The Player: Why Men Long To Be Casanovas And How To Spot If He Is One – Men’s Personalities Part 3
Have you ever dated a player before? Well we say dated but it’s really just a fling as it was doomed from the beginning. But does it always have to be like this? Or can you change a player, stop him from chasing after the next woman and settle with you? Let’s find out:
Etymology: possibly derived from the phrases “play him for a fool”, or “play him like a violin”. The term was popularized by the hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks in the 1970s.
1: A guy who is sustaining supposedly exclusive relationships with multiple girls simultaneously
2: A male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.
Why is it that some men pride themselves on being able to seduce women when on the other hand, women get branded as “sluts” after having had multiple sexual partners? In fact, men seem to go out of their way to ‘pick up’ women that they might not necessarily even be that attracted too, or care about, just as a means of impressing other men. Now to women this all sounds ludicrous; they can’t wrap their head around why someone would ever want to be considered a “player”, so I’ve looked to break it down for you.
Here are the two main reasons that men pride themselves on being “players”.
1) He knows he’s in possession of a skill that few other men have
Being a player is something a man wears proudly (if secretly) because he knows he can do something which few other men are able to do: quickly attract and seduce women. But even so, where is the incentive for a man to do this as opposed to having a relationship?
Chasing multiple women is validation-seeking behaviour; it’s a fundamental craving for attention. For some people having one person love you is not enough; these people need to draw opinions from a bigger ‘sample size’ just to confirm to themselves again and again that other people are still interested in them.
2) The media have conditioned men into thinking it’s the most fun way to live
Movies such as American Pie and TV shows like Entourage haven’t done women any favours in getting men to commit. Why? Because the media has glorified the single life, whilst often simultaneously mocking any monogamous relationship.
This has led many men to associate relationships with a perceived lack of variety, and the single life with crazy, wild parties – and it takes guys quite a while to catch on of what a shallow existence it is. The emotional distance that they endure corrodes at the heart of a ‘player’; they can only keep loneliness at bay for so long. At their core, players are really interested in forming connections with lots of people. They’re searching for an intimacy, but not with one, but with many. A profound sense of isolation sets in when a guy realizes that the next girl is just like the last one and she will also fade into the sea of past conquests…
But while they’re still looking to play the field, here are some tips to spot them:
- He’s reluctant to bring you into his life. What I mean by this is that he doesn’t introduce you to friends and family because he has to keep up appearances with them, and can’t be seen with a new girl on his arm every week.
- He’s eager to move things along: quickly. Players want to move things to the bedroom as quickly as possible. Having said that, there are men that will do this that aren’t players, and the way to test this is to deny him sex right form the off to judge from his reaction whether he in fact a player or not. If he goes cold, gets angry or you see a sudden shift in his mood, now you know why.
- He’s very good at keeping the ball in your caught. To stop it seeming as though he’s being pushy, he’ll make you make the big decisions. For instance instead of asking for your phone number, he might say something like: “Since you live all the way downtown and I’m up here, should we even bother trying to meet for a cup of coffee?” He knows you’ll fall into his trap, and he then comes away looking like innocent bystander to your advances.
- He’s incredibly confident in the way he carries himself. There is something unique to the attitude and body language of a player – he’s cocky, self-assured and unflappable. He can talk to women in a way that indirectly (or, if he chooses, directly) makes the interaction sexual. He takes liberties that others may find offensive, or at least objectionable.
So there you have it: “the player”. Let us know what you think…