We all have people in our lives whose word we’ve learned not to believe.
You’ve given them so many chances in the past that your faith in them to deliver has eroded.
Now, as easy as it is to think about and get frustrated with others, is this something you could ever be guilty of yourself?
I know that I could be accused of breaking my word at times, and I want to ensure you and I are never “that person” again…
Hi Matt,
Again another insightful video into how small shifts can make a bigger impact :) I would also add, that when we sense ‘false’ promises being made, we can also turn it to our advantage by enabling the other person to become aware of their behaviour too by how we respond e.g. ‘I can sense that lunch might be difficult for you so let’s commit when we both know we can make it” thus setting your own boundaries and making them feel better about not having to let you down.
Thank you and keep them coming!!! Love having a quick flick through your videos on a lazy Sunday afternoon x
What a fantastic video Matt!
I love how the things you coach on, though geared toward relationships (not so much this video), apply to every area of life.
Way to be an inspiration.
Very true. I was just talking about this the other day. Flaky people. It’s unfortunate. I would rather someone tell me no than jerk me around. Very good video.
Hello Matthew,
I feel so grateful that a couple of years ago a friend of mine told me about you and it gave me the privilege to listen to and learn from your wisdom. To me you are an amazing embodiment of the true old-fashioned and eternal values and chivalry and the openness and broadness of contemporary way of thinking. It is such a heart warming combination. Thank you for what you are and what you teach us!
It doesn’t matter what he’s talking about, I will always watch his videos. Lmao
…now how to tell this to someone else?
Hi, Matt! Question. Samantha is drop dead gorgeous. Does your girlfriend or wife mind that there are all these beautiful women who all want to be with you? Even though (I assume) you’re spoken for, do you ever get attracted to a few who are particularly pretty, have attractive energy/personality? How do you handle it?
My husband is often around beautiful women. How do I come across as most high value to him?
Thanks!
Angela
Thanks for the video! This video is really close to my idea of being present because we often say things we don’t mean when we are not present in the moment and not having gratitude for the person or people that we are interacting with in that moment.
Thanks Again,
Tiffany
Great video! I have struggled in the past with being a people pleaser and have done things i never really wanted to do but was afraid to say no. I’ve learned a huge amount from watching this and so many of your you tube videos.The info is helping me in so many areas of my life. Just finished reading your book!! It was excellent and a very useful resource.Looking forward to seeing you on March 7 in Toronto!!
Laura
It’s really all about honesty, isn’t it? Honesty with one’s self, and honesty with others. Honestly.
This is your best video by far! Many people do not realize how ji. Important it is to keep your word and how it affects all of your relationships. I love it and keep up the good worm.k
This is an awesome message! I am 57 years old And I have always tried to keep my word no matter how small a matter . And if I can’t for some reason I go back to that person and explain why . As I go through this life and observe other people’s lives. I have noted that I have respect and favor others do not because I keep my word ! Great message!!
I love you too, Matt. I have been following you since I first saw you on YouTube. I have Fast Tract To Mister Right, Impact and I watch every Sundays for your videos. You have a lot of information and strategies to share with us. I appreciate your vast generosity. Not to mention your sexy accent. Gale
Yeah !!! I honor that video !! Good work Matt BUT … … Howcome youre not coming to MONTREAL in your TOUR ???!?
You didnt really promiss BUT you were here last year !!
Common !!! You cannot disapoint all the girls i have talked about you ???
Please send and answer ?? :)
Montreal girls are waiting for you !
We are the nicest loll maybe youre soulmate is in the bunch ?
Who knows
This is golden. And it pleases me no end to know that I am not an utterly old-fashioned, out-of-date, hide-bound dinosaur to expect follow through both from myself and from others. My big question is: How to extend this high standard from one’s self to other people in one’s life who may be serial offenders? I’m sure, Matt, you’ll have an awesome answer to this one, but I’ll take a first crack at it. Here goes. 1) Don’t be a victim. If he repeatedly says he’ll call you and flakes, for example, don’t expect that venting your hurt feelings will change the pattern; 2) State what you want. Tell him you’d rather he didn’t make commitments than make them and not follow through; 3) Tell him what breaking commitments makes you think (not feel). You could say: “When you say you’ll call and don’t follow through, it makes me think of you as a person who doesn’t honor what they say, and frankly, I don’t like thinking about you in that way. I want to think of you as a person who’s word means something.”
What do you think, Matt? Any good, or if not, how would you change the strategy?
Sincere thanks for all your brilliant ideas.
Andy
I never make a promise I can’t keep: and I get so much grief for it.
If you don’t ‘promise,’ people take it as you not WANTING to do something for them.
Saying ‘no’ gets some really sulky responses sometimes.
So, don’t expect people to be grateful when you turn them down!
Still much, much better than saying yes and letting them down later, though.
Don’tcha just love when he gets all super-genuine and sincere in his videos? :)
This one really hits home right now. I keep telling my mom that I’ll take care of certain things around the house and then forget to do them. In the past, I’ve also made plans with friends and then repeatedly cancelled on them just because I was too tired to go out or didn’t feel like being social.
For sure the most difficult promises to keep can be the little ones. Just the fact that they’re little makes you feel like it’s not a huge deal if you have to break them. But Matt’s totally right – your word is always a big deal!
<3
I learned at an early age just how important it is to keep your word. I am a child of divorce, & my bio-dad never kept his word. I’m 40 years old & still remember the hurt that caused me as a kid. I try very hard every day to say what I mean & mean what I say & always stay true to my word, but of corse I’m not perfect & I do fall short of this some times. My biggest struggle is knowing just how to say no without hurting some one’s feelings. You said something in your video that I think really helps people to say no in a loving & caring way. I don’t think you even realize that you did it either. You said to be realistic. If you have to tell some one no, what better way than to say something along these lines…”You know if I’m being totally realistic, I just won’t be able to do that at this time.” To be that statement is full of truth. It shows that your word matters & you do not want to give false hope, & it shows that you care but are just simply unable to at this time, & above all it shows you are being totally honest. I can not speak for any one but me, but for me this really helps me feel just a little bit better about the times that I have to say no to some one.
Just to educate a non native speaker – what are pinkie promises?
Thanks, Matt, for this video.I really appreciate and needed that message.Sometimes I am guilty of forgetting to follow up my words with actions. Mostly I write down things that I promise on a to-do-list, and at home I check what is still missing. But where my weak point is, that is when someone wants me to do something by a speciifc date, and I know I will not have the time. Usually I then try to negotiate a different date, but then, when they insist on the date, I resign internally, and I say “okay, I will do my best”, not really believing that I will have the time capacity.
In future I need to say that I cannot do it. I thought I was good at saying no, but your video helped me to see that there is stil room for improvement.
A pinkie promise is something you did as a child. It goes to the saying, “pinkie swear, cross your heart and hope to die”. It is a promise you will not break or die trying to complete.
I hate when people make promises they can’t keep. I got mad at one of my friends because he would always make a promise and then not show up to wherever I had invited him too. I finally had enough and I called him on it I said if your not going to keep your promise then at least say no don’t say your coming if your not because that really disappoints me when you do that. He got better after that but I try to keep promises I have made to my friend and my family or other people I have talked to because I know what it like to be disappointed by someone who doesn’t keep they’re promises. If I am unable to do something then I try to make a compromise some how and if that doesn’t work then I tell them to let me know when a time to reschedule is good for them and I let them get back to me. I loved your video it hit home for me!