You may see me being a little harsh (maybe even a little overly harsh ; ) here, but for all of those who consider themselves to be ‘too nice’, this is one of those cruel to be kind moments.
I have never met someone who is TRULY nice.
I’ve met people who are honest, who are earnest, I’ve met people who are generous and kind, but I’ve never met someone who is ‘nice’.
I find that people who say they are ‘nice’ are using it as a euphemism for being spineless and not rocking the boat.
Not only is that unimaginably boring, but it also means you’re dealing with someone who you don’t really know.
You don’t know what a nice person is really feeling, or what they’d truly like to do.
You ask them for their preference and they don’t give you a straight answer. They’re not honest about their feelings towards other people, or things that aggravate and annoy them. They just keep things on an even keel the entire time, holding onto the charade of being ‘nice’.
As I think about this subject, I think about the film ‘The Mask’.
I remember being struck on seeing this film by how much of a nice guy Jim Carey’s character Stanley Ipkiss is to begin.
He’s known for having finished a piece called ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’, as he somewhat nobly sees himself as a nice guy (and who in some ways resents the world because of it).
What we find when he puts on the mask is that he becomes a different character.
He becomes bold, edgy, and uncompromising. He becomes a force that drives towards whatever he wants, whether it’s women or money, and he goes after what he wants.
Now, he becomes a very unattractive extreme of this, but we know it’s a caricature of how he would actually like to be.
He hates when he’s a nice guy, and doesn’t respect that version of himself.
I find that nice people don’t stay nice forever. They often become bitter or resentful.
They get angry at the world for being treated badly, and they get angry at themselves for allowing others to walk all over them.
The insidious thing about niceness is that it can actually hurt the people it’s intended to please.
In being nice you’re not honest with the people you’re trying to please, you don’t give opinions that people need to hear, you don’t cut someone down when they need cutting down… And it can actually end up hurting the people it’s intended to help.
The phrase, ‘to be cruel to be kind’, is a very telling one.
Very often we have to have a sense of cruelty to tell someone something that will benefit them.
I believe KIND people deserve the world.
Kind people should be given every award and every bit of recognition. Kind people make the world a better place.
As an extension to idea that ‘nice guys finish last’, I put to you that nice guys SHOULD finish last.
Question Of The Day:
Are you guilty of being too nice? In what ways can you tilt the balance in favour of being kind rather than nice?