You try to write a checklist of the guy you want to date:
- Tall and handsome
- Successful career
- Takes you on romantic dates
- Incredible in bed
These are all perfectly good qualities.
But it doesn’t tell you if this man is true relationship potential (well ok, who doesn’t want a man that knows what he’s doing in the bedroom).
But beyond these general character traits, there are some fundamental questions you need answers to before you decide this is the right guy FOR YOU.
Let’s look at four big factors…
Wanting The Same Future
There’s no getting around it: you need a shared vision. Living in the country or city? Renting or buying a house? Kids in the next 5 years?
You don’t have to set a plan for everything, but you need to be on the same page. You need to be able to have these conversations without suddenly realizing, “wow, we’re on completely different paths”.
If in doubt, have the difficult conversation. It can save you years of heartache being with a guy you’re constantly trying to drag into a long term relationship.
Kindness matters. So does your attitude towards family. And the way you both feel about spending money. Or the way you deal with conflicts when they arise. Or how much independence you both need.
Your values are what determine how you live every single day.
If you don’t see eye-to-eye on these fundamental issues, you’ll be in for a ton of conflict later down the line. If you look at your partner and see someone who appreciates and shares what’s important to you, you have a shot.
We’re all animals. And animals have urges.
He might have relationship potential in all other areas, but physical attraction has to be there to keep things satisfying.
Do you feel a tug of desire and passion when you think about your partner? Does you heart swell when your lips meet his? I hope so. You need it early on, because sexual chemistry is one thing that doesn’t develop over time.
You need a partner that makes you turn your head when they walk in a room. Someone that smells and looks and feels like a man you just can’t resist.
Ignore passion at your peril.
He “just gets me”
You need someone who feels like coming home.
When you talk about your emotions, you don’t feel like he’s looking at you as though you’re an alien. You don’t have to over-explain yourself all the time, because he understands your mind.
It might seem grandiose, but true long-term partners are able to see through each other’s eyes. When they look at one another, they see themselves.
There’s no formula for this, it’s just a feeling that tells you that this person understands you the way a family member does.
So there you are: four big factors that tell you if this long term relationship has real potential to last forever. Make sure you check these next time you want to know if to invest in someone you’re dating more seriously.