You want to grab and kiss him every second you’re walking down the street. He can’t help but sneak a touch whenever you’re walking up a flight of stairs front of him.
Even though you’re out with friends, all you can think about is ripping each other’s clothes off when you get home.
But how do you know if it’s lust vs. love?
In this article, we’ll take a look at the definitions of both, so that you can tell whether it’s purely a physical connection or something deeper…
The Definition Of Lust
Lust is pretty simple.
It’s the feeling when the animal part of your brain wants to feel that certain person’s body next to yours, see them naked, touch them, smell them, and just feels pleasure at the sight of them.
It could be defined by any of the following:
- You’re more physically attracted to him than anyone else in the room
- You have amazing sex together
- He fits an ideal “type” of man in your head
- You get hypnotized by his aftershave when you smell it on his neck
And surprisingly enough, it’s pretty easy for people to convince themselves that they’re in a deep emotional connection with someone even if they only have the things listed above.
So how do you know it’s love and not just lust at play when you feel close to a guy?
There are few key signs to look for, which can be summarized in three parts.
1. Intellectual connection
Yes, it may sound unexpected, but love is not just about the heart. It’s also a meeting of minds.
When you see two people in love you’ll notice that they seem to be constantly fascinated by each other’s conversation, ever curious about what they think and exchanging opinions.
If it’s only lust, however, you’ll see two people who have little to say to each other when they walk down the street. Sure, they may catch a movie together, but they don’t sit for hours discussing it afterwards, because the intellectual connection simply isn’t there.
2. Mutual understanding and shared values
One definition of lust is a superficial attraction built purely on visual chemistry.
But love requires two people who can see parts of themselves in another person. Maybe it’s a strong sense of generosity, or a connection to family, or just a similar way of viewing the world – when they look inside themselves they feel like they are with a person who for the most part just “gets them”.
If you’re thinking about whether you have a real connection with a guy, ask yourself: Does he truly value the things that I do? Is he someone who I can spend hours with without having to explain myself constantly?
When you feel like what matters to you matters to your partner, that’s one of the key differences of lust vs. love.
3. Emotional honesty
A couple that is only in lust keeps their walls up. They rarely share their deeper feelings because they’re holding back from getting too involved.
This is a key sign to watch for if you think it might just be about sex: does he try to get to know you better? Does he spend quality time with you where you both have a chance to have real, honest conversations?
It doesn’t always have to be about deep talk, but you should feel like you’re actually sharing your emotions with this person, or else what’s the point?
So how do you know it’s love? When you can speak about what’s really going on inside your head with this guy instead of feeling like you’re both saving the honest conversations for your friends later on.