Never Make This Flirting Mistake Again If You Want To Attract Guys…

You’re on a date with a guy.

You’re both sharing stories. He tells you that he plays the guitar. You notice that he seems really proud when he tells you about playing his first gig.

Then without missing a moment, you start enthusiastically telling him about your friend who’s also in a band, is the best guitarist you’ve ever seen, and has just released an album.

Suddenly, his eyes narrow and he seems emotionally checked out, maybe even hurt.

Why? What happened?

In this week’s video, I’m going to reveal why this kind of “story-trumping” is so dangerous, and why it can be such a turnoff to guys in dating.

Get Your Copy of the 59 Secret Scripts to Use With Men Here

91 Responses to Never Make This Flirting Mistake Again If You Want To Attract Guys…

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  1. Jenni says:

    After watching the flirting mistake videos I really have a question. I am curious if I have inadvertently made these mistakes. Over the past year I have flirted with a sweet boy next door kind of guy who never actually asked me out. In trying to avoid the example of the #1 mistake women make I may actually done worse. I can’t say actually have feelings for this man but instead of asking him in person I did it over message on an online dating site. I know it’s passive but I figured it was better than putting him on the spot. Any thoughts?

  2. Tessa says:

    And childhood friend that I dated as a teenager married someone and we hadn’t seen each other in over 30 yrs. he gets a divorce and we reconnect, date for about 1 1/2 yrs then his ex talks him in to getting back together. But he had also been denied the ability to see his grandchildren. He divorced her because of affairs. But says he went back to get to see his kids and grandkids. Ok. Sounds like I need to move on but 4 months later he calls says I miss you I’ve never stopped loving you I love you forever and I’m not happy where I’m at but I can’t get out. Immediately after moving back to her he starts remodeling the house and she starts to college. We keep in contact often. So of course he won’t tell me the truth in what deal he made with her but I know she despises me with a passion. He and I had started spending lots of time together and spent Thanksgiving together with his family then by Christmas she broke off a 2 yr relationship with the guy she was having the affair with to get back with her ex. The man I was seeing. He constantly sends texts asking if I’m ok and saying friends always because he now feels that obligation to her again. Any suggestions? And yes I’m really crazy about the guy and love him very much. Help?

  3. Aisha says:

    Hi guys, I’ve only recently come across your blogs and have been hooked on them since. Alot of the advice is a real eye opener, not just to meet a guy but learning to understand how all this can actually work in any given situation or relationships. It’s 2.30am and instead of sleeping, I’m on a role,watching and reading one snippet after another. You’ve got me hooked and I think I’m falling in love with Matthew ;)

  4. Elaine says:

    I’m actually having problems… Well, not hoving problems, but everytime I click on the links to get these free stuff to my email… I don’t. They never arrived! =(
    Is it… Normal? Is everybody getting the 59 Scripts, 9 Texts No Man Can Resist, etc?

  5. MakAsh says:


    • Dela says:

      Your language is vulgar and horrible! You are simply showing your lack of vocabulary and it isn’t pretty or complimentary

      • Dale says:

        Give it a break Dela.

        Your self-righteous belief that you should judge others is neither pretty, nor complimentary. In fact, it’s extremely vulgar and horrible.

        MakAsh is expressing herself and not hurting anyone in the process.

        Frankly, it’d be refreshing if more women felt the freedom to say what they feel rather than keeping it bottled up 99.9% of the time.

  6. Rebecca says:

    Such good advice! I have a question? I’ve been on a few dates with a guy (3 to be exact) and they were all fun. Although I was so nervous about saying the wrong things and wasn’t quite myself because of it, he seems interested but not really that interested. He randomly texts me first here and there and sometimes he won’t respond for days. He texted me today and mentioned how busy hes been, I mentioned we should get together and I ended up being the one making the plans for this week. Do you think he feels obligated to go because I asked or if he’s actually interested? We haven’t seen each other in a month and hes always the one to contact me first……any adivce would help xoxo

    • Sydney says:

      Play it cool. Don’t be so focused on him. Have fun. Be open to seeing other people.

    • Precious says:

      I have the same exact issue:( and also i noticed that ive been the one making plans. I really like him but i dont want to look needy. If you come up with a way or technique.. I’d be really happy to know:) right now, i just ignore him not contacting me and i entertain other people and working in getting the best version of me.

  7. Fiona says:

    More Steve!


    Hi Matt,

    Poor Steve, in all your videos/blogs together Steve never get a word in, you take over hehehe!!


  9. Amy says:

    Perfect perfect ! Hint palms up


  10. Amy says:

    Personable not stuffy or plastic Slightly Vulnerable and approachable very likeable and great info

  11. Amy says:

    Perfect perfect !

  12. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Watched this about 3 times…Love it! Do more of these videos where it features the 2 of you…Awesome! ;) <3

  13. VIcky vaga says:

    Nice to see you on Matthews videos !!! Hope to see you again. You are an intelligent and gifted person . Thank you for your advice!!!

  14. Azure says:

    Came back tonight to see if Stephen answered my question, and he commented on nearly everyone else’s post *except* for mine, which I addressed directly to him. Can’t understand why?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Hi Azure,

      Really sorry about that, I think I was just cycling through them and missed your original comment by mistake. I’ve answered it now! Sorry for the late response and thanks for the great question!

      Steve x

  15. Katie says:

    Cheers, gentlemen. This is my #1 dating problem: men who won’t shut up. I know that men don’t talk to other men the same way that women do, so when a man gets the chance to open up he doesn’t always realize that he’s monopolizing the entire conversation. Often, inserting my own stories leads to more “story trumping” on his part in his excited attempts to impress.

    My question to you is this: How can we kindly (yet directly) alert him to his behavior and encourage an effort to correct it? Whether it’s just nerves or poor social skills on his part, he still comes across as a jerk and it’s like a bucket of cold water on my attraction to him.

    To women, it’s more important to be interested than interesting. ;)

  16. Liz says:

    Hey Stephen and Matthew!

    It’s been great seeing you do videos together! You should keep doing these videos together. Also, this was a very informative video. It’s a common mistake I make and will try to be more conscious of now!

    I have a burning question though for a possible video in the future. Here’s my question:

    Should you date someone that is older or younger than yourself? If so, how old is too old and how young is too young?

    I hope you guys consider my question because I would love to hear what you guys think about it!

    Thank you and hope to see more from the both of you together and on your own. You guys are awesome and your advice is so applicable to not just romantic relationships, but navigating through any relationship really.

    Hope you both look after yourselves!


    • Sydney says:

      It’s a personal preference, I think. I’ve always dated guys who were at least 2-5 years older than me, but these preferences can also change over time.

  17. Dawna says:

    Thanks Matt and Stephen – You two got me through my first dating steps after a divorce and now I’m in the best possible relationship with a full-souled man who treats me like a goddess. I could not be happier.

    My question is: after a year together, we are about to take a month in France (where he’s from) mostly to meet all of his very long term friends who live there. I feel a bit nervous about this, partly because I’ll be operating in my second language the whole time. I have excellent French but my ability to make jokes or be charming is definitely less than in my native language.

    I would love some tips for “meeting the besties”, including any ideas you might have for overcoming language barriers.


    • Sydney says:

      Just be warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in people. It’s not your job to get anybody to like you. You liking them is what matters as far as your behavior and that’s what matters.

  18. Joanna says:

    That was such a great point! I watched it thinking I’ve been guilty of doing it myself:) Well, as they say – awareness is the first step to change:)) Or something along these lines. And you guys should do more videos together:))))

  19. Gigi says:

    Hello Stephen and Matt,
    Do I believe a guy that says he is super busy? Or is it just something a guy says to show he isn’t interested?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      It can mean both. But it’s still a sign you should heed and it means he’s straightforwardly warning you that he won’t have the time to commit right now. Whether it’s genuine or not, the fact is he doesn’t plan on prioritising you at the moment. Remember: invest in people who invest in you!

      • Gigi says:

        Your right Stephen it’s only best to invest in people that will invest in you. Thanks so much and I do enjoy these blogs and the videos as well. You and Matt are great. Get the Guy book is awesome

  20. JJ says:

    Hi Stephen

    Noticed quite a few people who were making awful comments. How does one keep a positive attitude when coming across these characters in life?

    You’re both great together in videos and individually! Just keep up the good work, love the personal periscopes BTW :D

    Much love,

    • JJ says:

      *awful comments on periscope this evening…

      • Sydney says:

        It’s always about them, and not about you.

        The way we treat others is a reflection of what is going on internally and not a reflection of the other person.

      • Dannii Swan says:

        It winds me up when people are nasty and I get upset. I remember when people spread nasty rumours about me and were saying all kinds of stuff. My dad would say ignore them, they’re jealous or what are they doing with their lives and while this is true, it still hurts. Next time people are nasty, block them. They don’t deserve any airtime or attention.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks JJ! Aw I think you just have realise that those are always the minority and if you’re exposed in any way publicly you’ll ALWAYS be subject to negativity. The best response is just to keep creating while others focus on criticising ;)

  21. Sharon says:

    What to do if you got on with a guy on first date then texted each other saying had a great time do it again. Not heard back from him with a follow up. He had been married for sometime divorced 3 years ago. Not contacting him again as have my standards. Don’t want to keep texting. Would rather call. Not sure if he really is attracted to me anyway though he says he’s shy and he did seem it on date. Is it best pursue or just let it go now. Thank you in advance. (Met you guys on Aug retreat 2015)

    • Reese says:

      There’s no harm in giving him a call. Even for your own peace of mind. You can hang up if it goes to voicemail so he sees the missed call or say, “I’m between appointments and wanted to hear your voice. We should get together again soon. (I’m going to xyz event; you should come.)” Keep it brief. Keep your options open. If he’s not reciprocating after that then don’t invest any more in the situation.

      • Sydney says:

        Reese, that’s good advice.

        If the guy really is shy, it’s okay to call and say you just wanted to say hello. Make it easier for him, that’s okay.

  22. Marla says:

    What if the guy does this? I’m saying someone who asks about something, I answer and then there’s no response and he changed the subject.seems as if he has nothing to contribute to that conversation. Nor does he ask anything about me. So at this point, I’m wondering about his level of interest.

  23. Reese says:

    Matt, break out your credit card and fly Stephen to wherever you are so you can do more videos together! Or just increase the budget so he can do solo videos with his own personal Jameson to tease and taunt. ;) Good points made in this film. It takes the pressure off trying to do to much and values the art of listening and allowing people space to express themselves.

  24. Lauren says:

    Hey Stephen! So what’s the deal with a married coworker that winks and kinda flirts with you? Does he have actual intentions and should I entertain it? It kinda feels good but also guilty. By the way thank you for all you do for us ladies on the blog, you and your brother!

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      The intentions (if there are any) are not good, considering it means he’s thinking of cheating on his wife! I would realise that there’s a *LOT* better options than getting involved in something so messy as a person who is already in a relationship. Especially at work! Probably best to leave alone and be polite but classy.

    • Sydney says:


  25. Dannii Swann says:

    Hi Matthew and Stephen, its so lovely to have you both on here. I am ever so guilty of this and I do it all the time. I’m going to stop and take on board your advice. Yes please bring Stephen on again and enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks to you I’ll be having a new surname in August. Thank you x

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      That’s such incredible news! Thanks so much Dannii x

      • Dannii Swan says:

        Thank you SO much for replying to my post. You made my day. Also please say a HUGE thank you to Matt for his suggestion of Bora Bora. We’re going there for our honeymoon and I’m so excited. I watched the video that Matt made when he was in Bora Bora and I can’t wait to go there, thanks again. Dannii Swann x

  26. Helene says:

    Hi Steve.
    I agree with Gaby I would love to see more content that expands beyond dating and finding the right guy. Maybe bring in something from the books you write about on your own blog. Btw when are you going to post about new books on your blog? I love the book you have posted about so far.

  27. Nofyah says:

    What are some things a man might say about himself n a date that should trigger a red flag?

  28. Kathryn says:

    Ooh there’s so much to think about, I don’t think I’m up to this. Although I am not someone who likes to be one up, probably more self deprecating. Humour is great thing though. We were at a home education group and one of the dads was being so funny the whole session. He ended up doing impressions from the new Grimbsy movie and I was cracking up. My son took me on one side and said, ‘oh no, don’t go falling in love’. But there’s nothing like having a good laugh.

  29. Pilar says:

    Hi Stephen and Matthew! It’s amazing all the work you are doing. I hope you will keep sharing all this knowledge and positive energy around the world. :) It’s great to see both brothers in a video together. You should keep doing it as much as distance will let you :) Stephen you did it quite natural, it’s nice to see someone on YouTube that can be a bit nervous about audience, but this shows also respect and honesty. :) Your brother is a magician of communication so you would be able to learn and practice a lot with him. You do a great team! :) One day you should talk about relationships with family and how it’s having a friendship with your brother and also work together. I do it with my lovely sister and I feel really lucky because of it :) Congrats for everything! Keep showing up :) Xx

  30. Gaby says:

    HI Steve!

    Love that you’re becoming a part of the youtube videos and hope that Matt will have you join him more often. I know that a lot of your content is focused on getting the guy but it would be great to see you branch out into different topics in some videos. That being said I would really enjoy your input on a situation that I have going on at the moment. When being faced with an overwhelming task/goal how do you keep yourself energized enough to push through to the end when you have already given up most forms of relief such as socializing and sleep? Thank you again for everything that you have contributed to propelling us toward our goals and can’t wait to see more of you!

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks so much Gaby. Let me first say that sleep is super-important! Please don’t skimp on it too often because it matters so much when it comes to keeping your health and energy up. Other ways to keep energized for me include remembering my WHY (i.e. “Why does this matter to me? Why is it crucial I make this happen”?) and I also keep up momentum by telling myself that even giving a tiny bit today is better than nothing. Even 20 mins at the gym or going for a run is better than no exercise. Even 200 words of writing is better than leaving a blank page. Even 5 minutes on a plan is better than not making one at all.

      When you’re overwhelmed, break down things into priorities and find a way to say “no” or shut out the areas that aren’t really important. Often overwhelm is just an emotional state that you can break with two things: 1. action, 2. knowing what really matters and knowing WHAT you should be working on right now.

      Hope that helps!

      Stephen x

  31. Stephen Hussey says:

    Thanks anon, so glad you enjoyed it. All best, Stephen x

  32. Andrea says:

    Steven, you come from a family of smartiesall of you either going on to get advanced degrees or starting awesome businesses! ,How do you feel is though your degree (congrats btw) has helped you?

  33. Joanna says:

    Hi guys!

    Great video, no doubt (probably we should thank Jameson, you sexy flirter you ;)) )
    Loved it! We should see Stephen more often. I suggest something more impressive circumstances next time (fireworks, shampagne shooting and Hawaiian shirts will do ;) )

    Greetings from Warsaw ;) Have a good one!

    P.S. @Matthew, Stephen just hacked your Periscope :PP

  34. Salma says:

    How to love yourself as you are ? I hope you touch this topic in the future .

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Wow, that’s a truly BIG topic Salma, one I can’t do justice to here. This is something we really dive into on our retreat programme. At it’s core, loving yourself is about always being on your side, being your own best friend, and speaking to yourself in caring ways. It’s reflected in your actions, thoughts, and the people you choose to spend time with. If in doubt, ask yourself: “If I were advising someone I truly cared about, what would I tell them in this moment?” then tell that to yourself.

      That’s just scratching the surface but hope it helps!

      Steve x

    • Gigi says:

      Hi Salma. Yes I totally would benefit from more videos on REALLY loving ourselves fr who we are. One intetesting fact pointed out to me is that THERE IS ONLY ONE OF US, WE ARE SPECIAL & UNIQUE. Hope u hve a lovely day.Gigi :)

  35. Lindsey says:

    What do you think about getting serious with someone? Is it a series of mutual conversations with the two of you or do you just not ever say anything? I’ve always had ppl rush quickly into very serious relationships so now that it’s a slow process idk how it’s supposed to go.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      We talk about this more in our How To Talk To Men product, but essentially it can be a progression of conversations up until a point in which you both formally talk about exclusivity and ask what the other sees as the future together. It should be very comfortable and open if you know the person well: essentially, if they get very cagey and scared by talking about it at all, then you know they weren’t serious in the first place!

      • Lindsey says:

        I’m the cagey, scared one! Lol! Thanks Stephen. I have that one – I’ll start looking at it again Xx

        Loved you in the video :) It made/makes me happy to see you two play off each other and work as a team. You are so poised, and I smile when I watch you. Much love, Stephen. Thanks for your advice above. I’m a much better version of myself since you and your brother have come into the mix. Appreciate you tons! Xoxo (Big huge virtual hug and kiss)

  36. Ella says:

    What’s beginning to make me disheartened is that there seems to be so many rules and regulations around all the myriad mistakes we women can and do make on a date or with a guy.
    I really appreciate you giving us tips and they are well noted, but surely dating can’t always be this difficult! I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and have to remember a 1000 rules not to fuck up!

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      We all mess up all the time. I think Matt and I aren’t saying “DO this or you’ll NEVER find a great relationship” lol Some of our tips are just based on stories of things that we notice and things we can all improve on. We all make mistakes though and can always stand to improve our social interactions. And by the way, one of the sexiest traits in anyone is being able to admit they are flawed but still working at improving themselves regardless.

      • Kathryn says:

        I really like how this message doesn’t just stand on its own, though it could and does, but links to your other blogs about the male ego. We don’t want to quash it, especially not in the beginning of dating, as whether there are lots of things to remember or not, what a man wants is to feel really good about himself. He won’t feel like a man if he’s constantly feeling usurped. It’s why the guy doing Grimsby impressions was feeling good. He was showing off and I was letting him. Have to say as I was trying on my lingerie there were some lovely boyfriends coming in the shop. From behind the curtain I could hear one lovely chap had been in two times that day! Bless him. But, things you wish your mother told you, I am so happy I have a piece of lingerie I chose. It’s very flattering, it’s something I will wear and feel like a goddess. It’s what the girl at the till said, it’s all about the confidence and I think she’s got it spot on, like you have Steve and Matt.

  37. Rhemma says:

    Commented on YouTube but first time commenting on blog! Great advice. I realized I did this exact thing yesterday when connecting with a guy. He had just gotten back from a trip to Florida so my instinct was to ask why, but then I thought “well is he going to think I’m being nosey?” So instead I told him about my upcoming trip to Florida. Doh! Then I saw yalls video! How do you ask questions without seeming bothersome or nosey? Or should I have just assumed since he offered the info he wanted me to ask more?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Most people will be willing to open up as long as they don’t feel like they are being judged or interrogated for information. Ask him if he had a good time and what the best thing he did there was, or ask him if he likes going there and he’ll open up about the trip and what he was doing.

      • Rhemma says:

        Thanks for this Stephen! I, too, feel like there is so much to learn, but the videos are very helpful! Btw, I’m signed up for the May retreat!! And I’m excited and terrified (excited for Florida, but terrified of the soul searching)
        Thanks for all you guys do to help us ladies out!

  38. Lori says:

    There’s no doubt that Matthew is just—well—amazing, delightful, insanely knowledgeable, and PERFECT at his delivery of this content. And he’s just soft on the eyes, both with looks, paralanguage, etc. (OH MY!!!) That being said, bring on Stephen as well! Together, or separate, you both have a lot to share. Your delivery together is really good. And yes, Stephen is also extremely yummy. (I had to get that in: it’s all part of the flirting techniques I’ve been taught—and that come naturally.) So yes—bring on Stephen. And should he ever need an amazing girlfriend (-; I think I can make myself available.

    Love your content. The best info! And feel as if you genuinely “have our backs”. Yes, you make us feel safe. (-;

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks so much Lori – I’ll try to live up to Matt’s already incredible example! Hope I can bring you much more great stuff :)

  39. Janet Williams says:

    I was guilty of Story-Trumping until I learned about this huge mistake from you, and it has truly changed everything for me. It’s amazing how something small and subtle can do that. Anyway, I can guess it might take a little while for you get comfortable in front of the camera, Steve, but if this is the kind of material you’re coming up with, then — YES! PLEASE DO MORE!

  40. Azure says:

    Question for Steve: If I were telling a first date I had been to China, it wouldn’t be coming from a place of trying to impress, it would be to communicate what my passions and interests are. (Also to gauge if this is a passion of his, because I can’t imagine a life w/out travel.) Anyway, if I were talking about my trip to China and he was asking all sorts of questions and acting ‘impressed’ but then I found out at a later date that he had also been to China–esp. to the same places–and never mentioned it, I would find that extremely odd. Likewise, if my date said to me they’d been to China and I withheld the info that I had been there too, that would just be a socially odd choice, and I would feel uncomfortable–almost dishonest–asking questions about a place I had already been to without at least letting them know I’d been there. It would be embarrassing to find out someone let you go on and on about something they already know, maybe even better than you. I understand the concept of letting someone shine, but to intentionally withhold info that would naturally be disclosed just to stroke someone’s ego almost seems intentionally manipulative (or something). Thoughts?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Hi Azure,

      Great question!

      I think the model I outlined in the video answers this problem:

      Step 1. Acknowledge,

      Step 2. Compliment,

      Step 3. Show interest (with a follow-up question)

      Step 4. Offer your own experience

      So for example:

      Him: “I went to the Far East this year. Shanghai was one of the
      coolest cities I’ve ever seen.”

      Her: “Oh wow, China is incredible. That’s so fun that you went
      there! Did you find it a culture shock?”

      Him: “It was pretty different! The food was so cheap and the city was crazy. So much fun though, I was working there for three months in a property firm.”

      Her: “That’s so cool. I went to China about five years ago, and managed to get to Shanghai for a bit. What was your favourite part of it?”


      An example like that lets you weave in your own experiences naturally instead of dominating someone else’s story. It’s not so much about when you tell him “I’ve been to China as well”. It’s about giving him space to share his own experience and taking a moment to acknowledge how cool it is and share his excitement BEFORE you jump in with your own story.

      Hope that makes sense!


  41. Taco Bae (Lizzie) says:

    I LOVE Steve! Please have him back! :D Lovely video, by the way.

  42. Kitty London says:

    What an absolutely spot on topic! !
    Are you grooming Steve to take over so you can move onto other things? !
    Double Hussey is a good combo.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      haha I don’t think I could ever fill Matt’s shoes even if I wanted to! I have a feeling he’ll be sticking around…;P

  43. Jo says:

    Yeay we’ll have Steve back.

    Ok I try to do P retty much everything you suggest BUT I’m told I’m still giving off the ” unavailable” vibe.

    I’m pretty sure it’s because I don’t trust my decision making process with guys any more. ( on the other side of an 17 year marriage)

    How do I over come this?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Guys love being with women who seem open and positive about the future. You can do that and still be discerning about who you let into your life, but the crucial thing here is to give people the most chance possible to show you who they are. If you hide away, you’ll miss so many great guys as well as bad ones. Yes, there will be people who don’t impress you or who fall below expectations, but there are also men who are trustworthy, decent, honest, loving people who deserve a chance to prove that to you – so make sure you let them! ;)

  44. Kathryn says:

    Steve exudes intelligence and he adds a different but complimentary view alongside Matt. I’m actually mortified that I’ve ever done this and I probably have, given that I’m aware not to do it! I think I’m now afraid to open my mouth, currently having a crisis of confidence. I went in an ‘erotic’ boutique yesterday and felt very happy with myself that I’m having the confidence to try stuff on, with the girl assistant present in the changing room. Telling me to scoop up my boobs into the lingerie. I’m okay with this. Then we go look at toys etc and it’s suddenly completely surreal. She’s the prettiest girl, a lot younger, telling me with a completely straight face, which positions are best with which one. I’m looking at her beautiful face and all I can see is the most beautiful engagement ring and I’m wondering where I’ve been going wrong all these years. She sorted me out with a whole big bag of amazing stuff assuring me at the till it would be worth it. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking all my life!!
    Clearly in need of some guidance and the age of the person giving it is not an issue, in fact quite the opposite. xx

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Wow, such a great message Kathryn, thanks for sharing! Really appreciate your lovely comments about the video as well. X

  45. Arianna says:

    Steve! Always happy to see him. :)

    I think it would be hilarious to see you two role play some of the scripts! You are both so naturally funny… it would be fabulous.


  46. Ali Chahat says:

    We want him again !
    Nice video guys, thank you. ;)

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