Maybe it’s happened to you before: you knew you kind of liked a guy, but then he did one special move that made your heart do a triple back flip – now you are crazy about him.
How does this happen??
It’s not about fancy tricks, it’s about understanding this secret of deep, lasting attraction…
549 Replies to “Everything You Know About Attraction is Wrong”
When I got very sick and had to tell the man I was supposed to see that night that we couldn’t see each other, he sent me a “Get Well Soon” online greeting card.
I had been sort of keeping this guy at arm’s length because I want sure if he was truly interested in more than just sex. One day recently we were texting and I was telling him about tango and how much I love it. He said “teach me.” I told him I’m no teacher, but if he learned tango just for me I might consider marrying him because that is a huge turn on. He said “writing that one down.” The next day I asked “are you really keeping notes on what pleases me?” He replied “indeed I am” and I felt the air go out of me! It was like that emoji with the ghost leaving his mouth. I couldn’t stop thinking about him after that!
I dont know when it happened. But do remember it had to be the 3rd time he helped me w my car. He replaced my plug on tire last min. due to constant flats.
Hi Matt. I loved your video on micro-attraction. A couple of things I always remember about my boyfriend back in 1976, was that when we walked along a road hand in hand, he would always put me on the inside of the path and made sure he walked on the roadside, to protect me. The second thing he did was to ask me what I planned to wear when we went out, say casual or smart, so he could wear something similar, so I didnt feel underdressed or overdressed. I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but I loved his care then and I still do. My boyfriend became my husband and we will have been married 41 years in March. He still does the same kind things.
A “Micro-attraction” moment was i was texting a guy who i had a crush years ago. But I moved on. We were friends and once i told him that my Dad keeps feeling unwell. After i told him that, he constantly asked about my dad everyday. On the other side i have a boyfriend who never enquires about my parents! At that time i felt a moment to be drawn towards that guy who had nothing to do with my parents, still he valued that importance of relationships and concerns.
When I was feeling bad about something and he went out of his way to make me feel better. I think at that moment, my feelings for him went up by 100x.
I was talking with a guy I liked. He stopped mid sentence and had a huge smile as he watched some unrelated toddlers a short distance away, squealing with delight. I knew then he was a keeper
A veterinarian I work with, who I’ve liked for a while, came in on his day off for a surgery on a horse. After the operation was done and I’d started cleaning the surgery theatre (aka, his job was done and he could leave), he asked me for a scrub brush and insisted on staying to help me clean both rooms. That work ethic, level of thoughtfulness, and total lack of condescension (I’m a vet-assistant) is so admirable and attractive.
I felt super attracted to my guy when he went ahead and cut up my food for me on a lunch date.
I have many; I mentioed to the man I was seeing that I didn’t know how to two-step, and he told Alexa to play some Lyle Lovett and took me by the hand and taught me in my kitchen.
I bought him a book of devotions on finding joy and gave it to him on the anniversary of a tough day for him.
We were at a vineyard and I mentioned a bottle of wine I was looking for but they said they were sold out. While I was in the restroom, he ran up to the restaurant to see if they had it there, and he surprised me with it.
I made him Christmas ornaments with pictures of his kids and his dog (which he had lost just before I met him), and he almost cried when he opened them.
I loved that he hand-delivered flowers to my office on my birthday. Just grocery shopping together (for food so he could cook me dinner) was wonderful.
Sadly, he didn’t feel ready for a real relationship at the moment due to several life issues…but we parted friends. I hope he remembers my thoughtfulness if he is ever ready for a serious relationship one day because I Ioved spending time with him.
Matthew, you’ve nailed it. That’s what I’d be looking for – if I was looking – the qualities: thoughtfulness, kindness, integrity and intelligence. Therefore, of course other human beings think the same in what they’re after in a companion as well. Even the most beautiful person in the world seems unattractive after awhile if they’re dishonest, self-focused, selfish or critical, etc. A quality-laden person becomes the most beautiful person in the world as we can’t help but admire them. And there’s the bonus that they routinely make us happy – and do and say the things to inspire us to feel better about ourselves, and often they actually inspire to become better people by their example.
They speak the language of the soul and the pure heart.
The most admirable thing someone did was to help me out of a minor crises by providing something that made everything alright again. It was the rarity of his action that impressed me. He actually bothered to try and make a difference by being thoughtful and kind.
Something that I thought was great at the time – not realising it was someone being phony – was a person who seemed to be into everything I was and appeared to be on my wavelength. I was initially excited, and thought I’d finally met someone who could empathize and who I could hsve fantastic conversations with. But, alas, it wasn’t to be as he liked to appear agreeable and understanding, but in reality he didn’t understand what I was about at all and had a different value system.
The moment i fell in love with a guy was when id had a really bad day. It was really late at night. He tried calling me 5 x but i didn’t pick up cos i didn’t want him to hear me in a state. He said, “i will stay up all night and talk to you if it helps.” We texted for the next hour until i was ready to go to sleep. And then checked up on me in the morning x
Prompted by another commentator, I want to add that someone who often listens and is respectful during a disagreement is a winner.
For me it was when I was in a coaching class and the guy coaching me had tears in his eyes when I got upset during the coaching and when I cried. Afterwards he told me it was a moment for him that I could be so vulnerable and put myself out there but still be so strong to want to carry on in front of all those people watching us do the practice despite getting so upset but in the end laugh and smile. He said he had never met someone who was so vulnerable yet so strong at the same time any all those things together were so sexy. I was equally attracted on a deep level that he had tears in his eyes just by me getting upset.
A few days ago a guy wrote a social media post expressing the value of drawing out a plan for planting an allotment. I found this so attractive because I’m an illustrator so I loved that he was valuing drawing despite claiming not to be good at it. I loved the humble nature of saying he wasn’t good and most of all I was drawn to this geeky tip on social media. I love a geek who is passionate about what HE likes.
I fell hard when I was meeting friends and colleagues for a meal, I had just driven up to the car park and he was there already with some of the others, I stopped the car and he came over opens my door and held his hand out to help me out of the car and said I looked beautiful tonight, I had already fancied him before then, but at that moment I was hooked.
When the guy that i fancy tought me how to cut and bend into sheet metal. He was putting in new windows on his house when i came over. Or when he showed me his tomato and cucumber plants. The way he looked so proud.
I feel small things are also a way of gaining respects for others, it does not need to romantic. It helps to know, who is your kind of people.
I grew a soft-spot for guy who helped me clean & tidy-up after a party, whilst doing the dishes we spoke about some of our interests such as music & outdoor music festivals. A month later he invited me to one. I never went, I already had tickets for another show.
I’ve been struggling with a broken heart for many months now. 8 months ago my best friend and I had 4 magical days … and nights. We grew up together on an island in the Bahamas. We were in love when we were teenagers. But somehow it didn’t last. But for the next 25 years we were friends with that deep and unique connection to our past that we shared when we were kids. Living in Germany since, both been going through divorces, separations, having kids… out of nowhere we clicked again. And it was the most precious time of our life. Deep, wild, full of passion and cloud 9 feeling.
And yes, there was this one moment for me where I knew he is the one: after the last night together, early in the morning he had to get up to catch his flight back to Germany, I was still in bed watching him walking around packing and taking a shower… he picked up my clothes that were still on the floor, folded them, put them on a table with my phone and my sunglasse on top of it. That was the moment.
I was shopping with a guy I had a crush on and he was looking at laundry detergent on the bottom row. He couldn’t see it properly so he sat on the floor to look at each product. Weirdly I fell even more head over heels for him. This signified to me a man who was willing to bend the rules and was comfortable being himself and not bending to a status quo.man w
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