“Dating Burnout” Is OK…If You Don’t Let It Define You

Stephen Hussey

Here are the two most common causes of dating burnout:

(a) You go into dating with unrealistic expectations (“the next guy I like better be THE ONE”)

(b) You keep choosing the wrong things (going on dates with guys you’re only 50% interested in, spending too much time messaging on Tinder, not enjoying other parts of your life)

I hear from women all the time who have lost hope. They complain about how men can’t grow up. They get cynical and tarnish everyone with the same brush. 

And yet, we know these things can’t be true:

  • There are not enough ‘good guys’ to go around– FALSE
  • No-one wants real commitment anymore – FALSE
  • I’ll never feel the way I did about that last guy I dated – Definitely FALSE

Yet these beliefs can cement and become mental blocks.

They’re incredibly dangerous to internalise, because we tend to look for ways to keep reinforcing them. You’ll see this on many angry men’s forums as well, who continually blame women as an entire gender for all their dating (and life) problems. 

When we’re burnt out, it eats away at our character. It devours our spontaneity and that attractive naiveté that makes someone new so fun to be around. 

Dating burnout is real, and if you need a break, then take it. 

Do something wholesome. Forget about finding a relationship or sex for a while. Surround yourself with friends and people who lift you up. Pursue a bigger purpose. 

Give yourself as much time as you need, but treat it as a rest, rather than dealing yourself out of love entirely.

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6 Replies to ““Dating Burnout” Is OK…If You Don’t Let It Define You”

  • As a woman, i’m tired of women who complain about men. Have you looked at the mirror lately??? From the moment you are born to your death point, the only person you really live with is yourself! So invest the best in yourself!
    I decided to make a change in my life, and im in full power ,trying my best to live my life without clinging to find someone.Yes, I want to meet someone, but not from a desparate place. From a whole one.
    I Don’t think that humiliating all men makes justice. There are a lot of good men out there. I’ve dated some. But you know how it is. It dosen’t always work out! And its okay. At least I have the courage to try. Im trying to meet guys in a natural way, without making a huge deal about everything. From the day I started putting myself first my life improved drasticaly. I finally achieve a lot of my dreams, and feel attractive. I had a tattoo, I lost 30 pounds (14kg), I recorded a few songs. I got promoted at work, I’m about to start blogging, and I feel great. You dont understand how much it helps with building confidence. Guys digg confidence. I have a lot to work on. Its easy to write a message to a guy that I like on dating apps. But its not easy for me to do it face to face. I feel on the right way. Because I went speed dating last week and it kind of helped with my confidence. Listening to stephen or matt or any dating coach is one thing. But, doing the step from listening to taking acts in your life is something else. How many women are there who really, really take those advices and do with it something?
    Im glad that i bumped into ‘GettheGuy’. It helped me understand that the only person standing between me and meeting a guy, is me! And that I should do something with myself if I want to meet someone who’ll respect and love me as I feel I deserve.
    Thank you! ♥️

  • I totallly argee, we date the wrong person can burn you out, and we paint everyone with the same brush. There is reason we do that, because we are afraid of getting rejected or hurt again. Im picky with who i let in so when i do find someone im want to but effort in im all burnt out from analysing and having unrealistic expections. Im only 26 years and burnt out trying to date.

  • *currently taking some R&R meaning for myself I am getting . Reacquainted with myself and refueled. Just getting some oil in the old lamp…

  • Excellent! I found myself tin the self talk dilemma of, I’m still in love with the ex and Il’l never find what I felt for the last guy. We are indeed self saboteurs! Truth is. If it was right, I still be in it!
    A relationship exit interview with ourselves is definitely in order if we are to move on with any speed.

  • So so happy to read this! I was single and really longed for that relationship, yet a lot of people really didn’t get why I was taking a break from datingsites and datinglife in general. I really felt like there was more than just chasing that relationshipdream. I decided I would become a magnet for that relationship by focussing on my life. I wanted to be the One for me, because therein lies my influence. I let go of not feeling enough. Just didn’t want to hear myself say that anymore. I deserved more. I was enough on my own and made sure that I was bringing in a lot of happiness and love. And that made my life so much better! I could then see how much fun it is to flirt, to talk, to not expect but to simply enjoy my interactions with men. No pressure. All is well. And in the last month of the year, I found someone special. Someone who makes me smile a little more than I already do so often.

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