The Not-To-Do List That Will Help You Find Love

Stephen Hussey

It’s one thing to decide all the things you want in a partner:

A man who is confident in his purpose, takes care of his body, knows how to turn you on, actually washes his bed sheets more than twice a year…

But there’s also a lot to be said for simply avoiding the wrong relationships. Tim Ferriss likes to talk about the “Not-To-Do List”. Charlie Munger talks about how a great deal of his investing success is built not on being a genius, but avoiding stupid mistakes.

I believe the same can apply to love. You don’t have to be unbelievably lucky or smart to find a great relationship. But you absolutely must avoid the pitfalls that waste years, or decades of people’s lives. And the biggest mistake is choosing people who you know deep down are wrong for you.

It might be their toxic behaviours: petty jealousy and one-upmanship, aloof selfishness, sneaky lying and an untrustworthy character, unhealthy neediness.

It might be your differences in lifestyle: you both want to live in totally different places, you can’t stand the way they spend their time, you have little in common.

It might be your different values: one of you cares more about family, one of you is way more materialistic and hopeless with money, one of you is deeply empathetic while the other is cold and unfeeling.

If you can spot these things early, make a firm pact with yourself: no matter how good the sex is or how much they make me laugh, I won’t get into a relationship if I have BIG doubts about the fundamentals. 

Take your Not-To-Do List seriously, and you’ll find you stop making all your relationship decisions merely based on “having great chemistry”, but instead, “finding a truly great teammate”. Passion is of course important, but a great teammate is someone who will benefit your life for decades beyond the initial spark that attracted you to them.

This isn’t the only thing you need to do. But if you get this right, you’ll be amazed at how you make so much more room for the right person when you’re not wasting time in the wrong relationship.

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3 Replies to “The Not-To-Do List That Will Help You Find Love”

  1. It is fair to acknowledge what you don’t want in a (potential) relationship. As it is about guiding your thoughts into manifesting your match.

  2. O mi good brather. WAY YOU AER MEIKING SO MUCH DIFFEREN IN THIS LIST HEV PEOPLE HU HEW DAN THIS THINKS IN 2 SENCHERY OF ONZE ARDE ENDE VAT HEW FINALY?!!!! .FERST THIS IS MI MEANING WAT ALS YOU SI IN WRONG GAY THINKS WAT IS NOT VERY IMPORTENT ,WAT ALS YOU KEN NOT REKOGNAIZ THINKS WAT MIND TO YOU SO MACH ,ONS TOGETHER COPELS IN MERIJ AER LERNING OL9V THIS STAFFS SO .I EM TEIKING FOR GRANTIT TO NOT DU LIST BIKOZ IS SO MACH STUPID (SORY JEST MI MEANING)O BAT KIS YOU NOT NIDIT TO WYSH DAT TOU WYSH TO KIS SAMBADY BAT TO DU IN IMPORTANTTAEM,HER BAT IN SAID FROM BORN KOMT FILLINGS O BAT FRECVENCI ENDE ELEKTRIK FOR INTIMACY HU KAN KRIEIT 2 PEOPLE BEY ICHADHER .BAT FERST KOM THIS FERST EEYS HU 2 PEOPLE FAIND IN DIREKT TAEM IN DIREKT PERSONALITY SO THIS KEN NOT FAIND FROM I WILL DHIS IN DHIS GAY OF SO… I NOT WYSH SO PLIS SOO BIG ORGANIZEISHEN MATEV ARE TEIK BISZNIS EVALUATIONS IN HEM JOB NOT AER MORE IMPORETEN FOR HIM TO GET GAY .I FILL SORY FOR HIM BIKOZ WANT KEN BI TO LEIT HIM SELF NOT KEN REKOGNAIS FROM WAT HEW STAERT WAT HEM WAS THINK TO HEW .SO YOU BOTH MAST SI O BAT AER SPIKING LIST IN BIZNIS LIST IN LOVELAEIF. ONESLI I EM NOT MED WYT OLOV YOU, OL9V YOU NOT KEN TO LOVE ONESLI BAT WYT PROFIT BIK9Z NOT KEN NEVER FAIND TRULI L9VELAIF. BAT FROM HAERT THIS IS PAERT HU VERY SMOL PEOPLE TEIK .SAMTAEMS SELF PEOPLE TEIKING BIG KANS FOR STANDARDS FORGET DAT MEIBI GAY SO TARZAN AER BEST FOR HIM DAN ANDER STANDARDS,BULL AH8T EVRY THING .LOVELAIF IS NOT MONENT{ EVRY DEY L9VE }AFTER 50 ENDE MORE YER MERIJ KENS IN GOOD THINS INHAERD TH8NG BAY FORG8VIN STUPIT TH8NKS BIKOZ KEN HEPENIG SO IS LOVLAIF. I THINK NEVER END NEVER NOT HEW ENY BADY FAIND END NOT KEN FAIND LOVE SO INMOVIS.LOV IS O BAT ONDERSTENDING END GIVING ICHADHER SO MACH IS POSEBEL END FORGIVING B8KOZ YOU OF I TOGETHER WYT OUDERS er livin tot 25 max 30 yers after k9mt laif partner wyt hu you of i dill wyt dat .

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