I’ve Never Revealed This Before (WARNING: You May Cry)…

Do you ever get tired of being scared?

You have big dreams and ambitions, but you feel stuck. Like you need some powerful emotional sign to show you it’s ok to leap forward.

Sound familiar? Then you absolutely have to watch this video.

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29 Replies to “I’ve Never Revealed This Before (WARNING: You May Cry)…”

  • Hi Matthew,
    I am currently in love and in a lot of pain. I love a man with whom I work with and was friends with before deciding to date briefly. We are not together at this time. He gave me the “I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship” talk and I took your advice and let him go without anger. He is currently leaving a marriage. I have no part of the disintegration of the relationship between him and his ex.
    The issue is that because we see each other every work day, and our social circles occasionally overlap, I am finding it difficult to move on. It has been 4 months and I still desperately want to be with him but I am realistic about the fact that that might not happen. I know he still cares about me on some level but I am trying to guard my heart from further pain. I’m not very successful in that regards because he picks up on my moods and emotions. He can make me laugh every time he senses that I’m sad or angry. He stares from a distance when he thinks I’m not paying attention and I’m the first person he looks at when he tells a joke. He does things to help me out, even though I’ve never asked him for anything and he makes me feel beautiful even when I’m covered in dirt with my hair a mess and coming off of a long night shift. I play like I’m not affected and that I’m happy but I’m really not. Do you have any advice for my situation? I know that I deserve more and I know my worth. He is a great guy and our chemistry is crazy but I know that I can’t just wait and hope that he chooses me. I want happiness with or without him. I might add that I am not sleeping with him either; I ended that when I told him to go and do what he needs to go do.
    Thank you so much for your time and advice. It really does mean the world to me.

  • I gave up youtube for lent. Is there a way to get a bit of writing about what is the video? Pretty please? Thank you!

  • I normally love your videos, but this one was unrelatable to me. Couldn’t even watch it to the end. A lot of your content I’ve been able to utilized in everyday life especially the video where you talk about confidence and competence. I was on the fence about your retreat, but now I think they are meant for a different type of female. I know, crazy after only watching a 15 minute video, but I do think there are women who can gain more from your retreat than I would.

  • Hi Matt. I can’t open the video right now, but I saw it, and would like to comment on it. The message I took away is great. Make of your life your genuine piece of art, and what would art be without struggles that have to be overcome? I love it, and take it away with me. I also see that you have a genuine way of coping with Alexandra, of reacting instantly and in a way that was at the same time fun and reassuring for her, and I’m sure she will always remember this, and most certainly this was a very important point in her life that you could give to her. But. You made this a little too much about yourself in two ways. First, by talking too much yourself, which I see as a spontaneous reaction to your authentic desire to help her, and which I would only call sweet and loving and out of the position of a giver without the fact that, second, you published it. You know, having it filmed and published makes it a little too much about your story instead of Alexandras, considering the situation she was in. I personally would have preferred you give her more space, so she can come to her conclusions on her own, and the video wouldn’t give me the impression that you use her story to sell yourself just a little too hard.

  • hey matt
    my friend from cali introduced me to your blog.
    with all my relationships im the one who’s attention seeker always, i feel unwanted etc. i don’t know why mostly men change after they’ve been committed to you for long. i’m exhausted.
    please help me and those other girls who need your help.

  • I commented yesterday. I have probably the worse situation story you’ve ever heard. Could we chat in email sometime? This guy is really important to me.

  • Matthew, I can’t thank you enough for all of your love and support! You helped me understand men better – how they think, what they need, and how to identify who is ready and who isn’t. Because of you and your programs, I finally was able to look passed the men who were just playing around and find the man of my dreams. He is everything I’ve ever hoped for and more. He is loving tender and committed and he can’t wait to marry me! Thank you for teaching me how to attract a man who truly loves me into my life. Your blog is wonderful and I tell everyone about it and Your programs are worth every cent and minute of the investment. Much love! Liz Taylor xx

  • Fear can be changed in just a few minutes.Just like Alexandra, I have been terrified of not only public speaking, but speaking up for myself in my private life as well. I decided to give myself a birthday present this year for my 43rd birthday and quit being so afraid, starting with my closest relationship- my husband. We’ve been married for 23 years, but I have been afraid to really share my feelings with him. His personality is so big, I often have felt stepped all over in many ways.
    I don’t know what will happen, but I have set change in motion. Like Alexandra, I hope I can build on just that small decision not to be afraid. Thanks for the video.

  • Hi Matthew :)

    I’m so glad you are sharing this video.

    Such a beautiful soul and lovely girl this Alexandra :) I hope she can see that and never again will she waist her time with sad and unpleasant thoughts .

    Of course her bravery would not happen if she didn’t feel SAFE AND HAD TRUST IN YOU !

    Thank you for touching our hearts with so much love and hope for a better future and for trying to make this world a better place .


    See you at the retreat : )


  • This video warms my heart!

    Alexandria if you are reading, you are my hero!

    Matthew, thank you. Thank you for creating moments like this.


  • I would like to congratulate Alexandria, for challenging herself in overcoming her fears. Mathew was right, Alexandria’s story kept me focus on her struggles and for minutes helped me to stop thinking about my own struggles. Great testimony. Mathew you helped me see that at times we all go through difficult moments in our lives that need to be shared because our stories can help others as Alexandria’s story helped me today.

    A bit of my story:
    I am single, 36 year old. For the past 13 years I’ve hated being single. I don’t like being single mostly because I am afraid of being alone. It is till now that I am finally learning not to look to others for my happiness. I am learning not to depend on a man to make me happy. Though I am still not happy about being single, I am facing my fear and challenging myself to work on me, to learn to do things for myself so that when the man that God has prepared for me as my partner and husband enters my life, I don’t look to him as my only source of happiness. I am also working on resisting the urge like others (who have also commented on this blog) to get into a relationship just for being scared of being alone.

    For the past 13 years, my fear has led me to the wrong relationships, Men who are too dominant or who are not equally yoked regarding my faith. Men who have not only driven me away from who I am, men who have not appreciated me, and men who have left me more confused about “men and relationships” than before. Recently(three months ago to be exact), I made the decision not to go back to what had been not only my greatest mistake, but at the same time my biggest blessing. A year and half ago, I met a man who seemed to meet all that I had looked for in a partner. The first 3-4 weeks as we got to know each other seemed perfect. Within 1 month and half of dating, he asked me to be his official girlfriend. I couldn’t be more static, as I really liked him. The red flags began a few weeks after, but of course my fear of being left alone was incredibly big that I refused to pay attention to these red flags. I began to discover that he drank (which is something I had promised myself I would never be with a man who drank, as I don’t drink myself). He of course denied to be an alcoholic, and I continued the relationship. After he noticed my discomfort with his drinking he figure out the way of hiding it very well. Another red flag was that he was very indecisive which made me feel insecure about who he was and his word. He would change his mind from day to night (which made me feel that his words about him loving me were not real). Few months later, I noticed he had a temper problem and at times demonstrated a narcissist personality, but again I chose to ignore or somehow excuse him. As we continued the relationship little by little he began to try to put me down by saying that I needed to loose weight and then told me that I smelled bad (bad body odor). I had to ask my sister and best friend if I really smelled and they said no. I was doubting my self and my sister/friend’s judgment. He told me that they had lied because they didn’t loved me. I men this was my sister and my best friend of 13 years (if I smelled I know they would tell me). Yet I ended up believing him more than my own family and allowed him to embarrass me by buying me 10 different deodorants that would maybe work for me. When I actually put a stop to this, he tried excusing himself (apologizing endlessly and promising never to bring this delicate topic again). Not true. However, my desire to marry grew 7 months into our relationship so I let go of what I thought was right and ignored all that was really hurting me from the inside (all to get married and not be single anymore). After he proposed, I finally let my guard down, and he became very dominant and I became very submissive. What ever he would say I would do. When ever I dislike a decision of his and try to bring it up as an issue he would turn it against me like I was insecure, I was expecting a lot, I was not trusting him ect ect. Of course coward as he is turn it all against me without really seeing the reality. All I know is that now I accept the responsibility I should have ended this relationship sooner than maintaining something that sooner or later would break me. As we approached our weeding day (with everything prepared, everything almost paid off, with family members already in town for the big day, with only two weeks away from our wedding day), he decides to say “I am not going to be able to marry you, I don’t love you anymore” “I have so much doubt” and “I will not marry you”. The funny part is that when he told me this I felt some sort of a relief, I felt at peace and did not argue with him. However, I did try to ask him to calm down (as he was furious with me), and asked him to explain to me the real reasons for him ending the relationship. After talking like two adults we wanted to take some time to analyze things. So we decided to take some time off from talking or seeing each other. The two weeks we stayed without communicating helped me to determine the inevitable. This man never loved me, he never accepted me, he was only in a relationship with himself, he had huge issues with (drinking, trauma from being discharged from the army, anger, and “God only knows” with what other things he was dealing with that I didn’t know). The whole year and half we were together he did an awesome job in hiding the real monster inside him (though I did see the red flags which I chose to ignore). I knew that I deserve better, that I didn’t deserve what he had done. He had just told me a few days before he broke off the engagement that he loved me and that he couldn’t wait for our life together and the next day he was saying the opposite. What was worst when I asked him this: “why did you wait until know, he responded I had been thinking about this for the past few months”. I felt betrayed and fooled. However, the real monster did not come until later, it all happen after I called him to finish canceling items for the wedding and returning each others belongings. It was like a nasty divorce. He figured out a way to keep most of the items that we had both paid for without giving me full refund. Though I consulted a lawyer I could only take him to small claims as it all total in less than 10,000. The wedding venue did not return us a dime as it was so close to the event. He didn’t care because I had paid more for this. Lawyer told me that even though he had canceled the wedding I could not sue him as it was a risk I took and nothing protected me legally. He was so smart to pay some items so that I wouldn’t take him to court. He tried to humiliate me by throwing all my clothes and personal items away on garage floor. He picked and chose what items from the gifts (that we had received from a bridal shower done by my parents) for me to take (the rest he kept saying that it was fair in just to keep everything since he had take me out for a year and paid for most of our dates). He tried keeping a check for our first month mortgage (but I was able to put a stop payment on this right before it was cashed), he tried to keep all of the refund from our honeymoon package (but I was able to get it back with the help of Expedia, he left me without a car (as he convinced me to sell my car during our engagement so that we could save up for the wedding). I was using his car at the moment as he had a company car, and then didn’t even care for all the financial mess he had put me through. I gave him everything back (engagement ring, wedding bands, his car, and other items he had paid for the wedding). Eventually, after me making a real count of all that we had spent on the wedding I realize I had ended up loosing more money than him. He figured out a way to make me feel bad when he would pay for items than I would offer to pay for more for wedding expenses. His excuse was that he was the one “buying a home for the both of us”. Yeah right, I was never placed in the title of the home and he decided to kick me out even before I moved in.

    Of course I take responsibility for allowing all of this to happen to me, I didn’t want to fight over the money nor fighting over furniture or other items. As soon as I got to see the real man, the real monster in him, I felt so betrayed and disappointed that all I wanted was to never see this man again. Of course everything was part of a scam. Three months later, after several therapy sessions and a lot of reflecting I realized this was part of scam. I had lost not only my car but most of my savings. Accepting my responsibility doesn’t excuse him nor takes away his responsibility for his own actions. I know and believe in God. I know that he is just and we each will suffer for our own mistakes. Believe me I “paying” for now choosing right, for not loving myself enough to end a relationship with man that was not good for me, for not believing that I deserve better, and for allowing my fear of being single to be bigger than my self respect and love for myself. I don’t wish anything wrong on this man nor his family because forgiveness is not about him is about me. But I know that we all pay win this life for the wrong doing we cause on others. I mean I understand if someone doesn’t love you, but you don’t hurt them more than what you have already done (it is simply unnecessary). What did I ever do to him? Accept him for who he was (never told him his breath smell, that he also needed to loose weight, that I hated his controlling habits, his bad attitude, that I dislike how he dressed, and above all that I didn’t like how he would make me feel). I would just accept him and love him. Yes of course I was very insecure but I had my reasons. I tried telling him the things I didn’t agree with, but I was not allowed to speak my mind.

    Just to finish up, he later wrote me an email explaining that God had directed him to end the relationship and do all that he did. Those of us who are believers, know that God doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do evil on to us. Of course I understood this man was mentally not all there. So what ended up being the worst mistake of my life, ended up being my greatest blessing. I was saved from a maniac, I was saved from an alcoholic narcissist man.

    Now this horrible and traumatic event in my life, has helped me to finally take this matter into my hands and face my fear of being single. Use my time while I am single to work on myself and ensure that I NEVER EVER EVER enter a relationship that is not healthy for me.

    So anyone out there struggling with being single, I hope my story keeps you from going into a relationship you do not deserve. Love yourself, face your fears, and work on knowing that your are beautiful children of God who only deserve the best. This time instead of beating myself, instead of being stuck, instead of hiding in my room and cry, I am doing the opposite. I am like Alexandria, facing my fear, putting myself through things that are getting me out of my comfort zone to face my fears and get to the next level of my life. It is not easy, it is dang hard. But who said that everything in life would be easy?

    Good luck to all of you young women who like me are facing your fears. Don’t wait to be broken hearted or disappointed, chose today. You matter!

  • I would like to congratulate Alexandria, for challenging herself in overcoming her fears. Mathew was right, Alexandria’s story kept me focus on her struggles and for minutes helped me to stop thinking about my own struggles. Great testimony. Mathew you helped me see that at times we all go through difficult moments in our lives that need to be shared because our stories can help others as Alexandria’s story helped me today.

    A bit of my story:
    I am single, 36 year old. For the past 13 years I’ve hated being single. I don’t like being single mostly because I am afraid of being alone. It is till now that I am finally learning not to look to others for my happiness. I am learning not to depend on a man to make me happy. Though I am still not happy about being single, I am facing my fear and challenging myself to work on me, to learn to do things for myself so that when the man that God has prepared for me as my partner and husband enters my life, I don’t look to him as my only source of happiness. I am also working on resisting the urge like others (who have also commented on this blog) to get into a relationship just for being scared of being alone.

  • Hello, Matthew.
    It’s been a week now since I came across you Youtube page. Nevertheless many thoughts are racing through my mind -> years of your extraordinary work hit me all at once in a way that just can’t leave you indifferent. So I’ve decided to respond with feedback and my revelations.

    I consider myself as a beginner in a social skill, not to say the least.
    At first some strong words/thoughts astonished me, left me in denial -> “No, no, no that’s not for me; too big of a stretch for me, impossible”.
    For example, ‘you’re not shy, you’re boring’; ‘go outside and talk to people or better talk to everyone or even better talk to guys all evening’
    Look at him jabbing at my shell, my little bubble like no one ever did). At the same time the things you have to share are so strikingly truthful, so right on the nose, so revealing it keeps you hooked, keeps you around for more wisdom, for more connection.
    Then after just a short period of time I noticed myself thinking about all these strong recommendations on how to excel in social life, about the importance of competence, about the need to take risks, not to give in to fears. Maybe after some time even more changes will come. I need to get used to these revelations.

    I want to say thank you for great lengths you’ve come to learn what you did and also for sharing crucial things in the process.
    You see, thanks to you I’ve heard the basics, the carcass of all competence-confidence relation, what people do to be successful socially and many more. Previously I was in the dark why everyone could so effortlessly interact with outside world; I thought that it is defined by what kind of character you have, that’s it is just not meant for me. After being acquainted with your concepts now I actually see what everyone around me is doing every day and can’t help but wonder whether it is natural to them or they know what they are doing in the first place). I feel ridiculous for experiencing all this time how people do that but not really getting it on my own.
    I’m really grateful to you, Matt. You give a lot of recipes to follow in order to achieve things we want. Sometimes it concerns general rules, sometimes it is a specific instruction.
    A comparison that came to mind is a recipe for Pesto sauce. There are lots of recipes for pesto sauce but the most classic one should include:
    1. Garlic
    2. Basil
    3. Pine nuts
    4. Olive oil
    5. Parmeggiano cheese
    6. Salt
    If you follow the ingredients list you’ll get what you were striving for. The question that might arise how many of each of them should I use. Well, shouldn’t forget there are different preferences out there, there are different people – some of them might like spicy food – they will add 3 heads of garlic, some of people can’t handle spicy food, so they will add minimum or none, or substitute it. You have to try to play with the amount of ingredients to know which variation of recipe will be your own perfect one.
    Well now I’m thinking I’ll have to interpret some of your advices, thoughts to my circumstances. For example I have a general direction in particular sphere of life illuminated by you in understandable and staggering way in which I decided to be competent. Probably only I myself can figure out the precise recipe that will help me to not lose the focus and determination throughout my path.
    And of course there is a difference in mentalities and language. Just a simple example is ‘nice people’ notion you’d discussed in one of your videos. The word nice in translation doesn’t mean the same thing in my language. Well, no problem – just need to interpret.

    I’m appreciative of all the work you do. It awakened me from wrong musing. Now I feel tremendous regret that I haven’t known you much earlier. After all now I’m faced with 2 huge mountains in front of me that I have to climb – competence and confidence in every aspect of life I dare to decide to excel in, and I’m already 28. It slightly feels like I’m starting from the beginning much later than appropriate).

    Matthew, I’d like to wish you a lot of success, strength and inspiration.
    Best regards,

  • Alexandria, YOU are remarkable!!!

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your vulnerability with the women of the retreat and also with all of us. You are beautiful and inspiring, the inner strength that you’ve tapped into will keep you grounded always. You have not only begun the healing process for yourself but you are lighting the way for many more through your courageous story :) Sending lots of love and BIG HUGS your way girlfriend!!!!

  • This video was extremely empowering and insightful. Thank you!

    I can’t help but feel though, that because Alexandria was in a supportive environment, it allowed her to and push herself knowing that it will be okay in the end. I am not discounting Alexandria either, it takes much courage to do what she did! And hats off to you Alexandria!

    I’m just saying, that if you are in an environment where people are striving for the same thing, where people are supportive of each other, it would be relatively be easier to eventually open up and be vulnerable and be yourself.

    However, if you are in an environment where you feel judged (work meetings?), it just feels safer to shy away and not say anything at all.

    Well this is obviously the surface of my struggle, which I am working on.

  • wow, this is a real definition of becoming brave on facing yourself regardless of what you have and what you don’t have yet. This reflected my own self confusions and hunger. Thanks Matt. May God bless you and your team even more.

  • Hi.. Going thru heart break ,so much in pain, sadness, feeling of loss.. Only Metthew is guiding me how to get thru with this pain.. I feel if I haven’t get my breakup, I wouldn’t have come to know about Metthew.. And his wonderful guidance about love and relationships. So in a way I am glad it happened.. Lurning alot ,feel like after this I will be all new person with new perspective of love ..

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