Feel Like Sh*t? Go for a Tiny Victory

Are you struggling today? Does it feel like the universe has dealt you a s**tty hand?

If the answer is yes, then let’s talk….

Let’s Celebrate the Small Stuff Together. What’s Your Tiny Victory?
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Why Everything You Know About Confidence Is Wrong

Have you ever noticed how when one part of your life falls apart, it can suddenly bring your entire self-worth crashing to the ground?

In fact, these moments are exactly what confidence is for in the first place. It’s time to finally take the steps to get deep core confidence…

Overcome Anxiety & Create Core Confidence.
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How to Show Him Your Sexual Side

Have you ever had a guy see you as just his “buddy,” instead of the kind of woman he wants to date and make his girlfriend?

It may just be that you need to show another side of yourself that you may not be used to showing…

Want the Chance for Me to Answer YOUR Dating Question?
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Worried He’s Cheating? Here’s What to Say (Script)

I had a conversation on my latest Fast Track session that I really wanted to share with you.

Her question is one I get so often: “Am I being irrational and jealous? Or is it ok for me to be upset about this?”

In this video, I share my reaction, and give you a clear way to say what you really feel in this difficult situation…

Want the Chance for Me to Answer YOUR Dating Question?
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Why Sucking at Something Makes You MORE Attractive

Today, I talk to my wonderful friend (and one of my all-time mentors) Karen Rinaldi, who has written a book all about how attractive it can be to suck at something – and she even shows how you can learn to love it when you fail.

It’s changed my life. I know it will change yours too.

What’s Something You Won’t Be Afraid to Suck at?
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And the arms go up as we prepare for Eagle and then we swoop in and there it is. I can see why they call it the Eagle, very majestic. That tucks and that leg comes all the way around that leg which is, that’s pretty close. And, full Eagle. Oh God. And into resting blog pose.

Now you may be wondering why I would do yoga if I suck at it so bad. Well recently I had an epiphany courtesy of my dear friend and the publisher of the New York Times best-selling book Get the Guy, Karen Rinaldi. Karen recently wrote a book called It’s Great to Suck at Something, and I have been itching to interview her on this subject because I think it’s fascinating in a world where people are increasingly unwilling to make themselves vulnerable and make mistakes. A world where we curate our public image constantly. We always want to be seen to be doing things well, to be living life at the highest level. We so rarely allow ourselves the freedom to actually suck at something.

When I interviewed Karen we talked specifically about how the concept of sucking at something applies to your love life and your dating life. Check it out. The audio isn’t as good as it normally is from us, because we screwed up on the audio on this one. But I think that’s pretty fitting on a video that talks about sucking at things. Check it out and I’ll see you at the end of the clip.


Matthew: “The stereotype is that if you do something well, that’s hot, right?”

Karen Rinaldi: “Yes.”

Matthew: “But there is something very, very attractive about someone who has complete abandon, and can suck at something. Can do something they’re not good at, but without that self-consciousness.”

Karen Rinaldi: “Right.”

Matthew: “What do you think is attractive about that?”

Karen Rinaldi: “Leaving your ego at the door is really sexy. Just think about people who just, you know, when you watch them in a moment of abandon, right? And it could be a moment only. You ever watch your…oh it could anybody. It could be your kid, it could you parent, it could be your friend, it could be a lover, right? And you see them across the room and they don’t know that you’re watching them, right? And they’re just kind of going on and goofing off, and they’re being like silly or something and you catch this moment. That is so much sexier than when they’re all dolled up and all kind of like ready to go, ‘Hey baby,’ you know? And you’re going, ‘Ah.’ No, it’s that moment of abandon and that letting go of the self-consciousness and ego. It’s so sexy, I mean, I feel like we’re forgetting that. I think we’re just not paying attention to those moments enough. And that’s a shame, because that’s really what, you know, again that’s where all the good stuff is hiding, right?”

Matthew: “Yes.”

Karen Rinaldi: “So, a greatest first date in the world, in a way, not the greatest but one of the great first dates or early dates, would be go do something that neither one of you can do.”

Matthew: “Yeah.”

Karen Rinaldi: “If you can’t ice skate you should go ice skating together. You’re both going to fall, you’re going to feel like idiots, and you’re going to laugh and you’re going to get straight down to your vulnerability.”

Matthew: “It’s authentic.”

Karen Rinaldi: “And you’re not going to be able to hide from that. That would be a good date.”

Matthew: “I like it.”

Karen Rinaldi: “You know?”

Matthew: “I like it.”

Karen Rinaldi: “It’s like that kind of brings you down to earth. I always think that the word for ‘humility’ and ‘humiliation’ have the same root. So, humility is awesome, humiliation is one of the most painful things in the world. They actually have opposite balances and they come from the same thing. Which is about, you know, from ‘humus,’ which is the earth. So, it’s like being brought down to earth. So, isn’t it interesting that we take this word and we kind of go in opposite directions, which is humility makes us more grounded and more self aware. And humiliation is our fear. One is grounded-ness and one is being afraid of…I don’t know even know what the interpretation…of being like on the ground.

Matthew: “You know that makes me think that the difference–they have the same etymology–the difference between them is meaning, right?”

Karen Rinaldi: “Yes.”

Matthew: “And both humiliation and humility–”

Karen Rinaldi: “Mm-hmm” [affirmative].

Matthew: “They’re both going to bring you down to earth, but depending on which one, you’re going to decide the landing. Right?”

Karen Rinaldi: “Beautifully said. That is beautifully said, exactly.”

Matthew: “You’re going to come crashing down, or you’re going to land in a way that you enjoy.”

Karen Rinaldi: “Yes.”

Matthew: “And humility is just the acceptance, you can’t be humiliated if you accept–”

Karen Rinaldi: “Your humility.”

Matthew: “You accept where you are, who you are.”

Karen Rinaldi: “I was going to say they’re over here, but they’re actually this close.”

Matthew: “Yeah.”

Karen Rinaldi: “So it’s really your framing and your value on it.”

Matthew: “Yeah.”

Karen Rinaldi: “So it’s up to us, right?”

Matthew: “It comes down either way, you choose the landing.”

Karen Rinaldi: “You choose the landing. And it could further your experience and it can stop you. Your choice.”


Karen is one of those people that whenever I happen to be in New York she is one of my first people to call to go and have lunch with, because I always want to absorb what’s in her mind. And the funny thing is she’s been talking about this book for years. I’ve literally been talking to her about the “suck at something” concept for a long time. And it’s only just come out. That’s why I’m so excited about it because I have been waiting for her to release this work. I have read through this book cover to cover now and it has actually inspired me to do things I wasn’t doing before. I am now doing yoga despite sucking at it, in fact, because I suck at it.

What are you going to suck at? Leave us a comment. What’s something that you’re going to do, not even necessarily to get better at it but just because you want the joy of doing it. Because I believe on so many levels there are psychological benefits to doing something that you’re not good at. To going through that process to being humbled by it, and I also think in the context of what we talk about a lot on this channel, it will make us all more attractive, more relatable, and more enjoyable people to be around.

Don’t Like His Behavior? 3 Simple Steps to Change It

Last week I opened the doors on my brand new “Attraction To Commitment” program, and I’m honestly blown away by the amazing response we had. My team and I couldn’t be happier with how many women have said “yes” to getting a real relationship and taking the next step with us. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

Now, on to today’s topic.

If you’ve been in the early dating stages with a guy, you may have noticed after a few weeks when you get one of those “uh-oh” moments. It might not be terrible behavior, but you know it’s behavior you don’t want for the rest of your relationship.

In this week’s video, I’m going to give 3 steps of exactly how to handle this difficult conversation, so that you communicate your standards in an attractive way when he violates them.

Disagreements Can Bring You CLOSER (Instead of Push Him Away).
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Tired of 😢Dating BS and Ready for ❤️Something Real? This Is for You…

I’m about to share something very cool with you in today’s video, including some of my most powerful communication tools for having the difficult “exclusivity conversation” with a guy.

But first… The response to my last video about the stages of commitment has been truly incredible, and I want to sincerely thank you for all your heartfelt and honest messages. My team and I have read hundreds of your responses, and we couldn’t be more  moved and excited about the number of women who are ready to say “no” to being casual, to find a real relationship, and to take control again in love.

I am so done with wasting time this year – are you? I hope so…

Learn How to Go From Casual to Committed
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Will He Commit? See Which Of These 4 Relationships You Have…

Last week we talked about why so many women feel like they have “dating burnout” in 2019.

It can be a confusing time to be single. It may even feel like there are no men anymore who even want a real relationship. But real love is still out there: we just have to be smart about how we find it. Watch this video and claim the relationship you truly deserve…

Get Ready to Create Your Relationship Castle!
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How Modern Dating Culture Stops Him from Taking You Seriously

Do you feel like you have “dating burnout”? Like modern single life is a treadmill of flaky guys, false hope and meaningless hookups?

If you’re still interested in finding real, deep, meaningful commitment in modern dating (yes, it does exist), I need you to stop what you’re doing and watch this video now.

Has Caring Too Much Ever Sabotaged Your Relationship?
Are You Ready to Create Something Real in Your Love Life?
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The Thing You Must Do When You Meet Someone You Like

Have you ever met a guy you really liked, and spent weeks terrified you were going to blow it?

I know what this is like, and trust me: if you ever want to keep a great relationship and not play games, you need to get out of this mindset fast. Here’s how you change it…

Ready to Feel the Freedom of Knowing Your Worth? Learn How

I think we have a slight problem right now of a scarcity mindset. I read these comments from people talking about their level of disillusionment, feelings that even if they did leave the house to go and meet people, “There are no good people out there anyway,” or living in this place of either numbness or fear. This sense that nothing good is going to happen. There’s a side effect to this scarcity. Even when we meet someone we like, that’s the crazy part. You would think that this scarcity is just about never meeting anyone you like, but it’s actually worse than that because now I feel when people do meet someone they like, they can’t even enjoy it because they’re so afraid it’s going to go away. And if it does go away, “I could spend another year or years waiting for the next great thing to come along because there’s so few of them out there.”

People aren’t even enjoying the thing when it’s in front of them because they’re terrified. We get these feelings of desperation that we don’t want it to go away. We don’t want this person to now leave us or get un-attracted to us. So we’re now trying to say everything right and we’re trying to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. We start to worry about controlling what they’re doing, “Where are they right now? Who are they with? Could they be with someone else? Should I be okay with them going on that boy’s night or that weekend trip?” We get competitive with that person because our egos can’t take it. We’re afraid of a good thing happening for them because what if that takes them away from me? You know that job opportunity they’ve got, that exciting thing that’s good for them. We’re afraid to encourage it because we want to keep things safe. We don’t want to lose them. This is a good thing.

I have learned that it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Letting go doesn’t count when the stakes are low. But when the stakes are high, when it feels important, when you’re more in love than you’ve ever been. When you like someone more than anyone you’ve liked in a really long time. It feels counter-intuitive because when you find someone that you’re like, “God, this is the best person I’ve ever met, this feels like it could be the thing,” it feels like that’s the one we have to hang on too tightly. But it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Not not trying, I’m not talking about not trying. I’m talking about trying, but from a place of strength and confidence. Having the confidence to encourage space, having the confidence to say, “You should go and do that thing. That job sounds like an amazing opportunity. You should take it.”

You may be asking, “How do you let go when something’s that important to me? How do I have faith? How do I let go?” The faith, for me at least, comes from knowing that you have a world of your own. That you have a center of gravity that lives with you. Not with the relationship, not with the person but with you. That you are fulfilled and happy and excited about life. Independent of this person that your life will not only survive but thrive. That is where your power comes from.

And the reason that I’ve spent now 10 years running a retreat program, alongside all of my love life programs, is because I understand how powerful that center of gravity is when it comes to your love life. Because if you don’t have it, anyone can come along and rock you. And they for sure will, especially when it’s someone you really fall for. It will rock you and it will either do it in a good way or it will do it in a horrible, torturous, anxious way where you are constantly fearful, constantly looking over your shoulder at what’s going to happen. Fear of abandonment, jealousy, competitiveness, over analyzing.

Now, you have to be honest with yourself because if you feel great when something like that happens and you feel that sense of “I’m able to let go. I feel powerful. I feel confident. I feel happy in every way. None of these things affect me.” Then good for you, more power to you, but if you are honest with yourself and you look at that situation and you go, “I know there is a kind of internal suffering. I may not show it to him, but there’s a kind of internal suffering that I experience in these situations because I haven’t figured this piece out for myself.” Then I want you to do something about it today. I have my retreat coming up in May, the live version so you can apply for that. Go through your interview, see if you’re right for the program, or I have my at-home retreat, which you can start today. You don’t even need to wait until my main retreat. You can actually get started on the program now. But just be honest with yourself where you are.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be talking more and more about this scarcity that I’m seeing out there and the way that it’s impacting people. And it’s sad because even when they do find a good thing, I see people sabotaging it everywhere. I want you to be strong. I want you to be confident, and when you do find something great, I want you to do the right things with it. And more importantly, most importantly, I want you to be able to enjoy it. So click the link, apply today. At the very least, learn more because this is a pivotal moment in the lives of the women that come, and I want it to be that for you this year too. I’ll see you soon.