You both go to watch the latest comic book movie together (he likes DC, you like Marvel). You spend hours discussing your dreams, books you love, the kind of house you’d like to live in one day. You text him most nights before you go to sleep.
This guy is your best friend.
Maybe he’s been close to you for a long time. Or maybe only in the last 6 months. But now you’re starting to think of him in a romantic way.
So how do you know if you’re actually falling in love with your best friend?
Here are the 7 signs to look out for:
1. You get jealous when he goes on a date
Or when he kisses someone. Or when he gets a woman’s phone number. Or when he talks about a co-worker he’s attracted to.
As soon as you get interested on more than a passing level in who he’s dating, you know that you’re feeling something more than friendship for this guy.
2. You criticize other women he flirts with
If you can’t help yourself and end up running down other women he likes, “Ugh, she dresses so slutty”, or “God, she’s so annoying”, then it could be because you’re secretly trying to steer him away from any potential romantic prospects.
One of the clearest signs of being in love with your best friend is getting judgmental about other people he’s into and not being able to hide your opinion.
3. You spend late nights in his bed together
Even with the closest friends there needs to be boundaries.
One of the biggest symptoms of being in love with your best friend is crossing the line of healthy distance.
For example, if you find yourself doing lots of “girlfriend” type activities with him, like sleeping in his bed, making him breakfast, having long cuddles watching a movie, you need to ask yourself whether it’s innocent buddy behavior or whether it’s because you’re secretly hoping he’ll eventually make a move on you.
4. You keep wanting to be near him in social gatherings
It’s natural to be a little attached to your close friend when you go to a party together. But, if people CONSTANTLY mistake you for his girlfriend…and you’re kind of happy about it…and then you look at him expectantly as if you want him to see you that way…then you might want to check your feelings.
5. You can’t help touching him
When it’s love, you need more than just closeness. You’ll want to hug, touch his hands, give him a massage, or stroke his arm when you’re watching TV.
You’ll even find yourself wanting to be near just so you can smell his laundry detergent (which you already know WAY too well). Yep, that’s not normal friend behavior.
6. You cruise his social media looking to see what he’s doing
Do you wonder what he’s up to on holiday? Wondering if he’s DM’ing some girl on Instagram right now? Maybe browsing all his social media profiles will give you the answers.
But hey! He’s just a friend right? Can’t you just be curious?
There’s a fine line between browsing and investigating. Usually the latter happens when you deeply care about him and want more than just a passing role in his life.
7. You talk to your friends about him…ALL THE TIME
Maybe your other girl friends have heard so many stories about this guy that they’re begging you to stop already, or they’re telling you to suck it up and just go ask him out already.
Whatever the sign, if you find yourself constantly talking about him to anyone who will listen, you know you’ve begun falling in love with your best friend.
It’s time now to make a decision: you either need to talk honestly about your feelings with him, or put some healthy distance between you if he doesn’t feel the same so that you can move on and find someone else.
Don’t be the woman who loses a year or more of her life pining for a guy who isn’t returning her feelings. Give yourself time, refresh, and invest in a man who truly wants to be with you.
8 Replies to “7 Signs You’re Falling In Love With Your Best Friend”
I saw your comment advice about women should pay their own way on dates and that being equal means being treated like a male best friend who doesn’t live with the love interest.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say don’t spend much time in mommy groups and have never been exposed to how this advice usually plays out.
If a man resents paying for a woman’s dinner and drinks for a few dates, he’s really going to hate paying half her rent or mortgage, and supporting her children. Men who resent spending money on women when the woman isn’t contributing at least as much or more money than the man get more resentful after marriage, not less. What they didn’t like in a girlfriend, they will HATE in a wife. It doesn’t matter if the man lives their too, he is not going to be happy about paying a chunk of the woman’s bills. The longer they are together, and the more entangled they get financially the angrier the man will get about any financial contributions he has to make to their joint household.
Men who define equality as men and women being the same pose two major problems for women in relationships.
1) Equal women pay their own way and don’t need men. This means if a wife is in a normal American married couple where it takes the both incomes to make it, the woman is a mooching worheles dead bearing leaching the life out of the man. It doesnt matter if the woman works too. It doesn’t matter who makes more. The only that matter is works and is a provider and the woman relies on some portion of his income to make it, so even if she pays 60% of the bills she isn’t equal and is freeloading and taking advantage of him. Male as provider brain kicks in, and since he hates paying for women, he hates every single payment he makes anywhere to any part of the household because, after all, he’s paying for women. And this isn’t the hot new love insterest it’s his boring old naggy wife who snores and reads dumb romance novels and folds his socks wrong. Of course he doesn’t want to pay part of her bills.
2) Pregnancy isn’t a joint effort. Birth isn’t a joint effort. Postpartum recovery isn’t a joint effort. Breastfeeding isn’t a joint effort. Parenting in the baby toddler years can be a joint effort but it still falls disproportionately to women. Besides primary caregiving a baby and breastfeeding interfere with earning money, which leads back to number one and a man not wanting to pay for a woman. And, well, if equality means men and women being interchangeable, men don’t get pregnant and give birth to children and then expect women to take care of the children and support them. If a woman does this she is obviously inferior and it’s going to cause resentment in the man. It doesn’t matter how long the couple is married or whether the man agreed to having children. He isn’t popping out babies and expecting her to pay for them and raise them, so she shouldn’t be doing that to him, and he’s going to hate her for it, at least to some extent, if she does. And then she’s going to whine and cry and bitch and moan and complain and have weird cravings. He didn’t make her put up with his emotional and hormonal beaches wheel butt, if women were equal she wouldn’t make him do it either.
Again men don’t usually raise their best friend’s children or pay half their best friend’s bills, and men who see equality as a women being like a best friend aren’t going to want to raise their wife’s children or pay half their wife’s bills either.
If a man dislikes spending money on a girlfriend he will HATE spending money on a spouse by splitting bills with her.
If a man dislikes woman expecting special treatment when he’s dating, he’s going to hate loath and despise a wife expecting special treatment when she’s pregnant or expecting him to raise her children (especially if they are planned and also his).
The attitude a man has toward a paying for dates is usually the attitude he will have towards all contributions he has to make to any women, any woman’s household, and any woman’s children, most of all his own children by his wife
If he resents dates he’s going to resent supporting his family and parenting much much more, no matter what he agrees to at the beginning.
Hi Matthew! So, I have this question: what do I do if I want a romantic relationship with a guy I’ve had an affair with in the past and now we are close friends and it feels like friendzone but it’s not. He finds me attractive, we kissed recently, but he tells me all this stuff about other girls like I’m his buddy (which unfortunately, I am). Long story short; how do you escape “emotional friendzone”?
Bang on, as usual, Matthew and Jameson!
It’s a bit late for me though… all of the above and more.
Now I just need to work out how to reverse out of the situation with dignity.
Matthew, wow! Spot on with all 7 signs. This has shined some lights on a lot of questions I’ve asked myself, although I am in of a lot more help and advice. I have been in this situation for many, many, many years and I just don’t know what to say or do.
It would be greatly appreciated if I was able to speak with you.
I’m in love with my best friend, and it hurts me so much……. Pls send help……….
Hey Matt. I’ve known this guy, M., for over a year now and we’ve grown close pretty fast. He’s one of my guy best friend and I know a lot about him and vice-versa.
He used to have a crush on a girl from our class at the start of our Year 1 and I would usually encourage him to talk to her. Fact is, he didn’t actually know her and had to move on cause she already has a boyfriend.
He’s the guy I’d always turn to whenever I’d feel lost or had a “small” heartbreak from a crush. We know each other pretty well though we wouldn’t chat 24/7.
We once had a few drinks in his dorm before class and ended-up cuddling on his single bed. It was a first for me and apparently, for him as well. He’s never been like that around a girl and neither have I aroung a boy. He even insisted on being single when I was joking about him being on Tinder and all. We even had to skip class that day being too drunk. Nothing serious happened between us, but it was the moment my emotions had the best of me… While he was sleeping, I woke up from the bed and was rested on his desk chair. He woke up after a while and went to the loo. On his way back, he pulled me by my arm back on his bed and had his arm on my stomach and we were sleeping really close (a first).
While I was leaving his room, M. told me that “The day ended too soon.”
When we met the following day, he was quiet and all. When I texted him to ask what’s wrong, he simply stressed on being tired and he couldn’t speak to me properly. One of my bestie told me that M. would steal glances of me every now and then. Things went back to normal the following week.
I narrated my story to another guy best friend from our group of friends and he told me he’s 200% sure M. feels the same for me, and to trust him as he’s a guy and he caught M. staring at me everytime and the way he looks at me is definitely not how a friend looks at his friend. He also added that M. does not behave the same way with me as he would with his other girl friends.
I usually feel like there’s a chance he might love me more than a friends as well, but I don’t want to risk our friendship by pouring my feelings out and don’t find him reciprocate.
I really don’t know what to do and if it’s worth taking risks as we belong in the same class and we share the same common friends. Help!!! Should I show him that I love him or should I just let things pass by and most probably miss out on the most beautiful story of my life?
That seems about right …
I’ve told my best friend that I have feelings for him, and we still stayed friends.. we continue do a lot of stuff together but at the moment the only boundary is no cuddles and no sleeping in the same bed!
Though, if he changed is mind today and told he would like to date me, I will immediately say yes
Got a question for you ;)
I’ve finally worked up the nerve to face that I’m clearly falling in love with one of my best friend (I think I’m doing 7 out of 7 of your article, haha).
I had a little bit of a breakdown a couple of days ago and I’ve decided that enough is enough. I’m talking to him about it because I feel stuck and I don’t want to be.
You say that “It’s time now to make a decision: you either need to talk honestly about your feelings with him, or put some healthy distance between you if he doesn’t feel the same so that you can move on and find someone else.”
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same but I still feel I NEED to tell him to get the final push I need to move on and find someone.
So here is my question… If I get a no, should I put some healthy (or a lot of…) distance between us or should I just reduce the amount of time I spend with him. I don’t want to push away A FRIEND, even if he does not want to be more than that.
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