accounts and whenever a guy asks this question, I dont know what do say because it kills the conversation. at the first or second question:-(
I can understand why this is a killer reply. I used to work in accounting. :-))
Why don’t you try to change the topic. Laugh and say “Please, I am off duty now and I want to feel off duty. Let’s talk about something that is fun. ” Then you tell him about a hobby or something that really fascinates you and makes you forget everything else, and then you say “Do you also have a hobby like that?”.
Turn the conversation to positive things.
Or if he likes traveling and so do you, ask him what was the most beautiful thing he saw on a trip or what is his “must-see” dream destination and why.
After giving it a good mull, here are my thoughts:
I think women, especially younger women, are given the ability to act and live more artistically, perhaps portraying a bohemian quality about themselves, see Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and men cannot often embrace that same spirit without risking their masculinity. So while there is a standard that “cool” girls embrace the MPDG trope there is a double standard that for men to be men and remain attractive in the eyes of their DGs, they must assume a more “boring,” identity.
I think the guys that really get it realise that they can be spontaneous and playful without losing their masculinity. It actually makes them more diverse and interesting to be able to do both. We need to teach men that!
Looks like Katie is frustrated with guys and her dating life. The reason I’m saying it is that I find that when people are unsatisfied with some aspect of their life, as a defense mechanism and to elevate their self-esteem, they seem to put others down. Take guys for example, when they are not successful with women, or not able to get the specific woman that they desire, they complain and criticize women. And same goes for women, when a woman is not able to attract the man that she wants, as a defense mechanism she blames men for it. Beside, Katie doesn’t represent the average woman, so the hot chocolate story is very subjective to her status.
I disagree..I think there are cool women..not so cool women..cool men, not so men. It’s all how you look it and play the field (not the best terms..but you get what I mean.) If you look at the glass empty like that you are basically saying there is not a guy good enough for me or there are no good men, cool men..they are all losers, cheaters, womanizers,etc. which isn’t the case. So..a big NO. And some people literally and figuratively get hot when it comes to potentially dating or hitting up a conversation…your heart pumps, anxiety hits the roof,etc. There are both males and females that can be sly..and others not so much. I have to say again it’s your perspective on things and I think an outlook like that makes it more difficult to believe there is a guy or guys for you.
I’m actually way younger than Alexandra, yet I’m already having the same issues she has. When I first got to the age of first dates had so many guys chasing me, that i became an expert on playing hard to get.. Now that I’m 20 years old I seem to have kicked every interested guy right out of my life. I just don’t get the attention I used to get anymore. Then the weird thing is.. my friends tell me how their guy friends tell them how they think I’m beautiful, so it can’t be all about looks then right? Also, not having a great love life right now has caused me to be so much more insecure than before.. can’t help it! Holland is a little far away from where your meetings are, but maybe reading your tips on this blog will get me a little hope for the future.
Thanks for all your tips!
I understand you completely, I’m just like her too. I’m even younger than you are (18) and am already feeling very insecure about relationships. I now have more guys looking at me, but they still don’t make a move. There’s also the part that I usually go to the same places and hang out with the same group of people.
On the bright side: I think that Matthew’s tips do work, even if you just read them. I can’t go to his seminars either, but I read his blog a lot. For example today I did something I usually don’t and am pretty happy about what happened. I visited my mother at her job and there are many young guys working there. One of them was sitting on a couch right on the edge and scooted to the middle of it, so I could sit down next to him. He kept on smiling at me and I did the same to him. My mother later asked me, if I’m going to visit her at her job to flirt with her coworkers. I didn’t even realise I was flirting, I just did it naturaly, because I was attracted to him. I think that Matthew’s tips had a lot to do with it, because I’m usually very nervous around guys I’m attracted to and do a lot of the mistakes Alexandria did.
What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t lose hope. Things get better in time. ;)
Thanks, you’re very nice. That’s very good that you’re getting better at flirting. I used to get that all the time.. “you’re such a flirt blabla” Somewhere along the way I lost it.. Maybe i’ll see some results in matts tips soon too. Thanks for your reply ;) x
Thanks, you’re very nice too. I think you’ll see results pretty soon. No problem. :P
That is a cute story. Are you going to visit your mom at work more often now? :-)
Thanks. Maybe I will. :P
I have another one now. We had a dinner with my classmates and we went to a restaurant. Everyone got drunk except for me. I then went to sit at the bar, because I was tired of being with my drunk classmates. There was a pretty young waiter and I asked him if he could please give me some water. He just smiled and started pouring me a glass. When he did it, I wanted to take it, but he told me to wait and gave me a green (my favorite color) drinking straw (he didn’t give anyone else a straw). After a while I went back there again and asked him for another glass and he gave it to me happily. When I drank it I gave the glass back to him and thanked him. He asked me if I wanted another one, but I told him no. He then told me to take a lollipop, which was in a box on the bar. I can say that this was a cute story too. I really liked it. :D
Charlotte despair not!! Study after study show that many men will not go after a very beautiful woman because they think she is out of there league and will instead go for someone pretty or cute because they hate rejection and feel they have better chances with someone just cute. Young guys are innocent and optimistic because they are less likely to have been burned yet.But all those teenage hormones are starting to simmer down(just a little) and the rejection is starting to pile up. As men get older and have been rejected by the super hot girl enough times they are less likely to put their hand in the fire.
That’s why if you are a 9 or 10 in the looks department it is even more important for you to master the skills Matt talks about and learn how to be proactive, “easy in the first 10 seconds”, and do the choosing. Otherwise most men might be assuming that of course you are taken or dating tons of millionaires while you spent your nights alone wondering what’s wrong with you. Nothing!! You just have to let them know the have a chance with you and invite them in:)
Very interesting clip.
More cool women than men? Where??? I prefer talking to a man over a woman any time!
I’m trying to so hard to practice, practice, practice what Matt is teaching me – lol. Interestingly i got some numbers :) so that’s a good thing! I loved this clip! Next I need to work on my conversations and questions – for the date :)
Matthew, I feel that this argument has already been adequately addressed by one of the most influential women of our time, and not only has it been addressed, but reconciled too.
To quote Beyonce Knowles famous question: ‘who run the world?’…..
She is correct in assuming the answer-‘Girls’
So, there you have it Matt. Can’t argue with Popular culture.
(Knowles.B. ‘4’. MSR studios. New York. April 2011)
I find it cool when we take things easy, or dont take them to serious & I think men are more easygoing by nature, more open to take risks.
Have to disagree with Katie ;)
I SO need you in my life. I hope you get to come back to the U.S. soon because I have dating issues. If “Ready for Love” was still going to be on next season, I would sign up for it. Can you keep us posted if you are going to be on anymore TV shows where you intervene in a woman’s dating life? If you let us know, I will be sure to sign up.
Thank you for giving us girls hope!
Thanks Matthew! That was a good video. I’m going to try your tips.
I think it’s uncool for men to text me every day for a week after a first date and then suddenly stop before the second!
I think we find opportunities when we open our eyes to seeing them. There are only uncool guys left if we don’t appreciate that the somewhat shy guy (you know shy like me) is really cool once you get to know him. Matthew – please think about doing some more Get the Guy tour dates in Canada later this year. The North American girls need help too!
NO! Katy is not right,the other team has Matthew Hussey,and there aren’t *that* many cool women to balance it out in our favour..so Matthew,when do I get to ask my question? *big cheeky grin*
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